The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

I’ll be attending this awesome event tomorrow night. Who else is goin’? Well, you can come out and not only get a chance to hear Barry Goldwater, Jr. speak - but meet Assembly candidate Brian Fuller as well! Fuck yeah!

**

Some idiot kids started a fire that burned 2 acres (and luckily hurt no people or homes) over the weekend - according to the brilliant reporters - Frazgo at Foothill Cities and Frank “Yellow Tape” Girardot at Crime Scene.

From interview at 5:52 p.m. with Pasadena Fire Spokeswoman Lisa Derderian .. the youths were not residents of the area . . still trying to determine the origin a neighbor called it in great description and PPD were on it right away. . . .

What a bunch of dickheads. Seriously. Couldn’t they have stayed home and listened to Insane Clown Posse and played on the MySpace instead of going and starting a fire? Nope - they’re a bunch of dregs of society who have now fucked up their lives (and could have possibly fucked up other people’s lives) with a stupid prank. Who wants to wager that one of these kids wears a trench coat?

Glad the Pasadena PD layed the smackdown on these hooligans - or The Proc would have done it for them.

And they’re not even FROM Pasadena - which makes #1 on my list of people ruining Pasadena all the more true.

**

Tom Selinske, PUSD Board Member

I wonder what kind of bullshit would we be succumbed to if we didn’t have guys like Rene Amy and Dormitas watching the PUSD?

Check out Sunday’s post from Dormitas:

The school board wants to pass a $350 million bond.
Way too many PUSD’s students are failing.
They’re givin consultant contracts to their friends and getting nothing in return.
A board member’s boss is handed a charter school deal.
Nobody’s ever been called to the carpet for the LEARNS thievery fiasco.
They’re going back to the 1960s model of elementary, middle and high school.
Massive numbers of students fail the exit exam.And this is what they spend their time and out money doing:PUSD meeting goals outlined
Board members adopt new code of conduct
By Caroline An, Staff Writer
Article Launched: 07/19/2008 11:08:15 PM PDTPASADENA - Residents who regularly attend school board meetings might notice a few changes.Discussions on agenda items will be more focused, board members will treat residents who step to the podium to speak during public comment with more respect and will exercise “empathetic listening skills.” They will not engage “in a debate with a public member.”Such are the goals outlined in a new set of protocols now adopted by the Pasadena Unified School District board - a response to the board’s own concerns about how it has conducted business.

PUSD board President Tom Selinske said the rules are designed to give the public and board members a clearer idea of the board’s role and responsibilities.

“At several retreats, we talked about being a more effective board. The public perception will be that we are behaving positively” now that the new protocols are in place, he said.

The new rules address 11 areas - covering such issues as how the members should properly conduct themselves during meetings, what board members can and cannot ask district staff members to do, and how the board should deliberate on agenda items, among other things.

For example, board members should not ask staff members to perform specific jobs on their behalf, the document states. Instead, the superintendent, after being directed by the entire board, should delegate assignments to the staff, according to the protocols.

The document also requires the board to hold at least one evaluation session to see if they are following the rules.

Selinske said the guidelines should dispel any feelings among board members that some wield more power than others.

The whole story:

Here

What the hell are these people doing? Instead of dealing with problems like tremendous dropout rates, disgusting college acceptance rates and corruption among their staff, the PUSD board needs to give themself rules so they can try to do their job better?You gotta be fuckin’ shittin’ me!D.

What kind of Main Line fucktard-ity is this? Are they going to teach Renatta Cooper how to stop telling long boring stories? Dormitas is right. Complete waste of time.

Hey - geniuses - here’s how you can properly conduct yourselves: stop trying to fuck over the working class in Pasadena with your lame-ass bond measure.

Here’s the outline about the “role of the Board Of Education”:

1. Stop being a bunch of assclowns and do your jobs.

There.

Where’s my consultant money? $11,000 please.

Why this even made the newspaper is also unbelieveable - but that’s what you get from a paper full of white-socked, 9-to-5, Andre-Coleman-story-stealing ham and eggers like Thomas Hines (WHO?) and someone with the reporting “prowess” of Caroline An (update your fuckin’ blog).

It hurts my heart to love something so much that doesn’t always love you back - like Pasadena. Also, I don’t think Selinske is a fan of my work. When I ran into him at Robin’s a few weeks ago, he squeezed my hand so hard when he shook it. Like that scene in the first Robocop when the coked up CEO gets his balls grabbed by the other bad guy in the bathroom.

**

I talked about the Dark Knight yesterday and how awesome of a film it is. Nothing beats Adam West, though. This is my favorite Adam West moment and I’d like to share it with you all.

**

You ever hear that old saying “Everyone loves a Sid Tyler fact“?

• Sid Tyler puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”
• Sid Tyler knows what happened to Baby Jane.
• If you try to introduce your mom to Sid Tyler, she’ll introduce you to your biological father.
• Back in the 80’s, Sid Tyler had a Saturday morning television show for kids called “Captain Sid’s Kid Cavalcade”. He’d do funny drawings, sing songs, perform magic tricks, and disarm bombs.
• GEICO saved 15% by switching to Sid Tyler.
• Sid Tyler can never get a brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off.
• Aunt Jemima cheated on Uncle Ben with Sid Tyler.
• Also - the Quaker Oat Men on all of the oatmeal in Sid Tyler’s cupboards have that look on their face like the people who watched the videotape in “The Ring”.
• Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Sid Tyler is going to kill you.

**

I sent stupid little drawings to the Mayor. Check out my latest at this link. It’s about when he was a meteorologist in the Air Force.

**

Happy Tuesday.

Be seeing you,

- AP

A fitting video, no?

I like to send drawings to Mayor Bogaard. Here’s another one - of another Council member:

It says “Chris Holden, My Hero” and he’s saying “Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit.”

**

Pop open a 40, check yo’ Rollies and get busy with the fizzy - yes, it’s The Proc’s special dizay. As of 4:41 AM eastern time this morning, I am 27 years old.

Fuuuck. Twenty-Seven. 3 years from 30. Not that it’s an old age - but - damn - I’ve already got gray hair.

