The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLI! Yep - it’s Kells Bells birthday!!!! In tribute to such a sweet birthday and an even sweetier First Lady of the Blogosphere, let’s check out some of my best “Hey Kelli” segments!

Hey Kelli: Manatee

Hey Kelli: Mexican Freedom

Hey Kelli: Garter

Hey Kelli: Penguin Encounter - Sea World

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Ellen Snortland with Bill Clinton

You gotta give up to the Pasadena Weekly for being fair, unlike another newspaper in this town. Recently, they had the balls to print a very insightful and truthful column from Jim Laris. This week, they print an article from Ellen Snortland. Just listen to some of this:

Hatred is spewed every day and night in this country on radio and TV. Vicious, violent verbal vomit from right-wing radical gasbags is so ubiquitous that we have become inured to its impact until something more dramatic happens. “If it bleeds, it leads,” is an old newsroom adage, and blood flowed two weeks ago. When white, right-wing nut-job Jim David Adkisson opened fire at the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church in Knoxville, it was merely shocking, not really surprising.

Oh really? Oh yes, the Liberals in this country aren’t spewing hate at all. Right. You don’t have people like Virginia Hoge anywhere in the world, huh? But that’s your prerogative, it’s all good…I mean, the same people who sign your paychecks sign mine, so you gotta give it up to them for putting up with both of us.

I really think this all rage from female Liberals stems from Ann Coulter just being so damned hot.

**

“Hollywood” Girardot discusses his appearance on Fox News the other day. Seriously - give this guy a TV show…he deserves a lot more than to work at the shitty newspaper he does now! I’d like to see him go off on Chris Matthews. (Whose niece went to my high school, by the way!)

**

It looks like the idiots in Los Angeles have stolen Pasadena’s diagonal crosswalk idea. Just goes to prove how everything in LA is fake. Here’s the article in the Pasadena Star-News - a paper which proves its shittiness by freezing my computer every time I try to open their website.

I’m sure our City Council is proud to have an idea of ours completely ripped off and won’t say anything ill of it because nobody wants to piss of Mayor Villaratelemundo. If Los Angeles wants to adopt some new ideas - how about making a new law that hipsters aren’t allowed to wear fucking wool caps in any temperatures above 50 degrees? Or - like my close, personal friend Huell Howser suggested - get rid of all the celebrities for a week and then, in the following week, get rid of all the garbage collection in LA. See which group of people we miss the most.

Maybe LA is on to something here and they’re going to be more and more like Pasadena as times goes by?

TOP TEN SIGNS LOS ANGELES IS BECOMING MORE LIKE PASADENA

10. Every bar in Hollyweird starts closing at 1 a.m.

9. Haderlein moves to Van Nuys, starts first ever production of a stuffed-shirt porno
8. Instead of feeling like they’re better than everyone else, starts to know that they’re better than everyone else
7. Tom LaBonge starts driving a Maserati and dating a stripper
6. Chinatown suddenly is the most powerful district in all the land
5. Dallas Raines replaced by Sid Tyler
4. First, it’s taking our diagonal crosswalks. Next, they introduce their new PIO, “Jan Birdman”
3. West Hollywood re-named “Wilson Heights”
2. LAUSD gets worse
1. You now have to apply for a Conditional Use Permit to get fake tits

Way funnier a list than some Ham & Egger could provide.

**

Hey PUSD - you might want to read this letter that Police Chief & Interim City Manager, Barney Melekian, wrote to the PSN:

Thanks, but no thanks
Article Launched: 08/06/2008 11:14:38 PM PDT

Thanks, but no thanks

While we appreciate the kind offer of discounted meals at Brenart Caf
Gallery (July 21) for Pasadena police officers, firefighters, city
council members and other city officials, our policy prevents us from
accepting.

The city of Pasadena inspects restaurants for compliance with health
codes, fire codes and building codes, and city officials and council
members conduct public hearings that occasionally involve restaurants
appealing certain decisions.

It would be inappropriate for those same officials to accept discounted
meals because this would create the impression of a professional conflict.

I am proud to say that city officials, myself included, frequent
restaurants and other businesses throughout the community. It is our
continued goal to spend our salaries locally.

