The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

Sung to “Cherry Pie” by Warrant:

He’s Steve Haderlein

Pitchin’ a fit bout

A property of mine

Looks so good

Makes a straight man cry

Steve Haderlein…

My new Councilman and sexiest man in Pasadena, Steve Haderlein, uncharacteristically went off on some developers - according to an article that James MacPherson probably copied off of another reporter’s notepad.

Not to say I’m in favor of or against what Steve did - I will say it is rather dickish that DS Ventures (hey - are they owned by DS Waters?) - didn’t invite Councilman-meat to the meeting.

Even though we live in a free-market economy, you know me and you know I’m still rebellious in many ways.  Although I’m still unsure whether I’m going to go down the Gene Masuda road in the 2011 election (that is, if Haderlein doesn’t decide to run against me for Mayor) - it is kinda cool to see Steve speak his mind and not follow “the Pasadena Way.”

Oh - by the way - if Haderlein and Masuda want to fight over an endorsement from me, here’s some easy ways to win me over:

• Name a burger after me
• Name a street after me (since I am moving to District 4)
• A couple of cartons of Marlboro Menthol Smooths (100’s, please)
• Buy me a DeLorean (they’re about $20,000)
• Shirtless picture (Steve only)
• A jacket like The Prisoner wears
• One night with Jane Rodriguez (of Scrabble)
• Lifetime Wendy’s gift card

Those will all put a smile on my face.  Ten miles wide.

**

McKay Hatch Received Thirteen Swirlies This Week

I think I’ve read one of the funniest editorials about local news ever - and it comes from a paper hundreds of miles away.  It’s an editorial by Edwin Decker, whom I already think is a bona fide genius, in the San Diego City Beat. 

Edwin discusses South Pasadena (a/k/a Inferior Pasadena) and how a dorky 14-year-old got them to declare the first week of March “No Cussing Week”.

I’m not even going to lay into this kid because I’m sure it’s already happening to him on a daily basis.  To mirror the editorial, this whole thing is much deserving of tons of ridicule.

As a Pasadena resident, I’ve always hated South Pasadena.  It’s a stupid down that I try to avoid at all costs.  Riding our coattails by having our city’s name in theirs while trying to be completely different.  It’s such a stupid place that, the last time I checked, they have a Von’s next to a Pavilion’s - which are owned by the same fucking company! So I’m not surprised the jackasses on their City Council would support such a stupid, non-enforceable “suggestion”.

There’s no more Rialto theater there, hence no reason to even give that place the time of day.  I’d spend my money in Irwindale or Fontana before I did in South Pas.  Traitors.

As a huge fan of the 1st Amendment, I’m proposing we counter South Pasadena’s cussing dibacle with a week here in Pasadena that not only celebrates our Constituion but celebrates free speech and individuality as well.

That’s why I’m officially declaring next week Cussing Week.

Try to use profanity as much as you can next week in Pasadena.  At work, at home, at your place of worship.  As the San Diego City Beat article suggests, get creative.  Don’t just use “fuck” and “shit” all of the time.  Really roll with the punches.  Learn some foreign cursewords, even!  Merde! 

Imagine the possibilities!  As Sunday is Easter, Jesus would be proud!  Fuck yeah, cunts!

Go forth and spread the word of the Lord Aaron Proctor, bitches.

**

A few friends and I were wondering the other day - whatever happened to McDonaldland?  According to Wikipedia, McDonald’s became pussy-fied and stopped using the characters.

As an investigate journalist on Andre Coleman-type levels, here’s the real scoop on all of your favorite characters:

Mayor McCheese

Mayor McCheese is still a very popular Mayor in McDonaldland.  He won the election last year with nearly 90% of the vote.  He’s actually an avid bicyclist, a former lawyer, and called a “tower of affability” by the McDonaldland Star-Napkin.

Grimace

Grimace actually tried to run against Mayor McCheese and lost.  He was building a political name for himself within McDonaldland until it was discovered he was Order #9 at Burger King and shamed in front of his friends and family.  Grimace now lives in Toms River, New Jersey with his two sons.

Hamburglar

The Hamburglar was, sadly, the first victim of the McDonaldland Three-Strikes-Law.  Hamburglar went from stealing hamburgers to socking on people from Taco Bell Land. He’s now serving a life sentence at White Castle.

Big Mac

Big Mac is still the police chief of McDonaldland AND the interim City Manager.  Mayor McCheese claims McDonaldland has spent 30,000 pickles looking for a permanent one - but there’s a lot of rumors that Big Mac will be named the new City Manager shortly.

