The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

The Proc ran into his long-time, close, personal friend Michael Antonovich this past weekend at a GOP shindig in Arcadia.  The Proc also got this lady to play him “The Pennsylvania Polka” on the accordion.  Awesome.

Michael told those in attendance how fucking stupid Villatelemundo’s proposed tax is - and how those of us in the Other Valley shouldn’t be paying for his retarded “Subway To The Sea That Might Kill A Bunch Of People If The Conductor Is Text Messaging”.  Antonovich stated that even Bogey himself doesn’t support this tax, which makes me realize that it’s not because he’s against it - he just doesn’t want to make Pasadena look bad to everyone else.  (If this tax were only in Pasadena, Bogey’d be all over it - because he LOVES taxing people!)

Don’t fall for bullshit taxes, people.  Remember when they tacked on the .25% to our 8.25% sales tax and they said they’d take it away?  That was for the fucking World Series earthquake - 20 YEARS AGO.

If this shit passes, The Proc is gonna be droppin `bows like Pitney.

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It’s official.  You’re a Ham And Egger if you don’t buy something from The Aaron Proctor Store.

Seriously, folks - I know everyone’s in a financial bind but your money won’t be going to a horrible cause.  The Proc is currently on a drinking moratorium so I can gurantee you the money you pay is only going to a) my world dominance, b) bus tokens, and c) hookers on Craigslist helping out starving children.

The Proc’s also SELLING A COUCH!

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Speaking of ham and eggers, Frank Girardot is back from vacation.  He had some guy named Brian Day doing his blog.  Isn’t that the guitarist from Queen?  Welcome back Frank!

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In an attempt to draw hits to his website, Darius Allsaints mentioned The Proc’s name.  Now, I’m flattered that he thinks The Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena would be a great Vice Presidential running mate for some goldbricker - but come on - I’m not 35 years old yet.  Is my receding hairline that bad?

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Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  Plagued with drug and alcohol issues for years, Jake Roberts ONCE AGAIN makes a fool out of himself - and, in turn, the wrestling industry.

It’s so sad because the guy actually contributed a LOT of key things to the wrestling industry.  He made the “backstage interview” an art form.  He added so much in-ring psychology to the “Fakeness” of pro-wrestling that, during my days in the biz, his name would come up SO much as an example for things.

It’s also sad that the WWE was actually PAYING for him to get help - and he isn’t even a full-time employee of the company.  (Well, they’re doing it to cover their own asses after the whole Benoit thing..)

What I don’t understand is why companies keep hiring him?  I mean, even if people are going out just to see him on some indy show in hopes of another breakdown - a lot of people aren’t even going to do that.  This guy needs some serious help and I’m actually surprised, after seeing him do things like this time in and time out, that the dude’s still alive.

Drugs are always going to be part of the wrestling industry - no matter how many “Wellness policies” you have.  I just feel there needs to be more oversight by these wrestling organizations - so things like this don’t happen.  You’re gonna go let a guy wrestle a match after you find out he had 12 airline vodka bottles right next to his gym bag?  I’m not blaming the organization who ran the aforementioned show entirely - but what I learned in wrestling school (the #1 thing in a match is to protect your opponent) - should be applied here:  the #1 thing when running a show is protecting your fans, the industry, and other wrestlers harmed by a coked-up maniac.

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Thanks to the real PCC for letting me know that Mayor Bogaard said “fullness of time” at last night’s meeting.  Take a shot.

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I didn’t see the meeting last night - I was too busy watching one of the best Eagles losses ever.  It wasn’t fuckin’ pass interference, either.  You know what I’m talking about.

The Proc enjoyed the game at the 35er last night, surrounded by dreg of society Cowboys fans, sans alcohol, and sat with this really cool couple for Louisiana, Dick & Edie, who were in the area doing some family stuff.  They were really cool - especially since Dick was originally from Springfield, PA - just a hop skip and a jump away from where I grew up.

That’s probably a preview of the NFC Championship game, folks.  Eagles look like they’re gonna score nearly 40 points a game.  We’ll see how they match up on Sunday against those evil Steelers.  Revenge is a best dish served cold, with a side of Brian Westbrook running for a 70 yard TD instead of fumbling it.

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Fat Tony’s at it again - and it’s not shock that he’s got no sense of humor (part of the Pasadena Way!):

Are you there, presidential candidates? It’s me, Assemblyman Anthony Portantino, D-Pasadena, and I’m formally declaring my candidacy for vice president of the U.S.