Bernard Melekian
Interim City Manager
City of Pasadena 

Choke on that, PUSD & PE-MFers, the next time you’re eating at the Green Street Restaurant.

**

The Pasadena Weekly has started their “Best Of 2008″ voting on their website and in the paper.   Which means it’s time for the first annual “Worst Of Pasadena” awards here at proctorformayor.com - more about that next week.  As for now, go ahead and vote on their website.  I’m sure you might have someone in mind for, I don’t know, “Citizen Of The Year” or “Local Personality” *cough, The Proc, cough, cough*

**

The Philadelphia Eagles play their first preseason game today..which means FOOTBALL IS COMING!!!!!!  Finally.  It seems like it’s been forever since the last season ended.  FLY, EAGLES, FLY!
That’s AMAYZIN’.  Happy Birthday KELLI!

- AP

Kelli and The Proc are back from a wonderful and extended weekend down in San Diego. There’s no hiding the fact that San Diego is one of The Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena’s favorite places to travel to and this was the first time I’ve ever spent more than a couple of nights in “America’s Finest City”.

One of Kelli’s friends, a friend from high school, was getting married and Kelli was actually one of the bridesmaids. Of course, that meant there was a bunch of stuff for her to do before this past Sunday’s wedding - so we got down there on Friday morning and headed to Sea World.

I like the drive down to San Diego. It’s really fun to look at all the different types of settings you pass through - big cities like Anaheim and Santa Ana, little coastal hamlets like San Juan Capistrano, and then the outskirts of San Diego like Oceanside and Carlsbad. The rain seemed to follow us down from Pasadena on Friday.

On the way down, we passed the San Onfore Nuclear Generation Station - you know, the big nuclear tits you can see from Interstate 5. This video is the first in many which are titled “Hey Kelli” because I began to notice I say “Hey Kelli” at the beginning of a lot of videos.

I’d never been to Sea World before. Kelli’s been a bunch of times. This resulted in a very fun first visit. It was cold and rainy on Friday morning-into-afternoon - which was perfect because there weren’t a ton of people there. Plus, the rain kind of fit in with the whole “sea” theme.

The weather at Sea World

Since the theme park is owned by Anheuser-Busch, there are Clydesdales and one donkey that welcome you at the beginning of your visit:

I was a bit confused as to exactly why a donkey was chilling with the Clydesdales in this video. I later found out it’s a reference to one of the company’s past Super Bowl commercials.

After that, Kelli and I went over to see the manatees. The manatee exhibit was closed for repairs - but that didn’t stop me from trying to mess with one of the manatee statues.

We looked at the sharks - which were really cool because there is a part where you can stand on an escalator and the sharks swim next to, above, and around you in their tanks. It started to rain pretty hard at one point, so Kelli and I ducked into another aquarium full of fish found regionally in ponds and creeks and rivers throughout the world. Pretty fascinating.

The big thing you’re supposed to do - and afterward, it became something I’d love to go and do again - is to go visit the dolphins and the bat rays - and pet them!

Here’s a video of a dolphin swimming around, having a good time, greeting spectators.

Here’s Kelli and I actually petting a dolphin - watch it come right up to us. Don’t mind my high voice and excitement - I felt like a little kid since I’ve never seen or touched a dolphin up close before.

That’s a bat ray. They remove the stingers so we don’t become the Crocodile Hunter.

That’s Kelli petting and feeding a bat ray.

Here I am about to pet one. They feel slimy…like one of those stress balls if it were covered with Log Cabin syrup.

The bat rays just flocked to Kelli for some reason. Everyone around the bat ray pond was amazed. I think it’s her bangs.

After hanging out under the sea (which I kept whistling the tune from “The Little Mermaid” until Kells Bells reminded me that’s from Disneyland) - we decided to go up to the arctic and Sea World’s “Arctic Wild” exhibit featuring polar bears and beluga whales and walrus and the like.

Polar bear chillin’

“I don’t like getting my picture taken”

Beluga whales

Right after the Arctic Wild exhibit, you can check out the penguins in a place called “Penguin Encounter”. I was quite excited to see the penguins and puffins and such, that I told Kelli we’d have to walk like penguins into the exhibit. See the video of that here.