Birdie The Early Bird

Birdie, agreed to be the most annoying of McDonaldland residents, still pops up at Council meetings now and again to sing songs and read poems.  Nobody likes her.

**

So there you have it.  I hope everyone has a Happy Easter - because when I think Jesus’ resurrection, I think chocolate eggs and a big bunny.

Have you had your blog today? 

- AP 

Fit Finlay Is Going To Kick Your Ass

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!  Hopefully you’re wearing green (or orange). 

I hope everyone had a great weekend, especially if you checked out Art Night Pasadena.

Let me tell you about my weekend, particularly Friday night.  Kelli and I are always into trying new things - restaurant-wise - and I hadn’t been to one particular restaurant in the San Gabriel Valley in about 5 years.  The restaurant I’m speaking of is Bahooka.

Nope

Bahooka is a family restaurant located on Rosemead Blvd. in Rosemead.  According to their website, it’s a place that feels like “an underwater paradise”.  It should say it feels ”Like Having An Abortion During The Poseidon Adventure.” Like I said, I went there about 5 years ago and had a decent time.  Kelli and I always drive by it so I figured, what the hell, let’s try it again.

You’d think a place where they filmed scenes for Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas and The Number 23 wouldn’t change so much in half a decade.  Wrong. 

Should be “Just Loathing In Rosemead”

Even though the place is surrounded by cute fish in tanks, the ambiance doesn’t cut the mustard.  The service was shabby, the french fries were wayyyyyyyy over deep-fried, and the Men’s bathroom smelled so heavy of roach spray that I almost puked up my chicken strips (the chicken strips being the only saving grace of the place).

Not dead, just working in Rosemead

Our waiter sounded like Latka Gravas.  Couldn’t understand a damn thing he said. I think I even heard him say “Thank you very much.”  He almost completely forgot our order.  The other hosts and hostesses seemed like they hated working there and couldn’t wait for their shift to end. 

This is definitely not a place The Proc will ever visit again.  Suck it, Bahooka.  Suck it long and suck it hard.

What a waste of $28.00. 

**

At least we made up for our error of going to Bahooka by going to Tiffany’s Coffee on Sunday.  Seriously - where else in Pasadena can you get a hearty, toasted deli sandwich, chips, and a drink for just under $5? 

I only have one suggestion for Tiffany’s:  Advertise the fact you sell cheap sandwiches on your front signage, not your sign in the alley.  I went past that place for years just thinking it was a wanna-be-froo-froo coffee place.  No idea you could get a cheap and decent pastrami, lottery tickets, and cigarettes there until I walked in.

Tiffany’s Coffee is located at 263 E Colorado Blvd in Pasadena.  It’s near the southeast corner of Marengo & Colorado.  You can park over by City Hall and take a nice walk to the place.  I highly recommend it.  I mean, it’s not the best restaurant in town or anything, but it’s good to try different things once in a while.

**

Did you know the Union Cattle restaurant on Delacey in Old Town closed?  Did you care?  Me neither. 

Apparently, that spot is just a cemetery for businesses to die.  According to Dan O’Heron from the Pasadena Weekly, there have been 5 businesses there in the past eleven years.

From the home office in Amarillo, Texas:

TOP TEN PLACES THAT WON’T REPLACE THE UNION CATTLE

10.  24 Hour Piasecki

9.  Hitler’s:  A Cafe

8.  El Pollo Gordo

7.  E. Coli & Sons

6.  Uncle Sid Tyler’s Family Buffet

5.  Mi Penis-ce

4.  The Expiration Date Grab Bag

3.  Robin’s Food Slightly Reheated In A Microwave & Grill

2.  The Sex Predator Diner

1.  Something Tasty, Really Cheap & Affordable Where A Lot Of Annoying Hipsters Don’t Hang Out

I’m off like the panties of a Spitzer hooker,

- AP

Yeah, I’m awesome.

Happy Aaron Proctor Appreciation Day!  Of course you know, it’s March 6th - exactly a year since last year’s Mayoral election, where I was trounced by a 171 year old man.

If you’d like to leave your salutations, I still can’t unmoderate comments.  However, I’ve discovered this neat little thing called “e-mail” and you can drop me a line at teamproctor@proctorformayor.com any time you’d like.  Of course, the best way you can celebrate today is by getting a Pat E. Melt at Robin’s.

