The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

Because it’s just plain fun picking on South Pasadena (and messing with their Wikipedia article isn’t enough), Kelli and I drove down there yesterday and I had some fun - or as much fun as one can have in South Pasadena. Check out the video here. Can’t hide that Pasadena pride.

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Dormitas has an excellent blow-by-blow account of Monday’s joint City Council & PUSD School Board gladhanding meeting. According to Dormitas, it was very much unlike an actual meeting and not quite unlike a circle jerk.

Our leaders have now had two, count them, two meetings in a row that are wastes of taxpayers’ time and money. They should all give back their monthly stipends after that game of grab-ass they had on Monday.

By simply reading a blow-by-blow and not even seeing one second of video footage of the meeting, I can tell you what happened. PUSD and City Council kissed each other’s asses so much that all of the Walgreen’s in a 5 square mile radius are still sold out of Chap Stick. People asked for money that don’t deserve it. Someone (this time it was Interim CM Barney Melekian) tried to mention we should be talking about other things and nobody else listened.

I know I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again: Stop fucking giving PUSD money. Just stop. Just fucking stop.

Let’s put it in perspective. Say you were performing poorly at your job. Your yearly review came up and your boss said “Listen, you, you’re not performing well enough to get a raise. I am not going to fire you but you’re not getting that raise until you become more productive and more reliable.”

Well, that’s what we should do with PUSD. Just cut off everything. Any money they ask for, just say “Fuck you, get better grades.” Money for a fair that will just raise money so the teachers can spend it at Target on “school supplies” (since when was “The Best of Robbie Williams” a school supply?): “Fuck you, start performing like a school should.” Besides, aren’t they trying to get $15,000 from a failed school? That’s new textbooks right there, idiots.

The people who really care will work hard to get that money and they’ll get it when they can prove they’re not failing us as an entity. Give a man a fish, he’ll expect the government to do everything for him (and then cry “racism” when they stop doing so).
And if they don’t improve, just give them up to the state like a 16 year old girl would do with the lovechild she had with the quarterback of the JV football team. Put PUSD up for adoption. Except, PUSD is that really ugly red-haired kid with freckles that you can totally tell looks like the kid from “Problem Child” and you don’t want burning down your house. San Marino’s retarded little sister.

They always say “Money doesn’t buy happiness”. Save me money in taxes and watch me smile.

**

A quick shout out to the Foothill Cities blog. A debate between two commenters (Firefox says that isn’t a word) is rapidly approaching. The subject? Prop 98 vs. Prop 99. The battle between the intelligent people who support Prop 98 and the people who want to ruin our neighborhoods that support Prop 99.

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Brian Fuller Doesn’t Look Like He’s About To Shoot Stacks Edwards

As I discussed the other day, Brian Fuller is running for the 44th district in the State Assembly against long-time Assembly Don, Anthony “Fat Tony” Portantino.

Since the election is coming up (June 3rd), The Proc decided to sit down with Brian Fuller (who refuses to let me call him “Bri-Bri”) and ask him some important questions. Hopefully this will not only lead to a) more votes but b) a way for you to get to know him, since the biased local media doesn’t give a shit about him since he’s, ya know, a Republican. The Aaron Proctor Interview Series continues!
The Proc: Who the heck are you?

Brian Fuller: I am a local citizen who is tired of the same old song in Sacramento. I am a 30 year old who is a 7th generation Californian born in Pasadena who wants to see this beloved state pull out of its nosedive. I have lived in Altadena just about all those 30 years save for college years at USC. Before USC, I was a Spartan at La Cañada High School where I excelled in history and geography; lettering in varsity swimming. I have moved beyond school and find myself working as a computer consultant. For five years I worked as a computer consultant to many in the music and fashion industries. Then I went walkabout last year. Alaska beckoned. I drove to Alaska and from there I drove to Key West, Florida and finally a jaunt up to Newfoundland. Upon my return, I started my own IT consulting company, Fuller Concepts. When I am not campaigning or working on a computer, I can be found hiking the foothills of Altadena. If not there, I may be searching for the best empanada or cheesesteak to enjoy.

The Proc: What changes would you bring to the 44th?

Brian: I believe the 44th District like many districts in California is gerrymandered. It is a crime against democracy. The people must choose their representation not the other way around. As I am the proverbial underdog, I want to get the word out to all in this election that the people must vote for reform on this key matter.

Brian (cont’d): The budget battle is a drama every summer. More often than not, we hear that the state is billions of dollars in the red. We get the usual suspects telling us it will cut education, police and fire. We also hear that taxes will go up and fees. Enough with scare tactics. We saw that at the PUSD event in March where Scott, Portantino and Liu were giving propaganda speeches. Enough bull. There are no cuts in education if revenues have grown. What they want is to not have cuts in their “expected” growth.

Brian (cont’d): You want changes brought to 44th? How about truth. How about Portantino telling us the reason we are dealing with a budget fiasco is because they
did not realize that the housing boom was coming to an end. That we live in a business cycle and booms and busts are a natural circumstance. That we are beholden to public employees who are bleeding us dry with their lavish benefits and pensions that many of us in the private sector would love to enjoy but instead are paying for. That we spend too much money and now we are spending our children’s future by issuing costly bonds. What will I bring to 44th district? Fiscal responsibility. Accountability. The buck stops here mentality.

