The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

You know, and I’ve said this before, I really miss the Saturday mornings I grew up with.  A few hours of cartoons leading into a ton of hours of pro-wrestling from all over the US.

Luckily, YouTube (a subsidiary of Google) has a lot of full episodes of some of my favorite 80’s cartoons.  Thank God (also a subsidiary of Google).

I’m not a fan of the new cartoons out there for kids.  They’re so spoiled with their damn computer animation and blocks and blocks of cable channels devoted to just cartoons.  There’s one new show I just am excited about seeing, though.

Super Pasadena Friends!
Check out the video at this link.

…and don’t forget to check out some of the new rules in the City Council Drinking Game.

- AP

From the PSN the other day:

A community dialogue on shaping the city’s future - finding out what Pasadenans like, dislike, want to keep and want to change in the city’s General Plan - will be held Saturday at Pasadena Presbyterian Church.

“We’re pulling people together to see if there are some issues or concerns we share in common,” said Marsha Rood, a former Pasadena city planner now with Urban Reinventions.

The “Common Vision, Common Goals” discussion, Rood said, was set up by a “loose coalition” of grass-roots, non-profit groups - including “Open Space Now” - concerned with the city’s future growth.

“We want people to be involved throughout the process,” she said. “One of our issues is there hasn’t been an ongoing community participation in some of the (General Plan) update in a meaningful way, some feel.”

The discussion will be led by Steve Preston of Pasadena, the deputy city manager of San Gabriel, who teaches on cities’ general plan procedures at USC and UCLA Extension.

Personally, the biggest problem I’ve had with the City’s General Plan is the blatant disregard of one of its main goals: to make the Crown City an easy place to get around without a car. I’ve told that to “Smilin’-Except-When-He’s-Not-Named-City-Manager” Richard Bruckner.

In these trying economic times, yeah, more people (like 20%) or something are riding the Gold Line. However, I can tell you from experience every weekday, that there really aren’t that many new people riding the bus.

Yeah, that’s a way to attract riders. (Courtesy WCGB)

One of the things I’ve been repeating over and over and over and over and over and over and over again (and over) is how the ARTS bus needs to expand its schedule. It’s not a good schedule for people out there who work at night, who work late on weekends, who work anywhere really past 9 p.m. What about expanding the ARTS bus in Old Town - people will be more apt to take it than to pay $20,000 for a cab. Plus, it’s more likely than not that the bus driver will actually speak English and won’t pretend like they don’t know where they’re going, taking you the long ass way home.

I think our leaders should also take the ARTS bus or the MTA at least 2-3 times a week. Lead by example, bitches.

The wisdom of Paul Little has taught me that the City has a hard time dealing with the MTA and the like when it comes to providing additional ARTS bus lines - but I don’t see how hard it is to extend the schedule of the already established lines. The ARTS bus is by far more reliable (and cheaper) than taking the MTA from one point of town to the other.

I’ve also been told by one top City official that he’d like to sit down with me and discuss these issues. That was in December of 2006. It’s almost June of 2008. Mayor Bill Bogaard - you get the Ham And Egger Award this week.

This is also a great lead in to another thing that is hurting the whole “walkability” idea - something that ends up as #8 on my Ten People Ruining Pasadena list:

**

#8 - Annoying Homeless People, Like This Guy

I realize that homelessness in this City and State and Country is no laughing matter. I, myself, was nearly homeless last year - I mean, it can happen to anyone at any time. Especially in times like these where you could lose your home, your job, everything in an instant.

What really pisses me off, though, is that a lot of the homeless in Pasadena are imported homeless from other cities, specifically big bad Los Angeles. People down there at Union Station in LA (not the homeless shelter in Pasadena of the same name) simply give Gold Line tickets to these people and do everything but actually say “Go to Pasadena, there’s tons of Richie Riches there to give you money.”

The other kinds of homeless people I hate are the ones you find a lot of the time on that stretch of Colorado between Fair Oaks and Delacey. You know, the “I-couldn’t-get-a-decent-job-because-of-my-electric-blue-hair-and-stupid-piercings because-the-only-place-I-applied-for-a-job-was-Amoeba Records-because-working-at In N Out-is-so-not-punk rawk - so I’m going to panhandle on the streets of Pasadena” kids. Kids trying to “rebel” and be “cool” and “anarchy rulz” that panhandle and beg for money while sitting there with a tabby cat or drinking out of a Starbucks cup.

Yeah, those are the types of homeless that can go fuck themselves.

If you cleaned yourself up, you’d have a job by now

What about the ones that get really aggressive? For a while, there was a lady in Old Town who would DEMAND that you gave her $2.00 and would follow you around for a minute or two if you didn’t. What about the ones who are begging for money while sitting with a full pack of smokes? Maybe you should have bought food, not cigarettes, dickweed.

All of these types are giving the actual homeless people a bad name. The actual homeless people who, you know, can’t run up to get money from the General Fund because you actually have to be a complete drug addict or not speak English to get real help in this State. The people who have fallen on hard times that might not have immediate family in the area (or at all). You’ve got these pseudo-homeless that ends up making me not want to give ANY of them money because how do I know this isn’t just some rich kid from Silverlake trying to scam me? (Hey - a lot of those hipsters dress like homeless people).

I say we just adopt what they’re doing down in Los Angeles. Pick up some bus tokens at a check cashing place. The next time you’re down near Old Town, give the “wanna-be” homeless kid a bus token. Tell them to go down to Fair Oaks and Colorado’s southwestern corner and take the 267 to South Pasadena. Let’s just send them all down to South Pasadena or to Arcadia or something. Then use the rest of your bus tokens and start taking the bus yourself, if you can.

It’s like that movie “Pay It Forward” except, instead of money, we’ll be using foul-smelling people who are just too lazy to shower, too “rebellious” to stop looking like a dreg of society, and too haughty to get a job at Wendy’s.