A lot has changed since the non-victory party I held last year.  Half the people who came to the party I haven’t even seen since then and a few of them I’ve cut out of my life completely - for various and healthy reasons.  I made a smart move since then with the whole dropping the eyeliner thing and am now looking like a presentable human being.  I’ve since switched to the Republican party and I’ve since had a lot of fun adventures along the way.

It’s not always a bad thing, losing an election that is.  There are tons of great things to come out of it. 

TOP TEN THINGS THAT ARE GOOD ABOUT LOSING THE MAYORAL ELECTION LAST YEAR

10.  Not just immortalized with a burger at Robin’s - also have a plaque at Megumi’s Happy Ending Massage Parlor.

9.  Already know the answer to the question “Are you better off than you were a year ago?”  

8.  Always get to fill 11% of my tank absolutely free at any participating Texaco

7.  Autographed merchandise sells for at least 10 cents on Ebay.

6.  Will go down in history with “memorable” people like Guido Meindl, Roy Begley, and Van-Martin Rowe

5.  Makes me feel better than other people like me who are also making minimum wage

4.  Instead of being known as “the weird, badling guy with crooked teeth who has a blog” - now known as “the weird, balding guy with crooked teeth, who lost the election and has a blog.”

3.  Don’t have to deal with Steve Madison every Monday

2.  Have an excuse to call Todd Ruiz at 3 in the morning

1.  Can act my age and the percentage of votes I received

**

Guess who has a blog now?  Former District 2 City Councilman Eric Bogosian Paul Little!  Remember him?  He used to talk a lot at Council meetings.  You can check him out at this link.  If you click on “What’s Up With Paul”, he’ll inform you he’s providing this blog as a service to us Pasadenans with questions about the local economy and financial situations.  Finally!  I can’t wait to get some of my questions answered.

• Why isn’t there a Wendy’s in Pasadena?
• Can I find affordable housing that isn’t a cockroach motel or a breeding ground for sex predators?
• Seriously, I hate going to Monrovia for Wendy’s.
• Are Chamber of Commerce meetings really held in a chamber?  Like something out of “Get Smart”?
• You know, Wendy’s is “way better than fast food”.  We should have one in Pasadena.  Their value menu is excellent.
• What are UConn’s chances in the NCAA Women’s Basketball tournament this year?

Etc., etc.  Go get `em, Master P.

**

Centinel, Foothill Cities Blogger 

The Foothill Cities Blog has hit yet another home run.  This time, they’re letting us all in on who some of our “favorite” Councilmembers received campaigning money from. 

The best part, well, the part that made my day is that 2007’s co-Worst Councilman of the Year may be breaking the law.  (Sadly, the person he was tied with may be doing the same thing).

According to the Sammy Hagar of “Under The Dome“, you have to list your occupation on one of the documents submitted with your campaign finance information.  Centinel makes a great point about rules not applying to City Council members.  What’s even worse was what Steve Madison actually had under occupation:

Divorced white male, early 50’s, financially and anatomically endowed, attorney, seeking Asian woman between the ages of 21 and 24 for long Maserati drives, picnics, and blowjobs.  Part-time City Councilman, full-time fabulous.

I empathize with Heather Greenwood’s sick stomach.  Our future Mayor, ladies and gentlemen.  At least I’m up front about shit.

**

Please, please, please get the job Barney.  This guy above will be our next police chief and I have a whole notebook of Village People jokes.

Last but not least, don’t forget about Saturday’s special Council Meeting O’ Fun.  Ann Erdman has sent out an agenda to us all.  They’ll be getting the community’s input on who should be selected as the next City Manager of Pasadena.  And, yes, City Council chambers will be graced with my presence.  I’m going to not suggest who should be City Manager - instead, I’ll be discussing who should not be City Manager. 

This event, much like the revolution, won’t be televised.  So, make sure you’re at City Hall at 10 a.m. sharp this Saturday morning.  They’ll all be pretending to listen and are going to pick Barney any way.  Don’t believe me?  Check out the “Pasadena In Focus” at the bottom of your trash can from last week.  Chris Vicino (pictured above) is already listed as “police chief”, not “acting police chief”.

That’s all for today.

Happy Aaron Proctor Appreciation Day!

UPDATE:  According to Frank Giradot in today’s Star-Bore, it’s “no cussing week” in glorious South Pasadena.  To all of those not cool enough to live in Real Pasadena: “fuck, shit, bitch.”