After a good five hours of hanging out at Sea World, our room at the palatial Motel 6 in Hotel Circle was ready. We went and checked in and relaxed, exhausted from having the time of our lives.

The rainy, cloudy view from our hotel room on Friday afternoon/early evening

Night fell upon San Diego and Kelli and I wanted to check out a local bar. Not something too fancy or too Paseo Colorado-esque…more like - a true dive bar.
We found a place that suited our fancy just fine - a place called The Aero Club. Proclaiming itself to be the “last of the great dive bars”, it advertised well. The service was unbelievable, the environment was unmatched, and the prices - well - let’s just say Kelli and I had more than a few rounds of alcohol and walked out spending less than $50.00.

We ended up chilling with this couple who had just moved to SD from Portsmouth, NH. Turns out the female in the couple also ran for City Council of Portsmouth. I wasn’t really in a political mood during our vacation, but it was fun meeting someone who knows what it’s like to run for office and lose. This was also the first bar I’ve ever been to where, after the baseball game, the bartender put on the Big Lebowski and - on mute - EVERYONE in the bar began quoting it line from line. Joe Piasecki would think this was heaven on earth.

The place has 20 different beers on tap (including Blue Moon, which is delightful on tap with an orange slice), 50 different vodkas, 70 whiskeys…yeah, I could get used to having a place like this around if it were in Pasadena. You know that I love dive bars and I highly recommend this place on your next San Diego trip - it’s easily accessible from the 5 and very close to downtown, Old Town, and other places you might be staying. It’s the perfect night cap.

The Aero Club

3365 India Street

San Diego, CA

619-297-7211

**

I didn’t know it on my way down there or planning this trip - but Saturday was going to be one of the more interesting days I’ve ever experienced.

As aforementioned, Kelli’s a bridesmaid in her longtime friend’s wedding. So, naturally, I thought there was going to be bridesmaid stuff to do. I just didn’t know that Saturday morning would kind of turn out to be one of those “This Is How You Do Not Plan A Wedding” afternoons.

There wasn’t an itinerary, which I think should be mandatory if one was going to be having such a big deal of a wedding like Kelli’s friend was, there wasn’t any sort of game plan as to how to do anything. So, I ended up at some mall walking around with complete strangers (the groomsmen who turned out to be ok guys) while Kelli got her nails done for the next day’s event.

Why all of this stuff the day before? Well, the wedding rehearsal was happening that afternoon. Kelli and I had to drive all the way out to where the ceremony was taking place the next day - wayyyyyyyyyy out in Chula Vista, just a few miles from the International border.

When we got to the church, which is pictured above, Kelli and I were a little bit freaked out. I thought we were right by the border (we weren’t) - so I wanted to run to freedom in this video because we were so freaked out by this ominous church in the middle of absolutely nowhere. And now I know why.

Doesn’t that look like a Freemason logo?

I’m not religious by any means. However, on the rare occasion that I do walk into a church, I usually feel welcome and safe and all that good stuff. You know, you kind of have a sense of fellowship when you walk into most churches.

Kelli’s friend, though, doesn’t belong to a church. Her friend belongs to a cult - and there’s a big difference and that’s why we felt very uncomfortable. The church in Chula Vista is a branch of the Iglesia Ni Cristo, a cult in the Philippines that has worked its way over to the west coast. Picking up a pamphlet of theirs in the vestibule, I noticed their mantra is that of a doomsday cult - and full of “the end of the world is near” and all of that crap. Men sit on one side of the church and women have to sit on the other side of the church. They don’t even believe in dancing (yeah, wait until you hear about the wedding reception) and require members to tithe a portion of their income. According to Wikipedia, the church in the Philippines sounds like another Waco about to happen:

Military intelligence sources say that the Iglesia has 1,000 to 2,000 high-caliber firearms in its armory, apart from guns owned by individual members who include soldiers and policemen

The worship area itself is set up like a court more than a church. The picture above was taken Sunday, not Saturday by the way. The people who are members of the cult all dress exactly the same with the same hairstyles and all of that. During the wedding rehearsal, the organist sat up where the choir is in the picture and just stared a hole through me the entire time. Looked like his name should have been Igor or something.