Brian (cont’d): Now if we could get our state to be fiscally sound, we could invest in infrastructure that this state sorely needs. How many of you have seen the quality of our freeways go down? Anybody been to Vegas? The roads in Nevada are smooth, aren’t they? What we have is one step above a plank road. The envy of America has become the joke. The 210 freeway’s carpool lanes are slated to become toll lanes. What do we get for it? We don’t get add’l lanes but instead more congestion and a price for it. I support efforts to modernize freeways. Reversible lanes like those in San Diego. A double-decker like that of the 110 Harbor Freeway. Encouraging commercial cargo to go onto rail and off our congested freeways. Private construction of add’l lanes.

Brian (cont’d): Finally, we need to modernize the welfare state. We must not encourage it but reduce it. Immigration must contribute to society not become a burden. The government must be a place of last resort. Reform is needed more than ever and the 44th District will benefit from a much more responsive, responsible, streamlined government in Sacramento. Time to go on a diet, fellas!

The Proc: Isn’t everybody kind of sick of Anthony Portantino?

Brian: I bet you that the vast majority of people don’t even know who Anthony Portantino is. Many more don’t know who I am. What they know is that Sacramento is being run by crooks who are serving their masters rather than the people. They are sick of having our government tell us what to eat, how to drive, and where to live and then on top of that tell us we aren’t paying enough. Perhaps they can do us all a favor and fix themselves before telling us what to do. Perhaps they can spend no more money than they receive. Perhaps they can decide to cut some of the fat that has grown around their midsection and ask themselves if we need to spend money on all these “boxes”. Arnold you have yet to blow them up. I am amazed at the creativity energy our legislature comes up with for new taxes. Taxes on services. Raise fees. Taxes on beer, porno and other sin taxes. How about being creative with how you spend it. Mr. Portantino is our representative of that cabal running Sacramento. It’s time we send a message to Sacramento that we will no longer be under your yoke. Mr. Portantino, we need you to represent us, otherwise leave.

The Proc: Who was the cooler member of the A-Team: Face or Murdoch?

Brian: Face may be deemed cooler by many as he had the charm and debonnaire of a con man that he was. I think Murdoch was cooler for his characterizations and his unorthodox demeanor. He did it his way. To be unorthodox and a rebel is much cooler to me.

The Proc: What should I tell people who say I “sold out” when I became a Republican? Besides “go fuck yourself”?

Brian: Go f**k yourself is quick off the line and cuts through the pleasantries quite well. If profanity is much to bear, then just smile and say, “do I frighten you?” Seriously, you have to be gracious and explain your true convictions. People who say you are a sell out hold onto ill-conceived notions about Republicans. Truth and honest actions on your part will show them the error of their ways.

The Proc: Remember that time you and Anthony Portantino were playing cards and that guy, Spider, messed up his drink order so he told Spider to dance while he shot at his feet? Oh wait, that was Joe Pesci in “Goodfellas”.

Brian: I must admit I never saw Goodfellas from start to finish. I hear its a good flick. I did see Casino and Joe Pesci did a memorable job. Keep your head away from vices.

The Proc: I think your campaign song should be “Baby Got Back” by Sir-Mix-A-Lot.

Brian: Yeah, that’s me alright. I can just imagine the reaction. It would be a heck of a lot better than “Don’t Stop” by Fleetwood Mac. The Clinton campaign of ‘92 ruined that tune. You can’t listen to it without thinking of them. It is truly sad to see a song lose its marketing appeal. I think that “I’ve Been Everywhere”, “Spokane Motel Blues” and “King of the Road” would have summed up my road trip to Alaska, Key West and Newfoundland last year.

Can we put this sign up in Pasadena?! (From Brian Fuller’s Travel Site)

The Proc: What do you think of this smoking ban in Pasadena?

Brian: It’s fascist, big brother, Orwellian b.s. I don’t smoke but I also don’t drink. So should we also ban alcohol? Oh wait, we did that in this country and we got ourselves Al Capone and 60 years later Kevin Costner playing Eliot Ness. I may not smoke but I will defend your right to do so (with apologies to Voltaire on paraphrasing his line, “I do not agree with what you have to say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.”)

The Proc: How come anybody who wants to crackdown on illegal immigration is automatically labeled a “racist”?

Brian: It is an emotional millstone to hang around one’s opponent. I believe the term is called “ad hominem”. It could even be in some way a subconscious act of projection. They may be in self-denial of who they are. I wonder about that when there are proponents that have an ethnocentric nature like MeChA and La Raza. Hmmm. I have yet to hear a compelling argument that illegal immigration is a positive that must be left unchallenged.

The Proc: Can’t they make a better, tastier salad at the next PRC dinner?

Brian: Did the University Club do you wrong? I apologize I wasn’t there for I was in Florida to watch the Los Angeles Dodgers play their last spring training game in Vero Beach.

The Proc: You went to USC. Doesn’t that make you a genius?

Brian: Fight on! I earned a business degree and a minor in music industry. I do think you have to be at least a 4.0 genius to be admitted to USC and UCLA these days. Man is it competitive. I do wish to thank UCLA for continuing to be a worthy rival. It is a rivalry that enriches both institutions. I just wish we could have such a worthy rivalry in our own gerrymandered districts here in California.