Seacrest out,

- AP

Stone Cold For Pasadena Mayor 

I hope everyone had a great Valentine’s Day.  While I showered my sweetheart in chocolates and other goodies, she got me The Legacy of Stone Cold Steve Austin DVD.  I’ve already watched the first disc and - my oh my - it’s a pretty good documentary so far.  If you’re a wrestling fan, The Proc highly recommends it.  Austin’s career spanned the big changeover in the pro wrestling industry - when it went from cutsey-”I love the fans” babyface good guys to guys who used profanity, beat up their boss, and still received admiration from legions wrestling fans.

Also, a lot of people yesterday learned about March 14th a/k/a Steak & BJ Day.  Thanks to Frazgo over at Metroblogging LA for educating even more people.  I mean - what a concept!  Steak? Good.  Blowjobs? Great!  Get that A-1 Steak Sauce and DVD of “Caligula” ready.

**

Pasadena Police Chief, Interim City Manager, and in the lead for the role of Joe Friday in the next Dragnet film - Barney Melekian 

In this week’s P-Dub, an article by “Mr. Thursday Morning” Andre Coleman discusses interim CM Barney Melekian’s wishes to become permanent CM Barney Melekian.  There are definitely pros and cons to this whole thing.  I mean, I don’t blame the guy - I’d definitely pick sitting in a nice cushy seat behind the dais with all of my buddies over risking my life every single day.  I mean - what’s safer than a City Council meeting?  Right??

Oh, wait…maybe I should take that back.  Sorry about that, chief. 

I don’t really dislike Melekian.  Sure, I pick on him, but I pick on every one (who deserves it).  The problem is - it would be another way to stack the deck against the real people in Pasadena.  It’s no secret he’s nearly down with guys like Bogaard like Jay-Z is down with Beyonce (Note for Ann Erdman: the latter are two pop stars who are dating).  Although everyone’s excuse for having anybody in office who still shouldn’t be in office is their “affability” or “likeability”, does it really serve the people in this City to have another ”Yes-man” to the Evil Empire? 

We need someone who can see through all of this limo liberal bullshit from a mile away.  Someone who is there to be a City Manager and not an extra, non-elected City Council member who will undoubtedly serve the people who put him there rather than the people who are part of ”the Club”.  Although I’m not in 100% agreement with what Iron Maggie states in the article, we do need to see what’s out there before we just go with Barney.  A majority of the Council, though, asks “Why buy the milk when you get the police chief for free?”

**

Artist’s depiction of Wayne Lusvardi

Wayne Lusvardi busts Measure D wide open with a left cross and leaves Paul Little in a pool of political blood in this recent article.  He protests that while Measure D may have won the battle, the City of Pasadena won the moral war. 

I’m not one to dissect things quite as fastidiously as Mr. Lusvardi, though.  I simply think Measure D passed due to a lot of voter ignorance.  There’s a ton of people in the Crown City who only vote in Presidential primaries and general elections.  They don’t know who Bogaard is, they don’t know what taxes they’re voting yes on, they could give a damn about what goes on here because, in their eyes, the national election is more important than the local election.

In fact, a local election hits your home far more than a national one does.  Let’s face it - some people are just plain stupid.  I highly doubt most people read the “Yes” or “No” on Measure D flyers.  Well, let me say, anyone who voted “Yes” on Measure D is either stupid, misinformed, mildly retarded and drooling, or in the back pocket of Bogaard/in the crotch of Madison.

I can’t wait to see what the City of Pasadena’s argument is against my term limits idea.  I’m sure we’ll be seeing tons of literature about how “bad” it is for people to serve on Council for 100 years.  I’m sure retractors of term limits will say “Look at their supporters - he’s just a crazy guy who used to wear make-up” and pull out pictures of me from a year ago.  People who claim they care about the people but are quick to dismiss someone who isn’t in their little club. 

I’m just happy I’m going to be shaking things up here in Pasadena.  Term limits are right for Pasadena.  The way Measure D was handled is exact proof.

**

Get a fucking job.

If you frequent Old Town, you may have noticed an influx of homeless people as of late.  This is partially due to the fact that idiots at Union Station in LA give them bus tokens and they take the Gold Line here to harass all of us.  And I’m serious about harass:  these bums have been getting more and more agressive by the day.

A co-worker of mine went to the General Store down on Fair Oaks yesterday afternoon and was verbally accosted by this old chick because she watched him buy a can of Coke and he didn’t buy one for her.  I saw this same woman this morning in Mills Alley - asking me - actually yelling at me - for $2 while she’s holding a cigarette in one hand and a Starbucks cup in the other. 

