The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

Where’s my new car, mom? 

Apparently, I’m the love child of Oprah Winfrey and Thomas Pynchon.  Sweet.  It totally makes sense, too.

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That’s downright scary up there

Speaking of Dormitas’ blog, I’m also allegedly responsible for the content of the site.  Yeah, it’s another “crazy bitch blog” from the crazy bitch herself, Virginia Hoge.  Damn, that woman needs to get off the blog and get laid.  Good luck finding the latter, Ginny.

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The Boner Stabone vs. City of Pasadena saga continues, according to PW’s Joe Piasecki - who references an Eagles song in his headline.  I thought The Big Piasecki hated the fucking Eagles.  Bonus points if anyone gets the reference.

You know, a lot of politicians in this city posture for the 2011 Mayoral election in different ways.  Some of them sit on youth violence committees.  Some of them loosen their tie a bit.  And some of them waste everyone’s time challenging a law that they, themselves, helped pass because there aren’t any ambulances to chase or Toyotas to sell on the Brand Blvd. of Cars that day.

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We interim City Managers aren’t all smiles 

There’s going to be a big meeting on Saturday, March 8th (not this Saturday but next Saturday) to get the community’s suggestions on the selection of a new City Manager.  This means there’s going to be a big meeting two Saturdays from now so Bogaard & Co. can pretend like they’re listening to the community and then go ahead and pick Barney “Don’t You Dare Call Me Fife” Melekian.

If you can’t get off of your lazy ass and make the meeting, luckily the City of Pasadena has done something very 2003 and allowing you, yes you, to take a City Manager Recruitment “Survey” at this link.

Before I fill out my reaal answers, I’ve stolen a copy of the test for you to copy down.  Now Dean Wormer will totally let the Deltas off of probation.

• In your opinion, what challenges and opportunities will Pasadena face in the next 10 to 15 years?

Crime, high taxes, limo liberals acting like their bleeding hearts give a shit about the first two, and the Cloverfield monster.

• What qualities do you recommend the City Council look for in a city manager to help lead Pasadena through these challenges and opportunities?

A nice rack.  I suggest Kimberley Brown, Milena Albert, or Kelli.

And - sadly - that’s the entire “survey”, save for asking for your contact information.  Way to go for attempting a “in depth survey” of the community.  Maybe they’ve hired the people who do the Family Feud surveys to spearhead this “effort”.  Everyone does, however, get this nice note from Bogey when you’ve completed the two questions:

Greetings:
 
On behalf of the City Council, I acknowledge receipt of your message regarding the current City Manager recruitment, and express gratitude to you for your interest in this important effort.
 
Your submission, along with all of the others, will be handed to each of the Councilmembers and will be made a part of the Council’s activities and deliberations.  If you have further thoughts at any time, please do not hesitate to submit them to us.
 
Thank you again for taking time to assist the Council. 

Seriously - the government in this City is a huge cocktease sometimes.

Not falling for it, Pasadena. 

- AP

Hey everybody!

Let’s get right to it, shall we?  O.k.

Earlier this week I made eight phone calls.  Those eight phone calls were to the Mayor and every member of City Council. 

What was I calling about, exactly?  Term limits?  Surprise birthday party for Ann Erdman?  Measure D complaints?  Inviting them to Pleasures for lunch?

Not really.  I just had two simple questions.  The first question was “What was the name of your first pet?”  The second question was “What was the name of the first street you grew up on?”  I received only seven replies, most likely due to the fact one Councilmember is probably out of town or something.  I even got a reply from Steve Madison - whom I quickly cut off before he went into some tirade about how I had a “relapse” of making fun of him.  Also Victor Gordo wanted me to let you all know that Lena Kennedy isn’t running against him in `09 - because “she told [him] that herself.”  (Edit:  Also forgot to mention - I didn’t speak with Bill, but I spoke with his wife, Claire.  She knew what street he grew up on and she used their first pet’s name.)

Anyone who is Internet or urban legend savvy (which seemed to only be one of the Councilmembers) knows those two questions usually produce the answer to a meme known as “What is your porn star name?”