JPL or Area 51? (From Brian Fuller’s Travel Site)

The Proc: Waffles or pancakes?

Brian: How about french toast! Pancakes are a slight favorite but I do enjoy Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles.

The Proc: You’re a member of the Altadena Historical Society. Can you make the house PW Reporter Andre Coleman grew up in a historical landmark?

Brian: My apologies for I am not fully aware of Andre Coleman’s childhood moments. There is without a doubt many structures in Altadena that are worthy of historical preservation. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if we still had red cars running down Lake and Colorado. Now that was a public transit we may regret missing.

The Proc: What’s the difference between a Methodist and a Calvinist?

Brian: The view of predestination is the primary difference.

The Proc: Don’t you hate when your girlfriend gets some really fruity shampoo and throws away your shampoo so you have to use Garnier Fructis every morning?

Brian: Yeah and everyone asks you why you smell like a Jamba Juice smoothie.

(The Proc’s note: I smell like a Jamba Juice that also sells loose Menthol cigarettes & Gillette after shave every morning)

The Proc: Any good at darts?

Brian: I try. I did play a weekend ago but the darts took quite a beating.

The Proc: What can you name after me when you win?

Brian: If I am honored to represent the 44th district, I would be open to any requests. Well I can’t name anything of a public nature by fiat as I would need the consent of others. Mountains are a choice often overlooked for freeways instead. Mt. Wilson. Mt. Lowe. How about Mt. Proctor? If mountains aren’t your cup of tea, we can always rename one of the numerous public buildings named after current, living politicians.

(The Proc’s note: Plenty of ladies would enjoy Mt. Proctor)

The Proc: What do you think of Pasadena Councilmember Steve Madison?

Brian: I can see you don’t care much for him. From what I have gathered, he appears to be out of touch. I can only tell you that we have our own kind of Steve Madison on the Altadena Town Council. But I guess they are everywhere.

The Proc: Catchier Disney tune: “Chim Chim Cheree” or “Under The Sea“?

Brian: Those are my choices? Oh boy! At least you didn’t ask me to pick a tune from Julie Andrew’s “Victor/Victoria“. That movie blew chunks. Okay, I am stuck
on this deserted island and I have to pick one then I would rather go with Mary Poppins than a singing crab.

The Proc: If you let me endorse you, I’ll let you make me a sandwich.

Brian: Do you want it with wiz, provolone, American or as John Kerry has it, Swiss?

The Proc: Where can The Proc’s fans go to get more information about you and your campaign?

Brian: My website is here. My apologies for at the moment the website is going through renovation. If you want to check out photos of last year’s trip to Alaska, Key West and Newfoundland you may go to this link.

**
That dude has my vote. Great job and I hope you all learned a little bit more about the way things work around here.

Tomorrow: Former PUSD Board Member Bill Bibbiani drops by in the Series.

Where the hell is Martin Truitt?

- AP

Former District 4 City Council Candidate and PRC Board Member, Gene Masuda 

So - I went to the Pasadena Republican Club annual dinner last night.  Not only was I welcomed with open arms by the only people who make sense in this City, the event itself was nothing short of awesome.  Here are some things of note:

• Chilled with Gene Masuda during the social hour and after the dinner was finished.  He was laughing about my Steve Haderlein video, which PRC member Vince Farhat got a kick out of as well.  
• Speaking of Vince Farhat, I was greeted by him and his wife.  He’s a big fan of the website.  As he should be.
• Met Charles Hahn, the dude running against Adam Schiff.  Nice guy.  I hope he wins.
• I was the youngest person there (well, not counting the Boy Scouts who did an excellent job of presenting the Colors and leading us in the Pledge).  Which is sad.  Then again, I’ve practically given up on young people.  If they can’t find it on their MySpace or Facebook, they don’t give a shit.  Look at the dismal young voter base in Pasadena alone, not to mention the rest of the country.  Blech. 
• Got with PRC members Ed Barnum and president Lynn Gabriel.  I’m going to be helping them turn their crappy Geocities-esque website into something quite electrifying. 
• Ran into former Pasadena Mayor, Bill Thomson, who I mentioned that while he may favor Bogaard in his appearance, he’s far less dull.
• Best moment of the night:  So, I see Mary Dee Romney of Pasadena Pundit and PUSD fame (played in movies by Renee Zellweger).  I introduce myself and shake her hand.  Minutes later, she comes back with a surprised look on her face.  She says something like “Aaron Proctor?  The guy in mascara (sic - because it was eyeliner) who ran against Mayor Bogaard?”  Yep, that’s me.  She kindly asked what happened to the make-up and, more importantly, why the hell was I at a PRC meeting.  In short, I let her know the make-up is over and done with and I’ve joined the right team. 
• Martin Truitt was not there, but I figured out what he’s been up to lately in a Top Ten List over at The Underbelly.
• The guest speaker was Brian Kennedy, a member of the Claremont Institute.  He not only spoke about the three greatest challenges America faces (which are illegal immigration, the bastardization of the Constitution, and radical Islam) but he made a lot of damn sense.  He basically mentioned a few of the core reasons why I became a member of the GOP in the first place:  I hate big government, I believe in personal freedoms, and I don’t like people coming into this country illegally and living off of resources that were created for people who came here the right way.  I also wanted to yell “KENNEDY!” when they said his name, but I didn’t think he’d get it. 