Then you’ve got the weirdo cat guy who sits on Colorado - between Fair Oaks & Raymond.  Then you’ve got the lamest homeless of all: the punk rocker kids who have a nice cozy home to go to but want to be “cool” and not shower and get all offended when an apparent “square” like me doesn’t give them a dime.

I’m not a hypocrite by any means.  Long time readers of this blog know my trials and tribulations last year when I lost my job and was nearly homeless.  It’s not like I didn’t exercise my resources though.  I’m fully aware tragedy can strike someone any time, any place.  I remember seeing this homeless guy at the Penn Center train station as a child who I later found out was a pretty prosperous archetict whose wife left him, his house burned down, and his family disowned him.  You’ve got to figure, though, 95% of these people are there because of drugs, booze, and other general loser-ness.

I’m just sick of running into homeless people all over Old Town, of all places.  You know - the place where they send 20 cops to bust a guy for making a scene on a bus?  You’d think the Pasadena Elite would want to protect precious Old Town.

Here’s a few solutions if you’re ever run into by one of these aforementioned peeps (not all of them by me) that seem to work - and if not - are downright hilarious:  

• Tell them you already gave $20 to another homeless guy nearby and didn’t plan ahead.
• Pull a quarter out of your pocket, pretend like you’re going to hand it to them, and then throw it in the other direction.
• Say “I know a guy who has tons of money” and have them write down Victor Gordo’s address. 
• Tell them you’ll meet them in 5 minutes with some cash.  Walk away and never come back.
• Get all Michael Douglas in “Falling Down” and inform them Pasadena isn’t their pissing ground and to go back to dirty Los Angeles where they came from. Handing them a suitcase which only contains an apple and a sandwich would work wonders with this.

Hero. 

Well - that about wraps it up for this week.  Have a great weekend and a safe three-day weekend if you’re lucky enough to be off on President’s Day.

Stand & Deliver.

- AP

Checked out Brits Restaurant & Pub for the first time in my life today and I certainly wasn’t disappointed.

I ordered the extremely tasty fish & chips with a Boddingtons while Kelli had shepherd’s pie with a Boddingtons. We both shared a plate of delicious sausage rolls.

Moderately priced and with the slogan “Warm Beer, Lousy Food“, Brits is a friendly British eating establishment just east of Pasadena City College. The service is also very kind, quick, and not annoying. They’ll offer to tell you about the dinner specials but if you don’t want it, they don’t bug you/pressure you.

I wish I had gone the other night, though - check this out:

Our Address Is What You Pay!

Tuesday and Thursday from 4pm - close

Two 3 course meals for $17.70 with coupon

Dinner includes

• Salad
• Rolls and Butter
• Choice of Entree
• Homemade French Vanilla Ice Cream with Melba Sauce

get this deal with no coupon required, just mention you saw it on our website

(Actual plate of fish & chips from the restaurant’s website)

Brits

1770 E. Colorado Blvd

Pasadena, CA 91106

(626) 578-1301

http://www.britspasadena.com/

I also believe the restaurant falls in Sid Tyler’s district - so watch out for Ol’ Sid tossing back a few too many pints of Bass and calling you and your loved ones ‘wankers’.

Brilliant.

P.S. They don’t have a TARDIS.

- AP

Some new faces of 2007 (From left to right): District 1 Councilwoman Jacque Robinson, District 2 Councilwoman Margaret McAustin, and “Planny” - the Planning Commission dalmatian.

By the power vested in me by hyperlinking and blog archiving, here’s a shout out to the year 2007 - one of the most memorable years of not only my life but Pasadena’s as well.
2007 was definitely a year that saw both challenges for me in my personal life and for the City of Pasadena. While my life saw me unjustly fired from two jobs in the same year and subsequently being exiled to St. Louis, Pasadena saw gang violence, strip club buy outs, Rose Bowl float drama, door hanger drama, developer drama, high school football game drama, a police chief doubling as a City Manager, long-time PUSD board members upset from their seats, and lots, lots more.

Kimberley Brown ran against Steve Madison in the District 6 Council election. I’d like to have her in my polling place, if you catch my drift.

The year started out with some exciting Council and PUSD board races - all culminating with the March Primary election and the April runoff election (well, the latter if you didn’t get trounced by Mayor Bogaard).

Danny Bakewell made hell for Council to quell.