Some of the names are downright hilarious.  Without further suspense, here are the results:

PASADENA CITY COUNCIL PORN STAR NAMES

Mayor Bill Bogaard

Porn Star Name:  Sophocles Westfourth

Jacque Robinson 

Porn Star Name:  Bingo Howard

Chris Holden

Porn Star Name:  Spot Summit

Steve Haderlein

Porn Star Name:  Bruno Paloma

Victor Gordo

Porn Star Name:  Brandy Corson

Steve Madison

Porn Star Name:  Osa Morse

Sid Tyler

Porn Star Name:  Socky Lane

Update: City of Pasadena PIO Ann Erdman

Porn Star Name:  Missy Valencia

The funniest thing about asking all of those questions is the only person who caught on to my little project was Bingo Howard.  It just goes to show you that youth isn’t such a bad thing when it comes to the Crown City’s politics after all.

Speaking of Mayor Sophocles and the gang, they had a meeting on Monday.  Dormitas did some excellent coverage over at his blog.  Their new porn star names must give “blow-by-blow” a whole new meaning.

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Socky Lane & Dick LeBeau In “Bulldozin’”

Thanks to Dormitas, I can also update my much-needing-updating Fantasy City Council scores (or as some call it, “The Proctor Cup”):

Western Conference

Council Member / Total Points (Points Earned This Week)

1. District 3 - Chris Holden - 73 (10)
2. Mayor Bill Bogaard - 50 (5)
3. District 1 - Jacque Robinson - 42 (5)
4. District 6 - Steve Madison - 16 (0)
***

Eastern Conference

1. District 4 - Steve Haderlein - 100 (30)
1. District 5 - Victor Gordo - 85 (15)
3. District 7 - Sid Tyler - 75 (20)
4. District 2 - Margaret McAustin - 60 (10) 

It’s an interesting contest, especially when that pesky “Aaron Proctor Scoring System” comes into play. 

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I’ll be back tomorrow (hopefully!) with more shenangians from the Crown City.

Big up to the Dena.

- A to the P

Just Opened A Can Of Niceness

So I was waiting for the bus to head into work this morning (because I gots to get paid, son) and who decides to pull over and give me a lift? None other than Margaret McAustin (wrestling fans will find this entry’s name hilarious).  It was very sweet of her to do that, considering she and I haven’t had the best of fellowships (mostly due to things I’ve said) and don’t quite see eye-to-eye on most things in Political Pasadena. So - kudos for Margaret for being a total professional and a nice person.  I mean, there are some people who totally wouldn’t even do that.  Kinda reminds me of that Super Bowl commercial with James Carville and Bill Frist.  Plus - I learned that she’ll be throwing out the first pitch for the East Altadena Little League at Longfellow Elementary School on March 1st.  That’s definitely a nice news chestnut: considering there has been a total lull for news this week in the `Dena. 

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This aggression will not stand, man. 

It looks like the Pasadena Weekly’s website has undergone an overhaul.  Joe “The Big” Piasecki (who was called a ham-and-egger by his colleague, Andre Coleman) said not to worry or send e-mails about any bugs just yet, or at least for another week. And - hey - at least I’m not getting 40 million pop-ups like I do when I go to the other guys’ site.  It looks like a really nice site and I personally can’t wait for those web-exclusive stories.

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Angry bikers will return to Council soon, Livestrong bracelets and all 

Don’t fret about a lack of hard, throbbing, pulsating local news this week.  Pretty soon, all kinds of things will be on City Council’s plate once again.  The peloton stuff is going to do another few laps around the dais, Rose Bowl shenanigans will captivate us all, Danny Bakewell will hit Steve Madison in the grill with a brick, Ann Erdman wrestling a bear at the Senior Center, and, of course, we’ll find out the answer to just how many buckets of chicken Victor Gordo will buy with the money from Measure D. 

Of course, I could always take a page out of Dormitas’ book and create some news myself.

From the home office in Kevin Uhrich’s desk drawer…

TOP TEN FAKE PASADENA NEWS HEADLINES FOR THIS WEEK

10.  Rose Bowl To Host Lingerie Bowl In 2012

9.  Larry Wilson Amazes Residents With Gripping, Interesting Column

8.  Gamble House To Be Renamed Proctor House

7.  210 Freeway Will Include New Drunk Driving Only Lane

6.  Drive-Thru Attendant At Jack In The Box On Hill & Colorado Gets Order Completely Right, Doesn’t Screw It Up

5.  Robin Salzer Purchases Pleasures, Dipping Bikini-Clad Slutbags In Barbecue Sauce

4.  Tyler To City: “Fuck Off”

3.  Pomeranians Protest New Heritage Dog Square At Vina Vieja Park

2.  In Unlikely Move, South Pasadena Declares Independence From Serbia

1.  James MacPherson’s Cut & Paste Commands Stop Working, Pasadena Now Website Down For Weeks

Have a safe weekend.