The Proc Has Real Solutions For Pasadena.

**

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend. Be seeing you,

- AP

If you blinked, you missed out on Fred Ortega

Gary Scott, a/k/a “Reporter G“, is, well, reporting that PSN reporter and original winner of the Ham And Egger Award winner Fred Ortega will be exiting his role at the paper soon. Fred will be taking a position with the Board of Equalization in Monterey Park.

Who his replacement will be, at this time of writing - The Proc has no idea. I do want to sincerely wish Fred good luck in his new position. Hopefully his successor will have the giant sized testicles that this kid had to actually take me on.

I’ve composed a little song as a tribute to all of Fred’s hard work. Actually, I just stole the melody. Feel free to heckle and curse at my video (all those out there who didn’t find my heckling of some street performer quite hilarious):

Goodbye Ortega
Good luck wherever life takes you
You were the grace that placed itself
In a paper torn apart
You called out to your readers
And you reported not in vain
Now you belong to MP
And the stars spell out your name

Now sing along with me…(sorry for the horrible lighting, but there’s at least audio)
**

Sid Tyler (very right) and his “posse”

It’s time for this week’s Sid Tyler Facts!

• Sid Tyler doesn’t run for office. The office runs from him.
• Crop circles are Sid’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
• Sid Tyler went on The Price Is Right. He bid the exact dollar amount, got all $10,000 slots on Plinko, spun $1.00, won both showcases, permanently disfigured Drew Carey, and fucked all of the Price Is Right girls.
• If you ask Sid Tyler what time it is, he’ll say “Ten to.” You’ll ask “Ten to what?” and he’ll reply “Tend to your own damn business.”
• Sid Tyler has one of those tsunami warning signs outside of his house because he uses a bathtub.
• Sid Tyler is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
• Sid Tyler once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Sid Tyler re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
• Sid Tyler shot the sheriff. He was the deputy at the time.
• Sid Tyler ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. And got one.

**

Be seeing you,

- AP

The Proc ran into two celebrities yesterday in Old Town Pasadena. If you were a fan of the funniest comedy that was ever made, “Arrested Development“, you’ll enjoy these pictures of two of the show’s characters with The Noticeable One:

Me with Alia Shawkat. Alia played Maeby Funke on “Arrested Development”.

Me with Mae Whitman. She played Ann Veal on “Arrested Development”. You know…”Her?”

You know, not a day goes by where I don’t find myself referencing this show and it was really cool to run into two people who played on it. I swear, the corner down there near Delacey & Green St. is just a magnet for celebrities. They were both very nice people and I even asked Alia if a movie of the TV show was in the works. She said that she thinks they might be doing something but she wasn’t 100% sure.

Pasadena. Center Of The Universe.

**

Last week, we not only found out that Steve Madison is an actual dick in real life who sends his henchmen to comment for him on my website - we also found out that City Councilmembers don’t just get a monthly stipend of nearly $1400. They also get an extra $300 reimbursed for cell phones, an extra $5000 for computer equipment, and so on and so on.

There’s more to that list than meets the eye, though.

TOP TEN OTHER REIMBURSEMENTS RECEIVED BY CITY COUNCILMEMBERS

10. $1.35 so they can pretend like they take the MTA to work and just actually pocket the money for lottery tickets
9. $3.99 for the first minute, $2.99 each additional minute
8. Every third Maserati you buy is on the City.
7. Five. Five Dollar. Five Dollar Footlong.
6. $15 for condoms and mouthwash
5. $1 to beat up anyone caught singing “Seasons Of Love” from “Rent”
4. $500 for LA Clippers front row tickets (promptly given right back to the City)
3. Free one month Netflix trial
2. $25 for Sid Tyler “protection money”
1. $6000 so you can be “better than everyone else”

**

It’s time for number nine on my list of The Ten People Ruining Pasadena. #9 on the list is none other than owner of the Pasadena Journal, Joe Hopkins.

For some reason, Joe thinks he’s helping out the black community with his newspaper. It’s sad because he isn’t. Joe has a real, real precious opportunity which he constanly fucks up: he publishes a newspaper and can really get things out to a community that has been disillusioned and downtrodden for so long. However, he decides to instead “reach out” to black Pasadena by telling kids to stop listening to music that hasn’t been played anywhere since 1992. He also doesn’t concern himself where he is getting the word out - I’ve only actually seen his paper at liquor stores and beauty salons. (And when I do see his paper, it’s usually 3 or 4 weeks old…get some new route guys, Joe!)

Joe simply endorses candidates for office because they’re black. That’s it. That’s their only qualification in Joe’s eyes. If Jesus Christ were running against a black man, Joe Hopkins would be sitting there calling Jesus a big racist. He wanted every black person to drop out of last year’s District 1 Council race except one. if I were endorsing a candidate and said “I like the guy cause he’s white”, I’d be called a racist. There’s no “ok for one, not ok for the other” when it comes to race in my book.
Joe’s also a hypocrite. Obama is half-black. I’m half-black. Yet, Joe didn’t even list my name in people of African American descent who were running for office in the 2007 election. Gave him a phone call about that, he never returned it.

Then, Joe goes on and on in his newspaper how if you don’t like or vote for Obama, you’re a member of the KKK.

Joe wrote a book. It is called “I Will Not Apologize“. Then, when someone offends Joe, he wants them to apologize…but it’s ok if he doesn’t?

Every City, unfortunately, has someone like Joe Hopkins. It’s a shame - because the people that blacks should be listening to in Pasadena, people like Joe Brown of the NAACP, get overshadowed by this nutcase.

