If you blinked, you missed out on Fred Ortega

Gary Scott, a/k/a “Reporter G“, is, well, reporting that PSN reporter and original winner of the Ham And Egger Award winner Fred Ortega will be exiting his role at the paper soon. Fred will be taking a position with the Board of Equalization in Monterey Park.

Who his replacement will be, at this time of writing - The Proc has no idea. I do want to sincerely wish Fred good luck in his new position. Hopefully his successor will have the giant sized testicles that this kid had to actually take me on.

I’ve composed a little song as a tribute to all of Fred’s hard work. Actually, I just stole the melody. Feel free to heckle and curse at my video (all those out there who didn’t find my heckling of some street performer quite hilarious):

Goodbye Ortega
Good luck wherever life takes you
You were the grace that placed itself
In a paper torn apart
You called out to your readers
And you reported not in vain
Now you belong to MP
And the stars spell out your name

Now sing along with me…(sorry for the horrible lighting, but there’s at least audio)
**

Sid Tyler (very right) and his “posse”

It’s time for this week’s Sid Tyler Facts!

  • Sid Tyler doesn’t run for office. The office runs from him.
  • Crop circles are Sid’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
  • Sid Tyler went on The Price Is Right. He bid the exact dollar amount, got all $10,000 slots on Plinko, spun $1.00, won both showcases, permanently disfigured Drew Carey, and fucked all of the Price Is Right girls.
  • If you ask Sid Tyler what time it is, he’ll say “Ten to.” You’ll ask “Ten to what?” and he’ll reply “Tend to your own damn business.”
  • Sid Tyler has one of those tsunami warning signs outside of his house because he uses a bathtub.
  • Sid Tyler is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
  • Sid Tyler once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Sid Tyler re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
  • Sid Tyler shot the sheriff. He was the deputy at the time.
  • Sid Tyler ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. And got one.

**

Be seeing you,

- AP