The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

Thanks for the smokes, Cynthia

Centinel over at Foothill Cities has taken the liberty of making a graph of my tongue-in-cheek campaign contributions.  Check it out at this link.  Centinel’s post was also given props by Frank Zgnoc over at Metroblogging LA, which has a new URL.

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Go Huskies and/or Longhorns

I attended the pointless City Manager public comment on Saturday morning and graced City Council with a special Top Ten List.  The theme was “Top Ten People You Should NOT Pick For City Manager” and included names like Cal Worthington, Andre Coleman, and The Crazy Lady Who Reads Poems At City Council Meetings. I left the copy of the list on my coffee table, so I’ll post it soon.  Needless to say, it was quite hilarious - even getting chuckles from KPAS tech, Daniel Hesse.  It was also nice to run into Former City Councilman and new guy in charge at the Chamber of Commerce, Paul Little.  Paul made some good points at public comment, namely the fact that the public comment should have been televised and that smaller cities have had more than one meeting about who their next City Manager should be. 

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Speaking of City Council, I’ll be there again tonight.  This time, I’ll be there cheering on PW Editor and fellow ex-Pennsylvanian, Kevin Uhrich.  He’s receiving an award from the Human Relations Commission (hey - remember when I was on that?).  It’s called the Model of Unity award.  Lebanon bologna for everyone!

Happy Monday,

- AP

Some new faces of 2007 (From left to right): District 1 Councilwoman Jacque Robinson, District 2 Councilwoman Margaret McAustin, and “Planny” - the Planning Commission dalmatian.

By the power vested in me by hyperlinking and blog archiving, here’s a shout out to the year 2007 - one of the most memorable years of not only my life but Pasadena’s as well.
2007 was definitely a year that saw both challenges for me in my personal life and for the City of Pasadena. While my life saw me unjustly fired from two jobs in the same year and subsequently being exiled to St. Louis, Pasadena saw gang violence, strip club buy outs, Rose Bowl float drama, door hanger drama, developer drama, high school football game drama, a police chief doubling as a City Manager, long-time PUSD board members upset from their seats, and lots, lots more.

Kimberley Brown ran against Steve Madison in the District 6 Council election. I’d like to have her in my polling place, if you catch my drift.

The year started out with some exciting Council and PUSD board races - all culminating with the March Primary election and the April runoff election (well, the latter if you didn’t get trounced by Mayor Bogaard).

Danny Bakewell made hell for Council to quell.

This very blog blossomed and came into its own a few weeks after the dust cleared from the election. As you’ll see, this site started out as my own personal campaign site. After the election, it became a place where I continually posted my attempts at comedic musings, controversial rants, controversial musings, and comedic rants (Ha!).
Ever since late March or early April, this site has become a favorite of elected officials, political candidates, anonymous pundits, newspaper reporters, crazy liberal bitches, bitches with smokin’ bodies, family members, erstwhile school board members, losers on professional wrestling message boards, Nigerian porno spammers, and Average Joes.

Local bloggers Centinel (left) and Dormitas (right).

And it’s not just this blog either. The entire blogsophere - moreso Blogadena - has grown to be quite the influential source from everything like straight information to complete ridicule of/on our leaders. More people pay attention to what goes on at historic City Hall than ever before. Let’s band together and make 2008 even more memorable!

When I was a kid, I was a big fan of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books. So why not sit a spell and do just that - choose your own Proctor-guided adventure in the archives of 2007.

• January
• February
• March
• April
• May
• June
• July
• August
• September
• October
• November
• December
• Febtabuary

Breakdown: 2007 In Numbers

• 195,000: The number of total hits for the year 2007 this site will reach sometime just before the end of the year.
• 8: The number of people on City Council (including the Mayor) who read this blog.
• Approximately 2300: The number of times the word ‘fuck’ is used on this site.
• 47: The number of times I’ve pissed people off.
• 86 minutes: The amount of time it takes Mayor Bogaard to finish a sentence.
• 48: Updated - number of times I’ve pissed people off.
• 3,000,000: The number of people I pissed off in the St. Louis area.
• $5,000,000: The amount the City spent to rid it of a strip club (the amount invested in to gang violence was far less).
• 40: Ounces of King Cobra goodness.
• $10 million: The amount Victor Gordo claimed we need in order to pay our police officers and fire fighters, in support of 2008’s worst decision, Measure D.
• $25 million: The amount in surplus the City actually will have. So why do we need Measure D again?
• 65,000 or so: The number of registered voters in Pasadena
• 5: The number of registered voters in Pasadena who vote
• 4: The number of registered voters in Pasadena who can name the Mayor or any member of City Council
• 73: The number of times Joe Hopkins attributed gang violence to a late 80’s or early 90’s hip hop group
• 8,294: The number of hours for entire City Council meetings this year
• 277: The number of times Jim Lomako used the phrase “granny flats” during the District 2 election
• 3,156: The amount of people who think things located just above Washington & Allen are part of incorporated Pasadena and not unincorporated Pasadena or Altadena.
• 1472: The number of geniuses in Pasadena.

Some Things I Learned In 2007

• John Shaft is a complicated man and no one understands him but his woman.
• Sid Tyler doesn’t use e-mail, he uses fe-male.
• The Midwest isn’t good for anything except cheap alcohol and cheap cigarettes.
• No MTA or ARTS bus in Pasadena is ever on time.
• Martin Truitt is 7 feet tall, weighs 650 pounds, and lives in a cave under the Allen Gold Line station.
• Running for office doesn’t get you a burger named after you. Calling the owner of a restaurant a ‘dick’ in the Pasadena Weekly does.
• Ace Star-News reporter Todd Ruiz and I have both seperately had sexual relations with this one chick back in our younger days. She had good taste.  UPDATE (Dec 27, 2007):  Chick pulls a Steve Madison and cries to me about this.  I took her picture down…here’s the e-mail I sent back:

  Because I'm a nice guy, a paragon of virtue, an icon, a superstar, role
  model, genius, et al....and since it's Kwanzaa, I'll take down your
  picture from that entry.
  
