The 486th time that someone will attempt to bring the National Football League to the Los Angeles area will occur today.

According to the not-so-talented AP, the Associated Press, a guy named Edward Roski - who partially owns the Lakers and the LA Kings - wants to build a stadium out in the City Of Industry.

I was against the NFL coming to Pasadena and I’m kind of against it coming to Los Angeles in general. Now why would such a huge fan of the NFL (you know I’m a die hard Eagles fan, right?) not want the league in the 2nd largest TV market in the nation?

It’s simple. The team will be doomed from the start. Not only is Los Angeles full of people who transplanted from other areas (such as moi) - people who won’t quickly changes their team allegiances - we’re also full of people who are simply bandwagon fans (Patriots fans one year, Colts fans the next year, Patriots fans again the following year), Oakland Raiders fans (Mexican ex-cons Cholos/gangstas (you happy, Howey?) or white trash rednecks - don’t worry, neither of them read blogs), and people who love college football more than pro ball because their teams are consistently better off for 20 year or longer periods (USC).

Plus, the media here is pretty much the reason why the Rams & Raiders didn’t want to stick around. The NFL would be throwing their money in the garbage if they stuck a team in the LA area. Much like the Dodgers, the Lakers, and other popular teams in the area, it would be another team people “take for granted” and wouldn’t support 100% like people would in football cities like Philadelphia, Dallas, Green Bay - or in cities that seriously need an NFL franchise like Birmingham or Toronto or San Antonio.

Besides, we’re kind of spoiled already. We have two professional baseball teams, two NBA teams (with the possibility of a third one in a few years moving to Anaheim), two professional hockey teams, two Major League Soccer franchises..I mean..come on. We already make up for the fact that we don’t have an NFL franchise.

Yes, I know… I’m right.

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Jenny, I want to be a snarky blogger when I grow up!

Did you know there’s a picnic goin’ down this Saturday?

It’s not just any ordinary picnic either. Organized by Miss Havisham, it’s the first annual Pasadena Bloggers’ Picnic & Softball Snark.

For more information, check out Miss Havisham’s blog. Don’t be square. Be there. I will be there.
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You’re the man, Edwin Decker

I really like to read the San Diego City Beat. It’s a good newspaper and a great read, considering I only go to the SD once a year. Really engaging articles - even though I might not be totally familiar with the city’s knitting. Did you fucking hear that, Angel Soft Star-News?

One columnist in particular I’m becoming a huge fan of is Edwin Decker. Case in point, his hilarious yet serious article this week about, well, his wife’s time of the month (or lack there of). Check that out here and get a good laugh (and an education!).

This dude’s got mad writing skills. Blows certain local guys out of the water. Too bad he can’t get paid the same bucks Limo Liberal Larry is getting.

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The Sydney Opera House. Mount Rushmore. Aaron Proctor. These are just some of the great wonders of the world. Why not show off your pride for at least 1/3 of the aforementioned world treasures and buy some Aaron Proctor merchandise? You won’t be sorry.

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Villa SORRISO. I’ve only eaten there once and would never eat there again. It’s too posh and faggy for me, personally. Way too California and Old Town for my tastes. I don’t like lasagna with fucking squash in it.

Besides their posh-ness, Old Town-ity, and faggotry - they’re kind of dicks, too. I’m talking about how they’re using last week’s tragic accident involving the death of a 7 year old boy visiting from the Philippines to sell food.

Does anybody else see right through this?

(From PSN):

After making a donation to the Comerica fund, he and some associates thought it would be appropriate to put on a fundraiser, and contacted some members of the Dela Rosa family.

I’m not knocking the dude for trying to raise money for this sad event. I walk by that intersection every single morning and tears nearly come to my eyes when I see the community’s outpouring of support and love for someone who none of us even knew.

If you had seen the press release, conspicuous by its absence on the Internet, that Villa SORRISO put out - you’d be as pissed off as I am. Did they need to mention they’re owned by a company called “KAOS Management” before discussing the tragedy? Did they really need to mention their dinner specials while talking about the death of a child?

I wouldn’t be surprised if this isn’t the first time Villa’s pulled something like this. Does anyone remember their 9/11 Organic Pancake Dinner? Or how about their Armenian Genocide Buffet? God forbid anyone will soon forget their 6 Million Jellybeans For 6 Million Jews Killed In The Holocaust wackiness.

In all seriousness, though, Villa SORRISO guys - I’m not the biggest example of decorum but you could have shown a little bit more when planning this fundraiser to attempt to draw people to your fledgling, lame-ass restaurant.

