Liberty and justice - for anti-smokers only.

Yep, humanoids, that’s what it really feels like right now in the Crown City after Monday’s Council meeting. Even Chris Holden didn’t have the balls to vote “no” on this whole ordeal. Instead, he “abstained” from voting. Steve Madison was out of town in New Jersey on business - I guess it’s just a big coincidence he was 3,000 miles away so when the business community comes down on him in his District, he can say he wasn’t even there to vote on the damn thing.

I really am figuring out this whole liberal “progressive” movement, or at least the definiton of it. And you know what? These limo liberals aren’t that much different than the Christian right wing. Hear me out for a minute.

A lot of these people who want to ban smoking are the same granola covered bozos who want to be able to drive after smoking their medical marijuana. They’re the same people who say the government should stay out of their business when two dudes want to get married or some chick wants to have an abortion. (For the record, I support gay marriage and a woman’s right to choose - if you’re a true Republican, you support people’s personal freedoms.) Yet, when there’s something they DON’T like, they’re like “Please, please, Mr. and Mrs. Big Government, please invade THEIR personal freedoms.”

Much like the Christian right wing - who are mostly Republicans - support the elimination of big government - except when it comes to gay marriage and abortion and marijuana legalization/decriminalization. They only want big government when it’s something they don’t like, when it’s something that offends their religion.

Either way - and this might be a bold statement to some and you might not agree 100% and if that’s the case, then fuck you - if you support gay marriage, if you support a woman’s right to choose, then you’re a hypocrite for supporting Pasadena’s smoking ban. And don’t give me that “but smoking hurts others” bullshit. You’re MURDERING a child when you abort one.

I’ve received a bunch of e-mails about this topic and I’d like to cut and paste some people’s statements. Let’s go to my friend Anonymous, from Pasadena, CA:

I am in total agreement with you on this…….I am most worried when these breakdowns of personal liberties end. Look, I don’t smoke, it helped kill my mother, it’s expensive and yucky- to ME- but it’s a choice.

There are ways to plenty of ways to avoid it if you want to. Alcohol kills, and you know what happened when they tried to stop it in the 30s. If cigarettes become black market, the repercussions and crime associated with it could be worse than for crack.

Bad council. They’re not looking at the big picture. They just want to look good IN the picture.

Glad to see you out there last night. It is now your responsibility to reach out to younger folks like yourself through your blog and get ‘em interested in community affairs by any means necessary!! You’re in a good position here.

Thank you. I, for one, am not going to sit back while the City of Pasadena - or any other place - infringes on other’s rights to begin with. What the fuck do I say over and over again? Oh yeah, that local politics is far more important than national politics. Why? Because things like this get overlooked quite often on a national scope (mostly because we’re the state that’s like that disgusting kind of luncheon meat you get in the store with the cheese already in it while every other state is just regular bologna).

How about this awesome comment from none other than my mother, Beatrice Proctor - she was St. Louis born and raised and has been a resident of Philadelphia for decades now:

Wow! What a controversy smoking is making out there. I guess you may just have to go back to “Dirt Cheap” country, where the “persecuted smoker” is treated with some respect!!! LOL! Yes, with major, major issues like, what do we do when food gets so expensive we can’t eat? OR what do we do when gasoline gets even more expensive and we can’t drive to work (and there is no mass transportation out our way)? who really cares if you or anyone else smokes while waiting on their bus and GOING TO WORK, by the way, or by an ATM, while you are GETTING OUT MORE MONEY FOR FOOD OR GAS? I don’t like smoking, but I really cannot, as an American, feel comfortable about some of the laws certain areas want to enforce.

Even my mom, not even slightly a fan of smoking, thinks this is crazy. But what does she know, right? I mean, she doesn’t live in California, so she doesn’t know “how hard we have it out here”. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

I find it so funny that we want to be so much like Santa Monica because when I was running for Mayor and I had that crazy idea for rent control (which I even know doesn’t fucking work), people said they didn’t want to turn Pasadena into Santa Monica.

Well guess what - you are doing just that with this ordinance.

I also just wanted to also tell you all a little something about this website called nosmokingpasadena.com. First of all, if it’s not anything else, it’s a poster child for the limo liberal agenda in Pasadena. Notice how the title of the website doesn’t say “Ban smoking in Pasadena in public eating areas” - it just says “Ban smoking in Pasadena”. A lot of you don’t understand - these people want to ban smoking EVERYWHERE. Inside, outside, in your living room, out on your porch, etc. Moves like City Council made just got them closer to doing that.