This very blog blossomed and came into its own a few weeks after the dust cleared from the election. As you’ll see, this site started out as my own personal campaign site. After the election, it became a place where I continually posted my attempts at comedic musings, controversial rants, controversial musings, and comedic rants (Ha!).
Ever since late March or early April, this site has become a favorite of elected officials, political candidates, anonymous pundits, newspaper reporters, crazy liberal bitches, bitches with smokin’ bodies, family members, erstwhile school board members, losers on professional wrestling message boards, Nigerian porno spammers, and Average Joes.

Local bloggers Centinel (left) and Dormitas (right).

And it’s not just this blog either. The entire blogsophere - moreso Blogadena - has grown to be quite the influential source from everything like straight information to complete ridicule of/on our leaders. More people pay attention to what goes on at historic City Hall than ever before. Let’s band together and make 2008 even more memorable!

When I was a kid, I was a big fan of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books. So why not sit a spell and do just that - choose your own Proctor-guided adventure in the archives of 2007.

• January
• February
• March
• April
• May
• June
• July
• August
• September
• October
• November
• December
• Febtabuary

Breakdown: 2007 In Numbers

• 195,000: The number of total hits for the year 2007 this site will reach sometime just before the end of the year.
• 8: The number of people on City Council (including the Mayor) who read this blog.
• Approximately 2300: The number of times the word ‘fuck’ is used on this site.
• 47: The number of times I’ve pissed people off.
• 86 minutes: The amount of time it takes Mayor Bogaard to finish a sentence.
• 48: Updated - number of times I’ve pissed people off.
• 3,000,000: The number of people I pissed off in the St. Louis area.
• $5,000,000: The amount the City spent to rid it of a strip club (the amount invested in to gang violence was far less).
• 40: Ounces of King Cobra goodness.
• $10 million: The amount Victor Gordo claimed we need in order to pay our police officers and fire fighters, in support of 2008’s worst decision, Measure D.
• $25 million: The amount in surplus the City actually will have. So why do we need Measure D again?
• 65,000 or so: The number of registered voters in Pasadena
• 5: The number of registered voters in Pasadena who vote
• 4: The number of registered voters in Pasadena who can name the Mayor or any member of City Council
• 73: The number of times Joe Hopkins attributed gang violence to a late 80’s or early 90’s hip hop group
• 8,294: The number of hours for entire City Council meetings this year
• 277: The number of times Jim Lomako used the phrase “granny flats” during the District 2 election
• 3,156: The amount of people who think things located just above Washington & Allen are part of incorporated Pasadena and not unincorporated Pasadena or Altadena.
• 1472: The number of geniuses in Pasadena.

Some Things I Learned In 2007

• John Shaft is a complicated man and no one understands him but his woman.
• Sid Tyler doesn’t use e-mail, he uses fe-male.
• The Midwest isn’t good for anything except cheap alcohol and cheap cigarettes.
• No MTA or ARTS bus in Pasadena is ever on time.
• Martin Truitt is 7 feet tall, weighs 650 pounds, and lives in a cave under the Allen Gold Line station.
• Running for office doesn’t get you a burger named after you. Calling the owner of a restaurant a ‘dick’ in the Pasadena Weekly does.
• Ace Star-News reporter Todd Ruiz and I have both seperately had sexual relations with this one chick back in our younger days. She had good taste.  UPDATE (Dec 27, 2007):  Chick pulls a Steve Madison and cries to me about this.  I took her picture down…here’s the e-mail I sent back:

  Because I'm a nice guy, a paragon of virtue, an icon, a superstar, role
  model, genius, et al....and since it's Kwanzaa, I'll take down your
  picture from that entry.
  
  It's a shame you don't have a sense of humor.  Then again, that's why
  you're a 30 year old Goth chick.
  
  - AP
  www.proctorformayor.com

• This chick on Law & Order: SVU reminds me of Jane Rodriguez.
• The Philadelphia Eagles and the Philadelphia Phillies are responsible for breaking my heart twice.
• Giving up the eyeliner and the eyeshadow and the weird clothes has been one of the better decisions I’ve made in life.
• Pasadena needs a Wendy’s and an Arby’s.
• City Council public comment cards make decent paper airplanes.
• Steve Haderlein is a sexy mofo.
• The hairstyle that Emo kids have is called a “Cry shield”. The kind of kids who listen to Emo are called “eleven-teens”.
• Jill organizes fun picnics.
• Former District 2 City Councilman Paul Little used steroids between his 2001 and 2003 terms.
• That guy on Orange Grove isn’t going to use the 50 cents you gave him to buy food.