During the rehearsal, I noticed that the bridge and groom’s families had to sit in the second row. Who was in the first row? The six “sponsors” from the church (well, six from the church and one outsider) that were allocated to the bride and groom.

I had to get a drink of water (which I was scared to get) and found a water fountain right next to a door that said “Light Of Salvation” on it. That was freaky. That’s all it said. “Light Of Salvation”. Weird.
After the rehearsal, we went to a dinner provided by the families of the bride and groom over at a place called Tom Ham’s right near the airport. Very nice place but I was pissed off to find out this was going to be a dry wedding. Yep - no dancing, no alcohol either.

Kelli got a beautiful picture of the San Diego skyline, though:

After feeling like people were going to start passing out Flavor Aid, Kelli and I ditched the dinner and headed toward Old Town San Diego.

Kelli had gone to this awesome bar during her birthday celebration last year and we chose to relieve the stress of the day by having a few drinks and playing some darts. The bar is aptly named Kelly’s Pub.

Kelli was pretty happy about the place’s name

Much like The Aero Club, Kelly’s Pub wasn’t one of those places like the 35er that claims to be a dive bar and sells you a Guinness for $8.00. The bartender was a little slower than the bartender at the Aero but was still friendly and helpful. Plus - the place has actual old school steel dip darts - none of those noisy and annoying electronic, plastic tip dart machines. It also has an Internet jukebox.

Guess who won at darts?

We retired to our hotel room and called it a night. Sunday was time for the freaky cult wedding and reception.

**

Sunday, we got up early and visited Kelli’s mom - who was also attending the wedding and staying at the nearby Town & Country Resort. It looked less like a resort and more like The Village on The Prisoner.

Kelli had to get ready to get in her beautiful bridal party gown while I knocked back like 5 cans of Budweiser provided to me free of charge by some dude who was leaving his hotel room and didn’t want to throw away his beer.

We got to the church and the wedding soon began. The pastor or priest or cult leader or whatever he was called gave this long ass sermon about how marriage is between a man and a woman only and that we lived in a wicked, wicked world. Yawn. The bride and groom came up the aisle to The Wedding March from Lohengrin - which they should really stop using at weddings because it’s from an opera about an unfaithful wife.

While the pastor was marrying the couple, he gave another long sermon and began yelling and crying during it while the people in the crowd shook and swayed and kept saying “Yes, please, yes father, amen father, yes.” What a fucking freak show. You know, I have to say right now, I really love Kelli - `cause I wouldn’t do this for anyone else. If you’re inviting me to a wedding in the future, there’d better be at least some alcohol and dancing.

The coolest part of the wedding was after it was all over. If you look in the picture above, a rattlesnake (who lost its rattler) somehow found its way into the church parking lot. The groomsmen and I, in this video, were pretty amazed. Don’t know if that was biblical symbolism or not - but it was pretty hilarious after the torture I suffered during the wedding to see a diamondback slithering around and hissing.

Kelli looked beautiful as part of the bridal party

We were off to the reception. A reception that began with an opening prayer, had apple cider instead of champagne, and involved me and various members of the groom’s party sneaking down to the Hilton’s bar and having a Scotch or three. There was some really lame singing (but no dancing) and, yeah, there were a couple of hilarious moments.
The best moment of all, though, was when I caught the garter. Yep, that’s right. I caught it. Have video proof and everything. I figured I’d add some “Money In The Bank” rules a la WWE to it. I have 365 (well, now 363) days to cash it in and I can “cash it in” at any time.

The reception was over and I couldn’t be happier. I kind of feel like the bridal party should have informed Kelli ahead of time of all the different things she’d be doing. I mean, I went down there thinking there was a rehearsal on Saturday and the wedding on Sunday and that was it. Most of Saturday and Sunday was wasted with the whole thing - especially considering the people at the cult made it very known to Kelli that she was an outsider.

We drank massive amounts of tequila that night and before we knew it, it was Monday and time to check out of our hotel.