Portantino, keynote speaker at the NAACP’s 24th annual Ruby McKnight Williams Awards Dinner on Thursday night, listed his qualifications for the country’s second-highest office: former mayor of a small town with 21,000 people now representing an area with a population of 500,000.

That, he said, made him “over-qualified” compared with Sarah Palin.

He fell short in one area, as an attendee pointed out.

“He’s not wearing lipstick.”

HAHAHAH…wait…not fucking funny at all.  Going by Tony’s logic:  If all it takes to qualify to be an Assemblyman is to be some Guido from Long Branch, New Jersey - then an ex-wrestling promoter from Philly should run away with the upcoming District 5 City Council seat.

Brian Fuller was born and raised in Altadena…and doesn’t drive into work listening to “Woke Up This Morning“.

And, no, Tony’s not wearing lipstick..but some of his detractors are wearing cement shoes. 

Be seeing you (and thanks to Valley Of The Shadow for the props!),

- AP

So The Proc’s in Old Pasadena yesterday, just getting off work, smoking a cigarette, on the phone with his brother, Josh, wishing him a happy birthday.

The Most Electrifying Man in Pasadena finishes The Most Electrifying Cigarette in Pasadena and throws it into the street.

Suddenly, some old limo liberal bitch drives up in her huge gas-guzzling SUV and says “Hey! Can you pick up that cigarette you just threw on the ground?  And are you with the McCain campaign?” (asking because I have a McCain sticker on the bag I carry to work).

I am on the phone with my brother at the time and he’s all like “What’s going on Aaron?” and I tell him to hold on.

“Fuck you. If you got a problem with me throwing a cigarette in the street, fucking pick it up yourself…and if you have a problem with me supporting McCain, get out of your fucking car and say it to my face” I say to the bitch as she drives off in her SUV.  That’s how we roll back in Philly and I am bringing some of that toughness to Pasadena.  If I drove up South Street and asked someone to pick their cigarette up, I’d get my ass beat…on principle alone.

And say what you want about Philadelphia - but at least they’re building the 3rd largest building in the US, the American Commerce Center.  Could you imagine the bitching and complaining if that were happening in certain neighborhoods in Pasadena?

This crazy bitch was worried about my little fucking cigarette in the street.  Seriously.  And now, just because of her, any time I’m smoking in Old Pasadena, that cigarette is either going right into the street or I’ll just flick a cigarette butt in the iPod store or something.  You don’t fuck with the Proc - and I’m not afraid of those assclowns on the Segways.  Bring them on.

Josh - all the way back in Philly - wondered what was going on and I said “Oh, some stupid bitch stopped in her SUV to ask me to pick up a cigarette” and he’s like “Huh?!  Why would anyone do that?”

Why would anyone do that, mon frere?  I tell you why.

Pasadena is a great City, it’s the Center of the Universe, home of the Rose Parade, home of Caltech and all that jazz….but it’s also a city that has a ton of pussies.  Not just some of the people who live here but the people who govern as well.  Bunch of mamby-pampby-got-picked-last-for-kickball-and-going-to-go-home-and-cry-to-mom-about-it pussies.

Throwing a cigarette into the street in, god forbid, sacred Old Town?!  That’s unheard of.  You can’t do that.  It would be like murdering a small child.

Maybe if we switched to RC helicopters, everyone would be happy?

Did you know the City of Pasadena is going to spend $2 million on QUIET HELICOPTERS.  Yeah, because people from all over Pasadena call in and complain about the helicopters.  The limo liberals in Linda Vista don’t want them because “why would we need them? no crime happens here” and the people in the Northwest don’t want them, even though that’s where a lot of the crime happens.

Why are we spending $2 million on this?  Do we really need quiet helicopters?  We LIVE IN A CITY.  THERE’S GOING TO BE NOISE.  If you don’t want noise, move ELSEWHERE.  It’s just a helicopter flying over, trying to protect you.  Deal with it.  $2 million - how many police or firefighters salaries is that?  How many new textbooks for our fucking failing 49th in the nation schools is that?

But, no, some assclown wants quiet helicopters.

Pussies.  Fucking pussies.

If I were happened to be elected to City Council, my first task would be the de-pussification of Pasadena.  Nobody should fuck with us….not even ourselves.