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Robin Salzer (right)

Finally today - The Aaron Proctor Interview Series is back. As we all know, former District 1 City Council candidate Robin Salzer is the owner of the best restaurant in Pasadena. He also knows how to run a successful business and he’s a pretty funny guy.

Robin and I didn’t start off such great friends, though. Many will remember that entire Barbecuegate scandal that, frankly, changed this website from insane liberal rants to insane comedic gold.

Since then, it’s been all water under the bridge. The Proc caught up with Robin Salzer while he was building a fort out of ribs for some needy kids. He took time out of his busy schedule for this and it’s much appreciated.

The Proc: Why is your restaurant the greatest restaurant in the history of restaurants?

The Salz: First of all, Robin’s has without question the most incredible tongue tingling, mouth watering, sensationally sweet, succulent and bombastically boudacious BBQ on this beautiful planet. Secondly, Robin’s is the ONLY restaurant on this planet that has a dish dedicated to Aaron Proctor. Need I say more.

The Proc: If you had defeated Jacque Robinson in last year’s District 1 run-off election, how would you be handling things right now?

The Sauce: The Pasadena Weekly said the I was “The Man with a Plan”. and the Pasadena Star News said that “Salzer without question had the most comprehensive plan to improve our neighborhoods”. I would have had our Neighborhood Community Cabinet in place on May 5th. We would have monthly community feedback meetings to talk about how to make our district the most progressive and the pride of Pasadena. I would be working with Mayor Bogaard and the other councilmembers to build a consensus on how to tackle the issues in the district. I would continue to develop youth entreprenuer incubators such as the Lemonade Brigade and expand our youth mentoring programs at John Muir. I would put the words Customer Service back into
the meaning of Public Service. Phone calls and emails returned the same day, going door to door to touch base personally with the community and making myself accessible and available 24/7.

The Sauce (cont’d): BTW, I would also consider the following City Mandates:

  • Robin’s BBQ is the Official Food of Pasadena.
  • A Robin is Pasadena’s Official bird.
  • Villicana Wine is the Official Wine of Pasadena.
  • Ann-Marie is the only realtor allowed to operate in Pasadena
  • Dr. Alex Villicana is the Official Plastic Surgeon of Pasadena

The Proc: I think that one tall chick who works for you with the deep voice is smokin’. What’s her number?

Sauce-blocked: You’re talkin’ bout Liz. She told me her number for you is 1-900-GET-LOST.

The Proc: Remember when I called you a “dick” in the Pasadena Weekly? I’m still sorry about that.

RoBBQin: I’ve forgiven you for your youthful indiscretion. If I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it hundreds of time since last April 17th, If only I had known you better…. Besides, If I thought it had been personal I may have named a dessert after you. LOL.

The Proc: The Lemonade Brigade. Tell us about that. Do they fight crime and solve mysteries?

Salzer: The LEMONADE BRIGADE is a start-up business in Northwest Pasadena that teaches young men and women how to organize, operate and promote a small business. They sell hand shaken, fresh squeezed Lemonade, Hot Dogs, Sausages, Nachos and will soon be selling fresh Popcorn. We have about 40-45 youth involved. They have shirts, hats, business cards, they own there own equipment and have their own management team. They have just been given the opportunity to be the Official and only vender for the series of summer concerts at the Levitt Pavilion. That’s 5 nights a week all summer long. Some of the team may branch out on their own as entreprenuers and others will take their experiences on to college to enhance their education.

Salzer (con’td): The kids win, the community wins and the entire City of Pasadena wins with their successes. I am proud to be their mentor and facilitator and hope that more of the business community does their fair share of investing back into our community.

The Proc: Do you know Burt Ward?

Robin: I know Burt Ward, I know Ward Cleaver, I know Burt Reynolds and I may have met Eldridge Cleaver once at the Flint BBQ in Oakland, CA. Speaking of Burt Ward, have you scene that dude lately? No way he’d ever fit into those tights again. Too many Garbage Can Combos at Robin’s will do that to you. Because of Burt Ward and Robins’ Garbage Can combos, straight leg pants replaced pleated pants. Eat at Robin’s a couple of times and those pleats just seem to disappear.

The Proc: Your wife is ex-City Councilmember, former Mayoral candidate, and ace Realtor Ann Marie Villicana. Do you two live in a house made out of barbecued ribs?

Rockin’ Robin: Well not exactly made of ribs but certainly paid for by ribs, lots of ribs. In fact I need to sell a lot more ribs or I may be living in the outhouse. Maybe I can pick up a part-time job at some place called Barn Burner? More on that later.