All in all, a really, really fun night.  Just a quick note I want to address:  Lately I’ve run into a lot of people who haven’t seen me in about a year, who don’t read the blog or keep up with me much, and don’t quite understand what’s going on with me.  So, let’s break it down real simple.

 

This is OLD Aaron Proctor.  He’s dead now.  Threw all of his make-up off of Suicide Bridge. Long live the king.

 

This is NEW, IMPROVED Aaron Proctor.  Way more awesome and respectable-looking.  Notice the haircut, the smile, and the lack of eyeliner.  Grown-up and more of a ladykiller than ever.

Hopefully, this’ll be the last time I have to make this clear.

**

Centinel, Foothill Cities 

By far, The Foothill Cities Blog is the most popular blog in all of the land.  It’s run by two anonymous dudes - Centinel and Publius.  Centinel, or “Fiddy Cents” as he’s known on the streets, does a wonderful job of covering Pasadena.  Lately, he’s been letting us all in on campaign contributions in last year’s Mayoral and City Council races.  Unlike some people I know, I don’t mind anonymous bloggers.  I do, however, love figuring out puzzles - because I’m a genius.

A while back, Centinel once said that, when the time is right, he’d unmask and show us all just who he is.  A lot of us here in Blogadena have been wondering just who he is though. 

Cent’s given us some clues over the past year.  I don’t think he’d lie to protect his identity, so, for any argument’s sake, any statement he’s made about his personal life is true. Here’s what we know about him, so far:

• He recently was married
• He knows what kind of cars the Bogaards drive
• He’s possibly under 40, since he gets a lot of my modern pop culture references
• He doesn’t like big government
• He lives in Pasadena

That’s not really much to go on.  However, there are rumors in the community about the identity of Centinel.  I’d like to dispell some of these rumors through my own research and analysis of the blog. 

The following is a list of people who are most likely NOT Centinel of Foothill Cities, contrary to semi-popular belief.

Centinel is NOT Pasadena resident and Aaron Proctor look-a-like, John C. Reilly.

 

Centinel is NOT David Lee Roth.  He, however, may be the lead singer of Cinderella. 

Centinel is NOT Pasadena Weekly reporter Joe Piasecki.  Joe still hasn’t figured out fax machines yet, much less the blogosphere.

 

And, finally, Centinel is NOT Sid Tyler.  Sid Tyler would have to create a whole separate Internet for his blog.

Will we ever discover Centinel’s true identity before he reveals it himself?  Only time will tell.

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Even idiots like cheesesteaks

Last, but not certainly least, I’m pretty sure we have a champion in the Chase For The Cheesesteak.  And, because my heart is in Philadelphia and my home is in Pasadena (or is it the other way `round?), it’s going to a real Pasadena cheesesteak place.  Most definitely the best I’ve had since I was a youngin’ going to Tony Lukes on Oregon Ave.

Your winner and newwwwwwwwwwwwwwww champion:

Philly’s Best, Del Mar Station, Pasadena.

Best tasting cheesesteak, cheapest Tastykakes, and high-quality service.  You CAN order it “wit’out wiz, sweet” and they’ll know exactly what you mean.  They might not have pizza but they make up for it in price and distance to my home and work.   

I recommend you all do yourselves a favor and check this place out today.  They blow everyone else in the LA Area out of the water.  I’m not sure about their other locations, though, since the locations seem to have a lot of independently owned/operated ones - but I can tell you for a fact that the one in Pasadena is going to be seeing a lot of business from me over the next few weeks, months, and years.

Have a safe weekend and make sure the FBI isn’t wiretapping your hookers,

- AP

Some new faces of 2007 (From left to right): District 1 Councilwoman Jacque Robinson, District 2 Councilwoman Margaret McAustin, and “Planny” - the Planning Commission dalmatian.

By the power vested in me by hyperlinking and blog archiving, here’s a shout out to the year 2007 - one of the most memorable years of not only my life but Pasadena’s as well.
2007 was definitely a year that saw both challenges for me in my personal life and for the City of Pasadena. While my life saw me unjustly fired from two jobs in the same year and subsequently being exiled to St. Louis, Pasadena saw gang violence, strip club buy outs, Rose Bowl float drama, door hanger drama, developer drama, high school football game drama, a police chief doubling as a City Manager, long-time PUSD board members upset from their seats, and lots, lots more.

Kimberley Brown ran against Steve Madison in the District 6 Council election. I’d like to have her in my polling place, if you catch my drift.

The year started out with some exciting Council and PUSD board races - all culminating with the March Primary election and the April runoff election (well, the latter if you didn’t get trounced by Mayor Bogaard).

Danny Bakewell made hell for Council to quell.

This very blog blossomed and came into its own a few weeks after the dust cleared from the election. As you’ll see, this site started out as my own personal campaign site. After the election, it became a place where I continually posted my attempts at comedic musings, controversial rants, controversial musings, and comedic rants (Ha!).
Ever since late March or early April, this site has become a favorite of elected officials, political candidates, anonymous pundits, newspaper reporters, crazy liberal bitches, bitches with smokin’ bodies, family members, erstwhile school board members, losers on professional wrestling message boards, Nigerian porno spammers, and Average Joes.

Local bloggers Centinel (left) and Dormitas (right).

