The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

Did you miss me? It’s unbelievable how busy life can be. I’ve decided that when I don’t have time to post I’m just going to respond to Aaron’s blogs in comments with a brief post of my own. It’s faster that way. In other words, It’s my job to put out the fires (odd coming from a red head who is usually the one starting the fires, but hey someone’s got to do it) that can get minsinterpreted by the “bottom feeders” of the blogging community who might not understand intellegent humor or sarcasm. No-one will ever understand him like I do and I laugh at everything he does, but I also see things for what they are and know that sometimes regardless of how hysterical making fun of all the world’s (or local city government’s) problems and seedy underbelly can be, restraint or control is somewhat necessary on very rare occasions. Then again, I might completely agree, as I often do, and instead of cool the flames, I might add some hellfire and brimstone for kindle. You’ll just have to wait and see. Isn’t it exciting? The anitici…..pation is killing all of you!

Brief Movie Review: Hitman….5 out of 5
If you love the game, you’ll love the movie! Hot hot hot! I loved it! Set in the shadows of Russia, this movie was a non stop thrill ride of nudity and good ol’ fashioned gun slinging. He’s bred in darkness by saints no less, only given a number and no name, forced to kill, but not always without compassion. Yeah, he gets betrayed, kills some bad people and falls in love with the girl, won’t even take advantage of her when she tears off her clothes and starts grinding on him, a true gentleman.

My favorite line in a movie was used “How will I find you?” tears streaming down her face…”I’ll find YOU!” Then the kiss and the temporary goodbye so he can go handle his business! Oh, classic. Gotta love that line. No spoilers here, it is what it is I think girls and boys will both find it appealing.

For those of you with kiddies, I also saw Enchanted the same day. Classic fairytale gone awry and damn, Susan Sarandon can I have your boots? It was cute, funny, and likeable. I give it 3 out of 5 stars.

Well, I’m done for now, but I’ll be back…

Is that Terminator show still going to come on with the writers strike? Get with it corporate whores, these people bust their asses and derserve whatever they are asking for!

Until then,

xoxo

This rain is awesome.  We really need it, too.

I don’t know about you but when it rains like this, it’s almost like a white noise machine for me.  So peaceful.

I’ll be appearing live on “Newsrap” with the Pasadena Weekly’s “Mr. Thursday Night” Andre Coleman tonight at 9 pm.

As always, if you don’t get Pasadena 56 (which may be channel 5 on your cable system), you can watch Newsrap tonight at 9 pacific (12 midnight eastern) at this link.

Thanks and I hope you will be watching!
- AP

I’ve always been a huge sports fan. I watch SportsCenter on ESPN twice a day, sometimes. Used to annoy the shit out of Kelli until I realized you could watch SportsCenter, eat a ham sandwich, and get a blow job all at the same time.
There are just some things I’ll never get as a sports fan.

I. The Oakland Raiders

NFL Trivia: What is the combined criminal record of fans in attendance at Network Stadium, home of the Oakland Raiders?
How come nearly every Oakland Raiders fan I’ve ever met is either an ex-convict or a complete fucking redneck? I feel like some big dude is going to shank me or rape me in the shower every time I watch a Raiders game. Looks like the whole cast of Oz plays for and coaches the team.
Seriously. MSNBC could have a whole season of Lockup just about Raiders fans.

II. NASCAR

Assholes.

What’s up with NASCAR signing ex-Formula One and Indy 500 drivers? They can’t fool me. I’ll start following NASCAR when there aren’t shitty trailers in the middle of the track waving confederate flags and an African American driver wins the Whatever Cup. When Waylon Jennings was still alive, he should have been their color commentator.
III. John Madden

Worships Brett Favre nightly.
Why is it that when any other quarterback in the NFL fucks up, John Madden is all over his shit. However, he’s got this huge hard-on for Brett Favre and Tom Brady…they can do no wrong! Just watch a game where he’s commentating and somebody is playing the Patriots or the Packers. You’d think Brett Favre and Tom Brady were the second and third comings of Jesus Christ.

IV. Notre Dame Football

Our Lady of Shut The Hell Up.

Put them in a damn football conference. I mean, at least they totally sucked this year - but I’m sick of Notre Dame football and their lame ass fans, half of which never even went to college there or have even been within 500 miles of South Bend, Indiana. While teams like Boise State and University of South Florida have to work their asses off and are finally receiving minimal recognition, all Notre Dame has to do every season is try and attempt to beat horrible teams like Navy, Stanford, and Duke. They can have two wins and STILL have a national TV contract. What the fuck?

V. George Steinbrenner, Owner of the New York Yankees

What a joke. I hate Yankees fans, too. I love how they have unlimited financial resources yet can’t stop themselves from being a shitty team every year.

Also - didn’t he get banned from baseball for having mafia connections being a dick to Dave Winfield and then reinstated? How about doing that shit for Pete Rose then?

VI. The WNBA

Seriously?

VII. Boxing

I used to think boxing was cool until MMA started being shown everywhere. Give me a judo expert vs. a submission specialist any day over two dudes just trying to punch each other. Can you even name a famous boxer who still fights? I can’t. Put Floyd Whats-his-name in the octagon with Tito Ortiz or Chuck Liddell and then call the wahhhh-mbulance when the pay per view buyrates are higher than Don King’s hair.