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I’d suggest bulldozing Old Pasadena to the ground if my job and Lula Mae wasn’t there.  Seriously, that store rocks - and that’s where I got the Slang Flashcards…so I could bring you the Slang Word Of The Week!

This week’s word:  crib

crib n [ME, fr. OE cribb; akin to OHG krippa manger, and perh. to Gk griphos reed basket] one’s place of residence, domicile “IT’S THE HIP THING FOR RICH PASADENANS TO PHYSICALLY MOVE THEIR CRIB FROM ONE PART OF THE CITY TO ANOTHER” - syn PAD, CASTLE, NEST, DIGS, FLAT

I wonder which Councilmember is going to put this crib on a truck and move it?

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Congrats to The Proc’s close personal friend, Robin Salzer, and his wife, AMV, on the birth of their twin boys!!!  Robin says it’s truly a miracle and a blessing.  Ahhh, the miracle of life…so beautiful yet so complicated!

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Get to work, jabronis.

Be seeing you,

- AP

Sid Tyler is The Proc’s homeboy.

• Poison ivy is allergic to Sid Tyler.
• Sid Tyler’s gang tags are those “No Dumping, Leads To Ocean” things you see on the sidewalk.
• When Sid Tyler goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
• Sid once punched Anderson Cooper so hard that became Campbell Brown.
• According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American “Trail of Tears” has been redefined as anywhere that Sid Tyler walks.

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Thanks to Ann Erdman, I now know that the show “The Prisoner” was based on Pasadena.

See this picture from her blog?

It’s just the Pasadena Way version of Rover:

Fuck yeah!

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So I’m trying to find a campaign manager for my fight against Victor Gordo and his District 5 Council Seat.

A campaign manager in Crown City politics is like picking your VP in the Presidential election.  So, fucking hot women who shoot moose and promptly make burgers out of them, move to the front of the line.

Here’s my “short list” of possible campaign managers:

Martin Truitt - but he’s in Borneo right now, or something.

Famous luchador, Blue Demon!

Victor Gordo’s not-so-best friend, Danny Bakewell!

If time machines were available, Yvonne DeCarlo circa the Munsters-era!

…or Brigitte Nielsen, circa Rocky IV!

A homeless guy.  Would go good with one of my possible slogans, “Change…..could you spare some?”

We’ll see!

Be seeing you,

- AP

The Proc’s announcement of his upcoming City Council campaign hasn’t gone unnoticed.  The Pasadena Star-News finally realizes the way to sell papers - by putting my name in bold print at the top of their Local section this morning.

Although, I should let them know, it’s spelled Robin Salzer, not Saltzer.

What - is Joe Hopkins writing for the PSN now?

Gordo actually called me on Saturday morning to welcome me to the district.  I told him that you’re supposed to make the concession phone call after you lose, not before.

Be seeing you,

- AP

Former PSN Reporter & Permanent Pimp, Todd Ruiz

That’s what Pasadena PIO Ann Erdman was doing the other day.  All I gotta say is lock up your wives and girlfriends - this guy even gives The Proc a run for his money in the looks department.

Plus, we seem to be the only two dudes with attitudes in the `Dena able to pull off wearing this shade:

I’ll pause, ladies, so you can change your underwear.

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Pick up a PW today for another great edition of “5 Questions“.  This time it’s with this dude name Josh, who owns Luigi Ortega’s - or as the picture above says “LO’s Cafe Beer Wine”.  What an odd name!

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As you all know, I’m running against El Pollo Gordo for his District 5 seat.  Here’s the first non-video ad I’ve developed - to show Gordo that I’m not out of touch:

No Union Members were harmed in the making of that ad - but they sure got crunk.

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Palin 1, Obama 0

Everyone’s favorite VPILF totally owned Barack Obama..or should I say OWNEDbama last night!  Can’t wait until the Liberal media spins her as a racist - after all, you’re not allowed to criticize a black man running for President (much like you can’t touch a black man’s radio…)

Some of Ms. Hotness’ best lines of the night?

“And since our opponents in this presidential election seem to
look down on that experience, let me explain to them what the job
involves. I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a ‘community
organizer,’ except that you have actual responsibilities.” 

BURN!  Yeah, Obama, while you were just walking around pretending to me a “community organizer” (kinda like how Portantino is in the Kiwannis club and doesn’t show up for meetings) - Palin was actually doin’ shit.  I mean, local Obama supporters - like Maserati Madison (who I thought was on Team Hillary?) and Victor Gordo totally know about sitting around, not doing anything!