Stay classy, Pasadena.

- AP

Happy Thursday, all.

I hope everyone is doing well.  I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather for the past few days but besides that, I’m in pretty good spirits.  It still sucks I’m only getting on here once or twice a week - and I really want to unmoderate the comments, something I’m going to have to use another computer just to do.

Anyhow - I had a really fun and interesting Monday.  Kelli and I went behind the Orange Curtain to visit Balboa Island.  I think I’m going to take back some of the meaner things I’ve said about OC:  there were Ron Paul stickers and signs everywhere I went.  Rock on.

I first became interested in visiting Balboa because I’m a huge fan of the TV show, “Arrested Development”, which took place there. (BTW - I hear an AD movie is in the works!!)  I went there a few years ago and had a frozen banana and that was about it.  This time, Kelli & I went on a 45 minute cruise out into the ocean, looked at celebrity homes (including Dean Koontz’ and the Von’s owners’ homes) and sea lions, and won a zillion tickets playing a basketball game at the Bay Arcade (which isn’t on the island side).

GOB Bluth.  Icon.  Legend.  Master Of Illusions. 

It was really interesting to hear some of these homes right on the bay are actually going for prices from $28 to $38 million dollars!  It’s definitely a nice place to visit, very romantic, and very educational.  Plus - the weather was absolutely gorgeous on Monday (suffice to say, I’m glad we visited before the rain clouds came on through).

You won’t have to spend an arm and a leg to have fun there, either.  A 45 minute boat trip runs $14 per adult…a 90 minute one for just 3 bucks more.  Plus - Kelli and I went old school and took Rosemead all the way from Pasadena to Long Beach and then cut over to the PCH for the rest of the route.

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Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-anges in the Blogadena 

In unrelated news, it looks like Fred Ortega has taken over the Under The Dome blog from K-Todd.  Although I’d like to personally welcome Mr. Ortega to the blogosphere and will be checking out his blog from time to time, it goes without saying his predecessor’s unique look at the “Pasadena Way” will be sorely - and temporarily missed.  Turns out everyone’s favorite City Reporter will be starting his own new blog very soon.

That’s all from here in this brief update.  I’ll have some more of the usual Proctor hilarity when I return, most likely tomorrow.

Have fun and keep paying attention!  Oh - and Kelli and I are thinking about adopting this.

Sid Tyler once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.

- AP

Stone Cold For Pasadena Mayor 

I hope everyone had a great Valentine’s Day.  While I showered my sweetheart in chocolates and other goodies, she got me The Legacy of Stone Cold Steve Austin DVD.  I’ve already watched the first disc and - my oh my - it’s a pretty good documentary so far.  If you’re a wrestling fan, The Proc highly recommends it.  Austin’s career spanned the big changeover in the pro wrestling industry - when it went from cutsey-”I love the fans” babyface good guys to guys who used profanity, beat up their boss, and still received admiration from legions wrestling fans.

Also, a lot of people yesterday learned about March 14th a/k/a Steak & BJ Day.  Thanks to Frazgo over at Metroblogging LA for educating even more people.  I mean - what a concept!  Steak? Good.  Blowjobs? Great!  Get that A-1 Steak Sauce and DVD of “Caligula” ready.

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Pasadena Police Chief, Interim City Manager, and in the lead for the role of Joe Friday in the next Dragnet film - Barney Melekian 

In this week’s P-Dub, an article by “Mr. Thursday Morning” Andre Coleman discusses interim CM Barney Melekian’s wishes to become permanent CM Barney Melekian.  There are definitely pros and cons to this whole thing.  I mean, I don’t blame the guy - I’d definitely pick sitting in a nice cushy seat behind the dais with all of my buddies over risking my life every single day.  I mean - what’s safer than a City Council meeting?  Right??

Oh, wait…maybe I should take that back.  Sorry about that, chief. 

I don’t really dislike Melekian.  Sure, I pick on him, but I pick on every one (who deserves it).  The problem is - it would be another way to stack the deck against the real people in Pasadena.  It’s no secret he’s nearly down with guys like Bogaard like Jay-Z is down with Beyonce (Note for Ann Erdman: the latter are two pop stars who are dating).  Although everyone’s excuse for having anybody in office who still shouldn’t be in office is their “affability” or “likeability”, does it really serve the people in this City to have another ”Yes-man” to the Evil Empire? 

