If you’re confused by the subject line, it’s a reference to one of the greatest sitcoms ever.

Oh - and The Proc’s refrigerator sez:

I have received a very interesting and compelling comment on yesterday’s blog entry regarding Steve Madison’s non-appearance at Monday’s City Council meeting:

Isn’t it ironic that Steve Madison ducks out of an important meeting that greatly affects the business community in his district. What a WUSS. He’s hiding from his responsibility. And this guy thinks he has the time to be the mayor of Pasadena? He flip flops on the NFL when they whispered Recall into his ear and he doesn’t show up for a meeting that will greatly affect our fellow Old Pasadena merchants. Great leadership skills Steve, just what we don’t need in Pasadena. Stick to making millions as an ambulance chaser.

Now my sources tell me Maserati Madison was in New Jersey on business - pretty much one of the two reasons one should actually have to spend time in New Jersey. He calls himself a “part-time Councilman” so he can get away with not serving the people full time, which is exactly what you’re supposed to do the very second you’re elected. Fuck all if he’s going to do that, though.

I also heard he was supposed to phone in to the meeting to discuss this ordinance. Of course he was “busy” with his “work” - even though it was around 10:30 p.m. Eastern Time when he was supposed to call in, so I’m assuming he was with a hooker in Pennsauken (the other reason you should spend time in New Jersey) and he couldn’t get to his cell phone.

Madison, I’ve read your book, you magnificent adequate bastard. Places like the 35er and Cigars By Chivas and others sorely affected by the smoking ban are in your district. Why not have the perfect cop out? When they come down on you for ultimately hurting their business, you have that wild card of “Oh - I didn’t even vote on it. I was in New Jersey at the time.” Only this time, everyone sees right through it. The second you weren’t at that meeting, everyone knew you were just ducking yet another issue - because that’s what wusses (although I’ve used a stronger insult in the past) do.

Maybe Madison and Paparian could get together and start a new prime-time TV series called “Ambulance Chasers“. They could drive around Pasadena, ignoring bigger and more important issues, and do stuff like ban smoking and defend Andrew “Boner Stabone” Koenig in court. I can smell the television ratings.

**

I think Wikipedia vandalism is hilarious, most of the time. Especially when I find out that someone recently vandalized the South Pasadena article. Here’s an edited screen capture so it could fit in the margins of my blog (because it’ll probably be gone by the time I post this):

Neighborhood Pridesmen? In South Pasadena? I’m going to have to agree, they are pretty elitist down there. I think I’ve seen these guys before:

Yeah, that looks about right. Want to keep the “riff-raff” from shopping at Von’s or Pavilion’s. Make sure everyone is obeying their already-in-place smoking ban…oh and protecting the community from having a freeway run through it that makes total sense to have run through it.

**

If you have any issues or problems with the simple fact that I exist, you might want to take those grievances up with the person who brought me into this world: my mother, Beatrice Proctor.

The Aaron Proctor Interview Series continues today as The Proc sat down with his mom (Mrs. Proc?) to discuss very important topics.  Just in time for The Most Electrifying Man in Pasadena to wish his mother a Happy Mother’s Day!
The Proc:  You have a Master’s in Divinity - does that mean you can  talk down to anyone with a Bachelor’s in Divinity?

The Proc’s Mom:  No, I try to talk  ACROSS - across the table with those kind of folks.

The Proc:  How old was I when I learned how to play the piano?

The Proc’s Mom:  You were two years old.

The Proc:  How much cereal, in dollars, did  Adam and Ashley and Josh and I (my siblings) eat from ages 7 to 13?

The Proc’s Mom:  I think Dad  and I could buy one of those exclusive California homes with the money we  spent of cereal and, of course, MILK!!!

The Proc:  How many cats do you  and Dad have right now and what are their names?

The Proc’s Mom:  Right now we have five  cats (Dolly died of old age and we still miss her).   Their names  are:  Snowflake (age 16); Uncle Kitty (age 17); Fluffy (age 9);  Tangerine  (nickname “Little Man,” age 7); Pierre (nickname “Pokey,” also age 7).

