I was having some fun the other day, so I mailed this stick figure drawing to Mayor Bill Bogaard:

The bubble reads “I don’t think this is too appropriate, Mr. Proctor” 

A few days later, I got this reply from the Man Himself (and yes, it was actually from the Mayor and not one of his assistants). I don’t think he liked the drawing too much:

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I don’t know if a lot of you are aware of this but our favorite District 6 Councilman, Steve “Maserati” Madison is apparently going to be phoning in to City Council meetings for the next month or two because he’s going to be out of town for business-related purposes (not Pasadena-related purposes).

Steve, whose absence from the big smoking meeting was really suspect, phoned in to this past Monday’s game of grab ass between PUSD and the Council. According to Victor Gordo, he’s going to be doing this for quite some time and, again according to El Pollo Gordo, it totally counts as if Steve were in the room with his stupid lavender ties and boxes he brings from his law firm.

Am I the only person who has a problem with this? Sure it helps that I don’t like Madison, like, at all - but still - I mean…in the words of “Arrested Development’s” G.O.B. Bluth: “COME ON!”

Steve is going to be away apparently on some type of assignment or case or cocaine run or whatever for his law firm, Quinn Emanuel. I know the guy has kids and an ex-wife to feed and that “paltry” $1200 a month stipend he gets for being a Councilman isn’t enough..but seriously? Madison was a former Federal Prosuector. Dude also got like $6 million in some case against Occidental College. He doesn’t have money piled up for emergencies or anything? (save for buying a Maserati, of course).

Gordo said that if we didn’t let people work full-time, we’d only be electing rich, old retired people (like Tyler & Bogaard) to Council. I guess Gordo forgets that there’s working people who run for office, too. Like me. Give me $1200 a month and watch that shit stretch. I don’t even think I make $1200 a month now.

I’m not knocking the guy for being successful - I think people in this country are often penalized too harshly for being successful. But being successful also doesn’t mean you have to be a dick. Madison’s priorities are obviously this: 1. Steve Madison, 2. Pasadena. I’m sorry, but the second you take that oath of office, your #1 priority is your District and your Community. I don’t care what kind of fancy-schmancy lawyer you are. You don’t have time to serve the community? You just want to literally “phone it in” every Monday? Then don’t be a fucking Councilman.

I don’t think phone-ins to City Council should count as being there. I mean, imagine the shit Jacque Robinson would be getting if she was calling in from home every week while eating a bowl of cereal in her She-Ra pajamas, watching “McMillian & Wife” on mute. Imagine if you told your boss that you’d be staying home or going elsewhere every Monday but you’d be “phoning in” from work. You’d be fired, right?
There is no such thing as a part-time Councilman. I really think we should get the ball rolling to recall this guy and get someone up there who is going to serve their community. I mean, I don’t even live in District 6, but this isn’t right for the City of Pasadena. This dude wants to run for Mayor in 2011 if Bogaard doesn’t run?! He’s got to be out of his damn mind.

Let’s recall his Maserati driving ass. In the meanwhile, Steve, you’re this week’s proud recipient of….you guessed it…the Ham And Egger Award:

Bon appetit, assclown.

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I haven’t done a Top Ten List in a while, huh? Here’s one for you all to enjoy:

TOP TEN REJECTED AARON PROCTOR TOP TEN LISTS

10. Top Ten Pasadena Street Names With The Words Sierra, Madre, or Villa
9. Top Ten Things I’ve Seen Carved Into The Seat In Front Of Me On The 181 Bus
8. Top Ten Joe Hopkins Pick Up Lines
7. The Other Top Ten Stupid-Ass Things Dennis Farina Has Done
6. Top Ten Dreams I’ve Had About Margaret McAustin
5. Top Ten Things In My Refrigerator
4. Top Ten Pasadena City Council Porn Movie Titles
3. Top Ten Ways I’d Beat Some Sense Into Fred Ortega
2. Top Ten Flavors Of Baskin-Robbins I’d Fill The Stanley Cup With
1. Top Ten Armenian Variations Of The Phrase “Hey Bro”
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The Aaron Proctor Interview Series rocks with Bill Bibbiani today. Bill is a former member of the PUSD School Board and is now just retired and chillin’ up in North Pasadena Heights. The Proc met with “Bib” and he graciously took on The Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena’s line of questioning:

The Proc: What have you been up to?