Joe Hopkins is ruining Pasadena for two main reasons. First, he’s spreading the wrong message to his community - a message full of hate and racism and everything that he says he despises. Secondly, being the way that he is, is counter-productive. To a not-so-bright white person, he makes it seem like he’s the voice of the entire African American community (e.g., stupid people think ‘Oh if Joe Hopkins thinks that, EVERY black person must think that’). Not a good thing to project, Joe, especially in a city like Pasadena.

There’s an old saying that you should never pick a fight with someone who buys ink by the barrel. Too bad Joe only buys it by the pint and wastes most of the ink he purchases.

So, Joe, I give you the honor of being #9 in my list of The Ten People Ruining Pasadena.

Be seeing you. Happy Wednesday.

- AP

Kelli and The Proc are back from a wonderful and extended weekend down in San Diego. There’s no hiding the fact that San Diego is one of The Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena’s favorite places to travel to and this was the first time I’ve ever spent more than a couple of nights in “America’s Finest City”.

One of Kelli’s friends, a friend from high school, was getting married and Kelli was actually one of the bridesmaids. Of course, that meant there was a bunch of stuff for her to do before this past Sunday’s wedding - so we got down there on Friday morning and headed to Sea World.

I like the drive down to San Diego. It’s really fun to look at all the different types of settings you pass through - big cities like Anaheim and Santa Ana, little coastal hamlets like San Juan Capistrano, and then the outskirts of San Diego like Oceanside and Carlsbad. The rain seemed to follow us down from Pasadena on Friday.

On the way down, we passed the San Onfore Nuclear Generation Station - you know, the big nuclear tits you can see from Interstate 5. This video is the first in many which are titled “Hey Kelli” because I began to notice I say “Hey Kelli” at the beginning of a lot of videos.

I’d never been to Sea World before. Kelli’s been a bunch of times. This resulted in a very fun first visit. It was cold and rainy on Friday morning-into-afternoon - which was perfect because there weren’t a ton of people there. Plus, the rain kind of fit in with the whole “sea” theme.

The weather at Sea World

Since the theme park is owned by Anheuser-Busch, there are Clydesdales and one donkey that welcome you at the beginning of your visit:

I was a bit confused as to exactly why a donkey was chilling with the Clydesdales in this video. I later found out it’s a reference to one of the company’s past Super Bowl commercials.

After that, Kelli and I went over to see the manatees. The manatee exhibit was closed for repairs - but that didn’t stop me from trying to mess with one of the manatee statues.

We looked at the sharks - which were really cool because there is a part where you can stand on an escalator and the sharks swim next to, above, and around you in their tanks. It started to rain pretty hard at one point, so Kelli and I ducked into another aquarium full of fish found regionally in ponds and creeks and rivers throughout the world. Pretty fascinating.

The big thing you’re supposed to do - and afterward, it became something I’d love to go and do again - is to go visit the dolphins and the bat rays - and pet them!

Here’s a video of a dolphin swimming around, having a good time, greeting spectators.

Here’s Kelli and I actually petting a dolphin - watch it come right up to us. Don’t mind my high voice and excitement - I felt like a little kid since I’ve never seen or touched a dolphin up close before.

That’s a bat ray. They remove the stingers so we don’t become the Crocodile Hunter.

That’s Kelli petting and feeding a bat ray.

Here I am about to pet one. They feel slimy…like one of those stress balls if it were covered with Log Cabin syrup.

The bat rays just flocked to Kelli for some reason. Everyone around the bat ray pond was amazed. I think it’s her bangs.

After hanging out under the sea (which I kept whistling the tune from “The Little Mermaid” until Kells Bells reminded me that’s from Disneyland) - we decided to go up to the arctic and Sea World’s “Arctic Wild” exhibit featuring polar bears and beluga whales and walrus and the like.

Polar bear chillin’

“I don’t like getting my picture taken”

Beluga whales

Right after the Arctic Wild exhibit, you can check out the penguins in a place called “Penguin Encounter”. I was quite excited to see the penguins and puffins and such, that I told Kelli we’d have to walk like penguins into the exhibit. See the video of that here.

After a good five hours of hanging out at Sea World, our room at the palatial Motel 6 in Hotel Circle was ready. We went and checked in and relaxed, exhausted from having the time of our lives.

The rainy, cloudy view from our hotel room on Friday afternoon/early evening

Night fell upon San Diego and Kelli and I wanted to check out a local bar. Not something too fancy or too Paseo Colorado-esque…more like - a true dive bar.
We found a place that suited our fancy just fine - a place called The Aero Club. Proclaiming itself to be the “last of the great dive bars”, it advertised well. The service was unbelievable, the environment was unmatched, and the prices - well - let’s just say Kelli and I had more than a few rounds of alcohol and walked out spending less than $50.00.

We ended up chilling with this couple who had just moved to SD from Portsmouth, NH. Turns out the female in the couple also ran for City Council of Portsmouth. I wasn’t really in a political mood during our vacation, but it was fun meeting someone who knows what it’s like to run for office and lose. This was also the first bar I’ve ever been to where, after the baseball game, the bartender put on the Big Lebowski and - on mute - EVERYONE in the bar began quoting it line from line. Joe Piasecki would think this was heaven on earth.

The place has 20 different beers on tap (including Blue Moon, which is delightful on tap with an orange slice), 50 different vodkas, 70 whiskeys…yeah, I could get used to having a place like this around if it were in Pasadena. You know that I love dive bars and I highly recommend this place on your next San Diego trip - it’s easily accessible from the 5 and very close to downtown, Old Town, and other places you might be staying. It’s the perfect night cap.

The Aero Club

3365 India Street

San Diego, CA

619-297-7211

**

I didn’t know it on my way down there or planning this trip - but Saturday was going to be one of the more interesting days I’ve ever experienced.

As aforementioned, Kelli’s a bridesmaid in her longtime friend’s wedding. So, naturally, I thought there was going to be bridesmaid stuff to do. I just didn’t know that Saturday morning would kind of turn out to be one of those “This Is How You Do Not Plan A Wedding” afternoons.

