The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

Happy Wednesday!

If you’re feeling down and blue about the Lakers getting sexually assaulted last night 131-92 in the NBA Finals, don’t feel bad. Sit a spell and take some advice from a Philadelphia sports fan:

So, the Lakers haven’t won a championship in like…6 years…so what? Try not winning a championship in 25 years….in 28 years….or never. Think about how lucky you are to live in Los Angeles - beautiful weather, beautiful women all around, the beaches and the mountains in driving distance, swimming pools, movie stars - you catch my drift?

The Lakers didn’t win the championship. Boo hoo. At least being in Los Angeles, you have something to look forward to. We didn’t have that privilege in Philly. All we really had to look forward to was another season of the Phillies or the Eagles or the Sixers or the Flyers in last place or choking when they needed to be clutch.

Maybe if you Lakers fans supported your team when they were down in the dumps and not just in first place, maybe if you Lakers fans would fly those flags on your cars year round, I’d consider you passionate sports fans. Until then, most of you just further that typical L.A. “fake” stereotype. I say - be proud of what you did. Only 2 teams could reach the Finals this year and you were one of them.

For a city that gets on pretty well without a major NFL franchise, for a city that gets on pretty well for having 2 NBA franchises and pretending like it only has one - for a city that honestly has some of the most fair-weather, lackluster, apathetic, worst sports fans who leave games in the 7th inning in the entire country - I say hold you head high. Or, you can just put those Lakers flags away until they get past the first round of the playoffs next time.

(By the way, we Philadelphians have disowned Kobe Bryant like the Canadians disowned Alex Trebek)

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The Ten People Ruining Pasadena list continues today with #4. Before that - let’s go through a run down of numbers 10 through 5, shall we?

#10 goes to the insane asylum with Virginia Hoge.

#9 drops it like it’s hot with Joe Hopkins.

#8 - Annoying Homeless People!

Larry Wilson lulls us to sleep at #7.

Put on your wool cap and American Apparel ‘Legalize LA’ t-shirt for #6: Hipsters.

Peter Dreier blames us all for #5.

*Drumroll* And now…#4:

Graffiti “artists”! (Picture courtesy of WCGB)

Yeah, everyone here pretty much knows how I feel about graffiti. It’s stupid, it’s not an art form - in fact, it’s pure vandalism. 99.9% of the time, the graffiti doesn’t make any god damned sense. I mean, look at the picture above. What the fuck is that? Maybe it’s some algebra homework from John Muir High School or someone was trying to calculate the strength of the Yen vs. the dollar?

Meh. This is called a “tag” and they’re purpotrated by “taggers“. It’s supposed to be “cool” and “hip” - but all it does is make people not want to build new things in neighborhoods where this is rampant, leaving people somehow confused as to why a business doesn’t want to come there. This kind of art is even celebrated in books by hipster white people who don’t live in the neighborhoods where tags are usually found (chalk that up for another on the list of ‘Stuff White People Like’).

Here in the Crown City, we have a hotline set up to report graffiti. It seems to work ok - but I wonder how we prevent this kind of stuff from happening? You can’t just put all graffiti artists in one group - I mean, they’re all stupid - but some of them are just stupid kids who don’t feel like going to the 99 cent store to get some markers and art supplies. Others are just gang members marking they’re territory like they’re a male cat - except male cats usually piss better patterns.

One thing’s for sure - I see this crap throughout Pasadena. Even in my hallowed District 4, I’ve been seeing newer graffiti everyday - now that it’s summertime and these kids don’t have anything else better to do.

Some cities try to set up graffiti walls and tell people that it’s ok to do that kind of shit in that particular area. Think about that Einstein knowledge for a second. Let’s set up a wall where people can do something illegal and it can be celebrated by all. I haven’t seen any statistics but I doubt these kind of walls really cut down on tagging. That would be like setting up an area of the city where it’s ok to break into cars or to beat people up…I mean, cities are setting these kinds of things up but they’re not setting up red light districts?

I think cities, ours in particular, should grow some balls and get more aggressive with graffiti. Get me on TV to do some PSAs (I’m really good at them) - and let me just proclaim my new slogan: “Taggers are faggers“. Doesn’t make too much sense, but after an e-mail I received from a tagger, neither do they:

Yo’ your a faget biatch, badmouthing graff and shit, i hope someone lays the verbal smack down in your verbal oraphice bitch, seriously, your so cool bud, most electrifyingly gay man i’ve ever heard of. Go die please

Stay tuned for #3 on my list of the Ten People Ruining Pasadena. Coming soon.