And it’s not just this blog either. The entire blogsophere - moreso Blogadena - has grown to be quite the influential source from everything like straight information to complete ridicule of/on our leaders. More people pay attention to what goes on at historic City Hall than ever before. Let’s band together and make 2008 even more memorable!

When I was a kid, I was a big fan of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books. So why not sit a spell and do just that - choose your own Proctor-guided adventure in the archives of 2007.

• January
• February
• March
• April
• May
• June
• July
• August
• September
• October
• November
• December
• Febtabuary

Breakdown: 2007 In Numbers

• 195,000: The number of total hits for the year 2007 this site will reach sometime just before the end of the year.
• 8: The number of people on City Council (including the Mayor) who read this blog.
• Approximately 2300: The number of times the word ‘fuck’ is used on this site.
• 47: The number of times I’ve pissed people off.
• 86 minutes: The amount of time it takes Mayor Bogaard to finish a sentence.
• 48: Updated - number of times I’ve pissed people off.
• 3,000,000: The number of people I pissed off in the St. Louis area.
• $5,000,000: The amount the City spent to rid it of a strip club (the amount invested in to gang violence was far less).
• 40: Ounces of King Cobra goodness.
• $10 million: The amount Victor Gordo claimed we need in order to pay our police officers and fire fighters, in support of 2008’s worst decision, Measure D.
• $25 million: The amount in surplus the City actually will have. So why do we need Measure D again?
• 65,000 or so: The number of registered voters in Pasadena
• 5: The number of registered voters in Pasadena who vote
• 4: The number of registered voters in Pasadena who can name the Mayor or any member of City Council
• 73: The number of times Joe Hopkins attributed gang violence to a late 80’s or early 90’s hip hop group
• 8,294: The number of hours for entire City Council meetings this year
• 277: The number of times Jim Lomako used the phrase “granny flats” during the District 2 election
• 3,156: The amount of people who think things located just above Washington & Allen are part of incorporated Pasadena and not unincorporated Pasadena or Altadena.
• 1472: The number of geniuses in Pasadena.

Some Things I Learned In 2007

• John Shaft is a complicated man and no one understands him but his woman.
• Sid Tyler doesn’t use e-mail, he uses fe-male.
• The Midwest isn’t good for anything except cheap alcohol and cheap cigarettes.
• No MTA or ARTS bus in Pasadena is ever on time.
• Martin Truitt is 7 feet tall, weighs 650 pounds, and lives in a cave under the Allen Gold Line station.
• Running for office doesn’t get you a burger named after you. Calling the owner of a restaurant a ‘dick’ in the Pasadena Weekly does.
• Ace Star-News reporter Todd Ruiz and I have both seperately had sexual relations with this one chick back in our younger days. She had good taste.  UPDATE (Dec 27, 2007):  Chick pulls a Steve Madison and cries to me about this.  I took her picture down…here’s the e-mail I sent back:

  Because I'm a nice guy, a paragon of virtue, an icon, a superstar, role
  model, genius, et al....and since it's Kwanzaa, I'll take down your
  picture from that entry.
  
  It's a shame you don't have a sense of humor.  Then again, that's why
  you're a 30 year old Goth chick.
  
  - AP
  www.proctorformayor.com

• This chick on Law & Order: SVU reminds me of Jane Rodriguez.
• The Philadelphia Eagles and the Philadelphia Phillies are responsible for breaking my heart twice.
• Giving up the eyeliner and the eyeshadow and the weird clothes has been one of the better decisions I’ve made in life.
• Pasadena needs a Wendy’s and an Arby’s.
• City Council public comment cards make decent paper airplanes.
• Steve Haderlein is a sexy mofo.
• The hairstyle that Emo kids have is called a “Cry shield”. The kind of kids who listen to Emo are called “eleven-teens”.
• Jill organizes fun picnics.
• Former District 2 City Councilman Paul Little used steroids between his 2001 and 2003 terms.
• That guy on Orange Grove isn’t going to use the 50 cents you gave him to buy food.

I guess that all sums up 2007.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

- AP

Luigi Ortega’s - Italian & Mexican Food

1655 E. Colorado Blvd.

Pasadena, CA 91106

626-396-9669

http://www.lotimes.com

The Chase For The Cheesesteak continued when Kelli & I visited Luigi Ortega’s on Colorado Blvd (across from PCC) yesterday evening.  We got our first taste of L.O.’s at the P-Dub’s Best Of Pasadena party and we were quite intrigued.

As soon as you walk up to L.O.’s entrance, you see a sign touting their Amoroso rolls on not only their cheesesteaks but hoagies as well (and they call them hoagies, not subs or hero sandwiches).  If you’ve been following The Chase, you know this is of utmost importance to a perfect cheesesteak experience.

When you enter L.O.’s, you are immediately greeted by an interesting ambience.  There are pictures of the Italian Market in Philly on the wall as well as other things of importance to Mexican and Italian culture.  The tables of the restaurant have a collage of newspaper reports from days of yore - Nixon resigns, Agnew resigns - and a telegraph from the US Ambassador To Turkey to the US Secretary of State in 1915 speaking of the Armenian genocide (quite depressing and inappropriate if you ask me).  Tables in the aisles have rolls of paper towels for napkins (hmmm..where have I seen that before?) and tables against the walls have those automatic paper towel dispensers that are touch-sensitive.