I can’t believe what a year it’s been. This time last year, I was stuck in St. Louis for a little while. I also can’t believe how far I’ve come since then. A little help from your friends doesn’t hurt, either. If I were to go back to my 17 year old self right now, he’d flip out.

I’m so happy these days, though. I’m very lucky to have a loving family, a great job, some nice digs, a loving other half (my girlfriend, Kelli - of course) and the best friends in the whole wide world. Plus, I’m still a damn handsome man, if I may say so. This is the best birthday ever.

Opening presents later on..can’t wait to see!!!! I feel like a kid!

Enjoy the best Jack In The Box commercial EVER…in my honor.

**

Get the “PUSD: Mistakes Were Made” t-shirt here!

Speaking of which, “Mr. Thursday Morning” Andre Coleman over at the Pasadena Weekly has a nice article about this whole bond measure dibacle here. Of course, the always-at-the-pulse-of-the-City Rene Amy has some awesome comments about it on his listserv:

Umm - no to burst the bubbles of anyone down at 351, but:1. Measure Y work was overseen by experts from “the business community,
parents and citizens at large that may have expertise in construction
projects such as this.” That was the Measure Y Citizens Oversight
Committee - and it met monthly, if not more frequently.PUSD says that it will have a Citizens Oversight Committee for “Son of
Y” - that will meet just once in three months. And Mr. Selinske, a
longtime PEFer and supporter of all things PUSD, seems to think a CoC is
a new, novel idea.2. Measure Y was a mess, in part, because PUSD hired Sacramento-based
Vanir Construction Management http://vanir.com/home.html , rather than
the more-highly-rated and less-expensive local firm recommended by staff
and the CoC. Turns out, politics played an important part in the
decision. As Vanir became an obvious wrong choice, local color was
added to the mix, in the form of Clarence J. Broussard and Pacifica
Services. Many millions spent on this group.3. Members of the PUSD board signed off on all work done and approved
payment. Ed Honowitz and Alexander “Mike” Babcock, current members of
the board did so, never raising an objection. Though supposedly quite
active in, and concerned about, our schools, no other member of the
current board so much as peeped a squeak over the waste and
mismanagement of Measure Y funds. After all, why rock the boat, eh?4. PUSD supporters rave and wax poetic over the historic nature of our
school sites. Like the Greene & Greene-designed Longfellow Elementary
School up the street from me. Mr. Diaz turns the historic nature of our
schools on its head, claiming that they’re over 50 years old. Well, duh!And now PUSD wants $350,000,000.00 to fix the mistakes made under Measure Y.Rene

If you were a parent and you lent your kid $200 and he threw all of it away in Vegas and asked for $350 - would you give it to him? Maybe the first time, because you care..but probably not ever again.

PUSD is that guy. Oh - and you could dress up a piece of shit in a thousand dollar suit and it’s still a piece of shit…right, John Muir High?

**

Time for part 2 of my City Hall Tour with Ann Erdman and Jane Rodriguez! For part 1, Click Here.

After visiting Council Chambers, Ann took me outside to the courtyard via the stairs. I love this little walkway. Sometimes I sneak a cigarette here during Council meetings.

The staircases at City Hall are beautiful. Did you know the designs on the railings are individually hand-crafted - so they all do not look exactly the same?

The center fountain is an integral part of the City Hall landscape. The symbols on the fountain are all supposed to represent the sea in someway. There’s the Greek god Poseidon (in Roman mythology, he’s Neptune) among other symbolic designs.

Take a break in the courtyard. It’s full of shade. Did you know that isn’t sand on the ground? It’s crushed up gravel and rocks, I believe.

There were much bigger urns in the original 1927 version of City Hall. Ann says that sometime in the 50’s, someone jacked them. She tried to get them back to no avail - so we have a sorta-replica, smaller urns in their place.

In case of earthquake, please call all of these people.

The famous facade of City Hall. By facade, I mean face - not by what goes on at Council meetings . Again, the design was intentional with symbols of strength - like a lion and the City seal and Roman columns and once again, Poseidon.

And that’s my little tour of City Hall. Hope you all enjoyed it. I sure did!

**

Pasadena’s Closet Conservative and I both had short letters printed in the America-hating LA City Beat this week. Check it out here, under the “Kiss The Sky” category at the bottom of the page.

But since it’s The Proc’s special day and I’m not going to focus on anything bad, why don’t you read another amazing Edwin Decker article in the San Diego City Beat? That paper has got it goin’ on, unlike the other paper I mentioned.

Happy Birthday Aaron Proctor. Don’t get West Nile.

- AP

Since tourists are apparently more important than the people who live in Pasadena, how about doing some things to make our City look nicer for them?

Like - our god-awful, non-descript street signs. I mean, they’re not as bad as those new blue abominations in Altadena - but they’re pretty boring. This is Pasadena - not some little side town you drive through to get here. I mean, I know I’m in Pasadena when I start seeing the regular green street signs and the bigger green signs for the bigger roads. The only feature they have is a itty-bitty thing that says “Pasadena 2004” which you can’t even see if you’re driving by one. Even Arcadia’s signs are better than ours.

So - I was thinkin’ - maybe we could rip off Arcadia’s style. Have a rose in the corner or the City of Pasadena logo instead of the peacock they have. Then I thought “Nahhh…too obvious.” Plus, I really do like the green and white color scheme. We just need something that stands out from everyone else. Something that - when you don’t see any more regular blue and white signs - you know you’re not in Altadena or the part of Pasadena where you can get a hooker.

Then, it dawned on me.

Philadelphia has some really bitchin’ street signs. Why don’t we just steal their model? Most of the street names here are stolen from Philadelphia any way - which was the first City to have Chestnut, Walnut, and Locust Streets. I mean, the signs are really helpful. They have the name of the street in big letters, they have the direction of the street in the top center and the block numbers on each side. Occasionally, they’re decorated with the street’s alternate name (as seen in the last picture above) or even what neighborhood they’re in - something we could do for, say, Old Town or the Playhouse District:

Look - you’ll know you’re near Larry Wilson’s house with this colorful notation!