  It's a shame you don't have a sense of humor.  Then again, that's why
  you're a 30 year old Goth chick.
  
  - AP
  www.proctorformayor.com

• This chick on Law & Order: SVU reminds me of Jane Rodriguez.
• The Philadelphia Eagles and the Philadelphia Phillies are responsible for breaking my heart twice.
• Giving up the eyeliner and the eyeshadow and the weird clothes has been one of the better decisions I’ve made in life.
• Pasadena needs a Wendy’s and an Arby’s.
• City Council public comment cards make decent paper airplanes.
• Steve Haderlein is a sexy mofo.
• The hairstyle that Emo kids have is called a “Cry shield”. The kind of kids who listen to Emo are called “eleven-teens”.
• Jill organizes fun picnics.
• Former District 2 City Councilman Paul Little used steroids between his 2001 and 2003 terms.
• That guy on Orange Grove isn’t going to use the 50 cents you gave him to buy food.

I guess that all sums up 2007.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

- AP

With the upcoming departure of Cynthia Kurtz, there’s only one way we can truly find a good enough replacement: Pasadena City Manager Idol!

Your judges, of course, are Randy, Paula, and the awesomely evil Simon Cowell.
Here’s our next contestant!

The Director of Planning and Development for Pasadena…

From the mean streets of the Pasadena Community Development Commission….

Richard Bruckner!

What do the judges think?

Randy: “You’d be a great CM, dawg.”

Paula: “You have a cute nose. I want to play ‘Got Your Nose’ with you.”

Simon:  “Too nice and can’t be bought. I’d usually have more epic words for someone with his alleged affability but my Mother always told me as a child to never say anything if you don’t have anything nice to say.  I also think you’re stupid.  Next!”

Sadly, Simon’s evil ways won’t work since he was outvoted by Randy (who seems to love everyone!) and Paula (who has a slightly lower IQ than a bag of hammers) - so Richard moves on to the next round!

Stay tuned for next week’s episode of Pasadena City Manager Idol!

- AP

With the upcoming departure of Cynthia Kurtz, there’s only one way we can truly find a good enough replacement: Pasadena City Manager Idol!

Your judges, of course, are Randy, Paula, and the awesomely evil Simon Cowell.
Here’s our next two contestants!

From his rather large residence in Bradbury, a developer who has had some drama with City Council and who pretends to be from Pasadena…..

Danny Bakewell!

What do the judges think?

Randy: “You’d be a great CM, dawg.”

Paula: “What’s a developer?”

Simon: “I can’t believe I’ve worked with Randy and Paula this long. You two are idiots. Danny Bakewell would besmirch all that is great about the Crown City. Although I like the man’s rapport and style, he’s too much of a gadfly to be the next City Manager. Next!”

Well, next up we’ve got someone who is a bit off the radar. So far off the radar that we need an artist’s conception of what this man might look like because there’s not a picture of him anywhere on the Internet. Your favorite political consultant and mine….

(Pictured above, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan)

Martin Truitt!

Randy: “You’d be a great CM, dawg.”

Paula: (simply writing down her phone number and motioning for Martin to call her later)

Simon: “Absolutely perfect. You’re devious, you’re cunning, and you have friends in high places. Surely there is someone out there who considers you a great candidate to manage the City of Pasadena. You practically do it already. You, sir, are going to the next round!”

Well, Danny Bakewell couldn’t make well and Martin Truitt, the blue-chipper and favorite of Simon Cowell, moves on to the next round!

Stay tuned for next week’s episode of Pasadena City Manager Idol!

UPDATE:

Actual photo of Martin Truitt from the PSN in 2005.

- AP

With the upcoming departure of Cynthia Kurtz, there’s only one way we can truly find a good enough replacement: Pasadena City Manager Idol!

Your judges, of course, are Randy, Paula, and the evil Simon Cowell.

Let’s check out our first two contestants.

From Pasadena! Ladies and gentlemen..the Armenian Sensation and current Pasadena Chief of Police…….

Bernard Melekian!

What do the judges think?

Randy: “You’d be a great CM, dawg.”

Paula: “I really like that gold thing you wear on your blue shirt that says Pasadena Police Department.”

Simon: “I didn’t know if you were a public official or if you were giving my car a smog check! Absolutely deplorable! I have seen 5 year old children manage a City better than you do. You, sir, are not going to Pasadena.”

We can’t afford phone polls for this contest - so we’ll just go with what the majority of the judges think - so Melekian is moving on to the next round!

Next up we’ve got someone who makes their way to the stage from Ventura. He’s no stranger to Pasadena politics - even once holding the Mayoral position before it was a city-wide election. Give it up for…

Rick Cole!

Randy: “You’d be a great CM, dawg!”

Paula: “I don’t know, Randy. He seems too old and washed-up.”

Simon: “You could say the same about yourself, Paula. I adore Rick. He seems truly devious and ruthless. He’s in bed with Larry Wilson of the Star-News. He nearly has a Hitler mustache. This is my kind of City Manager Idol.”

The judges have decided and both Chief Melekian and Rick Cole go on to the next round.

Stay tuned for next week’s episode of Pasadena City Manager Idol!

- AP