We need someone who can see through all of this limo liberal bullshit from a mile away.  Someone who is there to be a City Manager and not an extra, non-elected City Council member who will undoubtedly serve the people who put him there rather than the people who are part of ”the Club”.  Although I’m not in 100% agreement with what Iron Maggie states in the article, we do need to see what’s out there before we just go with Barney.  A majority of the Council, though, asks “Why buy the milk when you get the police chief for free?”

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Artist’s depiction of Wayne Lusvardi

Wayne Lusvardi busts Measure D wide open with a left cross and leaves Paul Little in a pool of political blood in this recent article.  He protests that while Measure D may have won the battle, the City of Pasadena won the moral war. 

I’m not one to dissect things quite as fastidiously as Mr. Lusvardi, though.  I simply think Measure D passed due to a lot of voter ignorance.  There’s a ton of people in the Crown City who only vote in Presidential primaries and general elections.  They don’t know who Bogaard is, they don’t know what taxes they’re voting yes on, they could give a damn about what goes on here because, in their eyes, the national election is more important than the local election.

In fact, a local election hits your home far more than a national one does.  Let’s face it - some people are just plain stupid.  I highly doubt most people read the “Yes” or “No” on Measure D flyers.  Well, let me say, anyone who voted “Yes” on Measure D is either stupid, misinformed, mildly retarded and drooling, or in the back pocket of Bogaard/in the crotch of Madison.

I can’t wait to see what the City of Pasadena’s argument is against my term limits idea.  I’m sure we’ll be seeing tons of literature about how “bad” it is for people to serve on Council for 100 years.  I’m sure retractors of term limits will say “Look at their supporters - he’s just a crazy guy who used to wear make-up” and pull out pictures of me from a year ago.  People who claim they care about the people but are quick to dismiss someone who isn’t in their little club. 

I’m just happy I’m going to be shaking things up here in Pasadena.  Term limits are right for Pasadena.  The way Measure D was handled is exact proof.

**

Get a fucking job.

If you frequent Old Town, you may have noticed an influx of homeless people as of late.  This is partially due to the fact that idiots at Union Station in LA give them bus tokens and they take the Gold Line here to harass all of us.  And I’m serious about harass:  these bums have been getting more and more agressive by the day.

A co-worker of mine went to the General Store down on Fair Oaks yesterday afternoon and was verbally accosted by this old chick because she watched him buy a can of Coke and he didn’t buy one for her.  I saw this same woman this morning in Mills Alley - asking me - actually yelling at me - for $2 while she’s holding a cigarette in one hand and a Starbucks cup in the other. 

Then you’ve got the weirdo cat guy who sits on Colorado - between Fair Oaks & Raymond.  Then you’ve got the lamest homeless of all: the punk rocker kids who have a nice cozy home to go to but want to be “cool” and not shower and get all offended when an apparent “square” like me doesn’t give them a dime.

I’m not a hypocrite by any means.  Long time readers of this blog know my trials and tribulations last year when I lost my job and was nearly homeless.  It’s not like I didn’t exercise my resources though.  I’m fully aware tragedy can strike someone any time, any place.  I remember seeing this homeless guy at the Penn Center train station as a child who I later found out was a pretty prosperous archetict whose wife left him, his house burned down, and his family disowned him.  You’ve got to figure, though, 95% of these people are there because of drugs, booze, and other general loser-ness.

I’m just sick of running into homeless people all over Old Town, of all places.  You know - the place where they send 20 cops to bust a guy for making a scene on a bus?  You’d think the Pasadena Elite would want to protect precious Old Town.

Here’s a few solutions if you’re ever run into by one of these aforementioned peeps (not all of them by me) that seem to work - and if not - are downright hilarious:  

• Tell them you already gave $20 to another homeless guy nearby and didn’t plan ahead.
• Pull a quarter out of your pocket, pretend like you’re going to hand it to them, and then throw it in the other direction.
• Say “I know a guy who has tons of money” and have them write down Victor Gordo’s address. 
• Tell them you’ll meet them in 5 minutes with some cash.  Walk away and never come back.
• Get all Michael Douglas in “Falling Down” and inform them Pasadena isn’t their pissing ground and to go back to dirty Los Angeles where they came from. Handing them a suitcase which only contains an apple and a sandwich would work wonders with this.