The signs also have a very cool and unique, trapezoid shape - they would definitely stand out from the rest of the boring, same-as-everyone-else signs around here.

The Proc says City Council should think about this. They tend to really put a lot of effort (and time) into stuff like this any way - so why not another distraction from far more important business? And Pasadena politicians love to get political help from people who don’t even live here - so why not make Pasadena look like another City? Let’s get those street signs changed and use the Philly style instead!

**

PSN Reporter Dick Dale has posted his picture for all of us to see. Kind of looks like a yearbook photo - so I fixed it up a little bit:

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Hold on to your seat. It’s time for this week’s Sid Tyler Facts:

• Sid Tyler is going to punch this guy after he sits in his 79,999th seat.
• Ben & Jerry’s is making a new ice cream flavor called “Sid Tyler’s Two Scoops of Pain”
• Sid Tyler graduated from school with a degree in Sid Tyler.
• The chase scene in “Bullitt” is an exact replica of what it’s like when Sid Tyler drives to work in the morning.
• Sid Tyler can speak Braille.
• Roses are red, violets blue, sugar is sweet, Sid Tyler kills you.
• Sid Tyler’s the only person I know who can piss up a rope.
• If Sid Tyler is late, time better slow the fuck down.
• Superman owns a pair of Sid Tyler pajamas.

**

Everyone I know has been laughing about PUSD Superintendent Edwin Diaz’ comment that “Mistakes have been made.” (Actually, his comment was “There were mistakes made..” - but I made a mistake..)
It’s the perfect cop-out, ya know? He’s not saying he made mistakes. He’s not saying you made mistakes. He’s not saying she made mistakes. There have just been mistakes made…so, it’s pointing the finger without pointing the finger.

I’d love to pull this with Kelli.

Kells Bells: “Aaron..it’s 3:30 in the morning. Where have you been? Why do you have glitter all of your hands and face and lips?”

The Proc: “Mistakes have been made.”

Yeah, mistakes that would make me be sleeping on the curb that night.

Or how about with the police?

Officer: Do you know how fast you were going? You knocked over that mailbox!

The Proc: Mistakes have been made!

Officer: Ok..I’ll let you go this time, with a stern warning.

Highly unlikely.

I wonder if Edwin was talking about these kinds of mistakes - courtesy of Rene Amy on his Google Group:

If the upcoming as-yet-unnamed PUSD bond measure (let’s call it “Son of
Y,” for simplicity) is approved by voters in November, it’ll be used to
pay for, among other things, lunches that have already been consumed by
members of PUSD staff during planning meetings.

Yup - much like the vast vats of Chinese Chicken Salad purchased at
taxpayer expense from PUSD board member Bob Harrison’s restaurant over
the years, local property owners will get stuck with the tab for the
piles of food found in all sorts of places, including the supe’s
facilities planning meetings at held at GKKWorks http://www.gkkworks.com/ .

See, funds from “Son of Y” will be used to reimburse PUSD for all sorts
of prior-encumbered and paid costs, including these planning meetings.

And part of the cost of those meetings is all the food provided to
attendees (and, believe me, it’s a *lot* of food).

So, for decades to come, we’ll be paying off food that’s 30 years old.

Actually, it’s already excrement.

We’re told that “Son of Y” will be used to correct the mistakes made
under Measure Y.

Looks like there’re already a bunch of *new* mistakes being made…

Oh, wait - how silly of me.

Admins eating off the children’s dime is just the “PUSDville Way,” isn’t it?

Rene

“Smilin’” Bob Harrison’s restaurant? Zucchini bread has been made.

So - in honor of Edwin’s quote - something that will go down with John F. Kennedy’s “Ich bin ein Berliner” and Lindsay Lohan’s “It was like that when I got here” - comes a t-shirt that you should buy from my store. Yeah, it’s $18.99 but I only make $1.00 off of every t-shirt. Fuckin’ Cafepress. Oh well….. Mistakes have been made:

Front

Back

You can buy the shirt here. That’s a mistake that you won’t make.

**

I like to send drawings to Mayor Bogaard. Here’s another one:

It’s supposed to be Bogey on Gilligan’s Island - with the S.S. Persons, letting us know Ginger and Maryann will be there in the fullness of time. `Cause it’s hard out there for a pimp (and a Mayor).

**

Mistakes have been made,

- AP

The Star-Spangled Banner

O! say can you see by the dawn’s early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming.
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming.
And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
‘Tis the star-spangled banner! Oh long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion,
A home and a country should leave us no more!
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps’ pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: ‘In God is our trust.’
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Happy 4th of July! America’s birthday! My favorite holiday - after all, I’m from where it all began. Let’s celebrate the greatest country in the world..a country that allows me (and others) the right to make an ass out of myself day in and day out. U-S-A! U-S-A! I’ll be celebrating with Kelli tonight - checking out the amazing Rose Bowl fireworks - the largest fireworks display in Southern California. It’s no Penn’s Landing, but it’s pretty damn close.

Now I was in a good, uber-patriotic mood this morning. Until I saw the cover of the LA City Beat - a paper published by Southland Publishing (also owner of the PW but NOT affiliated with this website and vice versa). I’m not posting the picture of the cover here because it’s absolutely disgusting, disgraceful, saddening, and extremely Anti-American.

I’ve been harboring contempt for City Beat for quite some time. Every week it’s more and more hipster America-bashing - particularly by someone who calls themslves “Commie Girl” and thinks that’s cool or something. It’s so fucking “cool” to hate on America these days - yet these people would be missing it quite quickly if they moved to Canada or the UK or wherever. I guess those tattooed and pierced dregs of society they’ve got over there are grasping at straws while trying to figure out how to make people care about them like people care about the LA Weekly (not that I care about that paper, either - actually I think most people read the LA Weekly to get $5 off of nightclub covers).