There wasn’t an itinerary, which I think should be mandatory if one was going to be having such a big deal of a wedding like Kelli’s friend was, there wasn’t any sort of game plan as to how to do anything. So, I ended up at some mall walking around with complete strangers (the groomsmen who turned out to be ok guys) while Kelli got her nails done for the next day’s event.

Why all of this stuff the day before? Well, the wedding rehearsal was happening that afternoon. Kelli and I had to drive all the way out to where the ceremony was taking place the next day - wayyyyyyyyyy out in Chula Vista, just a few miles from the International border.

When we got to the church, which is pictured above, Kelli and I were a little bit freaked out. I thought we were right by the border (we weren’t) - so I wanted to run to freedom in this video because we were so freaked out by this ominous church in the middle of absolutely nowhere. And now I know why.

Doesn’t that look like a Freemason logo?

I’m not religious by any means. However, on the rare occasion that I do walk into a church, I usually feel welcome and safe and all that good stuff. You know, you kind of have a sense of fellowship when you walk into most churches.

Kelli’s friend, though, doesn’t belong to a church. Her friend belongs to a cult - and there’s a big difference and that’s why we felt very uncomfortable. The church in Chula Vista is a branch of the Iglesia Ni Cristo, a cult in the Philippines that has worked its way over to the west coast. Picking up a pamphlet of theirs in the vestibule, I noticed their mantra is that of a doomsday cult - and full of “the end of the world is near” and all of that crap. Men sit on one side of the church and women have to sit on the other side of the church. They don’t even believe in dancing (yeah, wait until you hear about the wedding reception) and require members to tithe a portion of their income. According to Wikipedia, the church in the Philippines sounds like another Waco about to happen:

Military intelligence sources say that the Iglesia has 1,000 to 2,000 high-caliber firearms in its armory, apart from guns owned by individual members who include soldiers and policemen

The worship area itself is set up like a court more than a church. The picture above was taken Sunday, not Saturday by the way. The people who are members of the cult all dress exactly the same with the same hairstyles and all of that. During the wedding rehearsal, the organist sat up where the choir is in the picture and just stared a hole through me the entire time. Looked like his name should have been Igor or something.

During the rehearsal, I noticed that the bridge and groom’s families had to sit in the second row. Who was in the first row? The six “sponsors” from the church (well, six from the church and one outsider) that were allocated to the bride and groom.

I had to get a drink of water (which I was scared to get) and found a water fountain right next to a door that said “Light Of Salvation” on it. That was freaky. That’s all it said. “Light Of Salvation”. Weird.
After the rehearsal, we went to a dinner provided by the families of the bride and groom over at a place called Tom Ham’s right near the airport. Very nice place but I was pissed off to find out this was going to be a dry wedding. Yep - no dancing, no alcohol either.

Kelli got a beautiful picture of the San Diego skyline, though:

After feeling like people were going to start passing out Flavor Aid, Kelli and I ditched the dinner and headed toward Old Town San Diego.

Kelli had gone to this awesome bar during her birthday celebration last year and we chose to relieve the stress of the day by having a few drinks and playing some darts. The bar is aptly named Kelly’s Pub.

Kelli was pretty happy about the place’s name

Much like The Aero Club, Kelly’s Pub wasn’t one of those places like the 35er that claims to be a dive bar and sells you a Guinness for $8.00. The bartender was a little slower than the bartender at the Aero but was still friendly and helpful. Plus - the place has actual old school steel dip darts - none of those noisy and annoying electronic, plastic tip dart machines. It also has an Internet jukebox.

Guess who won at darts?

We retired to our hotel room and called it a night. Sunday was time for the freaky cult wedding and reception.

**

Sunday, we got up early and visited Kelli’s mom - who was also attending the wedding and staying at the nearby Town & Country Resort. It looked less like a resort and more like The Village on The Prisoner.

Kelli had to get ready to get in her beautiful bridal party gown while I knocked back like 5 cans of Budweiser provided to me free of charge by some dude who was leaving his hotel room and didn’t want to throw away his beer.

We got to the church and the wedding soon began. The pastor or priest or cult leader or whatever he was called gave this long ass sermon about how marriage is between a man and a woman only and that we lived in a wicked, wicked world. Yawn. The bride and groom came up the aisle to The Wedding March from Lohengrin - which they should really stop using at weddings because it’s from an opera about an unfaithful wife.

While the pastor was marrying the couple, he gave another long sermon and began yelling and crying during it while the people in the crowd shook and swayed and kept saying “Yes, please, yes father, amen father, yes.” What a fucking freak show. You know, I have to say right now, I really love Kelli - `cause I wouldn’t do this for anyone else. If you’re inviting me to a wedding in the future, there’d better be at least some alcohol and dancing.

The coolest part of the wedding was after it was all over. If you look in the picture above, a rattlesnake (who lost its rattler) somehow found its way into the church parking lot. The groomsmen and I, in this video, were pretty amazed. Don’t know if that was biblical symbolism or not - but it was pretty hilarious after the torture I suffered during the wedding to see a diamondback slithering around and hissing.

Kelli looked beautiful as part of the bridal party

We were off to the reception. A reception that began with an opening prayer, had apple cider instead of champagne, and involved me and various members of the groom’s party sneaking down to the Hilton’s bar and having a Scotch or three. There was some really lame singing (but no dancing) and, yeah, there were a couple of hilarious moments.
The best moment of all, though, was when I caught the garter. Yep, that’s right. I caught it. Have video proof and everything. I figured I’d add some “Money In The Bank” rules a la WWE to it. I have 365 (well, now 363) days to cash it in and I can “cash it in” at any time.