**

Why do moms get mad when I’m walking down the street in Old Town and I give lude and/or lascivious looks to their jail-bait daughter who happens to be wearing short short short short shorts with her tramp stamp above her ass hanging out? You’re the one who let them leave the house dressed that way. Hey, somebody’s gotta enjoy the view before she’s completely used up by the time she’s 20.

This actually goes for any hot woman - if you don’t want me leering at your cleavage or your hot ass, don’t wear stuff that shows off your cleavage or your hot ass. It’s pretty simple. You’re asking for it more than a contestant on Jeopardy.

**

Wow. Look at the hard-working guys at the Tribune (ya know, the people who are in bed with the Pasadena Star-News). I guess it’s easy to tell why the paper has come down so much….they’re too busy watching the end of the US Open:

Amazing. Just amazing. Look at all those reporters dawdling. I wonder if one of them is the brand new rookie Pasadena politics reporter Dave Aftershock? Probably not - I don’t know what he looks like but I hear he used to write for the LA City Beat, which means he has 70 face piercings and 52 tattoos. (Edit: I now hear he’s a clean-cut All-American guy)

This kinda nonsense is just uncalled for. It is, however, quite award winning:

Congrats, SGVT. You guys all get the Ham And Egger Award this week. Maybe you can all stand around it instead of doing actual work.

**

I didn’t know this day would be coming so soon. Our fair City Clerk, Jane Rodriguez is leaving City Hall. Her last day is July 25th. This kind of sucks. Who is going to sound extremely enthused when taking roll at City Council meetings? Who is going to remind me of Casey Novak on Law & Order SVU? Who, just who, is going to put up with my occasional visits to City Hall?

Good luck in your future whatever-it-is-you’ll-be-doing, Jane. She’s been over at City Hall for like 35 years (not a joke).

Jane also sent me in the right direction to some really cool info:

The Pasadena 2009 Elections Are Coming! YES!!! Local election fever will be arriving quite soon in Pasadena! Election 2009 coverage officially begins today here on The Proc’s show. Or - as they’re calling it in District 5:

There are races upcoming in other places, too. Not just District 5 - but District 3 and District 7 will be up for grabs, although I doubt anyone is going to try and run against Holden and Tyler (especially the latter, considering he literally eats his opponents for breakfast). Word on the street is there are one or two serious people who’d like to challenge Gordo’s seat - so, at this time and juncture, I’m going to be really focused on that contest.

We’ve also got Mike Babcock, Scott Phelps, Steve Lizardo, and Ed Honowitz’ PUSD Board of Education seats up for grabs.

The election is on March 10, 2009 with the run-off election scheduled for April 21.

Click on this link to find out more information if you’re interested in running or just interested in what’s going down.

Be seeing you,

- AP

The 486th time that someone will attempt to bring the National Football League to the Los Angeles area will occur today.

According to the not-so-talented AP, the Associated Press, a guy named Edward Roski - who partially owns the Lakers and the LA Kings - wants to build a stadium out in the City Of Industry.

I was against the NFL coming to Pasadena and I’m kind of against it coming to Los Angeles in general. Now why would such a huge fan of the NFL (you know I’m a die hard Eagles fan, right?) not want the league in the 2nd largest TV market in the nation?

It’s simple. The team will be doomed from the start. Not only is Los Angeles full of people who transplanted from other areas (such as moi) - people who won’t quickly changes their team allegiances - we’re also full of people who are simply bandwagon fans (Patriots fans one year, Colts fans the next year, Patriots fans again the following year), Oakland Raiders fans (Mexican ex-cons Cholos/gangstas (you happy, Howey?) or white trash rednecks - don’t worry, neither of them read blogs), and people who love college football more than pro ball because their teams are consistently better off for 20 year or longer periods (USC).

Plus, the media here is pretty much the reason why the Rams & Raiders didn’t want to stick around. The NFL would be throwing their money in the garbage if they stuck a team in the LA area. Much like the Dodgers, the Lakers, and other popular teams in the area, it would be another team people “take for granted” and wouldn’t support 100% like people would in football cities like Philadelphia, Dallas, Green Bay - or in cities that seriously need an NFL franchise like Birmingham or Toronto or San Antonio.