And the other delicious line from the delicious one herself had to be:

“Here’s how I look at the choice Americans face in this election. In politics, there are some candidates who use change to promote their careers. And then there are those, like John McCain, who use their careers to promote
change.”

Nice.  Can’t deny that it was a fantastic speech!  And you also can’t deny something else….

For all the sucking up that you get from the media as the new Messiah, I’m sure this won’t bother you too much - but Barack Obama - you get this week’s Ham And Egger Award.  Go do some fucking “community outreach” with it, or something.

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Join in Gerrymanderingmania over at Foothill Cities!

Be seeing you,

- AP

As you already may know, I’m moving to District 5 and challenging Victor Gordo (and his hot ass field rep, Vannia) for his Council seat later this year.

Here is some video footage of my official announcement.

And…
Here’s a video of me discussing how important it is for people to get to work.

Enjoy!
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Be seeing you,

- AP

The Proc is The Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena - and he also has the Most Electrifying Column In The Pasadena Weekly.  Pick up a copy of the PW this week (since they don’t put my column on their website!) and check out “5 Questions” with Jeannette Bouvard, media guru of the Pasadena Museum of History.

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Is it me or does Virginia Hoge just get crazier and crazier with every new post she has on her blog?  This chick is fucking insane.

Check out this post she has about former Councilmember and CEO of the Chamber of Commerce, my buddy Paul Little.

Why is Paul Little the president of the Chamber of Commerce?  Is it some conspiracy by the right-wing in Pasadena?  Fuck no.  Paul works hard and likes to be involved with the community in some way or another.  He kicks ass and takes names while you, Virginia, what the fuck do you do!?   No - seriously - how do you contribute to society!?  Besides the $11,000 you get from PUSD to trash my blog?

And look at her blaming Rene Amy for her stealing a photo from the New York Times!  Yeah, I’m sure Rene Amy had everything to do with this.  If you read Virginia’s blog and believe what she says, apparently Rene and I rule the world.  We all know it’s just me and Rene Amy doesn’t have anything to do with running shit around here
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I haven’t talked about Victor “El Pollo” Gordo in a while.  I know Council has been on summer vacation and he’s probably spending those long summer nights wondering which other Pasadena restaurants have drive-thrus.

Well, that’s all about to change in a few days.

I’m moving into District 5.  So, in other words, Victor, Ahora soy su problema.  I’m your problem now, buddy.  I’m gonna miss my sexy Councilman - whom I am still challenging to a game of Horse any time, any place.

So, my new Councilman is Steve Madison’s best friend.  Yawn.

I’d like to present my new Councilman with a special award…you all know what’s coming:

The first ever Jambon Y Heuvos version of the Ham And Egger Award - just for you, Victor!  In bizarro world, this award would be presented to “Loser Flaco” - but we’re not in bizarro world, we’re in Pasadena, where your Council district just became the coolest one fucking ever - `cause I live there.

The funniest thing is that Victor is up for re-election later this year.  Maybe he’ll not just cruise right back into another term:  maybe he’ll deal with The Proc as his opponent!  And now my goal of trying to bang Vannia De La Cuba (pretty sure she’s the hot chick on the right whose eyes are screaming ‘I want a piece of The Proc’) is closer to being reached.

Proctor for City Council.  No Cerveza, No Trabajo.
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Be seeing you,

- AP

Hey you! Yeah, you with the computer keyboard. Get off your lazy ass and pick up a Pasadena Weekly this week. “The Proc’s 5 Questions” is with the owner of Leaforever, Ray Tsai - probably the most hilarious one to date. And for everyone look for the big Huell interview, that’ll be in the paper next week!

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Did you vote in the Worst Of Pasadena awards yet? Well, you fuckin’ should. Over 100 people have so far…but I know there’s more of you out there..so get those ballots in quickly!

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Remember my list of The Ten Things I Love About Pasadena? The Proc is still counting down. Let’s see what made it to #2 on the list:

#2 - Pasadena City Council!

Ever love hating something? Yeah, that’s the way I roll when it comes to Pasadena City Council. Don’t get me wrong - there’s some great people with a sense of humor up there, and some people who take things way too seriously.