The reception was over and I couldn’t be happier. I kind of feel like the bridal party should have informed Kelli ahead of time of all the different things she’d be doing. I mean, I went down there thinking there was a rehearsal on Saturday and the wedding on Sunday and that was it. Most of Saturday and Sunday was wasted with the whole thing - especially considering the people at the cult made it very known to Kelli that she was an outsider.

We drank massive amounts of tequila that night and before we knew it, it was Monday and time to check out of our hotel.

**

Yesterday morning after checking out and having a hearty breakfast, we took the Bridge over to Coronado for some sight seeing. We stopped at Bay View Park to take some awesome pictures:

The more things change..the more they stay the same.. 

Skyline from Bay View Park

Sepia Kelli 

San Diego..if it were LA?

Movie poster Aaron?

From there, we headed down Highway 75 and passed the famous Hotel del Coronado:

Then we kept going and ended up in beautiful Imperial Beach:

At that time, I realized we were very much near the United States-Mexico border.  So, we went down to the end of Seacoast Drive and were at the very top corner of the Tijuana Estuary - which has a nice lookout point where you can see Mexico in the background:

See the border - middle of the pic?  And the black smoke?  That there is Mexico.

Another shot of Mexico.

All of this can be yours!

Kelli’s not too fond of Mexico…

And, yeah, I tried to run for freedom again - see this video.

Noticing our day was headed to a close, it was time to start getting back on the road to the Crown City.  We drove back up to Coronado, past Silver Strand State Beach and the like.

Orange Avenue in Coronado

What a quaint little village…

Kelli and I crossed back over the Coronado Bridge again, and this time we filmed it.

In these trying economic times where long vacations are impossible, I highly recommend taking an excursion to San Diego in your near future.  It was fun, very relaxing, and I really had a romantic, lovely time with Kelli side for hanging out with a Doomsday Cult.

I hope to visit this interesting area again soon.

Hope you all had a fun and safe weekend as well and didn’t forget to honor the heroes who died to make our freedoms possible

- AP

People are really fond of the Top Ten Lists that I do on a semi-regular basis. It’s one of the most looked up categories for this website on a weekly basis. However, I’ve been long working on another, different kind of Top Ten List for a week or so now. So, The Proc once again shows how he’s the Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena by bringing you a brand new, limited series: (Note: The Aaron Proctor Interview Series will return shortly!)

The Ten People Ruining Pasadena. Let’s kick it off with Number 10:

Virginia Hoge

If you think my war with Steve Madison is full of malice, contempt, and bias - you’ve never heard about Virginia Hoge’s war with..well, like Gary Oldman says in “The Professional“, EVERYONE!

Virgnia Hoge is simply a crazy bitch who thinks that all of the newspapers and blogs in Pasadena should be talking about how Pasadena is a world-class city and how lollipops rain from the sky. She thinks the schools are top notch, she thinks that nothing is wrong with anything in this town. If you disagree with her, you’re “right-wing”. According to her, everyone from Rene Amy to Kevin Uhrich is “right-wing”.

Virginia even once told a local blogger friend “Aaron Proctor is anti-establishment! We need to get the word out!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111!!!!!!!!!!.” I guess she’ll be getting that word out after she gets the word about sliced bread to all of the papers.

She’s been so out-of-her-mind lately that she’s just rehashing and reposting stuff from like 2005 and 2006 on her new “blog” (If you want to call it a blog - I call it a holocaust of common sense). Here’s an article she cut and pasted and then commented on when somebody defended John Muir High School (her comments in bold):

“Talent From Within”
By Christian Kooshian
http://my.highschooljournalism.org/ca/pasadena/muir/article.cfm?eid=9312&aid=143113

If you tell someone over and over again that he is a failure, it won’t be long until he believes that a failure is all he is supposed to be, and failure is all that is expected from him.

For three years I’ve been reading articles in your newspaper lambasting and badmouthing Muir High.

What do you expect the students do when it seems like the entire city is ashamed of them?”

Is THIS what we are left with then, here in Pasadena? Children being attacked by unconscionable adults with no one left to defend them? THIS is the legacy of Rene Amy, a legacy that makes a dark mark on our city’s history.

It is time to right the wrong that has gone on for too long.

Ummm, I might be going out on a limb here, but I know that I’m pretty ashamed and embarrassed we can’t just make John Muir High School a part of La Canada or something. Yeah, I’m ashamed of having that school in my City. Yeah, I think that knowing 1+1 might just make you the Valedictorian of that school. I, for one, think it’s funny to badmouth and continue lambasting such a horrible school and school district to boot. It’s a cheap, easy, funny joke.

• Wanna know the way kids graduate for John Muir? Take the “f” out of way.

It’s 2008 and she still can’t live with the fact that Percy Clark bit off someone else’s speech. Big fucking deal, Virginia.

Dormitas’ depcition of Hoge

I’d put Virginia higher up on my list of people ruining Pasadena but you have to realize: she’s crazy (and I know crazy). She’s ruining Pasadena for the simple fact that not a day goes by where I wish that people like her would just move out and start their own City. Stop pretending like Pasadena is some type of fairytale land where we don’t have the problems of other cities our size. Stop acting like anyone who disagrees with you is some kind of absurd, extreme “right-wing”. There really isn’t even a right-wing in Pasadena.

And, Christ Almighty, if she isn’t horrible to just look at. I wouldn’t even fuck her with Janet Reno’s dick.

Yes, Virginia - There Is An Aaron Proctor. And he just layed the smacketh down on you, naming you #10 on The Ten People Ruining Pasadena. Wait until you see who the rest of these people are over the next few weeks!

**

Somebody…would have no idea who…recently had fun with the Pasadena High School Wikipedia article, at the expense of Victor Gordo:

Pasadena HS alum and current Councilman Victor Gordo once ate everything in the cafeteria. This happened last week.