Besides, we’re kind of spoiled already. We have two professional baseball teams, two NBA teams (with the possibility of a third one in a few years moving to Anaheim), two professional hockey teams, two Major League Soccer franchises..I mean..come on. We already make up for the fact that we don’t have an NFL franchise.

Yes, I know… I’m right.

**

Jenny, I want to be a snarky blogger when I grow up!

Did you know there’s a picnic goin’ down this Saturday?

It’s not just any ordinary picnic either. Organized by Miss Havisham, it’s the first annual Pasadena Bloggers’ Picnic & Softball Snark.

For more information, check out Miss Havisham’s blog. Don’t be square. Be there. I will be there.
**

You’re the man, Edwin Decker

I really like to read the San Diego City Beat. It’s a good newspaper and a great read, considering I only go to the SD once a year. Really engaging articles - even though I might not be totally familiar with the city’s knitting. Did you fucking hear that, Angel Soft Star-News?

One columnist in particular I’m becoming a huge fan of is Edwin Decker. Case in point, his hilarious yet serious article this week about, well, his wife’s time of the month (or lack there of). Check that out here and get a good laugh (and an education!).

This dude’s got mad writing skills. Blows certain local guys out of the water. Too bad he can’t get paid the same bucks Limo Liberal Larry is getting.

**

The Sydney Opera House. Mount Rushmore. Aaron Proctor. These are just some of the great wonders of the world. Why not show off your pride for at least 1/3 of the aforementioned world treasures and buy some Aaron Proctor merchandise? You won’t be sorry.

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Villa SORRISO. I’ve only eaten there once and would never eat there again. It’s too posh and faggy for me, personally. Way too California and Old Town for my tastes. I don’t like lasagna with fucking squash in it.

Besides their posh-ness, Old Town-ity, and faggotry - they’re kind of dicks, too. I’m talking about how they’re using last week’s tragic accident involving the death of a 7 year old boy visiting from the Philippines to sell food.

Does anybody else see right through this?

(From PSN):

After making a donation to the Comerica fund, he and some associates thought it would be appropriate to put on a fundraiser, and contacted some members of the Dela Rosa family.

I’m not knocking the dude for trying to raise money for this sad event. I walk by that intersection every single morning and tears nearly come to my eyes when I see the community’s outpouring of support and love for someone who none of us even knew.

If you had seen the press release, conspicuous by its absence on the Internet, that Villa SORRISO put out - you’d be as pissed off as I am. Did they need to mention they’re owned by a company called “KAOS Management” before discussing the tragedy? Did they really need to mention their dinner specials while talking about the death of a child?

I wouldn’t be surprised if this isn’t the first time Villa’s pulled something like this. Does anyone remember their 9/11 Organic Pancake Dinner? Or how about their Armenian Genocide Buffet? God forbid anyone will soon forget their 6 Million Jellybeans For 6 Million Jews Killed In The Holocaust wackiness.

In all seriousness, though, Villa SORRISO guys - I’m not the biggest example of decorum but you could have shown a little bit more when planning this fundraiser to attempt to draw people to your fledgling, lame-ass restaurant.

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Robin Salzer (right)

Finally today - The Aaron Proctor Interview Series is back. As we all know, former District 1 City Council candidate Robin Salzer is the owner of the best restaurant in Pasadena. He also knows how to run a successful business and he’s a pretty funny guy.

Robin and I didn’t start off such great friends, though. Many will remember that entire Barbecuegate scandal that, frankly, changed this website from insane liberal rants to insane comedic gold.

Since then, it’s been all water under the bridge. The Proc caught up with Robin Salzer while he was building a fort out of ribs for some needy kids. He took time out of his busy schedule for this and it’s much appreciated.

The Proc: Why is your restaurant the greatest restaurant in the history of restaurants?

The Salz: First of all, Robin’s has without question the most incredible tongue tingling, mouth watering, sensationally sweet, succulent and bombastically boudacious BBQ on this beautiful planet. Secondly, Robin’s is the ONLY restaurant on this planet that has a dish dedicated to Aaron Proctor. Need I say more.

The Proc: If you had defeated Jacque Robinson in last year’s District 1 run-off election, how would you be handling things right now?