Regardless of the lack of originality with the napkins and the depressing Armenian genocide stuff, it looks like an awesome place to bring a group of 5-10 people to chow down.  There are tons of TV’s in the place and the restaurant promotes that it shows every single NFL game every Sunday.  Very awesome.

The service is interesting and quite good.  Once you’ve ordered to eat in, you’re given a flashing pizza and a holder which you face toward the cashier.  That’s pretty cool.

Now - the menu is HUGE.  You can get your favorite Italian or Mexican foods separately or try something new like the Mexican Lasagna.  There’s pasta, tostadas, chicken ceasar salads, just a huge, huge menu - with (once again) hoagies served on Amoroso rolls.  Just one setback - at least to me: no pizza by the slice!

Even if you’re not on a Chase For The Cheesesteak like I am, I highly recommend L.O.’s.
The beverage selection is great - with plenty of various kinds of domestic beers and - even more unusual - various kinds of domestic sodas, like Faygo - a soda very popular in the Midwest but one I seldom see in California.  I was put off by Faygo for years because those uber-lame borderline-retarded “musicians” called the Insane Clown Posse used to like to drink them in their “videos”.  But now I’m over it and I had a Faygo root beer while Kelli had their orange soda.

Let’s get to the main event - their cheesesteaks.

First of all, I’m blown away by their selection of my favorite food.  You can get a 9″ (regular) or an 18″ steak!  They have your traditional cheesesteak, your cheesesteak hoagie (a cheesesteak with lettuce & tomatoes - very popular in Delaware and Maryland and Virginia), a chicken cheesesteak, even a pizza steak!  Somebody did their research!

Check out the “history” of Luigi Ortega’s here.

Kelli & I got our cheesesteak with Cheez Whiz (which is readily available and highly promoted by the restaurant - again - someone did their research!) and without onions.  We opted for the 9″ variety.  We also got a side of their tasty seasoned dinner fries - which vary from soft to crunchy in the basket they in which they’re served.

Now, we’d tried their cheesesteak the other night at the aforementioned party so we knew what we were expecting.  The meat is perfect, the whiz is great, the roll is heavenly - absolutely wonderful.  It melts in your mouth.  What’s the problem?  Well, they don’t put enough meat on their steaks.  It seems like if you don’t order it with onions, they just give you a minimal amount of meat.  No meat falling off the sandwich into your plate..which kind of defeats the purpose of a cheesesteak feast!

And I know the restaurant has an Italian-Mex theme (read the ‘history’ of the recently established-in-Pasadena on their website..hilarious) but I was quite put off as a Philadelphian when my cheesesteak came with tortilla chips in the same basket.  You’d get beat up or laughed at for that if you did that in Sowfilly.  Put the tortilla chips on the side or something - don’t mess up a good thing you’ve got going.

This is a great restaurant to have an authentic Philly cheesesteak but not an authentic Philly experience.  While the cheesesteak was delicious and on the levels of South Street in Burbank, CA - even on the levels of a good Geno’s steak in Sowfilly (but a far cry from my Tony Luke’s) - they could do a lot better.  Meat, meat, and more meat please.

But don’t take my word for it - check out Luigi Ortega’s for yourself.

Overall, as seen above, I give Luigi Ortega’s a 4 out of 5 cheesesteaks.

See my first entry in “The Chase” for my rating system and to learn about how to make/eat a perfect cheesesteak.

The steaks themselves are actually a little better than Fredo’s on North Lake Ave.

Eat well, my friends.

The Chase undoubtedly continues.

- AP

If you’ve never been to Connal’s on East Washington Blvd, you should definitely check it out.

It’s been a while since the first installment of Chase For The Cheesesteak, my personal search for a cheesesteak that’s as good as the ones back home in Philly.

Connal’s is a great place to have lunch or dinner. It’s even a favorite of Mayor Bogaard and former District 2 City Councilman Paul Little. It’s a tiny diner with some outdoor seating but has a great atmosphere, friendly staff, and a LARGE menu - which includes a cheesesteak (or as you say out here, a Philly cheesesteak).

I highly recommend their huge burgers, their tasty fries, and their moderately priced chicken strips or fish n chips dinners - which give you huge portions of each. Their cheesesteak, however a bit tasty and unique, leaves a lot to be desired.

If you remember reading my first article on the subject, there are huge specifics that make a great cheesesteak. First of all, Connal’s serves their cheesesteaks with Swiss cheese. That’s a no-no. You have to ask for a different kind of cheese.

Secondly, the bread isn’t right. They use a hoagie roll that gets pretty soggy - not the traditional Amoroso Italian roll. Third, you don’t have the option of cheez-whiz and you can’t order the cheesesteak like you can in Philly (Ex: Wiz wit’out). The meat is also cut very strangely and sometimes isn’t cooked all the way through. Most of the cheesesteak actually falls off the roll and you have to eat it up with a fork..which is kinda fun but not the Philly way. If you’re going to try one, get extra pickles. They don’t put that many peppers on their `steaks, either.
So, although I highly recommend Connal’s for its great service, great atmosphere, and other awesome things on their menu (yes - they even make peanut butter & jelly) - Connal’s gets a failing grade in the Chase For The Cheesesteak.

To be fair - it’s a fair sandwich if you’re on the run and you live close by.