Hero. 

Well - that about wraps it up for this week.  Have a great weekend and a safe three-day weekend if you’re lucky enough to be off on President’s Day.

Stand & Deliver.

- AP

Finally…. The Proc…. has come back to Blogadena.

Well, not really.  Still having computer issues and still logging on from Parts Unknown.  And, yeah, I know I keep repeating myself - but I still can’t unmoderate comments.  In fact, I’ll tell you all this right now, it won’t be until April that I’m back full time in the blogosphere.  However, please keep those e-mails coming to teamproctor@proctorformayor.com.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I am, once again, very lucky this year.  Although The Proc has millions (…and millions) of female admirers, there’s only one woman in this entire world for me.  It takes someone with emotional strength and a lot of love to handle a weirdo like me - someone like the love of my life, Kelli (pictured above).  We’ve both been through so much since last year and I’m so happy to have her in my life.  Nothing else in this entire universe compares to the special bond that we both have.  I wouldn’t want to change a thing in my life with now - I’d be empty and incomplete without her. 

We’ve had our trials and tribulations, just like any other strong couple - but at the end of the day - I’m the luckiest man in the world.  Behind every great man, there’s an even greater woman.  Well, except for Hillary Clinton.

I love you very much, darling.

Oh - and too all those “old-school” guys out there not into being sweet to their sweetheart on Valentine’s Day, you really should reconsider your actions:  Steak & BJ Day is only one month away.  It’s my favorite holiday. And, no, Larry Wilson, I won’t be volunteering to help you out on that day.  I heard Rick Cole is free, though.

He’s getting a Weather Girls album for V-Day

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Chris Holden:  Probably Not A Fan Of Term Limits 

It’s seemingly been a slow week for news in Pasadena.  My term limits proposition is still in limbo but I’ve received some really good reviews from some pretty influential people here in the Crown City.  I’m going to try and get down to a rough draft soon and, of course, anyone who wants to help can drop me a line.

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“…as long as we’ve got Bill Paparian, we’ve got the world spinnin’ right in our hands…”

Former Pasadena Mayor, Cigars By Chivas regular, & current pimp of used beamers in Glendale, Bill Paparian, has taken “Growing Pains” alum and Z-List celebrity Andrew “Boner Stabone” Koenig’s case.  So sayeth the P-Dub. I heard he’s doing it for free - which makes me ask if that means he’s taking the case on, pro-Boner?

**

USC: Fighting On…Just Not In Pasadena 

USC football isn’t likely coming to Pasadena.  Damn it.  Woe is me for not having to go into Los Angeles to see my favorite college football team.  They’re staying at the Coliseum in Los Angeles, which, for those of you who don’t know, is located in an area that has more violence per square mile than our Northwest.  It would sure have been nice to see them here at the Rose Bowl, though.  I also am assuming the Coliseum won’t be known as the “Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum” for much longer due to naming rights from a corporate sponsor.  I wonder if they’ll ever try that with the Rose Bowl? Imagine the possibilities.  I sure did.

From the home office in Westwood….

TOP TEN REJECTED CORPORATE SPONSOR NAMES FOR THE ROSE BOWL

10.  Head On, Apply Directly To The Forehead, Head On, Apply Directly To The Forehead, Head On, Apply Directly To The Forehead Rose Bowl

9.  BALCO Performance Enhanced Bowl

8.  Andre Coleman’s “A Liar’s Bowl”

7.  The Newport Alive With Pleasure Bowl

6.  Miss Havisham’s Bowl Party

5.  Hustler’s Barely Legal Rose Bowl

4.  The Ad-Hoc Committe On Youth Violence Rose Bowl

3.  Weird Guy Who Tries To Lure Kids Into His Van For “Free Candy” Bowl

2.  OJ Simpson Memorial Coliseum

1.  Huell Howser’s Golly! Is That A Football Stadium? Rose Bowl

Have a happy Valentine’s Day!  I’ll be back soon!

- AP

Newsrap was pretty fun last night.  One of my faithful readers, Howey, noted I looked uncomfortable during the song segment.  It wasn’t uncomfortable as much as I just feel silly sitting there while they’re playing a Luther Vandross song after a heated discussion about local and national politics.

Also - to clarify anything else - I wasn’t a supporter of Prop 92.