The Sauce: The Pasadena Weekly said the I was “The Man with a Plan”. and the Pasadena Star News said that “Salzer without question had the most comprehensive plan to improve our neighborhoods”. I would have had our Neighborhood Community Cabinet in place on May 5th. We would have monthly community feedback meetings to talk about how to make our district the most progressive and the pride of Pasadena. I would be working with Mayor Bogaard and the other councilmembers to build a consensus on how to tackle the issues in the district. I would continue to develop youth entreprenuer incubators such as the Lemonade Brigade and expand our youth mentoring programs at John Muir. I would put the words Customer Service back into
the meaning of Public Service. Phone calls and emails returned the same day, going door to door to touch base personally with the community and making myself accessible and available 24/7.

The Sauce (cont’d): BTW, I would also consider the following City Mandates:

• Robin’s BBQ is the Official Food of Pasadena.
• A Robin is Pasadena’s Official bird.
• Villicana Wine is the Official Wine of Pasadena.
• Ann-Marie is the only realtor allowed to operate in Pasadena
• Dr. Alex Villicana is the Official Plastic Surgeon of Pasadena

The Proc: I think that one tall chick who works for you with the deep voice is smokin’. What’s her number?

Sauce-blocked: You’re talkin’ bout Liz. She told me her number for you is 1-900-GET-LOST.

The Proc: Remember when I called you a “dick” in the Pasadena Weekly? I’m still sorry about that.

RoBBQin: I’ve forgiven you for your youthful indiscretion. If I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it hundreds of time since last April 17th, If only I had known you better…. Besides, If I thought it had been personal I may have named a dessert after you. LOL.

The Proc: The Lemonade Brigade. Tell us about that. Do they fight crime and solve mysteries?

Salzer: The LEMONADE BRIGADE is a start-up business in Northwest Pasadena that teaches young men and women how to organize, operate and promote a small business. They sell hand shaken, fresh squeezed Lemonade, Hot Dogs, Sausages, Nachos and will soon be selling fresh Popcorn. We have about 40-45 youth involved. They have shirts, hats, business cards, they own there own equipment and have their own management team. They have just been given the opportunity to be the Official and only vender for the series of summer concerts at the Levitt Pavilion. That’s 5 nights a week all summer long. Some of the team may branch out on their own as entreprenuers and others will take their experiences on to college to enhance their education.

Salzer (con’td): The kids win, the community wins and the entire City of Pasadena wins with their successes. I am proud to be their mentor and facilitator and hope that more of the business community does their fair share of investing back into our community.

The Proc: Do you know Burt Ward?

Robin: I know Burt Ward, I know Ward Cleaver, I know Burt Reynolds and I may have met Eldridge Cleaver once at the Flint BBQ in Oakland, CA. Speaking of Burt Ward, have you scene that dude lately? No way he’d ever fit into those tights again. Too many Garbage Can Combos at Robin’s will do that to you. Because of Burt Ward and Robins’ Garbage Can combos, straight leg pants replaced pleated pants. Eat at Robin’s a couple of times and those pleats just seem to disappear.

The Proc: Your wife is ex-City Councilmember, former Mayoral candidate, and ace Realtor Ann Marie Villicana. Do you two live in a house made out of barbecued ribs?

Rockin’ Robin: Well not exactly made of ribs but certainly paid for by ribs, lots of ribs. In fact I need to sell a lot more ribs or I may be living in the outhouse. Maybe I can pick up a part-time job at some place called Barn Burner? More on that later.

The Proc: Let’s name one of your burgers after Steve Madison. It will be called The Six Million Dollar Maserati Burger. It’ll be served on a gold platter and delivered to you by a stripper/bank teller. We’ll all finally know what a douchebag tastes like.

Smart Man: I gotta stay away from this one. Maybe Steve can get Dona Rosa or the Barn Burner to name a dish after him. On the other hand, the more money you spend at Robin’s the better I’ll treat you and the better chance of being immortalized in my menu. It’s like the Hollywood Walk of Fame. If you make it to Robin’s Menu you know you really made it Pasadena.

The Proc: You’ve had Clippers season tickets for 25+ years. What’s it like to be disappointed for 25+ years?