The thing that’s the funniest about these people is the fact you can hear their guffaws after reading my blog miles away from City Hall - until the joke is on them. Then, it’s “Proc, you’ve gone too far” and “Proc, you’ve got to tone it down a little bit.” Jokes are only funny if they’re not about you - that should be on the Pasadena seal.

The thing I love most is that they’ve all kind of developed (or maybe I developed them) into their own characters:

• The staid, boring, old Mayor who is still drinking pimp juice at the age of 172.
• A Councilwoman that doesn’t even look like she’s old enough to drink (and sometimes looks like she’s possibly on the Pineapple Express, according to Dormitas’ great City Council reviews…)
• Then there’s the Queen of District 2 - a sweet woman but she isn’t afraid to verbally lay the smacketh down. There’s a reason we call her “Iron” Maggie and it’s not because she’s good at pressing shirts.
• Shiiiiiiiiit.
• A sex symbol.
• A political lackey with perfect hair follicles who got the name “El Pollo” from simply asking at a meeting last year if the Church’s Chicken on Orange Grove had a drive thru.
• A giant douchebag who drives a Maserati and divorced his wife right before he received won a multi-million dollar court case.
• The world’s most dangerous man.

With Districts 3, 5, and 7 in contention in 2009, some of these guys might be replaced. I’ll never forget the current class of City Council though…and I don’t think the rest of Pasadena will, either.

Keep up the great work AND (more importantly) the shitty work. I gots to have something to writes about. And that’s the bottom line. `Cause Aaron Proctor said so.

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The District 6 Blogger brings up a really good point I’d like to share with you all:

Aaron:

Why does Bill Bogaard and pal Steve Madison continue to downplay Pasadena as some kind of quiet little bedroom community? You’d never know from Bogaard that there’s gang violence, coverups, and insider @($)! going on. Check out this article. Bogaard calls Pasadena “a little understated” as if he’s proud of it. This is the same old $*@$)_!.

Serious-fucking-ly. Speaking of our new City Manager, I guess my comments about the Inland Empire didn’t go unnoticed by an IE blogger:

The Inland Empire has not yet been universally recognized as an area of high culture and standards. For example, take a look at what Aaron Proctor had to say regarding the upcoming transfer of Michael Beck from Riverside to Pasadena.

I’ve got a few predictions about this Inland Empire go-getter (a go-getter in the IE is defined as anyone who wears a dress shirt and works more than 10 hours a week).

Now I could cry and complain and wave my dress shirt around, but I have to admit that sometimes we in the Inland Empire do our own selves in. The headline of this story says it all:

Official said to be meth addict

Say it ain’t so! Meth addiction in the Inland Empire? I’m shocked.

Actually, we have had a meth problem for years and years, and it doesn’t just affect the addicts:

When the Inland Empire ranked as one of the nation’s largest producers of meth during the 1990s, police officers like Jim Foreman were kept busy raiding and investigating countless makeshift labs where the drug was produced. During one incident, Foreman actually passed out from the chemicals. Today, Foreman, who took a medical retirement last year, says his lungs operate at only 60% of capacity. He suffers from a series of other ailments he blames on his exposure to the meth lab toxins.

So some of us aren’t working 40 hour weeks, either because we’re addicted to meth or we’re recovering from meth exposure.

At least we’re all keeping our shirts on. So far.

I didn’t know people out there did anything on the Internet outside of going to tattoo parlor websites, MySpace and NASCAR.com. Slap my ass and call me misinformed!

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Be seeing you,

- AP

While we don’t know yet who is running against Victor Gordo (or Sid Tyler or Chris Holden) early next year - we do know that there’s a kinda big Presidential election in November, a stupid Bond Measure that will try to pass, and an Assembly race as well - pitting Democrat & Sopranos extra Fat Tony against the GOP’s Brian Fuller. It’s time for Election coverage so cue the JPG:

The Proc says Brian Fuller deserves your vote. He is the kind of guy that would come over to your house, chill on your couch, be cool with drinking iced tap water `cause you didn’t make a run to Von’s yet and go to dinner at BJ’s in Arcadia with you - so that’s what we did on Saturday night. He also doesn’t seem to mind my occasional use of the word “Fuck“. Fuckin’ a. No Garvanza $50 fundraisers here. And, for all you nosy FPPC people out there, he bought his own dinner - so - no scandals.

