Sung to “Cherry Pie” by Warrant:

He’s Steve Haderlein

Pitchin’ a fit bout

A property of mine

Looks so good

Makes a straight man cry

Steve Haderlein…

My new Councilman and sexiest man in Pasadena, Steve Haderlein, uncharacteristically went off on some developers - according to an article that James MacPherson probably copied off of another reporter’s notepad.

Not to say I’m in favor of or against what Steve did - I will say it is rather dickish that DS Ventures (hey - are they owned by DS Waters?) - didn’t invite Councilman-meat to the meeting.

Even though we live in a free-market economy, you know me and you know I’m still rebellious in many ways.  Although I’m still unsure whether I’m going to go down the Gene Masuda road in the 2011 election (that is, if Haderlein doesn’t decide to run against me for Mayor) - it is kinda cool to see Steve speak his mind and not follow “the Pasadena Way.”

Oh - by the way - if Haderlein and Masuda want to fight over an endorsement from me, here’s some easy ways to win me over:

  • Name a burger after me
  • Name a street after me (since I am moving to District 4)
  • A couple of cartons of Marlboro Menthol Smooths (100’s, please)
  • Buy me a DeLorean (they’re about $20,000)
  • Shirtless picture (Steve only)
  • A jacket like The Prisoner wears
  • One night with Jane Rodriguez (of Scrabble)
  • Lifetime Wendy’s gift card

Those will all put a smile on my face.  Ten miles wide.

**

 

McKay Hatch Received Thirteen Swirlies This Week

I think I’ve read one of the funniest editorials about local news ever - and it comes from a paper hundreds of miles away.  It’s an editorial by Edwin Decker, whom I already think is a bona fide genius, in the San Diego City Beat. 

Edwin discusses South Pasadena (a/k/a Inferior Pasadena) and how a dorky 14-year-old got them to declare the first week of March “No Cussing Week”.

I’m not even going to lay into this kid because I’m sure it’s already happening to him on a daily basis.  To mirror the editorial, this whole thing is much deserving of tons of ridicule.

As a Pasadena resident, I’ve always hated South Pasadena.  It’s a stupid down that I try to avoid at all costs.  Riding our coattails by having our city’s name in theirs while trying to be completely different.  It’s such a stupid place that, the last time I checked, they have a Von’s next to a Pavilion’s - which are owned by the same fucking company! So I’m not surprised the jackasses on their City Council would support such a stupid, non-enforceable “suggestion”.

There’s no more Rialto theater there, hence no reason to even give that place the time of day.  I’d spend my money in Irwindale or Fontana before I did in South Pas.  Traitors.

As a huge fan of the 1st Amendment, I’m proposing we counter South Pasadena’s cussing dibacle with a week here in Pasadena that not only celebrates our Constituion but celebrates free speech and individuality as well.

That’s why I’m officially declaring next week Cussing Week.

Try to use profanity as much as you can next week in Pasadena.  At work, at home, at your place of worship.  As the San Diego City Beat article suggests, get creative.  Don’t just use “fuck” and “shit” all of the time.  Really roll with the punches.  Learn some foreign cursewords, even!  Merde! 

Imagine the possibilities!  As Sunday is Easter, Jesus would be proud!  Fuck yeah, cunts!

Go forth and spread the word of the Lord Aaron Proctor, bitches.

**

 

A few friends and I were wondering the other day - whatever happened to McDonaldland?  According to Wikipedia, McDonald’s became pussy-fied and stopped using the characters.

As an investigate journalist on Andre Coleman-type levels, here’s the real scoop on all of your favorite characters:

 

Mayor McCheese

Mayor McCheese is still a very popular Mayor in McDonaldland.  He won the election last year with nearly 90% of the vote.  He’s actually an avid bicyclist, a former lawyer, and called a “tower of affability” by the McDonaldland Star-Napkin.

 

Grimace

Grimace actually tried to run against Mayor McCheese and lost.  He was building a political name for himself within McDonaldland until it was discovered he was Order #9 at Burger King and shamed in front of his friends and family.  Grimace now lives in Toms River, New Jersey with his two sons.

 

Hamburglar

The Hamburglar was, sadly, the first victim of the McDonaldland Three-Strikes-Law.  Hamburglar went from stealing hamburgers to socking on people from Taco Bell Land. He’s now serving a life sentence at White Castle.

 

Big Mac

Big Mac is still the police chief of McDonaldland AND the interim City Manager.  Mayor McCheese claims McDonaldland has spent 30,000 pickles looking for a permanent one - but there’s a lot of rumors that Big Mac will be named the new City Manager shortly.

Birdie The Early Bird

Birdie, agreed to be the most annoying of McDonaldland residents, still pops up at Council meetings now and again to sing songs and read poems.  Nobody likes her.

**

So there you have it.  I hope everyone has a Happy Easter - because when I think Jesus’ resurrection, I think chocolate eggs and a big bunny.

Have you had your blog today? 

- AP