Connal’s also has milkshakes which are to die for, some pretty good grinders (I recommend the tuna) and - again - the fries are tasty, seasoned, and plentiful. You can spend under $20 on two people and be pretty filled up. Check out their menu here.

Overall, as seen above, Connal’s get 1.5 out of 5 cheesesteaks.

Connal’s

1505 E. Washington Blvd.

Pasadena, CA 91104

(626) 794-5018

http://www.sangabrielvalleymenus.com/connals/

The Chase continues.

- AP

Inspired by the St. Louis food blog “Gut Check” (who was inspired by me to do a search for the best cheesesteak in STL) - I’m beginning a once-in-a-while segment here called Chase For The Cheesesteak.

As most of you know, I grew up in Philadelphia and spent most of my life there. Finding a good-enough cheesesteak (or as people not from Philly call it - a Philly Cheesesteak) in the land of Health Freaks, SoCal, was going to be a challenge.

Luckily, I discovered a restaurant aptly named “South Street” on the corner of Victory and Clark in Burbank, CA. This restaurant - by far - has the best cheesesteaks and Philly “je ne sais quoi” outside of the City of Brotherly Love. On my best of 5 “Cheesesteak Scale” - 5 being my two favorite places to get cheesesteaks in Philly (Tony Luke’s in Sowfilly and Jona’s in Marcus Hook, PA - the latter who makes a mean cheesesteak hoagie: a cheesesteak with lettuce & tomato) - South Street gets a 4.5 (.5 less than a 5 because it’s not in Philly, they don’t serve Herr’s potato chips, and by law they can’t sell Yuengling).

The Originial Tony Luke’s On Oregon Ave in Sowfilly (South Philadelphia). It’s not Pat’s or Geno’s in terms of popularity but it’s my favorite. Very close in proximity to the old ECW Arena and the wrestlers would eat there after shows!

What makes a good cheesesteak? I’ll let Wikipedia explain that in a moment. I am not just ranking the cheesesteaks, though. Places who claim to have a “Philly atmosphere” or use the Philly elements in their restaurant’s design will have extra scrutiny for the aformentioned not selling Herr’s potato chips, Tastykakes, not using Amoroso rolls, Hank’s root beer, pizza by the slice, and other Phill-e-lements.

From Wikipedia:

Steak is typically top round, although other types are often used. In one form of preparation, the steak is cut very thin so that it is almost translucent. The steak is placed on a lightly oiled griddle at medium temperature. The slices are quickly browned and then scrambled into smaller pieces with a flat spatula. Often, the steak is placed on top of already slightly fried onions to prevent the steak from becoming over-cooked. Thicker slices are also sometimes used (as are chunks of frozen thin slices which are defrosted as they are cooked). Some locations with large volumes will grill the steak in a large pile, chopping and flipping the steak with a large metal spatula until cooked to a light brown. The thicker pieces of steak, due to their need to be cooked more thoroughly, will be set in a single layer on the grill and flipped until brown.

Cheese can be added as the last stage of grilling, placed on the bread before the meat is added, or ladled on top of the sandwich as the last step. For adding cheese while grilling, the steak is shaped on the grill so that the roll could cover it, the cheese is laid on top and allowed to melt for a minute, then the roll is placed over the steak and the spatula is used to scoop the entire contents into the roll. In another method, the cheese is placed along the inner sides of the sliced roll and is either melted beforehand by a warmer or is melted by the heat of the freshly cooked steak. Lastly, pre-melted cheese or Cheez Whiz can be ladled on top of the sandwich.

The sandwich is served in a long roll, typically a 6-inch (15 cm) or 12-inch (30 cm) loaf of Italian bread (also known in Philly as a hoagie roll). The bread is sliced lengthwise to form a cradle, similar to a hot dog bun.

In the Philadelphia area, cheesesteaks are often made with rolls from the Philadelphia-based Amoroso’s Baking Company, commonly known as Amoroso Rolls. (Pat’s rolls are made by the Vilotti-Pisanelli bakery.^[3]) Locals believe there is something about “Schuylkill Punch”, the nickname for Philadelphia’s drinking water, that, by its alkalinity, makes the rolls distinctively flaky and airy.

A cheesesteak may include other optional ingredients such as grilled onions, sautéed green peppers, and mushrooms. Some menus include hot sauce, ketchup, or pizza sauce (a Pizza Steak, often with mozzarella as the cheese).

Cheese

White American cheese, Provolone, and Cheez Whiz are the most frequently used cheeses and are available for steaks at most places. Swiss, cheddar, and mozzarella are available at a few locations; locals, however, will often say that a “true” Philadelphia cheesesteak is never made with Swiss cheese.^{[citation needed]}Cheez Whiz, first marketed in 1952, was not yet available for the original 1930 version, but it has come to achieve some popularity.

A 1986 New York Times article called Cheez Whiz “the sine qua non of cheesesteak connoisseurs.”^[4] In a 1985 interview, Frank Olivieri (Pat Olivieri’s nephew) said that he uses “the processed cheese spread familiar to millions of parents who prize speed and ease in fixing the children’s lunch for the same reason, because it is fast.”^[5]

A recipe published by Pat’s King of Steaks says, with regard to cheese, “We recommend Cheez Whiz®; American or Provolone works fine.”^[6] The proprietor of Geno’s, however, considers provolone or American cheese more authentic, but Pat’s introduction of Cheese Whiz allowed it to quickly become a “topping of choice.”^[7]

[edit] American

American cheese, with its mild flavor and medium consistency, is another favorite on cheesesteaks. Some places pre-melt the American cheese to achieve a Cheez Whiz-like consistency, while others just put freshly cut slices over the meat, letting it slightly melt under the heat.