The Proc:  When you read about the goings-on in Pasadena, what do  you think?

The Proc’s Mom:  Pasadena sounds like any other typical American small  city.

The Proc:  Remember that time you outed that guy who was going around Philadelphia pretending to be a priest?  That guy was a dick.

The Proc’s Mom:  Oh, yeah!  He not only pretended to be an Eastern Orthodox  priest, but he claimed he was a former Lutheran Church bishop and former  rabbi.  What a nut case.  His real  name was Jeffrey Boaz, but  St. Mary’s knew him as Father Nicholas!

The Proc:  Do they still sell  stuffed clams at Pathmark? I can’t find them anywhere out here.

The Proc’s Mom:  Since  Superfresh (actually A&P) bought out Pathmark, they  do NOT sell stuffed  clams.  They also got rid of New York style cheesecake AND Mr.  Pathmark!

The Proc:  Remember that time in 7th grade when I went to  the spelling bee and lost on the word “detonator”?

The Proc’s Mom:  Oh, yes, it seems  like yesterday.  You did a good job and we were still proud of  you.

The Proc:  As someone who grew up in the Midwest and now lives in  the Philadelphia area, doesn’t this whole smoking ban just make you  laugh?

The Proc’s Mom:  Yes, it does.  Most Midwesterners believe in minding one’s own  business; therefore, if you want to smoke, do it.  You’re the one spending  the money of the cigs, not me.  And besides, what would St. Louis be  without “Dirt Cheap?”  As far as Philadelphia goes, people have other  important issues to think of. Would Rocky really be worried if you  smoked?

The Proc:  Who do you want to get eliminated next on “American Idol”?

The Proc’s Mom:  It’s not a matter of who I really want, but I think in all  fairness, that Jason Castro really has to go.  I know the teenage girls  think he looks cute in his dreds, etc., but the guy really can’t carry a tune in  a paper bag.  I think it will be the two Davids at the end.  Oh, David  Cook is from Blue Springs, MO (outside of Kansas City).

The Proc:   Remember that time on Seinfeld that Kramer’s phone number was like one number  off from MovieFone and everyone kept calling him asking about movies so he  just pretended he was MovieFone?

The Proc’s Mom:  Yeah, Kramer was so funny in that episode.  He would say: “Well, why don’t you just tell me?”

The Proc:  When Dad reads my blog, does he go “That boy ain’t right“?

The Proc’s Mom:  No,  he KNOWS you’re intelligent; he just thinks your brain works a lot faster than  his (and most other people for that matter).

The Proc:  P.S. Does Dad still say “rasslin’” when he means “wrestling”?

The Proc’s Mom:  Actually, Dad stopped  saying “rasslin” when he moved out to STL and talked about it with a lot of the  guards he worked with at the airport.  He wanted them to think he was  cool.

The Proc:  When I was born, did you know I was going to turn out to  be such a genius and a damn handsome man, to boot?

The Proc’s Mom:  Well, Dr.  Herman told me you were the most handsome baby he ever delivered and I figured  you would be a very special person.  After all, you are a first-born and  they tend to be GREAT!

The Proc:  You used to work for the St. Louis Cardinals.  Did you give Mark McGwire any steroids?

The Proc’s Mom:  No, but  I did wish that I had something to give to the Cardinals during the 2004 World  Series when they lost to Boston.

The Proc:  Our cat Snowflake is  still on the juice, though, right?

The Proc’s Mom:  Not any more.  She was several  years back for an asthma condition.  She actually lost a lot of that excess  weight and is back to her normal weight.

The Proc:  Happy Mothers  Day!

The Proc’s Mom:  Thank you.  It has been a lot of fun doing this interview.

What a sweetheart!  That is where I get all of my charm from, you know.

Stay tuned for more stuff tomorrow.
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- AP