The Proc: Let’s name one of your burgers after Steve Madison. It will be called The Six Million Dollar Maserati Burger. It’ll be served on a gold platter and delivered to you by a stripper/bank teller. We’ll all finally know what a douchebag tastes like.

Smart Man: I gotta stay away from this one. Maybe Steve can get Dona Rosa or the Barn Burner to name a dish after him. On the other hand, the more money you spend at Robin’s the better I’ll treat you and the better chance of being immortalized in my menu. It’s like the Hollywood Walk of Fame. If you make it to Robin’s Menu you know you really made it Pasadena.

The Proc: You’ve had Clippers season tickets for 25+ years. What’s it like to be disappointed for 25+ years?

One-Man Clipper Nation: I’m the longest non corporate season ticket holder in the Clippers LA history. I got hooked when they moved to the Sports Arena in 1985-86??? and then traded for Marques Johnson and Junior Bridgeman from my hometeam Milwaukee Bucks. I’ve persevered many a blowout season. occasion. I didn’t attend games to see the Clippers, I went to see NBA basketball. Giving them their due props as of late, if not for an unfortunate rash of injuries they would be a upper level team and definately a playoff contender.

One-Man Clipper Nation (cont’d): When he’s on his game, Kamen is a top five center, Brand and Maggette are studs and watch out for Al Thornton. I was sad to see the best guard who ever suited up for the Clippers leave last month, Sam Cassell, but they’ll get a promising point guard in this years draft as insurance if Shaun Livingston’s comeback fails. BTW, when I was interviewed several years ago by the LA Times, I coined the phrase Clipper Nation and didn’t have the foresight to trademark it. The next year the team used it everywhere. You win some and lose some.

The Proc: Blatz or Schlitz?

Milwaukee’s Best: BLATZ BABY, BLATZ. It’s hard to get but it goes down so sweet when served ice cold. I keep a six pack in our fridge but haven’t had any yet. I just like the way it looks on the self. If you want a real nostalgic treat check out the 8ft Blatz neons I have in our bar and karaoke room. That’s another story.

The Proc: Why the hell is an Ethan Allen next to your restaurant? And are they named after the famous American revolutionary, the famous gunsmith, or the famous baseball player?

Salzer: I would have bulldozed Ethan Allen down 10 years cause I need the parking. Who is Ethan Allen? That cat was one of the top dudes during the American Revolution. Legend has it that he was quite large, huge, and cussed a lot. If he knew what they were charging today for an end table he’d give Tommy Lasorda a run for his money in describing what he thought of Ethan Allen furniture, or was that Dave Kingman?

The Proc: What are the lyrics to the Bonanza theme?

Hoss Salzer: I loved watching Bonanza when I was a kid probably because I had this thing for Linda Evans, WOW. I think the song kinda went, We chased lady luck until we finally struck Bonanza…. Was Lorne Greene the singer? He rocked with Ringo. He was the white Barry White of his time, what a deep voice.

The Proc:. You’re from Milwaukee. Ever run into Squiggy, The Fonz, or Mork from Ork?

Robin From Milwaukee: I used to see those cats over at Leon’s Frozen Custard Stand on 27th and Oklahoma. I wish that I could snap my fingers like the Fonz. He made cool COOL. True fact, when Happy Days was first being developed as a pilot they wanted to film it at Leon’s in Milwaukee but the cost would have have been prohibitive. Milwaukee also has some mighty fine bowling alleys. Even if you don’t like to bowl those old bowling shirts are hot.

The Proc: Gimme some of those trademark Salzer BBQ tips for my next backyard cookout.

The Burgermeister: The best tip about BBQ that I can give you is to hire Robin’s Wood Fire to cater your next party. The next tip is to order some take out from Robin’s and put them ribs on your grill before your guests arrive. You’ll be struttin’ like a peacock all day.

The Burgermeister (cont’d): LAST RESORT. If you are too cheap or naive to take my invaluable advice, Here’s the Deal.

A. Get a Weber grill or any grill with a cover. Light some charcoal and let it turn gray.
B. Rub your meat with your favorite spices or I’ll sell you some of ours.
C. Put your meat on the grill away from the charcoal, cover the grill & smoke dem ribs at 220 degrees. Ribs and Tri-Tip should take about 2 1/2 to 3 hours. Watch for grease flare ups and turn your meat as needed.
D. Pull the meat when to your liking, sauce it, get sauced and eat like a pig.

The Proc: Larry Wilson. All-star PSN public editor or gayer than a French Horn?

Robin: Are you nuts? Larry Wilson and Steve Scauzillo endorsed me twice when I ran for City Council. They knew what they were talking about. Larry’s a cool guy, drives a cool car and loves dogs. That works for me. I like Larry but I do wish he visited Robin’s more often, might get his name in my menu then.