**

Yesterday morning after checking out and having a hearty breakfast, we took the Bridge over to Coronado for some sight seeing. We stopped at Bay View Park to take some awesome pictures:

The more things change..the more they stay the same.. 

Skyline from Bay View Park

Sepia Kelli 

San Diego..if it were LA?

Movie poster Aaron?

From there, we headed down Highway 75 and passed the famous Hotel del Coronado:

Then we kept going and ended up in beautiful Imperial Beach:

At that time, I realized we were very much near the United States-Mexico border.  So, we went down to the end of Seacoast Drive and were at the very top corner of the Tijuana Estuary - which has a nice lookout point where you can see Mexico in the background:

See the border - middle of the pic?  And the black smoke?  That there is Mexico.

Another shot of Mexico.

All of this can be yours!

Kelli’s not too fond of Mexico…

And, yeah, I tried to run for freedom again - see this video.

Noticing our day was headed to a close, it was time to start getting back on the road to the Crown City.  We drove back up to Coronado, past Silver Strand State Beach and the like.

Orange Avenue in Coronado

What a quaint little village…

Kelli and I crossed back over the Coronado Bridge again, and this time we filmed it.

In these trying economic times where long vacations are impossible, I highly recommend taking an excursion to San Diego in your near future.  It was fun, very relaxing, and I really had a romantic, lovely time with Kelli side for hanging out with a Doomsday Cult.

I hope to visit this interesting area again soon.

Hope you all had a fun and safe weekend as well and didn’t forget to honor the heroes who died to make our freedoms possible

- AP

Some new faces of 2007 (From left to right): District 1 Councilwoman Jacque Robinson, District 2 Councilwoman Margaret McAustin, and “Planny” - the Planning Commission dalmatian.

By the power vested in me by hyperlinking and blog archiving, here’s a shout out to the year 2007 - one of the most memorable years of not only my life but Pasadena’s as well.
2007 was definitely a year that saw both challenges for me in my personal life and for the City of Pasadena. While my life saw me unjustly fired from two jobs in the same year and subsequently being exiled to St. Louis, Pasadena saw gang violence, strip club buy outs, Rose Bowl float drama, door hanger drama, developer drama, high school football game drama, a police chief doubling as a City Manager, long-time PUSD board members upset from their seats, and lots, lots more.

Kimberley Brown ran against Steve Madison in the District 6 Council election. I’d like to have her in my polling place, if you catch my drift.

The year started out with some exciting Council and PUSD board races - all culminating with the March Primary election and the April runoff election (well, the latter if you didn’t get trounced by Mayor Bogaard).

Danny Bakewell made hell for Council to quell.

This very blog blossomed and came into its own a few weeks after the dust cleared from the election. As you’ll see, this site started out as my own personal campaign site. After the election, it became a place where I continually posted my attempts at comedic musings, controversial rants, controversial musings, and comedic rants (Ha!).
Ever since late March or early April, this site has become a favorite of elected officials, political candidates, anonymous pundits, newspaper reporters, crazy liberal bitches, bitches with smokin’ bodies, family members, erstwhile school board members, losers on professional wrestling message boards, Nigerian porno spammers, and Average Joes.

Local bloggers Centinel (left) and Dormitas (right).

And it’s not just this blog either. The entire blogsophere - moreso Blogadena - has grown to be quite the influential source from everything like straight information to complete ridicule of/on our leaders. More people pay attention to what goes on at historic City Hall than ever before. Let’s band together and make 2008 even more memorable!

When I was a kid, I was a big fan of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books. So why not sit a spell and do just that - choose your own Proctor-guided adventure in the archives of 2007.