I’m sick and tired of people like her - she’s actually the FUCKING EDITOR OF THE NEWSPAPER. I’m sick and tired of people thinking that just because you love America, just because you’re happy to live in a country with its many positives (and many follies), you’re some beer-swilling redneck who watches NASCAR. I love America and I’m proud to live here and I’m not embarrassed or ashamed to admit that. I don’t think someone should be admitting they love the country they’re in. There’s NOTHING WRONG with being patriotic.

Even some hot people hate America…

This chick should be happy she lives in a country which allows her the freedom to criticize our country and to bash it day in and day out. Instead, she proudly calls herself the same title that a freedom-less country like China calls itself: a Commie. What a horrible thing to do on the 4th of July - the day that our country began its great journey to allow you to print such trite and insignificant crap each week. Thankfully, the Constitution also allows me to berate your horrible excuse for a column and opinion into the next century.

Rebecca Schoenkopf (sounds like a Nazi last name to me..) - you get a special July 4th Ham And Egger Award. It’s what our forefathers would have wanted. I’m ashamed to even be loosely connected to you through work. I wish I could give you a one-way ticket to China or Cuba, since you pride yourself on the whole Communist thing. I’m sure you’ll be staring at the fireworks from wherever you are, drinking a beer, and having a good time….trying to make us all think you’ll be staying indoors, hating the country which allows you the freedoms to write like the Anti-American that you are, smoking some marijuana while in your Che Guevara t-shirt, watching “Loose Change“, and blaring “music” from Rage Against The Machine. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit.
I also e-mailed her and you can do the same at this link:

This week’s CityBeat cover is disgusting, saddening, and offends me as an
American.

Why is it so horrible to love America any more?

- Aaron Proctor
Pasadena, CA
http://www.proctorformayor.com

By the way - if you were looking to increase readership with a half-assed-Photoshopped cover used for “shock value”, it was a pretty counterproductive effort. All you did was further the hipster America-hating - the embarrassing portrait of what everyone else thinks all Californians think and act like. You may have gained a few readers of that worthless and rebellious ilk - but you certainly lost one here (not that I ever really read your paper, more like glance through it and laugh because it’s probably put together by hipster white people who have dreadlocks and don’t shower for 3 days straight. Obama in `08, right?). Hating on America might be all the Hollywood rage but - to me - when you verbally and visually spit on our Nation, you’re spitting on me. You’re no worse than the terrorists you’re defending.

**

Well, some Communist bitch isn’t going to ruin my 4th of July. Here’s a brand new Top Ten List:

TOP TEN THINGS I LOVE ABOUT AMERICA

10. Disneyland

9. Conservative talk radio

8. Politics

7. The National Anthem
6. Burger King
5. The “George Washington Bridge” song
4. John Philip Sousa
3. Baseball
2. Professional wrestling
1. Freedom

**

Pasadena PIO Ann Erdman recently posted a photo of Pasadena Star-News reporter and blogger, Dan Abendschein:

I swear - if you give this guy a cigar and put on his sunglasses and more of a tan - he’d be:

Armando Alejandro Estrada!

**

I’ve always found this picture hilarious. It’s been floating around the Interwebs for years. It’s a picture of ABC 7’s Marc Brown talking about a rape suspect. Notice the sketch in the corner, though:

**

I like to send drawings to Mayor Bogaard. I think it annoys him. It cracks me up, though. Here’s my latest:

Be seeing you and Happy 4th! Now go enjoy Dusty Rhodes vs. Steve Corino from the good days of ECW.

- AP

Remember that movie “Snakes On A Plane“? Well, as you all have seen before, I occasionally like to send little drawings to the Mayor. Instead of trying to re-size the damn things to where they look horrible, I’ll just link my latest creation right here. You can enlarge it by left clicking. (That’s what she said).

**

There’s a reason why a guy like Joe Hopkins made it to my list of The Ten People Ruining Pasadena. He’s fucking insane! Here’s an excerpt from his editorial last week… It’s your standard “conservative media” rant - when I can’t find a single news outlet or paper in this area that’s touting McCain the way he’s describing:

The conservatives want to talk about Barack’s race but they don’t want to talk about McCain’s age. They want to call McCain a war hero because he was shot down while piloting a bomber in Vietnam. What’s so heroic about dropping bombs from the sky on innocent Vietnamese people?

Yep. McCain’s old. We know this. You’re getting up there in years, too, Joe. I know this one dude who ran against someone and had an argument about that opponent’s age - trying to make the opponent’s age a negative. Remember when I called Bill Bogaard 170 years old? He beat me in a landslide. Age doesn’t really mean shit..except that younger people relate to a younger dude more - and then are too high/forgetful to wake up on Election Day and vote for the younger guy…AND… old people vote because a) they come from a generation that cared about voting, b) a lot of policy affects them more than affects us youngin’s and c) they have nothing else to do but play with Choo-Choo and Mitt-Mitt (their cats) and watch Huell Howser. (If you’re lucky, they don’t - d) - have a part-time job where they annoy the fuck out of you and don’t do any actual work)

I digress. I didn’t know you were a conservative, Joe? Because don’t you bring up race, and lately Barack’s race in general, every chance you get? Your whole paper is a big “Look at me! I’m black!” statement. Isn’t it guys like you that do the ol’ “we-don’t-want-to-make-this-election-about-race-but-we-actually-do” scenario? And by guys like you - I don’t mean African Americans..I mean every person who says “Hey - listen - I’m not gonna make this about race.” You just fucking made it about race by saying that! You know how you don’t make an argument about something: don’t bring up something!

And what the fuck…bombing & killing innocent Vietnamese people? Quit you’re cryin’ Ever hear of a little term called Collateral Damage? Here’s what Wikipedia says:

At least one source claims that the term “collateral damage” originated as a euphemism during the Vietnam War and can refer to friendly fire, or the killing of non-combatants and the destruction of their property.^[3]

Is that like the innocent people who died during the Civil War - I’m sure there had to be at least one person who didn’t have slaves or believed in slavery that lived in the Confederate states, right? It’s a war. People die. Children die. Little fluffy kittens die. People who don’t have anything to do with the war die. It sucks..but it happens. It’s not John McCain’s fault as much as it’s not John Kerry’s fault. Oh, but he’s white, so he’s the devil, too..I guess….