Speaking of Victor - just wanted to quickly clear up that I wasn’t accusing him of starting the whole Madison thing or getting me in gear to start the whole Madison thing. He had casually mentioned to me that Madison might be gone for a certain amount of time. I really honestly don’t think anyone thinks Victor was trying to stir the pot or cause trouble but - for the record - he wasn’t.

**

I’m going to enjoy a little R&R for the next few days with my darling Kelli, so I’ll be taking a vacation from the blogosphere until Tuesday. I’ll leave you some Sid Tyler Facts that I know you’ll enjoy.

• Sid Tyler doesn’t blow smoke rings. He blows smoke middle fingers.
• Sid Tyler can cook Minute Rice in 30 seconds.
• Even Sid Tyler wouldn’t fuck Virginia Hoge
• No matter what your mother said. Sid Tyler can tune a fish.
• Sid Tyler is Element #119 on the Periodic Table
• If you put “Sid Tyler” for every answer on the SAT, you will score 8000 points.
• “Ditch Day” at Caltech began when students would make a run for it during Tyler’s yearly constitutional on campus
• Descartes said “I think, therefore I am.” What most people don’t know he that he actually continued with “….afraid of Sid Tyler.”
• Moammar Gadhafi got the inspiration for his all-female bodyguard entourage when he saw Sid Tyler walking down South Lake Avenue
• When Sid Tyler found my blog, he punched his computer. 10 more Sid Tyler facts were instantly created.
• Throughout the United States, the night of October 30th can be known as “Devil’s Night”, “Mischief Night”, or “Just Another Sid Tyler Night”
• Sid Tyler “ate the worm“. The he killed the guy who gave him the bottle.
• Rescue 911 was canceled because the producers wouldn’t change the name of the show. Sid Tyler was getting too many accidental calls to his home number.

Pick up a PW this morning. I dare you.  Click here for the article!

- AP

Happy Wednesday, all.

If you didn’t read by now, The Proc called off the Madison recall idea. You know, this whole thing started when Victor Gordo picked me up at a bus stop and gave me a ride to work some time during the last week of April.

He told me (at that point in time) that Pasadena’s Favorite Douchebag would be gone for at least a month..which he was - he wasn’t sitting in his chair and was out of town for every meeting in the month of May (there isn’t a meeting on this coming Monday `cause it’s Memorial Day). I thought that was shenanigans and quickly became a little pissed off - I even told Gordo that if it were Jacque Robinson or somebody else missing a whole month, people would be all over that.
The general consensus seems to think this is all hunky-dory though, as being a City Councilman is considered only a “part-time” position. I don’t agree because I don’t think serving the City is a “part-time” job, but that’s fine. Funny, a $1400 monthly stipend is a hell of a lot of money for a voluntary, “part-time” position. That’s more money than some folks in Pasadena who work full time or near-full time make in a month.

Maybe a recall effort or threatening one wasn’t the way to go - but The Proc is going to have his eyes on this guy like a fucking hawk. The facts might show he’s only missed 5 meetings but - just watch him during a meeting next time. Hopefully he’ll start paying attention and know that when he’s in Council Chambers, when he’s actually at a meeting, his focus should be on the City of Pasadena - not his law firm, not whatever or whomever he’s doing after the meeting. Next time, Madison….next time.
**

I sent another drawing to Bill Bogaard this week - the drawing above. Yes, I have the drawing skills of someone who is mildly retarded. For some reason, I envision him opening his mail, seeing shit like this, and thinking “That boy ain’t right” in an all-of-a-sudden Hank Hill voice. Super Bogaard would be an interesting comic, for sure. There’s always some kind of personal freedom the City of Pasadena needs to band together and get rid of - and I’m sure Super Bogaard will be all over it. Up in the sky - it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a liberal!

**

*sings* Go Ask Alice….when the kids all fail…..

Yes, the PUSD has a new Chief Academic Officer named Alice Petrossian. Kind of like Centinel over on Foothill Cities wondered: what the fuck does that mean?! According to “credible news source” Caroline An (who also has a penchant for a: not answering questions in my interview series and b: not getting drunk and showing me her goods) - Alice Petrosyianiyaniyanian is from the Glendale Unified School District (LOL) and will be responsible for raising test scores and improving the academic literacy of the district’s approximately 20,000 students.

In other words, she’ll be gone by Christmas Break. Although by then, the kids will know how cool it is to drive around in a brand-new Mercedes without tags.

What the hell is this Chief Academic Officer position, anyhow? Can Edwin Diaz just pull a Vladimir Putin - making himself the CAO (I guess that’s what it’s called) whenever someone else would become superintendent?

Why not make this week’s Ham And Egger Award winner, Peter Dreier, the brand new Cheif Academic Officer? Apparently he knows more and is better than all of us. He can teach the kids how to not clean out their beards when they grow one, how to make every math problem add up to “420“, and how to not vote or not participate in anything in the world until you’re in your 40’s and 50’s.

“Skipping right over juvenile ad hominem, you’re literally making a political arguments based on calling someone a dirty hippie. Is this level of sophisticated discourse going to be an increasingly regular feature around here?”

Yes.

**

City Council has also raised the taxes on some interesting things here in Pasadena:

Circus or menagerie tax, per day: $765.07 (up from $742.06)
Side show tax, per day: $68.33 (up from $66.27)
Boxing and wrestling tax, three month license: $688.53 (up from $667.83)
Billiard and pool room tax, per application: $131.47 (up from $127.51)
Bingo games: $125.12 (up $121.36)
Escort bureau applications: $717.24 (up from $695.68)

Well, this totally fucks up my budget for the fundraiser I was planning this summer!

Be seeing you.

OH! And congrats to Andre Coleman for being nominated for an award. Not the Ham And Egger Award - a real big time award! He’s nominated in the Hard News category under 100K from the Los Angeles Press Club! Congrats again!
- AP

After much debate and advice from friends, I’ve decided to call off my “recall attempt” of Steve Madison.