• January
• February
• March
• April
• May
• June
• July
• August
• September
• October
• November
• December
• Febtabuary

Breakdown: 2007 In Numbers

• 195,000: The number of total hits for the year 2007 this site will reach sometime just before the end of the year.
• 8: The number of people on City Council (including the Mayor) who read this blog.
• Approximately 2300: The number of times the word ‘fuck’ is used on this site.
• 47: The number of times I’ve pissed people off.
• 86 minutes: The amount of time it takes Mayor Bogaard to finish a sentence.
• 48: Updated - number of times I’ve pissed people off.
• 3,000,000: The number of people I pissed off in the St. Louis area.
• $5,000,000: The amount the City spent to rid it of a strip club (the amount invested in to gang violence was far less).
• 40: Ounces of King Cobra goodness.
• $10 million: The amount Victor Gordo claimed we need in order to pay our police officers and fire fighters, in support of 2008’s worst decision, Measure D.
• $25 million: The amount in surplus the City actually will have. So why do we need Measure D again?
• 65,000 or so: The number of registered voters in Pasadena
• 5: The number of registered voters in Pasadena who vote
• 4: The number of registered voters in Pasadena who can name the Mayor or any member of City Council
• 73: The number of times Joe Hopkins attributed gang violence to a late 80’s or early 90’s hip hop group
• 8,294: The number of hours for entire City Council meetings this year
• 277: The number of times Jim Lomako used the phrase “granny flats” during the District 2 election
• 3,156: The amount of people who think things located just above Washington & Allen are part of incorporated Pasadena and not unincorporated Pasadena or Altadena.
• 1472: The number of geniuses in Pasadena.

Some Things I Learned In 2007

• John Shaft is a complicated man and no one understands him but his woman.
• Sid Tyler doesn’t use e-mail, he uses fe-male.
• The Midwest isn’t good for anything except cheap alcohol and cheap cigarettes.
• No MTA or ARTS bus in Pasadena is ever on time.
• Martin Truitt is 7 feet tall, weighs 650 pounds, and lives in a cave under the Allen Gold Line station.
• Running for office doesn’t get you a burger named after you. Calling the owner of a restaurant a ‘dick’ in the Pasadena Weekly does.
• Ace Star-News reporter Todd Ruiz and I have both seperately had sexual relations with this one chick back in our younger days. She had good taste.  UPDATE (Dec 27, 2007):  Chick pulls a Steve Madison and cries to me about this.  I took her picture down…here’s the e-mail I sent back:

  Because I'm a nice guy, a paragon of virtue, an icon, a superstar, role
  model, genius, et al....and since it's Kwanzaa, I'll take down your
  picture from that entry.
  
  It's a shame you don't have a sense of humor.  Then again, that's why
  you're a 30 year old Goth chick.
  
  - AP
  www.proctorformayor.com

• This chick on Law & Order: SVU reminds me of Jane Rodriguez.
• The Philadelphia Eagles and the Philadelphia Phillies are responsible for breaking my heart twice.
• Giving up the eyeliner and the eyeshadow and the weird clothes has been one of the better decisions I’ve made in life.
• Pasadena needs a Wendy’s and an Arby’s.
• City Council public comment cards make decent paper airplanes.
• Steve Haderlein is a sexy mofo.
• The hairstyle that Emo kids have is called a “Cry shield”. The kind of kids who listen to Emo are called “eleven-teens”.
• Jill organizes fun picnics.
• Former District 2 City Councilman Paul Little used steroids between his 2001 and 2003 terms.
• That guy on Orange Grove isn’t going to use the 50 cents you gave him to buy food.

I guess that all sums up 2007.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

- AP

Did you miss me? It’s unbelievable how busy life can be. I’ve decided that when I don’t have time to post I’m just going to respond to Aaron’s blogs in comments with a brief post of my own. It’s faster that way. In other words, It’s my job to put out the fires (odd coming from a red head who is usually the one starting the fires, but hey someone’s got to do it) that can get minsinterpreted by the “bottom feeders” of the blogging community who might not understand intellegent humor or sarcasm. No-one will ever understand him like I do and I laugh at everything he does, but I also see things for what they are and know that sometimes regardless of how hysterical making fun of all the world’s (or local city government’s) problems and seedy underbelly can be, restraint or control is somewhat necessary on very rare occasions. Then again, I might completely agree, as I often do, and instead of cool the flames, I might add some hellfire and brimstone for kindle. You’ll just have to wait and see. Isn’t it exciting? The anitici…..pation is killing all of you!