I’d have a lot more respect for you, Joe, if you stopped all of this bullshit and came right out and said it:

You’re voting for Obama because he’s black. That’s it. End of story. Lots of people are voting for him because he’s black (just as lots of people are voting against him because he’s black, for McCain cause he’s white, against McCain because he’s white, la la la…). And that’s fine - I mean, it’s stupid to vote for (or against) someone solely based on the color of their skin - but it’s your prerogative. I think you (and a lot of other people) should just come out and say it and quit your tired-ass charade. So…who’s the racist media again? Oh yeah, people like me. I forgot.

**

We’ve got a Ham And Egger Award winner this week already - thanks to the suggestion of another winner, Frank Girardot:

Monrovia Mayor Rob Hammond.

Rob Hammond is obviously acting like a jackass toward bloggers. With his knock on the blogosphere last week and failure to realize the great job guys like Frazgo and RCJP are doing in Monrovia - he deserves it well this week. Guys like him are a dime a dozen in Pasadena, they’re just a little bit more quiet about their views of the “Evil Blogosphere”.

He’s also built an empire based on driving fear into people who try and vote against him. I’ve heard stories of countless people who have supported other candidates getting “visits” from Hammond, basically threatening them with code violations and all sorts of other nonsense unless they support him.

The Proc says Hammond needs to know his role, shut his mouth, and eat his breakfast.

Hell, this guy even has Ham in his name. Might as well add some eggs. And - he has a crony named Dick Singer. I don’t even have to make a joke about his name (but I heard that he changed his last name from Head).

**

It looks like the Pasadena Star-Toilet Paper had their headline priorities straight yesterday:

Yes, Moe the Chimp is apparently missing (as of this writing - maybe they found him by now - but who the fuck cares?!). Why is this news, again? Screw the guy who got shot in Altadena, right? At least Girardot had the right idea to switching this pointless news to slightly less pointless news about CM Punk. I can’t believe I’m not making this shit up. Maybe Sid Tyler ate him?

(Note: Frank Girardot makes a good point about my screen-cap….in italics…..)

Ok legitimate.
But to be fair Aaron the shooting story is in the display sopt at the top
left hand corner of the page…where more people are going to see it and
read it…
Right?

TOP TEN NEWS STORIES I CARE ABOUT MORE THAN THE MISSING CHIMP

10. Mannie, Moe, and Jack. Which One’s A Coke Addict?

9. Proctor Gets Theme From “$25,000 Pyramid” Stuck In Everyone’s Head

8. Miss Havisham Misplaces Tea, Goes On Killing Spree, 12 Dead

7. South Pasadena Finally Realizes The Insanity Of Having Von’s Next To Pavillion’s

6. Who Put Chocolate In My Peanut Butter?

5. Joe Piasecki Completes Submarine With Screen Door

4. Holden To City: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

3. Sgt. Schultz Bludgeons Col. Hogan With Tripod

2. Larry Wilson Gives “Mamma Mia!” 5 Stars

1. Moe The Chimp: The Real DB Cooper

**

PEF…er….PUSD approved putting a $350,000,000 bond measure on this November’s Presidential election ballot last night. It was approved with 2/3 of the vote. The votes of approval came from Mike “I Look Like A Child Molester” Babcock, Bob “Zuccini Bread” Harrison, Barry Horowitz..I mean..Ed Honowitz, Tom “I Can’t Think Of A Nickname Or Likeness For Him Right Now” Selinske, and Scott Phelps - who - I can’t believe this - phoned it in…making him the school board’s brand new douchebag.

More from the lovely Mary Dee Romney:

At this afternoon’s special BOE meeting where the PEF/BOE majority approved a $350,000,000 general obligation bond for the PUSD, Supe Diaz alluded to the district’s unsavory past with Measure Y and vowed accountability for his *own* bond measure set for a vote in November.

Likewise, Mr. Brinkman affirmed his own personal support for the “accountability issue.”

If accountability is what Mr. Diaz and Mr. Brinkman profess, why did they fail to follow the customary Brown Act procedure of publishing staff reports to the district website prior to this afternoon’s public BOE meeting?

Why were the only two Facilities Master Plan Committee members speaking from the podium recommending against the bond proposal?

Why was the tax-paying public left dependent upon the scanning efforts of Rene Amy and the Greatschools listserve to learn the details of a bond proposal described today by Mr. Lizardo as “a very significant action (and) weighty decision” (?)

It is clear the PEF/BOE is saddled up and ready to ride with the Gilroy cowboys, regardless of so-called “accountability.”

Pasadena Star-News has nothing about this. Of course they wouldn’t. I guess this isn’t news to them. What a shitty newspaper. I guess this isn’t a “big deal”, huh? I guess PUSD “can do no wrong”. Bullshit. I can’t wait to see how they spin this - just like people spun Measure D and lied to everyone. Can’t wait to see what City Council thinks of this nonsense.

PUSD might think they’re fooling people by putting this on November’s ballot so half the people who are voting for President will vote “Yes” on this - but they’re not. I’m going to make sure everyone knows about this crock of a bond measure and make sure people vote no on it. It’s my job…not just as a citizen of Pasadena who actually gives a damn…but as the Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena (and your role model), The Proc.

**

The Altadenablog recently had a 5-day crusade to make sure they were linked on Dave Atlantic’s Under The Dome blog.

Today is the first day of my crusade against Altadenablog. It’s called the “Fix My Fucking Link” crusade. You see, they have a very nice section of links that’s quite put together. Except the URL that you get when you click on the link to my site is West Coast Grrlie Blather. Kelly-With-A-Y is cool and all..but it’d be nice if that link actually went to my site. So yeah, fix my fucking link

**

Be seeing you,

- AP

Happy Wednesday! A year ago today, we all found out that Chris Benoit put a permanent Crippler Crossface on him and his family. Now, WWE has a “wellness policy” that everyone has to adhere to - except Triple H, a/k/a Vince McMahon’s son-in-law. What are they - Pasadena City Council??
By the way - Fuck Burbank.