VIII. World Series Of Poker

You are NOT this man.

How come ever since Texas Hold `Em has become so damned popular, every shitty poker player and eleventeen in America thinks they’ll be the next…wait, I think I can name more WNBA players than I can poker players. Seriously. Atlantic City and Las Vegas must be loving you jackasses coming in there thinking you’re going to be the next hero I’m watching on Fox Sports Net at 3 in the morning. Put the chips down and go watch Rounders. Idiots.

IX. Skateboarding

See my poker article above.

And after watching the X Games once and seeing skaters on the street for years, I’m pretty damn sure this sport needs a serious drug testing policy - the kind that would make Chris Benoit’s dead family blush if it were for steroids instead of acid. Then again, you pretty much need to be on drugs to find this sport cool.
Thanks to skateboarding “legends” like Bam Margera and the guys from that old TV show aptly named “Jackass”, millions of future Wal-Mart employees from Iowa to Delaware are not only doing fruity tricks but also pushing themselves off of bunny hills in shopping carts.

Go do a triple 740-degree shut the fuck up.

X. Curling

What the hell are you doing?!

Baseball isn’t in the Olympics any longer. Hell, Cricket isn’t even in the Olympics. How the fuck did curling slip by? Do you even NEED to be in any shape to play curling? If curling is in the olympics, why not bowling or darts or Chutes and Ladders or basketweaving? Who was the genius that kept this on the list? I’d stay awake longer trying to watch Bill & Claire Bogaard Championship Ballroom Dancing.

Hooray for remote controls and changing the channel.

- AP

Dear NBC,

Why have you taken a show that was SO kick ass in it’s first season, and turned it into more American television mediocrity!?!?

Why, oh why?

This 2nd season is starting to piss me off.

This was an awesome show that is starting to skew into nothingness. Characters are becoming boring (and there are too many of them). The storyline is starting to show flaws and goofs in the timeline which leaves lots of unanswered questions and then bellyflops into another thread.

1. Isaac Mendez was a cool character — killed.
2. Monica was a cool idea, and now just plain sucks.
3. Micah has never been developed.  Not in the slightest way.
4. Nikki sucks now.
5. Bob WAS cool, and perfectly corporate. He is getting boring now.
6. Noah Bennett needs more airtime, like “Company Man”. That rocked.
7. Sylar - Geez, let the guy start killing already. And how did he end up in Mexico. What the fuck?!?!
8. Maya is ok. Hurry up and let her destroy shit.

• Why was Adam Monroe in Japan to begin with?
• Why did Mother Petrelli want Peter to blow up NY, and have Nathan step up as a leader? What ultimately would that have accomplished ?? It never got thoroughly delved into.
• How did Bob & Elle know Peter was at the hospital? They showed up pretty fast, no ?
• How did Peter survive 4 months in a shipping container? Also, was his visit in Ireland all just a mental fuck? Where’s the Irish chick now?
• Were Mrs. Petrelli and Kaito Nakamura doing it and who’s child is whose?
• Why did Kaito give Claire to Noah in the first place?
• Contrary to what Parkman says, there are 2 or 3 people left in the group photograph who HAVE NOT been touched on. Who the fuck are they!?!?
• What exactly was the motives & goals of the older generation?

There are SO MANY questions from the 1st season that you guys are letting slip into obscurity, it’s aggravating.

This was the best non-Doctor Who/non-Arrested Development/non-The Office UK or US show on TV in a long damn time, and now it’s really starting to slide fast.

Thank God for the Writer’s Strike.

- AP

Former PSN reporter Mary Frances Gurton finally found a post I made about her a while back at this link.

Here’s her comment:

Aaron,
I don’t mean to be rude, but would you please remove the entry regarding me from your Web site. My friends see it and wonder what it all means and keep asking me about it.
Thank you.
Mary Frances
You weren’t being rude, Mary.  I’m not taking it down, though.
Tell your friends it means you’re hot and I’m sad you don’t work for the PSN anymore.

- AP

Kay Jewelers wants you to know that if you can’t afford this, you really don’t love your significant other.

Christmas time is here and Kay Jewelers are letting every man and woman in a relationship know that they are worthless unless they buy a fucking overpriced diamond. Not to mention they are using that really crappy “A Thousand Miles” song in their commercials.

To make things worse, there are also ads for a company (run by the same people who run Kay) called Jared - which makes me wonder how the fuck the Subway guy got into selling jewelry.

If you have a girlfriend who begs/nags for a diamond to impress her “bitch council” then hit her in a head with a stick and start fucking her hot friend (repeat this procedure over and over).

If you’re a girl and your boyfriend actually bought you a diamond after the aforementioned begging and nagging, then you’re dating an asshole who is maxing out his credit cards in order to appear wealthy. AND he’s already fucking your ugliest friend anyway. Go ahead and hit him in the head with a stick too just for good measure.

Someone also please hit Vanessa Carlton over the head with a stick for writing that annoying song.

- AP

A friend sent me this link.