Brief Movie Review: Hitman….5 out of 5
If you love the game, you’ll love the movie! Hot hot hot! I loved it! Set in the shadows of Russia, this movie was a non stop thrill ride of nudity and good ol’ fashioned gun slinging. He’s bred in darkness by saints no less, only given a number and no name, forced to kill, but not always without compassion. Yeah, he gets betrayed, kills some bad people and falls in love with the girl, won’t even take advantage of her when she tears off her clothes and starts grinding on him, a true gentleman.

My favorite line in a movie was used “How will I find you?” tears streaming down her face…”I’ll find YOU!” Then the kiss and the temporary goodbye so he can go handle his business! Oh, classic. Gotta love that line. No spoilers here, it is what it is I think girls and boys will both find it appealing.

For those of you with kiddies, I also saw Enchanted the same day. Classic fairytale gone awry and damn, Susan Sarandon can I have your boots? It was cute, funny, and likeable. I give it 3 out of 5 stars.

Well, I’m done for now, but I’ll be back…

Is that Terminator show still going to come on with the writers strike? Get with it corporate whores, these people bust their asses and derserve whatever they are asking for!

Until then,

xoxo

Kelli (middle) with her friends Christie (left) and Kristen (right)

Annnnnnnd now entering the ring of bloggers, politicians, friends, and anyone with access to the Internet….it’s Aaron Proctor’s First Lady in her shiny debut!

Hello! And welcome to my column. I’ve often said this website needs a woman’s touch and Aaron agreed that it was high time, so here I am. So are you pumped? Super excited? Curious? Dying to see what I’m going to write? Because I am, too. (And, no, sorry to disappoint you but there will be no talk of that Sexy Steve Haderlein here). I plan on taking this column with a great sense of humor. I will definitely touch on serious issues but I want to take this lightly and my posts will be infrequent as I have my hands full with Aaron, among many other things as I’m sure you can imagine. I would like to discuss political issues, share personal stories, possibly write things from a woman’s perspective, a behind-the-scenes perspective and also throw in some movie and book reviews.

I will start with a brief back story. You know how we met, he wrote an article about it on Valentine’s Day this year. (It’s still the best V-Day gift I’ve ever been given, thank you Honey!) There’s not much else about me I care to dispose here, as most of you already know me, or about me, and that’s not what this column is for anyway. With that said I will go into my views. When we met I was your typical political skeptic. I was like the many apathetic people who feel their vote will not count so they don’t bother to register. But the more I watched “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” and “The Colbert Report”, the more I realized that news delivered with parody is so much more appealing and it became interesting.

I started to remember what it felt like to be part of a protest or a rally and how as a whole, we would make our voices heard. There is power in numbers and it really does make a difference, your vote does count! And if you never speak out, no one will be able to hear you! Also, as an advocate for women, think about the sisters of the suffragette movement. They kicked some serious ass to let our voices be heard, so we should appreciate that and not put all their efforts to waste. It’s all about equality here, for everyone. I don’t know anyone whose jaw did not drop with appalling horror when they announced that Bush had been elected again. I also don’t think that many of these people bothered to vote.

I am sad to say that at the time I met Aaron I was not registered to vote but that made it all more exciting and interesting to be able to vote for the first time in a local election for my very own boyfriend who the only opponent to current Mayor Bill Bogaard. Not many people can say their boyfriends have ran for Mayor at (then) the age of 25 in a very rich, how-to-do city and receive 11.2% of the vote. It just goes to show you can never judge a book by its cover and anything is possible if you put your mind to use. I am looking forward to voting in my first Presidential election next year. I have many issues I’d like to see addressed such as pro-same-sex marriage, pro-choice, civil rights, women’s rights, animal rights, environmental protection laws, bringing the boys overseas home to their families. I have so much interest in these things.

Of course the problem is people will say anything to get into office and then once they are, they don’t necessarily keep all of their promises. That’s the Catch-22 of politics. I knew that all along and decided to finally make a difference and let my voice be heard by vooting. If you aren’t registered to vote, there are a million links on this site to register. Please encourage anyone you know who is not registered to vote to do so. This next election is important.