A co-worker’s husband was recently fined $390.00 by the People’s Republic of Burbank (Pasadena’s cousin).

Was he speeding? No.

Was he causing a public disturbance? No.

Did he sock someone in the grill? No, but he should have.

He was fined for smoking. You know, the product that you can buy, the product that you can possess, but the product you soon won’t be able to ever use if you live in the state of California.

If I were him, I wouldn’t pay the ticket. I’d take that shit all the way to Supreme Court.

Remind me never, ever to spend money or time in that god-awful City. Not that I have a reason to - except there’s a Fry’s there. Oh - and some bitch I used to bang still lives there, I think. I guess I have all the reason more to hate on Burbank. Way to infringe on people’s personal freedoms. This is obvious that these smoking bans coming about in cities like our Crown City and Burbank and Glendale and the like are just another “feel good” way for the City to make money and thumb their noses at other cities in the US. We can be sooo French out here sometimes. Well, minus the smoking.

**

Another graffiti “genius” e-mailed me. I’m so excited - I really wanted to feel like I was smarter than someone this morning. The e-mail is also on the heels of an excellent post by WCGB about her trip to a City Council meeting and all of the disgusting “artwork” she endured. This dude named Mike totally made my dreams come true:

Hey Aaron, I recently stumbled upon your “blog” or whatever while I was
searching graffiti on google. I saw what you wrote about graffiti and I would
just like to say that I love tagging buildings and other locations just to piss
people like you off. People that are ignorant and think all graffiti artists
are “stupid”. I bet you dont know one graffiti artist so how can you claim they
are all stupid. So open up your eyes before you judge everyone. Oh and if
people are scared to use public transportation because of words on the seats,
then they have more wrong with them then you would think.

IP: 209.162.32.171

mpd183@hotmail.com

First of all, you’re an idiot. I forwarded your e-mail to your ISP and let them know that you admitted to conducting illegal activities (IE: tagging). Don’t know how much good that will do, but just to let you know - when you “piss off people like me”, you’re pissing off The Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena. Not some “run of the mill” average Joe: I’m The Proc, mother fucker.

Second of all, I commend the way you “fight back against society” by tagging buildings just to “piss off people like me”. You know, the “people like me” who will be catching up with you and arresting you and throwing you in jail. Yeah, the people like me that have to pay taxes because another worthless asshole is sitting in a jail cell because he wanted to put some unintelligible chicken scratch on a liquor store.

What?

No - I don’t know one graffiti artist, because I hang out and surround myself with people who aren’t wastes of life. Ya know, people who matter in life - not people who are going to be in and out of jail, abusing government programs, and other things I just can’t stand about lifelong criminals. I don’t know a graffiti “artist” (more like a graffiti-tard), care to know one, care to surround myself with or “get to know” one. That would be like a crackhead saying to me “I bet you don’t know one crackhead! How can you judge us?”

You simply proved - just like your friend did - that we should be making fun of you idiots even more. Yeah, it’s called a blog that I write. And guess what? Maybe you could get one, too, instead of defacing buildings because it looks “cool”. Go deface Wikipedia or something - at least that’s something new and fun to do and is cheaper to erase than your piss-poor “art”. Blogs are the wave of the future. Graffiti is so stupid, so passe, and so…useless. Assclown.

Oh - and if you didn’t read this morning’s PSN:

PASADENA - Four juveniles, belonging to a local tagging crew, were arrested after tagging 26 different locations on Lake Avenue Monday night, officials said.

Police responded to a call about possible tagging around 11:55 p.m. on the 900 block of Lake Avenue and discovered four males, two of them with spray paint, according to Lt. Keith Jones of the Pasadena Police Department.

The four males admitted to tagging 26 locations down Lake Avenue between Elizabeth and Boylston streets, Jones said. They all belong to a local tagging crew, according to Jones.

The juveniles are all Latino and between the ages of 15 and 17, Jones said.

Don’t fuck with the Pasadena Way, son. The Proc says: Take that can of spray paint of yours. Shine it up realllll nice. Turn that som’bitch sideways and stick it straight up your candy ass. Do you smell what the Proc is cookin’?

*theme music*

**

Kelli and I are thinking about getting a cat sometime in the next hundred years. Kelli wants to get a female cat so I won’t be able to name the cat Steve Caterlein. She’s ok with Margaret Mcmeowmeow, though.

Speaking of the Council - anyone hear Bogaard call Ann Erdman the “Queen Of The Blogosphere”? If I were West Coast Grrlie, Miss Havisham, or Larry Wilson, I’d be pretty pissed right now. And since I’m the King of the Blogosphere - doesn’t that make Kelli the Queen?

As mentioned before - WCGB has posted some pics from her trip to City Council via the ARTS bus - including one of a trash can with lame-ass graffiti all over it. Then, I found this picture - it’s obvious that Madison fears McAustin:

I’m shocked and surprised that Maserati Man was there (I’m not shocked about his tan, though). Maybe the map I recently sent to the Mayor helped him out?

If you can’t make out my 5-year-old handwriting, it says “Help Steve Madison Get To The Meeting” followed by a super-easy maze that even a Muir student could solve. Oh, and, City Hall wasn’t meant to look like a penis.

Anyhoo - Dormitas has his excellent weekly blow-by-blow here. Paul Little makes an appearance at City Council and tells them how stupid an idea Measure D was. Duh. Can’t wait until the PUSD Board votes next week to put a parcel tax on November’s ballot and fuck us over even more. Seems like Council’s all for prison raping our wallets.

**

It’s time to reveal just who is next on the list of The Ten People Ruining Pasadena:

#3 - Charter Communications

Charter is the only company that you’re allowed to get for cable television in Pasadena. We had a company called Champion for a cup of coffee last year - but the City of Pasadena didn’t like that too much.

It sucks, too - because Charter Communications are a bunch of idiots. Their customer service is quite subpar, they try to sneak charges onto your bill that you have to constantly call about, and you simply can’t complain and say I’ll change to someone else because they’ll laugh and remind you they’re the only game in town.