[edit] Provolone

Mild, unaged Provolone is almost universally offered. However, a Los Angeles reporter claimed that “provolone is the cheesesteak cheese, preferably an extra-sharp provolone with a distinctly savage bite.”^[8].

[edit] Other cheese

Other varieties of cheese may be offered—a 1986 New York Times article mentioned a Philadelphia establishment that serves “mesquite-grilled cheese steak with Jarlsberg cheese”^[7]. A few establishments have begun offering the new low-fat cheeses as health-conscious alternatives.^{[citation needed]}

Outside of Philadelphia, Swiss cheese is offered as a topping, often combined with mushrooms and fried onions. Democratic Presidential candidate John Kerry requested Swiss cheese on a cheesesteak from Pat’s during a visit to Philadelphia.^[9] Mozzarella cheese is also used, but mainly as a “pizza steak” and is rarely used as a regular steak.

Cheesesteak ettiquite (again, from Wikipedia):

At some shops in South Philadelphia dedicated to selling cheesesteaks, they tell the world that there is a defined protocol for ordering a cheesesteak, consisting of the desired cheese and whether fried onions will (”wit”) or will not (”witout”) be added. A common order in South Philly is “Whiz, wit”, meaning a cheesesteak with Cheez Whiz and fried onions. “Wit” (or “wid”) is an approximation of the South Philadelphian pronunciation of “with,” which is how the word is actually spelled on some menus. For example, “Give me a provolone wit,” is an order for a cheesesteak with provolone cheese and fried onions on top.^[10] Orders for additional toppings, such as sautéed mushrooms or peppers, are usually added at the end, e.g. “I’d like an American witout and peppers.”

During the 2004 presidential campaign, candidate John Kerry ordered a cheesesteak with Swiss cheese in South Philadelphia. According to the Philadelphia Daily News, “reporters snickered,” because “in Philadelphia, ordering Swiss on a cheesesteak is like rooting for Dallas at an Eagles game. It isn’t just politically incorrect; it could get you a poke in the nose.”^[11]

In 2005, Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney turned down a cheesesteak wager by Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell in the traditional pre-Super Bowl bet between leaders of the states represented in the game. Rendell later told reporters, “He said the cheesesteak had no nutritional value.”^[12]

So, Pasadena’s Second Choice For First Lady, Kelli, and I were hungry on Friday night. No offense to Robin - who makes the best burgers and ribs in the world - but we wanted a cheesesteak without the hassle of driving to Burbank.

I remember waiting almost a year for Fredo’s Phillys on North Lake Ave to open. I’d read a review of it in the Pasadena Weekly while I was in STL. I remember the review saying you couldn’t get a cheesesteak with cheez whiz (my favorite way to order one along with no onions, and green peepers - or “sweet”) so I was a bit wary of going.

Kelli and I walked in and were immediately greeted by who I believe was one of the owners. He was very friendly and helpful. I told him I was from Philly and these “cheesesteaks better be damn good”. He said he gets that a lot. The owners get style points, too - pictures of Philadelphia and my favorite sports teams (Eagles, Flyers, 76ers, Phillies) adorn the walls along with pictures of happy customers.

Fredo’s has Tastykakes but they were out - but they did have Hank’s Root Beer - so again, nicely done. I was disappointed they didn’t have pizza by the slice nor did they have Herr’s Potato Chips (the latter I can’t understand why because anyone in the world can order Herr’s from their website).

The cheesesteak I had was on an Amoroso roll. I asked for it “sweet” but I got red and green peppers. Also, there wasn’t enough Cheez Whiz on my steak. The meat tasted just a little off, as well. I put ketchup on my cheesesteak - which is a rarity for me. Not bad, though, but not Tony Luke’s. It’s nearly up to par with South Street, though.

I found out Fredo’s also delivers - which is something South Street (and a lot of cheesesteak places in Philly) does but they can’t deliver as far as Pasadena.

The restaurant is tiny but will be showing Monday Night Football in a few weeks when the Eagles play the Redskins. There’s also a small arcade table (sound familiar, Robin?) with Pac Man, Galaga, Ms. Pac Man, and Dig Dug.

Over all, as seen above, I give Fredo’s a 3.5 out of 5 cheesesteaks.

Fredo’s Phillys

720 N Lake Ave

Pasadena, CA 91104

626-798-9905

Open Every Day 11am-8pm

DELIVERY EVERY DAY 11am-3pm

http://www.fredosphillys.com/

The Chase continues. Will I find a place I can brag to my friends in Philly about? Stay tuned!

- AP

What happens when Robin Salzer, Martin Truitt, and yours truly get together for an early dinner at the best cheesesteak place in the West?
Hilarity ensues.

Nothing else beats talking Pasadena politics while you’re in Burbank gnawing on a Philly cheesesteak.

Love him or hate him, Martin Truitt knows how to tell a damn good story.

I hope that wasn’t too Larry Wilson-esque.

9/20/07 EDIT:  Added to Chase For The Cheesesteak category since it mentions South Street.

- AP