One-Man Clipper Nation: I’m the longest non corporate season ticket holder in the Clippers LA history. I got hooked when they moved to the Sports Arena in 1985-86??? and then traded for Marques Johnson and Junior Bridgeman from my hometeam Milwaukee Bucks. I’ve persevered many a blowout season. occasion. I didn’t attend games to see the Clippers, I went to see NBA basketball. Giving them their due props as of late, if not for an unfortunate rash of injuries they would be a upper level team and definately a playoff contender.

One-Man Clipper Nation (cont’d): When he’s on his game, Kamen is a top five center, Brand and Maggette are studs and watch out for Al Thornton. I was sad to see the best guard who ever suited up for the Clippers leave last month, Sam Cassell, but they’ll get a promising point guard in this years draft as insurance if Shaun Livingston’s comeback fails. BTW, when I was interviewed several years ago by the LA Times, I coined the phrase Clipper Nation and didn’t have the foresight to trademark it. The next year the team used it everywhere. You win some and lose some.

The Proc: Blatz or Schlitz?

Milwaukee’s Best: BLATZ BABY, BLATZ. It’s hard to get but it goes down so sweet when served ice cold. I keep a six pack in our fridge but haven’t had any yet. I just like the way it looks on the self. If you want a real nostalgic treat check out the 8ft Blatz neons I have in our bar and karaoke room. That’s another story.

The Proc: Why the hell is an Ethan Allen next to your restaurant? And are they named after the famous American revolutionary, the famous gunsmith, or the famous baseball player?

Salzer: I would have bulldozed Ethan Allen down 10 years cause I need the parking. Who is Ethan Allen? That cat was one of the top dudes during the American Revolution. Legend has it that he was quite large, huge, and cussed a lot. If he knew what they were charging today for an end table he’d give Tommy Lasorda a run for his money in describing what he thought of Ethan Allen furniture, or was that Dave Kingman?

The Proc: What are the lyrics to the Bonanza theme?

Hoss Salzer: I loved watching Bonanza when I was a kid probably because I had this thing for Linda Evans, WOW. I think the song kinda went, We chased lady luck until we finally struck Bonanza…. Was Lorne Greene the singer? He rocked with Ringo. He was the white Barry White of his time, what a deep voice.

The Proc:. You’re from Milwaukee. Ever run into Squiggy, The Fonz, or Mork from Ork?

Robin From Milwaukee: I used to see those cats over at Leon’s Frozen Custard Stand on 27th and Oklahoma. I wish that I could snap my fingers like the Fonz. He made cool COOL. True fact, when Happy Days was first being developed as a pilot they wanted to film it at Leon’s in Milwaukee but the cost would have have been prohibitive. Milwaukee also has some mighty fine bowling alleys. Even if you don’t like to bowl those old bowling shirts are hot.

The Proc: Gimme some of those trademark Salzer BBQ tips for my next backyard cookout.

The Burgermeister: The best tip about BBQ that I can give you is to hire Robin’s Wood Fire to cater your next party. The next tip is to order some take out from Robin’s and put them ribs on your grill before your guests arrive. You’ll be struttin’ like a peacock all day.

The Burgermeister (cont’d): LAST RESORT. If you are too cheap or naive to take my invaluable advice, Here’s the Deal.

A. Get a Weber grill or any grill with a cover. Light some charcoal and let it turn gray.
B. Rub your meat with your favorite spices or I’ll sell you some of ours.
C. Put your meat on the grill away from the charcoal, cover the grill & smoke dem ribs at 220 degrees. Ribs and Tri-Tip should take about 2 1/2 to 3 hours. Watch for grease flare ups and turn your meat as needed.
D. Pull the meat when to your liking, sauce it, get sauced and eat like a pig.

The Proc: Larry Wilson. All-star PSN public editor or gayer than a French Horn?

Robin: Are you nuts? Larry Wilson and Steve Scauzillo endorsed me twice when I ran for City Council. They knew what they were talking about. Larry’s a cool guy, drives a cool car and loves dogs. That works for me. I like Larry but I do wish he visited Robin’s more often, might get his name in my menu then.

The Proc:. What was the difference between the 80’s afternoon game shows “Password” and “Super Password“? And what the hell was up with the afternoon version of “Price Is Right” sans Bob Barker?