It’s obvious they’re in bed with the City Of Pasadena, who moves into a Socialist role by always being too cautious to let another cable provider in - in this case, AT&T’s “Uverse”. Pasadena City Council - you know, the people who make big deals out of nothing and little deals out of major shit - are taking forever and a day just to let AT&T in. Not sure if I’d switch right away - because I know people who switched to Champion and ended up having Charter again.

What kind of City wouldn’t allow fair competition? Well, obviously we don’t. It makes a lot of people unhappy - especially in an age where you pretty much need cable TV just to see anything at all going on in the world.

Charter’s sports packages are lackluster - why do I have a million fucking Fox College Sports networks? Why don’t I even get ESPN Deportes - at least they have really good soccer matches on there. Want the “Extended” packages? You don’t even get BBC America with that. I’ve missed like…the entire Torchwood series.
Now UVerse wants to put these boxes around town:

(Thanks to Dale Achdulieber for the pic)

Maybe Steve Madison is just intimidated by the black guy?
Hey Charter - thanks for ruining Pasadena.

**

Frank’s a cool dude

Finally: did you know that yesterday was apparently National Columnist’s Day? Where the fuck was my cake? Well, one of my favorite columnists/reporters, Frank Girardot, has really been hitting a lot of home runs lately. Maybe my beloved Phillies should sign him to a one-day contract, considering they’ve lost 6 games in a fucking row.

Check out this column he wrote on Tuesday - it’s amazing:

Terrorism claimed the life of a 12-year-old and his father visiting Montebello this past weekend.

Yes. I said it. Terrorism.

How else do you describe an attack on a party of 70 or so people gathered in a back yard to celebrate a graduation.

Killed were Albert Garcia, 12, of Hemet, and his father Juan “Jay” Garcia, 44, of Perris. Two others were wounded in the attack including a 23-year-old woman and an unidentified man.
The 9:50 p.m. ambush occurred Saturday while friends of Maria Soto gathered at her home in the 100 block of East Madison.

Partygoers feasted on chicken wings, barbecued ribs, pasta salad, meatballs and chips and salsa.

There was a D.J. There was dancing. There was Bud Light. There was a cake acknowledging the high school graduation of Soto’s 20-year-old blind daughter, Rosemary.

It could have been any party anywhere in the San Gabriel Valley on a sweltering summer night.

“We were happy one minute and then it turned into a nightmare,” Soto said. “It was horrible.”

Soto pointed to a dark blood stain in the dirt next to a small rose bush in her back yard.

“You don’t know when it’s going to hit you,” she continued. “Please. When are they going to stop devastating our families and our children?”

Every day we send young men and young women off to foreign countries because we’re told they are keeping terrorism at bay.

Maybe we’re keeping Islamic extremists out of the United States. But what is our government doing about terrorism in our own back yard?

There are no daily briefings, no green zones, no troop surges. I haven’t heard presidential candidates Barack Obama or John McCain say a word about fighting local terrorist gangs.
Yet young men and women like Albert Garcia are being shot at — sometimes wounded and sometimes killed — by remorseless killers.

I strolled around the neighborhood where Garcia and his dad were gunned down. Graffiti marred the sidewalks.

“Free Clumsey,” read one.

Graffiti also marred street signs, garden walls and even the whitewashed wooden siding of Soto’s raised foundation house.

Just a few miles north, where San Gabriel Boulevard leads to the Montebello mall, taggers from Pico Viejo, White Fence and El Monte Flores have clearly marked their turf.

I asked Montebello police Chief Dan Weist if his community could stomach the slaying of an innocent 12-year-old. I asked if he thought there was a gang problem in his town.

“It’s not as bad as you say it is,” came the reply.

Mayor Bill Molinari said he was “sickened by an event that’s never happened in our history.”
As I watched heat waves rise from the asphalt on Madison Monday, I heard the chimes of an ice cream truck in the distance.

I listened as the driver turned onto Madison and passed me. A sign above the dash said “Caution. Children.”

The song continued.

“It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself. Well, I probably could have. But I didn’t feel like it. So, rock on, Frank.

Be seeing you,

- AP

Run, don’t walk, to your local whatever-it-is and pick up this week’s Pasadena Weekly. There’s been a complete redesign of the paper…and a special surprise on the tables of contents page. More on that tomorrow.

**

My companion series to The Ten People Ruining Pasadena - The Ten Things I Love About Pasadena - continues today with #8:

#8: Pasadena’s Wild Parrots!

Not widely known to people outside of the Crown City, but Pasadena is home to some really cute (and really loud) wild parrots. Wikipedia sez:

Pasadena has a population of naturalized parrots. The city’s website identifies one, a Red-crowned amazon parrot, but according to the [6] Parrot Project of Los Angeles, the parrots fall into as many as five different groups. There is a cycle of regular public outcry about the noise and the sheer oddity of the birds’ presence, but most Pasadenans seem to have come to accept the birds as part of the city’s life. They can be seen year-round, but are especially noticeable in the winter. The birds are definitely gregarious, and the amount of disturbance their chatter creates is related to the time of day they may choose to chatter.

Theories and myths abound on how these parrots came to claim Pasadena and surrounding towns as their home. A heavily accepted story by longtime residents of the area is that they were part of the stock at Simpson’s Nursery on East Colorado Blvd. in the Lamanda Park area. The nursery was burned down in 1959, and the parrots were thereby released to forage in the lush Pasadena area. It is also possible that some parrots moved northward from their normal range in central and northern Mexico as human habitation in the Pasadena area created artificial habitat in which the parrots could survive. Among their favorite foods are the berry kernels of the cedar trees that grow in great abundance around Pasadena.

And Ben over at The Sky Is Big In Pasadena says:

a little known fact about pasadena is that it is home to many flocks of parrots. rumor has it that these foreign birds escaped into the wild during a fire at a bird farm.

There are a ton of theories as to why they’re exactly here. I heard that Sid Tyler once mated with a parrot after a drunken evening at The 35er (back when it was actually a dive bar) and fathered thousands of them.