Check out one of the misinformed comments:

- Aaron Proctor has taken several right-wing extremist stances on his blog Pasadena’s Political Underbelly. His ethics (or lack of them) are blatantly clear in these racist posts on his blog (astonishing racism has come up over the school issue): http://underpasadena.blogspot.com/2007/09/pusd-has-new-superintendent-with-agenda.html

ummm… its fine to be open, but this stuff is scary!! (I showed it to my blogging friend and she called Proctor a bottom-feeder).

Here’s my response:

- AP

Shut the fuck up.

Going to Best Buy on Black Friday has contributed to this rant.

I don’t have kids. My experience with little kids is fairly limited. And you know what? A lot of them are spoiled, arrogant little assholes.

When I see some kid at a restaurant who won’t take off his headphones or put away his PSP to eat dinner, I want to slap his parents in the face. When I watch “Nanny 911″ or “Super Nanny” and I always hear some housewife whining that she can’t control her 3 year old, I want to kick my television to the floor. When I hear some little snot at Best Buy or Target throwing a tantrum because he can’t have a video game/candy bar/toy, I want to go up to him and scream at him as loudly as I possibly can, until my throat is raw and bleeding.

What the fuck ever happened to discipline? NO MEANS NO. YOU’RE the parent, YOU’RE the adult, YOU ARE IN CONTROL. I’m sorry, but if you’re 30 and cant control a 3 year old you belong in a home with someone spooning chocolate pudding into your stupid mouth. If you don’t want to take the time to be a parent, don’t have kids. It IS a choice, if abortion is against your beliefs then give the baby up to one of the thousands of couples who can’t have kids but desperately want them.

Parenting takes time and effort, I’m pretty sure on that one, and by time and effort I do NOT mean plunking them down in front of the television for 5 hours. It does not mean buying a 4 year old an X Box 360 so “he won’t get bored.” HE’S 4. A four year old can play with a box and some plastic yard chairs for hours on end, and be perfectly happy. However, when the kid is stacking the yard chairs on the box and then trying to stand on top of it and falls, you are not allowed to sue the plastic chair company. You were supposed to be watching him, hell, maybe helping him build his fort, not sitting on your ass in the other room talking on the phone, painting your nails, and watching Dr. Phil. You are not entitled to monetary damages because you’re an idiot. I wish I was a judge, I’d be like Judge Judy except male and with wayyyyy more profanity.

People, the world has been dumbed down enough. Stop freaking out and whining about television/music/games/movies and fucking it up for us adults. You don’t like the vulgar music your kids listen to? I agree, it’s a little disturbing to have a 10 year old walking around singing “My Humps”, so maybe don’t buy them the CD? Because of your bitching certain stores wont carry the music I might enjoy.

You don’t like violent video games? Quit waiting in line for 864326378 hours the day after Thanksgiving to buy them an X Box or a PS3 or whatever.

Does your 8-year-old girl really need a shirt that says TEASE and itty bitty shorts that say JUICY on the ass? You want to paint her a big red sandwich board that says “PEDOPHILES PLEASE LOOK AT ME” while you’re at it. Same with those stupid drawings of the families on the back of cars and SUVs. Great, now Chester The Molestor knows all of your kids names. Chris Hansen and Dateline won’t be able to stop him when he’s picking up Johnny and Jilly from school.

Exercise a little discipline and maybe some personal self-control (well, maybe I don’t have room to talk about the latter). You don’t have to buy them everything they ask for. Or, if some analogies might help you out here, quit digging your own grave, quit making the bed that you will sleep in, quit shooting yourself in the foot. Do not buy a video game and then freak out and attempt to sue video game companies because it “made” your kid attempt to set your neighbors’ cat on fire. Do some research. Wait, that might take up some of your “General Hospital” programming time, maybe try it at night, after you shoot your husband down for sex because you’ve been too tired “watching the kids” all day. He can sneak off to his laptop to look at porn, you can sit in the living room and actually try making yourself a better parent. It’s so much easier to do that without those pesky kids around.

Fuck you and your whiny, spoiled, irritating kids.

Oh - and - whether or not I’m a parent has nothing to do with how shitty you are as a parent. When I see your child, it’s in public, where they should be on their best behavior. If this is how they act in public, good fucking luck with them at home.

Here’s an excellent example of what I’m talking about on YouTube.  This kid is playing XBox and yelling at his mom.  If I were the mom, I would have smashed that fucking thing in:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haSGAf7lvR0 

- AP

Lou Grant loves Thanksgiving, too.

I know it’s a day early - but I did want to wish you all a Happy and safe Thanksgiving!

Be careful out there. I once read the day after Thanksgiving, more known for department stores at 4 a.m., is also the highest day of alcohol consumption in the US (probably due to the fact it’s a 4 day weekend for most people).

Thanksgiving is actually my favorite holiday.  I mean, come on - it’s a holiday revolved around eating and watching football - plus the tradition continues with turkey sandwiches and Miracle Whip for a whole week after!  Plus, although things have been pretty shitty lately, I’m very thankful for things like a roof over my head, my extremely small but caring group of friends, Kelli, and my family!

- AP

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