Robin’s A Genius: Password or Super Password? 2nd coolest game show in the history of television in my opinion. If my memory is correct, Allen Ludden and his wife Betty White ruled that show. I like Betty because she’s a GREAT animal activist and she also loves dogs. I believe Allen wore some funky black framed glasses, or was that Durwood Kirby? SP was hosted by Bert Convy, the guy with the best hair in Hollywood. He also did some Love Boats. Berts hair ranks right up there with Steve Garvey, not a hair out of place. I hope that he didn’t have as many kids as Garvey had that one year. At least he gets a lot of Father’s Day presents.

Robin (cont’d): Bob Barker is the Godfather of all game shows and he also loves dogs. I miss Bob because Drew Carey just doesn’t work for me. That’s like replacing Family Fueds Richard Dawson with Richard Karn or John O’Hurley or was that Mike Hurley from Linda Vista? No one kissed a womens hand like Richard Dawson, dudes too. Price is Right is truly the #1 game show in television history and Barker is the all time top host but that handkissing Dawson is running a close second.

The Proc: Why do jackasses spell your last name “Salazar”?

NOT Salazar: I would reckon that some of these “Jackasses” may have indulged in a few too many ice cold PBR’s or may have been disappointed that the Mud Pie dessert at Robin’s was no longer available and kind lost their senses when they wrote my name in their journal. With all due respect to those mis-spellers they may have been confused by all of the other names that I’ve been called over the years. Here’s a few from the archives.

1. RUBEN SALAZAR
2. ROBIN SLAZER
3. ROBIN SLAZARSTEIN
4. ROBIN SALTZER
5. SAL ROBINSON
6. ROBBIE SALAZAR
7. RUBY SALZER
8. RUBY SALAZAR
9. BOB SLIPPER
10. ROBBIE SALZER
11. ROBIN SOLOZER
12. ROBIN SLADEN
13. ROBIN SALSKI - a tribute to my Polish Heritage I guess
14. “THE SAUCE”

Whatever suits is probably fine with me as long as you remember this:
ROBIN’S WOOD FIRE BBQ
395 N. ROSEMEAD BLVD.
PASADENA, CALIFORNIA
91107
626-351-8885 rib joint
626-616-0585 personal cell phone
robinsinc@earhlink.net work email
robin.salzer@yahoo.com personal email.

Robin Sayz: NOW YOU GOT IT. YOU MAY SCREW UP THE NAME BUT YOU KNOW HOW TO FIND ME IN CASE OF NEED.

The Proc: Is it fair to say the Barn Burner is a 3rd-string Robin’s Wood Fire BBQ & Grill?

Robin: I like Blair Salisbury, the owner of Barnburner and I know that he and his staff try very hard to ” ROCK LIKE ROBIN’S”. They have a great facility and are always trying out new ideas for which I commend them for that. BBQ is a hard
business. You just don’t throw some ribs on a grill like you do a burger. It’s a slow and low process that you have to LOVE or it ain’t gonna work. I’ve seen many a Robin’s bumper sticker on the back of cars cruisin’ down the 210 and have yet to see any BB stickers. It takes many years and bumps along the way to get to that Legendary status and I’m sure that in time they will achieve their due as well.

Robin (cont’d): Life doesn’t always give you the winning hand and to be fair would be judgemental. Saying that, I do know that “Robin’s smoke ain’t no joke” and that “You ain’t need no teeth to eat our meat” so i guess that says it all.

The Proc: Why did they cancel “Hardcastle & McCormick”?

Robincastle & McSalzer: I think that they cancelled Hardcastle & McCormick because of some fued with scheduling involving Monday Night Football. Maybe Brian Keith preferred to play on MNF instead and they wouldn’t release him from his contact. He was one big guy, one of those barrel chested guys with the big guns from pumping lots of iron. It was in that group of shows like the A-Team, The Rockford Files etc. Wouldn’t want to mess with Brian Keith in some dark alley unless I was Dick the Bruiser, the Crusher or Verne Gagne.

Robin: Thanks for the opportunity to be as verbose in writing as my good friend Paul Little was in talking.

**

A class act all the way, smothered in Mesquite and topped off with an ice cold chocolate malt.

Stay tuned when the Aaron Proctor Interview Series continues with the Pasadena Weekly’s own general assignment reporter, Carl Kozlowski.
Be seeing you,

- AP

Some new faces of 2007 (From left to right): District 1 Councilwoman Jacque Robinson, District 2 Councilwoman Margaret McAustin, and “Planny” - the Planning Commission dalmatian.