Regardless of where they’re from - they’re here, they’re feathered, so get used to it. I notice that you can hear them returning and coming back to the area during the Spring and Fall months - their loud squawking can be heard all the way out in Arcadia and Monrovia. Kind of becomes peaceful and quaint after a while. The first time I experienced this was when I first came here early in this decade and thought I was in an Alfred Hitchcock film.

I also hear they’ve stayed in Pasadena because they like our choices of private schools and can commute to work via the Gold Line.

Whatever the real reason is that they’re here or why they choose to stay, it’s a really special feeling when you get up close to one of these birds. You know that you’re in a special place and a special town and all that crap. They’re part of the Pasadena Identity and nobody else has really got `em. So, that’s why the wild parrots are one of the Ten Things I Love About Pasadena.

**

Time for another edition of everyone’s favorite morning comic, You Can’t Fight City Hall!

**

The Game recently visited the kids at John Muir High to give them a pep talk, according to some guy who writes for the PSN:

Multi-platinum-selling hip-hop artist The Game has been shot seven times, served jail time, and watched people close to him lose their lives to violence.

On Tuesday afternoon, the rapper - dressed in a white T-shirt, baseball cap and chunky gold chain - stepped into a packed classroom at John Muir High School to tell teens there is a better way.

“I just want you to stay alive,” said the 28-year-old artist, who was born Jayceon Taylor.

Ummmm….yeah. `Cause, if I had kids, I’d totally want them to get advice on their lives from The Game. Was Amy Winehouse busy that day? Maybe next year they could get upstanding citizens like R. Kelly, Britney Spears, or Nick Hogan to show kids “a better way”.

Ya know, the schools could always contact me to speak to the kids. I’m Pasadena’s paragon of virtue, after all.

Joe Hopkins is gonna be pissed when he hears about this story. Also, Virginia Hoge thinks this post is racist.

**

I like to send drawings to Mayor Bogaard. I think it a) creeps him out, b) probably makes him laugh, c) annoys his harem of secretaries, and d) it’s fucking hilarious. Recently, I sent him this:

I’m sure he enjoys it lots.
Be seeing you,

- AP

Happy Wednesday, all.

If you didn’t read by now, The Proc called off the Madison recall idea. You know, this whole thing started when Victor Gordo picked me up at a bus stop and gave me a ride to work some time during the last week of April.

He told me (at that point in time) that Pasadena’s Favorite Douchebag would be gone for at least a month..which he was - he wasn’t sitting in his chair and was out of town for every meeting in the month of May (there isn’t a meeting on this coming Monday `cause it’s Memorial Day). I thought that was shenanigans and quickly became a little pissed off - I even told Gordo that if it were Jacque Robinson or somebody else missing a whole month, people would be all over that.
The general consensus seems to think this is all hunky-dory though, as being a City Councilman is considered only a “part-time” position. I don’t agree because I don’t think serving the City is a “part-time” job, but that’s fine. Funny, a $1400 monthly stipend is a hell of a lot of money for a voluntary, “part-time” position. That’s more money than some folks in Pasadena who work full time or near-full time make in a month.

Maybe a recall effort or threatening one wasn’t the way to go - but The Proc is going to have his eyes on this guy like a fucking hawk. The facts might show he’s only missed 5 meetings but - just watch him during a meeting next time. Hopefully he’ll start paying attention and know that when he’s in Council Chambers, when he’s actually at a meeting, his focus should be on the City of Pasadena - not his law firm, not whatever or whomever he’s doing after the meeting. Next time, Madison….next time.
**

I sent another drawing to Bill Bogaard this week - the drawing above. Yes, I have the drawing skills of someone who is mildly retarded. For some reason, I envision him opening his mail, seeing shit like this, and thinking “That boy ain’t right” in an all-of-a-sudden Hank Hill voice. Super Bogaard would be an interesting comic, for sure. There’s always some kind of personal freedom the City of Pasadena needs to band together and get rid of - and I’m sure Super Bogaard will be all over it. Up in the sky - it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a liberal!

**

*sings* Go Ask Alice….when the kids all fail…..

Yes, the PUSD has a new Chief Academic Officer named Alice Petrossian. Kind of like Centinel over on Foothill Cities wondered: what the fuck does that mean?! According to “credible news source” Caroline An (who also has a penchant for a: not answering questions in my interview series and b: not getting drunk and showing me her goods) - Alice Petrosyianiyaniyanian is from the Glendale Unified School District (LOL) and will be responsible for raising test scores and improving the academic literacy of the district’s approximately 20,000 students.

In other words, she’ll be gone by Christmas Break. Although by then, the kids will know how cool it is to drive around in a brand-new Mercedes without tags.

What the hell is this Chief Academic Officer position, anyhow? Can Edwin Diaz just pull a Vladimir Putin - making himself the CAO (I guess that’s what it’s called) whenever someone else would become superintendent?

Why not make this week’s Ham And Egger Award winner, Peter Dreier, the brand new Cheif Academic Officer? Apparently he knows more and is better than all of us. He can teach the kids how to not clean out their beards when they grow one, how to make every math problem add up to “420“, and how to not vote or not participate in anything in the world until you’re in your 40’s and 50’s.

“Skipping right over juvenile ad hominem, you’re literally making a political arguments based on calling someone a dirty hippie. Is this level of sophisticated discourse going to be an increasingly regular feature around here?”

Yes.

**

City Council has also raised the taxes on some interesting things here in Pasadena:

Circus or menagerie tax, per day: $765.07 (up from $742.06)
Side show tax, per day: $68.33 (up from $66.27)
Boxing and wrestling tax, three month license: $688.53 (up from $667.83)
Billiard and pool room tax, per application: $131.47 (up from $127.51)
Bingo games: $125.12 (up $121.36)
Escort bureau applications: $717.24 (up from $695.68)

Well, this totally fucks up my budget for the fundraiser I was planning this summer!

Be seeing you.

OH! And congrats to Andre Coleman for being nominated for an award. Not the Ham And Egger Award - a real big time award! He’s nominated in the Hard News category under 100K from the Los Angeles Press Club! Congrats again!
- AP