Being able to not unmoderate comments has really gotten to me - but luckily I got some awesome e-mail this morning from Mr. Robert Pingel - you know, Los Angeles Deputy City Attorney Robert Pingel:

My grandmother was a big wrestling fan back in the late 50’s.  She loved it when
some hated villain (Johnny Valentine comes to mind) did a turnaround and became the
“clean” wrestler who wreaked havoc on the forces of evil.  Whoa, Nelly!Congratulations on becoming a “clean” wrestler.  It suits you.
 

 

I’m assuming he’s talking about yesterday’s post.  I not only appreciate the kudos on my change of alliances, I also appreciate the wrestling reference.  Johnny Valentine was the father of one of my all time faves, Greg “The Hammer” Valentine.  Robert, you’re my favorite person of the week.

On to other things - especially since I am now guilty of name-dropping:  You know, there’s nothing better than reading a boring Larry Wilson article in the morning.  Not only did he attempt “cool points” by mentioning the aging Siouxsie Sioux (which really isn’t “cool points” any longer), but the article goes on and on about some crap at the Art Center where Larry can try to make as many friends possible by including their names in his article - including his poor wife, Phoebe.

I think I know why Larry Wilson wasn’t all over that

This is what I’m getting at:  How in the world does Larry Wilson churn out this bourgeois, pseudo-liberal, pretentious garbage week after week and make money for doing it while I post more sensible, more readable, more hilarious stuff here all of the time and don’t make a dime?  I’ve never met anyone who enjoys his stuff.  Seriously.  I’ve vomited better articles than Larry could ever write.  I may have just answered my own question, though.

Just come out of the closet already.  It’s 2008, Larry.  Nobody will have a problem with it.  We’re all pretty open-minded in Pasadena, well, at least some of us pretend to be.  I mean, your stuff would be far easier to understand and digest if people knew a gay man was writing it.  Tons of gay guys are married and have kids..no big deal.  Look at New Jersey’s old guv.

Ok..maybe I went to far about Larry.  But what about J-Mac?

Speaking of editorials - and now I’m talking about good ones - the debate rages on about whether bloggers are just as “legit” as newsmen.  Take this well-written yet unsigned article by the P-Dub. 

I recall one time asking People’s Republic of Pasadena Minister of Information & Truth Ann Erdman if I could host the state-run City Beat show on KPAS 55.  Ann kindly informed me they only let journalists be hosts.  So, to the City, bloggers aren’t journalists.  You have to understand - we have a 171-year-old Mayor who doesn’t know his ass from a blog.  Although he’s somehow able to levy an unfair Internet tax, Bogey hasn’t upgraded to the late 20th Century just yet.  Although, I think it would be more fair if you had a Proctor or Centinel or Miss H or Lusvardi digging in to guys like Madison and others, the City runs the channel - which sucks - but what can we do?

Well, we can keep blogging, that’s for sure.  They’ll take us seriously sooner or later.  Someday, we’ll all cause big enough a row that they just have to notice us.  To me, we’re just as legit as the real press - not influenced by huge conglomorates like the Star-News and, most of us, able to post news and opinions more often than once a week like the PW.

So - at any rate - I was talking about term limits yesterday here on the blog and on TV.  I’ve been getting some exciting feedback about it.  I’m going to try a rough draft (literally - rough draft on pen and paper) this weekend. 

After making a slight against the almighty Larry Wilson and pouring you all some more Flavor Aid to enjoy, here’s a Top Ten List for you all to enjoy.  We’re all having election fever but don’t let it get any medicine yet: we’ve got City Council elections for some districts coming up next year.

From the home office in Tijuana…

TOP TEN VICTOR GORDO RE-ELECTION CAMPAIGN SLOGANS

10.  ¡Si no puede!

9.  “Lena Kennedy Pistolwhips Kittens.  I Have Proof.”

8.  “First in commerce, first in affordable housing, first in line at Church’s Chicken in the morning.”

7.  “Hitler, Bad. Gordo, Good.”

6.  “Imagine The Kick Ass Victory Party”

5.  “Four more days!”

4.  “Gordo.  It’s Spanish For ‘Suck On It, Chris Holden’”

3.  “What else am I going to do with my life?”

2.  “A car in every garage, a La Estrella on every corner.”

1.  “Victor Gordo:  Chasin’ Bitches Like Tom Chases Jerry”

Have a great weekend.