Brian Fuller also has a lot of good ideas for the community. He’s not big on the government making bullshit programs that eat up taxpayer money but don’t really do a damn thing - ones that are just to give people jobs so people can try and get re-elected over and over. He doesn’t care for lobbyists or special interest groups that are trying to save their own asses by paying politicians to do their bidding.

Here are some superficial reasons why he should get your vote:

• Drives a bitchin’ yellow PT Cruiser
• Has been to all 50 states - including the Northwest Angle
• Is proud of his Scottish heritage, wants to buy a kilt
• Like artichokes on his pizza
• Likes bluegrass music
• Can quote “Pulp Fiction” like nobody’s business
• Survived driving off a cliff. True story.

Oh yeah, and he’s single, ladies. So - when you go to the polls in November - if you really want all this “change” people are talkin’ about - why not do something a little different and vote for a guy who isn’t part of the “Good Old Boys” club around here? You’ll be happy you did.

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Let’s get some Sid Tyler Facts goin’ in this biznitch:

• Knock Knock…. Who’s There?…. Sid Tyler….. Sid Tyler who?….. (gunfire erupts)
• When Sid Tyler was in high school and he was taking algebra, his teacher allowed all of his solutions for “x” to be “Sid Tyler”.
• When Sid Tyler exercises, the machine gets stronger.
• Sid Tyler banged a mermaid.
• Oxygen requires Sid Tyler to live.
• The media has coined the phrase “staycation“. Sid Tyler has coined the phrase “killcation“.
• When that bus crashed into the Jack In The Box, people thought Sid Tyler didn’t order extra onions.
• Sid Tyler earns maximum wage.
• “Made by Sid Tyler” is imprinted under China.

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Weeeeeeeeeeeeee! I caught a LOT of the City Council meeting last night and while my rundowns pale in comparison to Dormitas, I’ll try to floss like I’m him any way:

• I thought there was going to be a finale to Pasadena City Manager Idol - but the judges couldn’t make a decision just yet, due in part (Bogey said) to the absences of Sexy Steve, El Pollo Gordo, and “Obligatory Absence” Madison.
• There is, however, a brand new City Clerk - as Mark Jomsky debuted last night. I think a bag of potatoes has more fucking personality. He’s our own version of Toby Flenderson.
• Mike Adamle was named General Manager of WWE RAW last night, so take his name out of the City Manager search.
• The Gestapo will pass their Smoking Ban on August 11th or sometime in September, said Michelle Bag-nair-us.
• Council opposed Prop 7 - mostly because Pasadena is its own power company. 76% people or something like that, support it. Just goes to show you how Pasadena Council can be “We don’t care what everyone else thinks” one day and then “We need to be more like (insert uber Liberal hippie dippie city here)” the next day.
• “Nearly bringing me the hotness but not quite succeeding like some other people do” of the night went to some Prop 7 supporter named Alexandra Simpson during public comment. Just out of college and already doing her political thang. Meeeeeow.
• Bogaard couldn’t remember Fat Tony’s field rep’s name..Adam something…led the pledge (which he slipped up on…probably hard for a liberal to pledge the flag) and bored me with about other stuff. I’ll just call the guy Stacks.
• Something like 71% of the people who live in Downtown make $50,000 a year. So do they think they’re better than me? `Cause they’re not.
• That dude who has been commenting on my blog and some other blogs, Eddie “Banjo” Marks, gave me a call last night. We’ve been e-mailing for a while. He sounded a little drunk..and he’s not even posted a single blog of his own yet…but he seems pretty cool. He is legit from Kentucky - but is living here in California now after doing some work in Mexico. Long ass story. Wish he’d tell it.
• I think the real star of the night was our buddy Sid. At first, he was pissing me off with his “let’s ban smoking in apartments and condos” shit…and then, he was talking to some chick who was an entimologist or epidermist or Episcopalian or something…and he was getting all excited and asked her out for coffee. Chris Holden even said “Sid got excited…shiiiiiiiiiiiit.” That was hilarious stuff.
• The usual b.s. all around. Dormy will go into more detail, I’m sure. No Madison…must have been a really hot stripper to bang somewhere. I don’t think McAustin was gonna put up with his shit this week, any way.