The Proc:. What was the difference between the 80’s afternoon game shows “Password” and “Super Password“? And what the hell was up with the afternoon version of “Price Is Right” sans Bob Barker?

Robin’s A Genius: Password or Super Password? 2nd coolest game show in the history of television in my opinion. If my memory is correct, Allen Ludden and his wife Betty White ruled that show. I like Betty because she’s a GREAT animal activist and she also loves dogs. I believe Allen wore some funky black framed glasses, or was that Durwood Kirby? SP was hosted by Bert Convy, the guy with the best hair in Hollywood. He also did some Love Boats. Berts hair ranks right up there with Steve Garvey, not a hair out of place. I hope that he didn’t have as many kids as Garvey had that one year. At least he gets a lot of Father’s Day presents.

Robin (cont’d): Bob Barker is the Godfather of all game shows and he also loves dogs. I miss Bob because Drew Carey just doesn’t work for me. That’s like replacing Family Fueds Richard Dawson with Richard Karn or John O’Hurley or was that Mike Hurley from Linda Vista? No one kissed a womens hand like Richard Dawson, dudes too. Price is Right is truly the #1 game show in television history and Barker is the all time top host but that handkissing Dawson is running a close second.

The Proc: Why do jackasses spell your last name “Salazar”?

NOT Salazar: I would reckon that some of these “Jackasses” may have indulged in a few too many ice cold PBR’s or may have been disappointed that the Mud Pie dessert at Robin’s was no longer available and kind lost their senses when they wrote my name in their journal. With all due respect to those mis-spellers they may have been confused by all of the other names that I’ve been called over the years. Here’s a few from the archives.

1. RUBEN SALAZAR
2. ROBIN SLAZER
3. ROBIN SLAZARSTEIN
4. ROBIN SALTZER
5. SAL ROBINSON
6. ROBBIE SALAZAR
7. RUBY SALZER
8. RUBY SALAZAR
9. BOB SLIPPER
10. ROBBIE SALZER
11. ROBIN SOLOZER
12. ROBIN SLADEN
13. ROBIN SALSKI - a tribute to my Polish Heritage I guess
14. “THE SAUCE”

Whatever suits is probably fine with me as long as you remember this:
ROBIN’S WOOD FIRE BBQ
395 N. ROSEMEAD BLVD.
PASADENA, CALIFORNIA
91107
626-351-8885 rib joint
626-616-0585 personal cell phone
robinsinc@earhlink.net work email
robin.salzer@yahoo.com personal email.

Robin Sayz: NOW YOU GOT IT. YOU MAY SCREW UP THE NAME BUT YOU KNOW HOW TO FIND ME IN CASE OF NEED.

The Proc: Is it fair to say the Barn Burner is a 3rd-string Robin’s Wood Fire BBQ & Grill?

Robin: I like Blair Salisbury, the owner of Barnburner and I know that he and his staff try very hard to ” ROCK LIKE ROBIN’S”. They have a great facility and are always trying out new ideas for which I commend them for that. BBQ is a hard
business. You just don’t throw some ribs on a grill like you do a burger. It’s a slow and low process that you have to LOVE or it ain’t gonna work. I’ve seen many a Robin’s bumper sticker on the back of cars cruisin’ down the 210 and have yet to see any BB stickers. It takes many years and bumps along the way to get to that Legendary status and I’m sure that in time they will achieve their due as well.

Robin (cont’d): Life doesn’t always give you the winning hand and to be fair would be judgemental. Saying that, I do know that “Robin’s smoke ain’t no joke” and that “You ain’t need no teeth to eat our meat” so i guess that says it all.

The Proc: Why did they cancel “Hardcastle & McCormick”?

Robincastle & McSalzer: I think that they cancelled Hardcastle & McCormick because of some fued with scheduling involving Monday Night Football. Maybe Brian Keith preferred to play on MNF instead and they wouldn’t release him from his contact. He was one big guy, one of those barrel chested guys with the big guns from pumping lots of iron. It was in that group of shows like the A-Team, The Rockford Files etc. Wouldn’t want to mess with Brian Keith in some dark alley unless I was Dick the Bruiser, the Crusher or Verne Gagne.

Robin: Thanks for the opportunity to be as verbose in writing as my good friend Paul Little was in talking.

**

A class act all the way, smothered in Mesquite and topped off with an ice cold chocolate malt.

Stay tuned when the Aaron Proctor Interview Series continues with the Pasadena Weekly’s own general assignment reporter, Carl Kozlowski.
Be seeing you,

- AP