- AP

Forgot to mention - I’ll be on NewsRap tonight on Pasadena 56 at 9pm (Pacific time, of course).

You can watch it (in Pasadena) on Pasadena 56 or live on the web at pasadena56.tv. 

- AP 

Mayor Bogaard sez: “Grabbin’ dem asses when Measure D passes”

Hey there everybody.  I hope everyone is enjoying the weather - I like the rain but enough is enough.  I’m glad we’ve had some sunshine-filled days lately here in the Crown City. 

I ran into some really cool people around the City lately.  On Tuesday when I went to go vote, I ran into former PUSD school board member, Bill Bibbiani.  It’s always nice to see Bib and to hear he’s doing well - he says now that he’s not on the board anymore, he can finally grow his fingernails. 

Yesterday, I ran into City Clerk Jane Rodriguez and Minister of Public Information Ann Erdman at City Hall.  Why was I there?  More on that in a moment.

Yes, I’m still having computer issues.  It looks like it won’t be until at least sometime in April that I’ll be able to give you more than once-a-week updates. If you notice, I’m really only able to hop into the blogosphere once or twice a week.  I still haven’t been able to unmoderate comments but I promise I will get to that as soon as possible.  Thanks to everyone for the kind e-mails and especially for the good reviews I’ve been receiving for a recent blog entry. (Thank you, Foothill Cities, my favorite blog.)

So… Measure D passed.  It wasn’t the big blowout that the Evil Empire wanted but it’s enough of a majority to pass.

Take that limo liberals!

Oh - and I officially re-registered as a Republican on Tuesday.  As soon as I finished voting in my final Democratic party, I went to the post office and made the switch. It’s my little way of saying that it’s time for the people who run this city to stop sending us unnecessary taxes and to stop interfering in people’s personal freedoms.

How can we not only get a more representative government around the dais but get a government who stops using their years of influence to get yes-man after yes-man, yes-woman after yes-woman, to help them get re-elected and to help their stupid ideas and TAXES pass?

Not the most popular guy at the moment: Victor Gordo

How can we make sure we don’t have empires of Bogaards, Holdens, and Madisons?  How can we ensure that politics becomes less and less exclusive in this City?

My idea is term limits.

I went to City Hall earlier this week to find out just how I can get a Measure on a future ballot to limit the tyranny by our current so-called “leaders” (who are really liars).  I’m working on this proposition right now and it’s going to be an important project of mine for weeks and months to come. 

Paul Little once quipped that the City Council and Mayor of Pasadena do have term limits: it’s called Election Day.  While that’s a funny quip that people seem to agree with a little bit more seriously, is it really true?  Take, for example, I don’t know, how about, the Mayoral election of 2007?  If I didn’t run, Bogaard would have run unopposed.  People are afraid to stand up to the status quo in this City.  And even when they do - the only other choice you had was an idiot in make-up who wanted to get rid of parking permits.  So, while people were sick of Bogaard, they had no other choice but to vote for him.

Things have changed, I’ve changed, and my views have definitely changed a bit in the past year.  I’m proposing everyone on City Council - even the King Mayor - can serve no longer than 12 years on City Council, consecutively or non-consecutively.  Oh - and I’m also proposing that - no matter when your Council election falls, if you drop out to run for Mayor, you can’t just fall back to City Council. 

Term limits aren’t going to solve everything but they will run some of these morons off the Council a lot quicker.  More people will be apt to get involved and, hopefully, we’ll end up having more of a representative government. 

I’m going to be working on this petition over the next few weeks and I’ll more information soon.  I’m going to need roughly 20,000 signatures - or 15% of the registered voters in Pasadena.  I can’t do this alone. I haven’t drawn up the petition or the proposition yet - but I’m working on it and this will be a steadfast effort.  If you’d like to join me in this battle, please e-mail me at teamproctor@proctorformayor.com.

It’s time to stop the same people from screwing up this City over and over again.  I, for one, am not just going to sit here and let failures continue to win election after election.

**

Ribs not only rock at Robin’s…but doing stuff for the community without being a fat cat bastard rocks as well.

On to a happier note, it’s nice to see Robin Salzer mentioned in this week’s P-Dub.  An excellent article by “Mr. Thursday Morning” Andre Coleman talks about what Salzer is doing in the community.  While the jackasses at City Hall are raising taxes, Robin is really making a difference in the community.  He doesn’t need to raise taxes to do it either. 