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Back on June 28th, I posted about how I keep running into this homeless lady in the Duarte-Arcadia-Monrovia area who looks like a cracked out Billy Idol. Well, I have seen her TWICE now in the past few weeks. Kelli & I encountered her walking up Huntington in Arcadia outside of 100-to-1, talking to herself - and then we saw her on Saturday outside of BJ’s in Arcadia..again pulling the “I left my bag on the bus” bullshit. I even said to her this time “I JUST SAW YOU AT THE WAL-MART IN DUARTE A FEW MONTHS AGO PULLING THE SAME SHIT!” and she just says “Thank you..” and walks away to harass other people in the parking lot.

Next time, I’m telling this bitch to fuck off.

**

Walkabout Pasadena is back. “Part II: Ice Cream Social” is kind of a weak title. How about “Part II: Electric Boogaloo” or “Part II: Day Of Reckoning”? I actually think these events are good and sadly - I won’t be able to attend this one due to prior commitments. I think something needs to be said - not only of the walkability of Pasadena but of the bus-ability of Pasadena, particularly the ARTS bus, as well.

I’m also wondering when they picked this date - `cause it’s suspiciously on the same day my friends at the Pasadena Republican Club are doing their precinct walks. (By the way, did anyone notice how the IndyMac Star-Bus Crash reported the Democrat HQ opening but not the Republican?  A biased pansy runs that place…)
Plus - I’m not going to let anyone else steal my kiosk idea - although I think Margaret McAustin may have unknowingly done so.

Looks like there’s going to be ice cream…and Bogaard. So - find out which takes longer to complete: Bogaard finishing a sentence or ice cream melting. The results will sweep you away!

Happy Tuesday.

- AP

Happy Wednesday!

If you’re feeling down and blue about the Lakers getting sexually assaulted last night 131-92 in the NBA Finals, don’t feel bad. Sit a spell and take some advice from a Philadelphia sports fan:

So, the Lakers haven’t won a championship in like…6 years…so what? Try not winning a championship in 25 years….in 28 years….or never. Think about how lucky you are to live in Los Angeles - beautiful weather, beautiful women all around, the beaches and the mountains in driving distance, swimming pools, movie stars - you catch my drift?

The Lakers didn’t win the championship. Boo hoo. At least being in Los Angeles, you have something to look forward to. We didn’t have that privilege in Philly. All we really had to look forward to was another season of the Phillies or the Eagles or the Sixers or the Flyers in last place or choking when they needed to be clutch.

Maybe if you Lakers fans supported your team when they were down in the dumps and not just in first place, maybe if you Lakers fans would fly those flags on your cars year round, I’d consider you passionate sports fans. Until then, most of you just further that typical L.A. “fake” stereotype. I say - be proud of what you did. Only 2 teams could reach the Finals this year and you were one of them.

For a city that gets on pretty well without a major NFL franchise, for a city that gets on pretty well for having 2 NBA franchises and pretending like it only has one - for a city that honestly has some of the most fair-weather, lackluster, apathetic, worst sports fans who leave games in the 7th inning in the entire country - I say hold you head high. Or, you can just put those Lakers flags away until they get past the first round of the playoffs next time.

(By the way, we Philadelphians have disowned Kobe Bryant like the Canadians disowned Alex Trebek)

**

The Ten People Ruining Pasadena list continues today with #4. Before that - let’s go through a run down of numbers 10 through 5, shall we?

#10 goes to the insane asylum with Virginia Hoge.

#9 drops it like it’s hot with Joe Hopkins.

#8 - Annoying Homeless People!

Larry Wilson lulls us to sleep at #7.

Put on your wool cap and American Apparel ‘Legalize LA’ t-shirt for #6: Hipsters.

Peter Dreier blames us all for #5.

*Drumroll* And now…#4:

Graffiti “artists”! (Picture courtesy of WCGB)

Yeah, everyone here pretty much knows how I feel about graffiti. It’s stupid, it’s not an art form - in fact, it’s pure vandalism. 99.9% of the time, the graffiti doesn’t make any god damned sense. I mean, look at the picture above. What the fuck is that? Maybe it’s some algebra homework from John Muir High School or someone was trying to calculate the strength of the Yen vs. the dollar?

Meh. This is called a “tag” and they’re purpotrated by “taggers“. It’s supposed to be “cool” and “hip” - but all it does is make people not want to build new things in neighborhoods where this is rampant, leaving people somehow confused as to why a business doesn’t want to come there. This kind of art is even celebrated in books by hipster white people who don’t live in the neighborhoods where tags are usually found (chalk that up for another on the list of ‘Stuff White People Like’).