For one, it honestly wouldn’t really be fair considering he doesn’t have the worst record on City Council.  He’s still a douchebag, but you really can’t recall someone for being a douchebag.  You can just make fun of their stripper girlfriend and stupid sports car and not lose credibility.

By the way, apparently I have ”credibility“.  I don’t particularly agree with that, but whatever.  For a guy who has joked about Councilwomen masturbating in the bathroom, who continually calls Larry Wilson a “fag”, and who yells ”South Pasadena Sucks!” out of a car window and videotapes it…this whole Madison thing, apparently was something much worse. 

I’m not bitter or sad about it.  Just a little disappointed, as I would have had some fun with it.

We’ll return to my regularly scheduled whatever-it-is-I do about Pasadena tomorrow.

- AP

I “Go Metro” on a regular basis, considering I don’t own a car. No, I’m not trying to sound like one of those “go Green” smugs - but I do laugh at all the mother fuckers who made fun of me for not driving a few years ago who now are like “Wow, you must save a ton of money”. Considering I work and live in the same city, Metro isn’t a huge problem for me.

Besides the fact, though, that it takes like 3 hours to get from, say, Burbank to Pasadena on a bus - I think there are a few other reasons why Metro will never convince people to stop driving their cars and start taking the bus. Like I said before, all those people who said “I’m going to stop driving when gas hits $4.00/gallon” are the same people who said “I’m going to stop driving when gas hits $3.00/gallon” and will be the same people driving when it’s $5.00/gallon.

Here are three other reasons, depicted with photos I took yesterday on the 181 bus in Pasadena, that people might not be so willing to take Metro:

Graffiti on the windows…..

Graffiti on the seats……

…and more graffiti on the seats.

I’m not an expert in market research, but if someone who has never taken a bus before (and apparently there’s a lot of people like that in the Los Angeles area) saw these pictures, it would confirm their reason not to ride a bus. Not to mention, if you’re a female and there’s toothless homeless guy who smells like Olde English trying to hit on you.

First of all - this bus I took the pictures on goes from Pasadena to Hollywood - so this could have been some wanna-be “artists” in Pasadena or Eagle Rock or Hollywood or even Glendale (Heyyyyyyyy my friend, wanna see mah graffiti, bro?). I think the MTA is at fault, though, for not cleaning up their fucking bus. How the hell do people spray graffiti on it? Do they break into the bus yard? Do they do it when the bus driver isn’t looking (a bus driver never pays attention, they are never on time or anything - so it wouldn’t surprise me - maybe while the bus driver was making a stop to run into Von’s to get something, some kids tagged the place)?

If you do shit like this, you also like to have your salad tossed in prison

I also find graffiti to be retarded and not some kind of “art form” that is “protected” by someone’s 1st amendment rights. It looks stupid, it never makes any god damned sense, and it goes to show you another reason why I don’t want my tax dollars wasted on giving public school teacher’s raises anymore. Plus, it’s vandalism - and not the cool “hack into South Pasadena’s Wikipedia article” kind of vandalism.

The point is this: the MTA is a product, a brand. If your brand shows up all shiny and fun on TV but is a piece of shit when a customer implements it, you’re not going to get a lot of return. Fix up your buses, be on the look out for these graffiti fags, and get your asses in gear, MTA.

**

PUSD parent, Oxy College prof, and the man with the dirtiest beard in Pasadena (seriously - ever met the guy?), Peter Dreier, says there’s going to be a “big march through Pasadena on Saturday, May 31st” to protest budget cuts in excess of $10 million that PUSD will be facing.

So is this march going to be like a parade?

If so, you’re going to need something big to grab people’s attention.

I think I have just the thing:

First of all, Peter Dreier is a dumb ass. Here’s a quote from an article published on the…*throws up in my mouth a little bit*…Huffington Post:

In many years of activism, I’ve rarely seen such an outpouring of genuine grassroots anger and mobilization.

Really? I mean, you and your hippie friends don’t protest like..the war, ever?! Hey, I’m angry, too. Angry that you want more fucking money to just throw out the window.

So the state is cutting your money so we can try and spend that money on more worthwhile things? I don’t see what’s wrong with that. I don’t see why some of these PUSD people are such sheep. How is more money going to fix our failing public schools when that’s all we, the taxpayers, keep doing? Paying more and more and more money for your trainwreck of a school system.

So, chew on those apples when you’re having your little Million Moron March on May 31st. If you’re a part of PUSD, good luck finding Pasadena on the map. Oh - and one more thing - it’s one foot in front of the other. Or do you need me to give you $5,000 to remember that?

Guess who’s an early Ham And Egger Award winner this week? Peter Dreier!

**

11 days until you either step down or give back portions of your stipend, Madison.

Be seeing you,

- AP

That’s not just a TARDIS, that’s a TARDIS piggy bank. West Coast Grrlie Blather brought that back for me when she returned from her England excursion. It even lights up and talks like the 10th Doctor and plays the TARDIS sound after you put some change in. Rock on and thank you WCGB!

**

Yep, yep, that’s me as of this past weekend. Just decided to buzz the hair all off. It’s summer, first of all, and secondly - I actually look pretty damn good with hardly any hair. The more I distance myself from that mop of a hairdo I used to have, the better anyhow. I think I’ll keep it that way.