Speaking of which, the author of that article, should be nominated himself.  Remember Andre’s anti-gang violence letter last summer?  How about his weekly TV show - getting the issues of the community out to an audience who may not pick up a Weekly or a Star-News?  Andre definitely has made a difference around Pasadena for a long time.

Anyhow…Happy Chinese New Year!

I’ll be back tomorrow with some, hopefully, hilarious stuff.

And please don’t forget to join me on my quest to make term limits a reality in Pasadena.  E-mail me at teamproctor@proctorformayor.com.

- AP

Vote Yes On Measure D If You Want The Police To Send 20 Cop Cars When A Guy Spits On Someone On An MTA Bus

This morning was pretty interesting.  There was a huge commotion of Pasadena Police and LA County Sherrifs at the corner of DeLacey & Colorado.  Turns out some dude with asthma was wheezing heavily on a bus and asked the driver to pull over so he could get off.  When the driver wouldn’t do it, the guy approached the bus driver and was wheezing even more heavily, spitting up mucus and such.  The driver began to jocile the guy and then called the police, saying the passenger spit on him.  So - Pasadena Police and LA County Sherrifs sent about a dozen cop cars to the rescue. 

For a guy on a bus. 

Who was wheezing.

Your tax dollars at work.  I thought maybe all the cops were there because someone wanted 22 Choices at “21 Choices” or stole a copy of “Tropic of Cancer” from Barnes & Noble.

Anyhow - I appreciate the many kudos I received on yesterday’s Measure D rant (the entry right below this one) - especially from Wayne Lusvardi.  I think I even got kudos from Miss Havisham, which is always appreciated.

There’s something else I wanted to briefly discuss but haven’t had the time or the Internet to discuss.

Last Saturday’s Walkability Thingee was postponed until March 1st.  Yes, I’ve signed up and will be participating.  You see, I’d like to think I have some really, really good ideas to help make the Crown City more walkable - since I don’t own a car and walk around all the time.

How about this chestnut?  Put little kiosks around the Playhouse district and Old Town and the Paseo and such.  Make them like those little maps you see in a shopping mall.  Don’t make them bigger than, say, a parking meter.  Each little kiosk will tell a walker that Old Town, is say, .4 miles from the Paseo…or that the City Hall is only a few blocks away.  Incorporate a map above the listings with a little “You Are Here” sticker.

And - Paul Little will love this - get local shops and cafes and such to front money to get listed on the kiosks.  This will provide money to the City and help out tourists who are craving some Aux Delices or some beer at the 35er. 

Also - something I’ve always talked about - why not expand the ARTS bus system’s schedules?  Let the busses downtown and near downtown run on the weekends til, say, 3 or 4 in the morning.  Maybe charge 25 cents after midnight.  This will cut down on idiots getting into their cars and driving drunk and will generate even more money for the City.

I recall Mayor Bogaard wanting to talk to me about the latter idea.  I’m still willing to talk about it if he promises to enact it.

And hey - weren’t those both really good ideas to generate money without, say, raising people’s taxes?  Who’d have thunk it?  But what do I know?

Well, with lack of Internet access, I’ve been experiencing the Pasadena library system more than ever and I definitely know how you can get kicked out of a library:

From the home office in Lilliput…

TOP TEN WAYS TO GET KICKED OUT OF A PASADENA PUBLIC LIBRARY

10.  Ask if you can use your Jack In The Box gift card to borrow books.

9.  Knock over an entire bookshelf of science fiction books, yelling “Nothing but earthling lies!!!!”

8.  Insist they’re carrying a copy of “The Hardy Boys Do Nancy Drew” and intentionally hiding it from you.

7.  Grope a librarian to get Steve Haderlein’s attention.

6.  Return the Federalist Papers, say you couldn’t find Waldo anywhere in it.

5.  Set all of the computer web browsers to proctorformayor.com.

4.  Ask if they have Allan Sherman’s books-on-tape version of “Mein Kampf”

3.  Go to the reference section, pull out a dictionary, and loudly proclaim “Hey! ‘Penis’ is in the dictionary!”

2.  Start an amateur production of Fahrenheit 451.

1.  Be either Martin Truitt or Wayne Lusvardi looking to get information on Measure D.

Have a great weekend, enjoy the Super Bowl (I’ll be watching for the commercials since it’s another Eagle-less game), and vote NO on Measure D on Tuesday.

- AP