I guess that all sums up 2007.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

- AP

From Foothill Cities via the PSN:

Robin Salzer isn’t just changing electoral districts…he’s taking a mansion with him:

Power couple Ann-Marie Villicana and Robin Saltzer are making a second attempt to move the historic Morris Landau mansion to a prime site overlooking the Arroyo Seco.

Stung by widespread opposition to their plans a year ago, the former councilwoman and her restaurateur husband decided not to appeal a Planning Commission decision denying them permission to reassemble the house on their South San Rafael Avenue lot.

The couple bought the five-bedroom, five-bath house from Harvard Westlake School for $1 in 2006 and spent $1 million having it cut into 26 pieces and moving it to a storage yard in Santa Clarita, where it remains.

At 9,855 square feet, the 1936 house, designed by noted black architect Paul Williams, was 3,400 square feet too large and five feet too high to meet size restrictions based on lot size and slope.

10,000 square feet? Five bathrooms? This place sounds awesome.

But seriously, who would have thought that prime rib and steak fries paid so well? Even more seriously, good luck to Robin. Anyone who can cut his houses into more pieces than the alphabet has letters (”y” is so not a real letter) is impressive.

Probably of more interest to blog readers, however, is the fact that this would bring Robin Salzer and Steve Madison head to head. One can almost see the headline now: The Mustard or The Maserati?

Damn, that “Noticeable One” burger named for me must really be doing well!

We might just see The Sauce vs. The Maserati, Rockin’ Robin vs “Mad Dog” Madison, whatever you want to call it. In my meeting with Mr. Maserati last night, he noted that he’s not sure about running for Mayor in 2011 - given the fact that you pretty much can’t have a full-time job and have time to be the Mayor of Pasadena.

I hate to take sides (who the fuck am I kidding? I *LOVE* taking sides) but I’m with the BBQmeister if it comes down to Sazler v Madison. I’d really, really, really like to see Steve “Not The Independent Pro Wrestler From Florida” Madison vs. Mrs. Barbacoa, though. That would be a catfight for the ages.

1222 days (that’s 3 years, 4 months, and 3 days) until Election Day 2011. That’s a lot of Pat E. Melts and gasoline for the Maserati!

And did PSN spell Salzer’s name wrong??! Good job, Janette Williamz. (Although I should mention I spelled Villicana wrong yesterday - but didn’t add any extra letters to the name)
- AP

Kelli and I went out for a little adventure in Eastern Pasadena. Here’s a pictoral in the style of Eye Level Pasadena.

Outside of Robin’s (taken by Kelli!)

Kelli & I outside of Robin’s (Pat E. Melt Love)

Sinking my teeth into myself. (e.g. the burger named after me). Also - notice to the very bottom right - I like to use mayo on my fries.  Euro-style!

We had the best waiter ever. His name is Cristo…like the Count of. Fact: (and this is true) He tried out for the role of A.C. Slater on “Saved By The Bell” and finished 2nd to Mario Lopez.

Kelli & Cristo. Wouldn’t have been funnier if he actually were A.C. Slater? Then it would be Kelli Kapowsky & A.C. Slater!

Experimenting with the camera. Taking pictures of my beautiful red-head.

We thought this was awesome. Kelli has a Jack Skellington antenna ball and there was a real spider on it. After this, we drove really fast through the streets of Pasadena - so this is the spider’s last known photo.

Photo & Deliver.
- AP

Luigi Ortega’s - Italian & Mexican Food

1655 E. Colorado Blvd.

Pasadena, CA 91106

626-396-9669

http://www.lotimes.com

The Chase For The Cheesesteak continued when Kelli & I visited Luigi Ortega’s on Colorado Blvd (across from PCC) yesterday evening.  We got our first taste of L.O.’s at the P-Dub’s Best Of Pasadena party and we were quite intrigued.

As soon as you walk up to L.O.’s entrance, you see a sign touting their Amoroso rolls on not only their cheesesteaks but hoagies as well (and they call them hoagies, not subs or hero sandwiches).  If you’ve been following The Chase, you know this is of utmost importance to a perfect cheesesteak experience.

When you enter L.O.’s, you are immediately greeted by an interesting ambience.  There are pictures of the Italian Market in Philly on the wall as well as other things of importance to Mexican and Italian culture.  The tables of the restaurant have a collage of newspaper reports from days of yore - Nixon resigns, Agnew resigns - and a telegraph from the US Ambassador To Turkey to the US Secretary of State in 1915 speaking of the Armenian genocide (quite depressing and inappropriate if you ask me).  Tables in the aisles have rolls of paper towels for napkins (hmmm..where have I seen that before?) and tables against the walls have those automatic paper towel dispensers that are touch-sensitive.