**

There’s going to be a new City Manager here in the Crown City soon, I’m hoping. Who it will be is another question. I just hope they’re ready for some of the hazing that goes on at City Hall. You didn’t know they participated in the time-honored, frat-boy tradition of hazing? Well, that’s what my sources tell me:

TOP TEN HAZING RITUALS FOR NEW EMPLOYEES AT CITY HALL

10. New employees are told the City Attorney’s last name is pronounced “Bag-nair-is”.

9. 20 blows to the head with Bogaard’s gavel

8. Every Monday, need to go to a tree outside of City Hall and pull their own switch by order of Sid Tyler
7. Make Ann Erdman’s coffee luke warm instead of piping hot and suffer the consequences
6. Have to listen to Victor Gordo recount his story of 4 touchdowns in one game at Pasadena High over and over and over again
5. Must complete mission of stealing all of the Human Relations Commission’s marijuana stash
4. Kind of like the season finale of The Office, one new employee a year is tricked into thinking that Steve Haderlein is mentally slow
3. Told that Joe Hopkins really likes it when he visits City Hall and you talk to him in 1970’s style jive
2. Install slip and slide on eastern side of 2nd floor.
1. Forced to go to a City Council meeting.

**

If I had a piano right now, I’d be playing “Nadia’s Theme.” More Madison drama over the weekend. Let’s keep everyone up to speed, shall we?

On Saturday, I posted my demands for the aforementioned Councilmember to either a) step down or b) give back his portion of his monthly stipend for meetings that are missed or phoned into for non-emergency purposes:

• I strongly feel that Mr. Madison is not serving his constituents or the City of Pasadena by phoning in to Council meetings time and time again, especially with the rumor going around that he’ll be gone for a month or two.
• I gave Mr. Madison the ultimatum that if he were to not step down in the next two weeks, I will begin working on drawing up petitions for his recall.
• I am further adding the following stipulations:
1. Mr. Madison, give back your portion of your monthly stipend to the City of Pasadena (or donate it to a legitimate charity and not something like the WPRA) every time you miss a meeting for your law firm and not for a family or other type of emergency.
2. Phoning in doesn’t count as being there. I don’t care what the City Council rules say.
3. Stop bringing your non-Council-related work into meetings and working on that while others are talking about things you don’t care about (pretty much everything).

Then I received a comment which I’m pretty sure is from Maserati Madison himself:

Mr. Madison goes out of town on business and, not wanting to shirk his duties as a public servant, calls in to participate in the council meeting so that District 6 constituents and all Pasadenans are represented. While most would call this dedication, Mr. Proctor considers it malfeasance. Mr. Proctor is being crushed by the weight of the gigantic chip on his shoulder. It’s OK to let this one go, sir.

I’m not sure if phoning it in is called “dedication” considering the slang term, “phoning it in” means someone isn’t giving their all, isn’t giving 100%. And grow some fucking testicles, Madison. Stop posting under anonymous names and just say you’re who you are. It’s all got the same result any way - you look like the same Maserati driving, stripper dating, giant donkey penis that I portray you to be on this website day in and day out.
The Councilmember position is a full-time position, well, at least I think so. Pasadena’s biggest “Sex In The City” fan and PSN Public Editor, Larry Wilson, chimes in over on the Foothill Cities side of the discussion:

would pasadena then be the smallest city in america with a full-time council? i believe it would be. only a relatively few large cities do that — or corrupt smaller cities. and the pay would be set at … what? and with these term limits in effect, a talented mid-career person would take off eight years from her or his job in hopes of returning to …? come on. even the california legislature should be part-time. and part-time paid. it passes too many laws as it is. to make a city council full-time is to invite the worst kind of chicanery.

Nothing like waking up in the morning to Larry Wilson’s drivel that makes you want to go back to bed…

Larry was mostly responding to someone else’s comment about making it a full-time, full-paid position - which I don’t agree with. Although, I do wonder if by “worst kind of chicanery“, he means that a full-time Council would pass laws that would actually make him write about something relevant and end his lame star fucking and name dropping in his editorials. However, to insinuate that a City Councilmember isn’t a full-time gig, regardless of the “pay scale” is just plain fucked up. It sounds like to me that Larry’s just standing up for his best friend and I’d be hard pressed to see if he’d do this for any other Councilperson. I wonder if Rick Cole is jealous?

Seriously, though, I’m sick of people using the whole cop out that Pasadena is a small city..and that’s what I said on the same blog:

And get “Pink Houses” by John Mellencamp off of repeat, Larry.

I’m sick of the Pasadena “Oh but we’re just a tiny small wittle town” cop out.

World-renowned events happen here all the time. How the hell are we just “another small town”? Oh wait, we’re just “Mayberry RFD” when it comes to letting anyone outside of our borders know that anything bad goes on here.

So, how come we’re big time Pasadena when the floats come through on New Year’s…but we’re small time Pasadena when Councilmembers are screwing up or someone is getting murdered in our Northwest (the part of the City that doesn’t exist during all of our world-renowned festivities)?

The whole point I’m trying to make here is this: you take an oath of office when you’re ELECTED by people to serve your community. You promise to defend the Constituions of California and the United States. You promise to be there for people. You don’t say “Well, I’ll do what I can, when I have time for it, when my current duties of being a lawyer/teacher/whatever are less important than the welfare of my constituents.” It’s not a fucking hobby.

Important decisions are to be made when you’re “multitasking”, doing your Quinn Emanuel work while sitting at the dais. I haven’t seen such god-damned blatant insolence and disregard for City government by any other Councilmember.

You know, if I were on City Council and I were missing meetings - Larry and Madison and all their limo liberal buddies would be calling for my resignation. But since it’s the “nice guy from West Pasadena”, it’s all o.k.?!

I’m quite certain I’m not the only person who cares about any of this. I know I keep repeating this - but look how many peeps called for Jacque Robinson to step down when she was missing meetings for Washington D.C. and Obama-related stuff? I guess that’s not o.k. but being a big time lawyer and forgetting that you were elected to serve a community is totally fine.

Just give the money back or step down, Steve. The ball is in your court and - after all of this - you’re going to need some balls. You have until May 31st.

**

Oh Lordy, I’ve got the vapors.

Be seeing you,

- AP

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