And why is it that every ham and egger with a shitty idea has an even shittier website? Seriously. I mean, I know hippies still have a lot of acid and LSD in their veins - but come on - one of them has to know at least some basic HTML, right?

What a bunch of babies. If you go through this website, you’ll see that they support that stupid warning on movies now that you’ll be watching scenes where people are SMOKING.

Like I said, these fucktards don’t really make any sense. Let’s legalize pot but ban smoking. Let’s have the government stay out of our personal business unless someone else’s personal business offends us.

I’d better go find some petition papers. I want to ban skinny blond bitches who can’t name the two Senators from California who hang out at the Paseo. They are poisoning society and really, really annoying me.

There are some fucking idiots in this town, I swear.

**

John McCain and that bitch who is running for President are both proposing a Gas Tax Holiday, truly a most retarded idea.

Their idea, though, isn’t really completely the worst idea I’ve ever heard - especially when it comes to stimulating the local, Pasadena economy:

TOP TEN REJECTED WAYS TO STIMULATE PASADENA’S ECONOMY

10. $1 Victor Gordo rides

9. All roads leading out of Pasadena are closed under mysterious circumstances
8. City Council Meetings on Mondays - and then - for $15 - a special after-dark all-nude City Council meeting.
7. Last call is upheld by Council, leading to Kevin Uhrich single-handedly saving Pasadena from economic crisis by moving the Pasadena Weekly to the 35er.
6. New billboards: “Buy something or Sid Tyler will bitchslap your children”
5. Every time you pass Colorado Blvd., the City gives you $200.
4. City opens new Old Town valet service with lower prices called “Denva Lanes Valet Pizarking”
3. Pasadena finally gets a football team…..but it’s a Canadian Football League team.
2. City tells residents to just go mug people in San Marino and South Pas
1. Whole Foods starts selling edible food
**

The Aaron Proctor Interview Series is back.  Yeah, City Council members and other City officials have been taking super long getting back to The Proc’s questions.  I guess they’re “busy” with their “important jobs” so much that they can’t give the Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena the time of day.

So, The Proc went upstairs.

Wayyyyyyyyyy upstairs.

Jesus Christ took time out of His more-busy-than-any-of-you-schedule to sit down with me and answer some questions.

The Proc: What’s up?

Jesus Christ:  The sky.  The stars.  Me.  (chuckling)  I love that joke.

The Proc: Who are you going to vote for in the 2008 Presidential Election?

JC:  I have long hair, wear robes and sandals, and talk about peace on earth.  Ralph Nader all the way.

The Proc:  What do you think of Steve Madison?

JC:  Love thy neighbor, Proctor.  He is kind of a douche, though.

The Proc:  Why was “Knot’s Landing” on for so long?

JC:  Dad really liked that show.

The Proc:   Do you ever hang around the gynasium?

JC:  Hah.  “Airplane!” joke.  Very funny, Proctor.

The Proc:  What’s the most annoying hymn with your name in it?
JC:  I’m going to have to go with “O Holy Night” just because people either sing it really great or totally butcher it.  Second choice would be anything from “Godspell“.
The Proc:   You try one of those $5 footlongs at Subway yet?

JC:  They’re a rip off.

The Proc:   Do you get mad when I use the “f-word” a lot?

JC:  It’s cool, man. People really think I get up in arms about that stuff. I’m more worried about you guys killing each other off than someone using profanity. You’re not even saying my Dad’s name in vain.

The Proc:   Which was your favorite chick on “Three’s Company”?

JC:  All of them were great.  I even liked Chrissy’s country-bumpkin cousin.

The Proc:  What’s your favorite bog in Pasadena?
JC:  Nice try.  Foothill Cities do a great job.  Still can’t figure out who Centinel is.

The Proc:  Thanks for taking the time out of your extremely busy schedule to answer some of my questions.

JC:  Whatevs.  No biggie.  See you in 16 and a half months, Mr. Proctor.

The Proc:  What?!?!

**
Nice guy.

Hopefully I can get some more actual Pasadenans in this series, soon.  I’m trying my hardest.

You can love thy neighbor (being me, that is) and sign my petition or buy something from my store.

Keep those suggestions coming for the City Council Drinking Game.

Until tomorrow…be seeing you,

- AP