Regardless of the lack of originality with the napkins and the depressing Armenian genocide stuff, it looks like an awesome place to bring a group of 5-10 people to chow down.  There are tons of TV’s in the place and the restaurant promotes that it shows every single NFL game every Sunday.  Very awesome.

The service is interesting and quite good.  Once you’ve ordered to eat in, you’re given a flashing pizza and a holder which you face toward the cashier.  That’s pretty cool.

Now - the menu is HUGE.  You can get your favorite Italian or Mexican foods separately or try something new like the Mexican Lasagna.  There’s pasta, tostadas, chicken ceasar salads, just a huge, huge menu - with (once again) hoagies served on Amoroso rolls.  Just one setback - at least to me: no pizza by the slice!

Even if you’re not on a Chase For The Cheesesteak like I am, I highly recommend L.O.’s.
The beverage selection is great - with plenty of various kinds of domestic beers and - even more unusual - various kinds of domestic sodas, like Faygo - a soda very popular in the Midwest but one I seldom see in California.  I was put off by Faygo for years because those uber-lame borderline-retarded “musicians” called the Insane Clown Posse used to like to drink them in their “videos”.  But now I’m over it and I had a Faygo root beer while Kelli had their orange soda.

Let’s get to the main event - their cheesesteaks.

First of all, I’m blown away by their selection of my favorite food.  You can get a 9″ (regular) or an 18″ steak!  They have your traditional cheesesteak, your cheesesteak hoagie (a cheesesteak with lettuce & tomatoes - very popular in Delaware and Maryland and Virginia), a chicken cheesesteak, even a pizza steak!  Somebody did their research!

Check out the “history” of Luigi Ortega’s here.

Kelli & I got our cheesesteak with Cheez Whiz (which is readily available and highly promoted by the restaurant - again - someone did their research!) and without onions.  We opted for the 9″ variety.  We also got a side of their tasty seasoned dinner fries - which vary from soft to crunchy in the basket they in which they’re served.

Now, we’d tried their cheesesteak the other night at the aforementioned party so we knew what we were expecting.  The meat is perfect, the whiz is great, the roll is heavenly - absolutely wonderful.  It melts in your mouth.  What’s the problem?  Well, they don’t put enough meat on their steaks.  It seems like if you don’t order it with onions, they just give you a minimal amount of meat.  No meat falling off the sandwich into your plate..which kind of defeats the purpose of a cheesesteak feast!

And I know the restaurant has an Italian-Mex theme (read the ‘history’ of the recently established-in-Pasadena on their website..hilarious) but I was quite put off as a Philadelphian when my cheesesteak came with tortilla chips in the same basket.  You’d get beat up or laughed at for that if you did that in Sowfilly.  Put the tortilla chips on the side or something - don’t mess up a good thing you’ve got going.

This is a great restaurant to have an authentic Philly cheesesteak but not an authentic Philly experience.  While the cheesesteak was delicious and on the levels of South Street in Burbank, CA - even on the levels of a good Geno’s steak in Sowfilly (but a far cry from my Tony Luke’s) - they could do a lot better.  Meat, meat, and more meat please.

But don’t take my word for it - check out Luigi Ortega’s for yourself.

Overall, as seen above, I give Luigi Ortega’s a 4 out of 5 cheesesteaks.

See my first entry in “The Chase” for my rating system and to learn about how to make/eat a perfect cheesesteak.

The steaks themselves are actually a little better than Fredo’s on North Lake Ave.

Eat well, my friends.

The Chase undoubtedly continues.

- AP

If you’ve been living under a rock or are one of those people who only reads my site every 6 months - then you might not know that I have a burger attributed to me at Robin’s here in Pasadena. (Thanks, Zajac!)
Speaking of which - you should totally help Robin out:

Robin Salzer, former District 1 Council candidate and the Burgermeister himself needs YOUR help.

From the man himself:

Robin’s has been nominated as one of the Best BBQ restaurants in Los Angeles at myfoxla.com. You are allowed only one vote per email address. If you have some spare time could you put out a SOS to your audience of followers, friends and disciples to help the cause and vote for Robin’s at myfoxla.com. I believe that the voting ends in November though I’m not sure. Where ever we can spread the word would be great. Thanks.

To vote follow this direct link and vote for Robin’s!

- AP

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