Here in the Crown City, we have a hotline set up to report graffiti. It seems to work ok - but I wonder how we prevent this kind of stuff from happening? You can’t just put all graffiti artists in one group - I mean, they’re all stupid - but some of them are just stupid kids who don’t feel like going to the 99 cent store to get some markers and art supplies. Others are just gang members marking they’re territory like they’re a male cat - except male cats usually piss better patterns.

One thing’s for sure - I see this crap throughout Pasadena. Even in my hallowed District 4, I’ve been seeing newer graffiti everyday - now that it’s summertime and these kids don’t have anything else better to do.

Some cities try to set up graffiti walls and tell people that it’s ok to do that kind of shit in that particular area. Think about that Einstein knowledge for a second. Let’s set up a wall where people can do something illegal and it can be celebrated by all. I haven’t seen any statistics but I doubt these kind of walls really cut down on tagging. That would be like setting up an area of the city where it’s ok to break into cars or to beat people up…I mean, cities are setting these kinds of things up but they’re not setting up red light districts?

I think cities, ours in particular, should grow some balls and get more aggressive with graffiti. Get me on TV to do some PSAs (I’m really good at them) - and let me just proclaim my new slogan: “Taggers are faggers“. Doesn’t make too much sense, but after an e-mail I received from a tagger, neither do they:

Yo’ your a faget biatch, badmouthing graff and shit, i hope someone lays the verbal smack down in your verbal oraphice bitch, seriously, your so cool bud, most electrifyingly gay man i’ve ever heard of. Go die please

Stay tuned for #3 on my list of the Ten People Ruining Pasadena. Coming soon.

**

Why do moms get mad when I’m walking down the street in Old Town and I give lude and/or lascivious looks to their jail-bait daughter who happens to be wearing short short short short shorts with her tramp stamp above her ass hanging out? You’re the one who let them leave the house dressed that way. Hey, somebody’s gotta enjoy the view before she’s completely used up by the time she’s 20.

This actually goes for any hot woman - if you don’t want me leering at your cleavage or your hot ass, don’t wear stuff that shows off your cleavage or your hot ass. It’s pretty simple. You’re asking for it more than a contestant on Jeopardy.

**

Wow. Look at the hard-working guys at the Tribune (ya know, the people who are in bed with the Pasadena Star-News). I guess it’s easy to tell why the paper has come down so much….they’re too busy watching the end of the US Open:

Amazing. Just amazing. Look at all those reporters dawdling. I wonder if one of them is the brand new rookie Pasadena politics reporter Dave Aftershock? Probably not - I don’t know what he looks like but I hear he used to write for the LA City Beat, which means he has 70 face piercings and 52 tattoos. (Edit: I now hear he’s a clean-cut All-American guy)

This kinda nonsense is just uncalled for. It is, however, quite award winning:

Congrats, SGVT. You guys all get the Ham And Egger Award this week. Maybe you can all stand around it instead of doing actual work.

**

I didn’t know this day would be coming so soon. Our fair City Clerk, Jane Rodriguez is leaving City Hall. Her last day is July 25th. This kind of sucks. Who is going to sound extremely enthused when taking roll at City Council meetings? Who is going to remind me of Casey Novak on Law & Order SVU? Who, just who, is going to put up with my occasional visits to City Hall?

Good luck in your future whatever-it-is-you’ll-be-doing, Jane. She’s been over at City Hall for like 35 years (not a joke).

Jane also sent me in the right direction to some really cool info:

The Pasadena 2009 Elections Are Coming! YES!!! Local election fever will be arriving quite soon in Pasadena! Election 2009 coverage officially begins today here on The Proc’s show. Or - as they’re calling it in District 5:

There are races upcoming in other places, too. Not just District 5 - but District 3 and District 7 will be up for grabs, although I doubt anyone is going to try and run against Holden and Tyler (especially the latter, considering he literally eats his opponents for breakfast). Word on the street is there are one or two serious people who’d like to challenge Gordo’s seat - so, at this time and juncture, I’m going to be really focused on that contest.

We’ve also got Mike Babcock, Scott Phelps, Steve Lizardo, and Ed Honowitz’ PUSD Board of Education seats up for grabs.

The election is on March 10, 2009 with the run-off election scheduled for April 21.

Click on this link to find out more information if you’re interested in running or just interested in what’s going down.

Be seeing you,

- AP