Now - on to the rant. See, ladies and gentlemen of the blogging community, I have not been able to address this issue until now. I’d like to think I have a certain amount of class and would never use any names or point any fingers but when you hear so many horrible things about someone you question whether they deserve your respect or not. In this case I will make an exception and unveil the culprit. Let me paint a picture for you if I may of an exciting night at the Affordable Housing Forum at the Neighborhood Church. You see, on this night I accompanied Aaron who was running for Mayor and Jim Lomako who was running for District 2. We were in a hurry and we headed for the first door we saw (naturally) and the second I stepped foot inside some obviously disgruntled loud mouth jerk shouts “This door is for candidates only!”. To which my all too quiet response as I removed myself from his royal highness’ presence to go in the “correct door” was “Oh I’m sorry that I came in the door with my boyfriend who is running for MAYYYOORRRRR!”As it turns out I could just have easily taken my seat through the same door. Now, I am one of the most kind hearted, friendly, versatile people but let me tell you that as a Scotch/Irish redhead raised by a single mother, you do not want to mess with me. I am fierce as a Lion if I need to be. I do not appreciate being talked down to by some tempermental stranger who I found out moments later from the appropriately small typed name on his name card was none other than everyone’s best friend, Steve Madison!

From that moment on as I watched him make a completely display of himself throughout the forum, I realized something. Arrogance will get you nowhere. In order to be a servant of the people, you have to get along with the people. You have to understand the needs and wants of all walks of life and have great patience. It’s not about what kind of degree you have, who you happen to know, what kind of car you drive, or how Mommy and Daddy can put you through law school. Anyone who has ever lived paycheck to paycheck, supported themselves, or spent a night in a homeless shelter knows what I’m talking about. It’s completely unnecessary to be rude to a stranger who he probably never dreamed would take the time to write about a small contained incident. I hate people who are pretentious. People who have to strrugle to survive appreciate life so much more. I know rich, I know famous, I know mid class, I know low class, I know literally ALL kinds of people and for some reason I manage to get along with all of them. There is no boundary between us because of how much money we do or do not have. We are just simply….people. I see people for who they really are, not who they pretend to be.

From an outsider/insider’s perspective on politics, I have to say that after meeting some of the politicians, actually speaking to some of them, and watching as they quietly damage each other’s reputations and then smile and shake hands politely when they see each other, is pure entertainment. It goes to show that age and status do not matter and even grown adults can act like children if they want to. I think it’s hilarious personally and I hope that they laugh it all off the same way we do. It’s never easy being under the magnifying glass. We’re all only human after all.

I am a big movie buff and could probably have a whole column just for movie reviews. I like everything. I think I focus more on campy horror, cult, comedy, independent, drama, action…wait…I think I’ll watch anything at least once. Sometimes I will only watch a movie when I’m in the mood for it, same goes for music. Sometimes you just feel like dancing and sometimes you just feel like laughing. The most recent film I saw was Rob Zombie’s “Halloween”, his 3rd directorial installment. I give it 8 stars on a 10 star scale. I won’t go into too much detail. This epic horror film goes back to the youth of Michael Myers and shows you how he came to be the crazed serial killer. If you’re a horror fan you’ve probably already seen it.

I was also privilged enough to see a test viewing of a film titled “Trick R Treat”. 10 stars out of 10. We were the first audience to preview the film and as far as I can tell everyone absolutely loved it. It was very campy, just loaded with humor.

The storyline is a comic book setting with 4 stories going on throughout. There aren’t very many big stars in it. Anna Paquin (Rogue from X-Men) is the only one you might recognize. I don’t want to give too much away because as far as I know they don’t even have a release date yet. I can’t wait to watch it once it is released to see if they took anything out or added anything in.

Next on my list of movies to see is “Balls of Fury” because I just can’t get enough of that Christopher Walken.

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I’ll close with a few things:

1. Please feel free to leave me comments and e-mail your opinions, any ideas you might have, questions, etc. I love to hear other people’s opinions - good or bad. Hopefully not too bad.

2. Aaron has Sexy Steve Haderlein, I’ve got Victor Gordo (his wife has the same name as me - isn’t that fantastic?) I will write more about that in my next column.

3. Last but not least, thank you for reading this, my debut, and I look forward to seeing you here again soon. In the meantime please read the many posts my darling Aaron has on here.

Thank you, again.

Xoxo

Mrs. 11%