Bill Bibbiani: I know it sounds like a bad country song but my life now revolves around grandkids, gardening and old British motorcycles.  I’m also a devoted follower of buspirates.com.

The Proc: I heard you were an English teacher. You ever read “The Outsiders” by S.E. Hinton? Stay gold, Pony Boy.

Bib: No, but I have been a semicolon for 30 years.

The Proc: If Billy has 3 pencils and Johnny has 2 pencils, how higher are taxes are going to go so they can have 5 pencils a piece?

Bib: They both have too many pencils. If the GOP wins again in November, they will be
confiscated or pawned.

The Proc: You like motorcycles. Do you ever act like you’re in the movie “Easy Rider“?

Bib: More like Two Lane Blacktop or The Wild One. The only scene I recall in Easy Rider was the poor bastard hippies walking in circles scattering seeds on rocks somewhere in New Mexico. Btw, the difference between a bastard and a poor bastard is that a poor bastard has a kind heart.

The Proc: Remember that chick who ran against you with the Russian accent? Didn’t she sound like Natasha from “Rocky & Bullwinkle“?

Bib: Yes, but she is very smart.

The Proc: Do you get free zuccini bread from PUSD board member Bob Harrison now?

Bib: I won’t go there …

The Proc: Let’s grab a beer. I’ll buy if you fly.

Bib: Just walk down the hill and pick up a six pack at Rite Aid. We can sit in my back yard and admire my tomatoes and Nortons. I’ll be the godfather and if you catch her in the right mood, Janet might feed you.

(The Proc’s note: I no longer live up the hill from Bibbiani)

The Proc: Aren’t you glad you’re not part of the train wreck known as PUSD any more?

Bib: Yes, but it’s more of a shipwreck and they’re still moving the deck chairs.

The Proc: Do you think Barney Rubble was a bad influence on Fred Flinstone?

Bib: Everyone needs a willing Stooge.

The Proc: Has a kid ever given you an apple and you said “Screw this, where’s my bourbon”?

Bib: Never got an apple or any other gift but I was the recipient of some amazing threats. For example, “we bomb your house and drag your name in the gutterrrrrrrrrr.” from a family whose son could not pass the profiency test that I wrote. My response to them was their son Hrant was “You can Hrant and Hrave all you want but he still doesn’t pass.”

The Proc: Which was more boring? “War and Peace” or the The Kahlenberg Report?

Bib: This is a hard one. War and Peace was an easier read.

The Proc: Isn’t this smoking ban pretty lame?

Bib: Yes, although I’ve never had cigarette in my life. Even my hippie friends stopped offering stuff in the ’60s because I simply do not know how to smoke. I’d either burn my lips or choke on the smoke.

The Proc: Gonna run for office again?

Bib: No. But, my 400 member motorcycle club has been compared to Cuba in a national bike magazine because… “it’s run by a bearded dictator, has no elections and fewer rules and depends on old vehicles.”

The Proc: Favorite candy bar as a kid?

Bib: Almond Joy

The Proc: I think Ed Honowitz is trying to steal your hair style.

Bib: Haven’t noticed. I lost my hair for religious reasons. Repeated slaps to my forehead while muttering “Jaysuss” have worn all the hair off the front and top.

The Proc: Remember that guy Steve Madison?

Bib: Who? (Wasn’t he one of the two members who did not endorse me in the last election?)

The Proc: Isn’t it awesome when Von’s has Double Coupons and then you have more coupons from the LA Times and then when you go to the store, your total is
orginially like $250 but you walk out of there paying $95?

Bib: I just think it is a sad commentary on the times.

**

Bib is a fun guy and I really wish he had won re-election last year. However, it seems like he’s enjoying not being anywhere near the PUSD sinkhole - so good on him.

Be seeing you and don’t forget to send in your rules for the City Council Drinking Game and questions for Dear Mr. Proc.

- AP