By the power vested in me by hyperlinking and blog archiving, here’s a shout out to the year 2007 - one of the most memorable years of not only my life but Pasadena’s as well.
2007 was definitely a year that saw both challenges for me in my personal life and for the City of Pasadena. While my life saw me unjustly fired from two jobs in the same year and subsequently being exiled to St. Louis, Pasadena saw gang violence, strip club buy outs, Rose Bowl float drama, door hanger drama, developer drama, high school football game drama, a police chief doubling as a City Manager, long-time PUSD board members upset from their seats, and lots, lots more.

Kimberley Brown ran against Steve Madison in the District 6 Council election. I’d like to have her in my polling place, if you catch my drift.

The year started out with some exciting Council and PUSD board races - all culminating with the March Primary election and the April runoff election (well, the latter if you didn’t get trounced by Mayor Bogaard).

Danny Bakewell made hell for Council to quell.

This very blog blossomed and came into its own a few weeks after the dust cleared from the election. As you’ll see, this site started out as my own personal campaign site. After the election, it became a place where I continually posted my attempts at comedic musings, controversial rants, controversial musings, and comedic rants (Ha!).
Ever since late March or early April, this site has become a favorite of elected officials, political candidates, anonymous pundits, newspaper reporters, crazy liberal bitches, bitches with smokin’ bodies, family members, erstwhile school board members, losers on professional wrestling message boards, Nigerian porno spammers, and Average Joes.

Local bloggers Centinel (left) and Dormitas (right).

And it’s not just this blog either. The entire blogsophere - moreso Blogadena - has grown to be quite the influential source from everything like straight information to complete ridicule of/on our leaders. More people pay attention to what goes on at historic City Hall than ever before. Let’s band together and make 2008 even more memorable!

When I was a kid, I was a big fan of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books. So why not sit a spell and do just that - choose your own Proctor-guided adventure in the archives of 2007.

• January
• February
• March
• April
• May
• June
• July
• August
• September
• October
• November
• December
• Febtabuary

Breakdown: 2007 In Numbers

• 195,000: The number of total hits for the year 2007 this site will reach sometime just before the end of the year.
• 8: The number of people on City Council (including the Mayor) who read this blog.
• Approximately 2300: The number of times the word ‘fuck’ is used on this site.
• 47: The number of times I’ve pissed people off.
• 86 minutes: The amount of time it takes Mayor Bogaard to finish a sentence.
• 48: Updated - number of times I’ve pissed people off.
• 3,000,000: The number of people I pissed off in the St. Louis area.
• $5,000,000: The amount the City spent to rid it of a strip club (the amount invested in to gang violence was far less).
• 40: Ounces of King Cobra goodness.
• $10 million: The amount Victor Gordo claimed we need in order to pay our police officers and fire fighters, in support of 2008’s worst decision, Measure D.
• $25 million: The amount in surplus the City actually will have. So why do we need Measure D again?
• 65,000 or so: The number of registered voters in Pasadena
• 5: The number of registered voters in Pasadena who vote
• 4: The number of registered voters in Pasadena who can name the Mayor or any member of City Council
• 73: The number of times Joe Hopkins attributed gang violence to a late 80’s or early 90’s hip hop group
• 8,294: The number of hours for entire City Council meetings this year
• 277: The number of times Jim Lomako used the phrase “granny flats” during the District 2 election
• 3,156: The amount of people who think things located just above Washington & Allen are part of incorporated Pasadena and not unincorporated Pasadena or Altadena.
• 1472: The number of geniuses in Pasadena.

Some Things I Learned In 2007

• John Shaft is a complicated man and no one understands him but his woman.
• Sid Tyler doesn’t use e-mail, he uses fe-male.
• The Midwest isn’t good for anything except cheap alcohol and cheap cigarettes.
• No MTA or ARTS bus in Pasadena is ever on time.
• Martin Truitt is 7 feet tall, weighs 650 pounds, and lives in a cave under the Allen Gold Line station.
• Running for office doesn’t get you a burger named after you. Calling the owner of a restaurant a ‘dick’ in the Pasadena Weekly does.
• Ace Star-News reporter Todd Ruiz and I have both seperately had sexual relations with this one chick back in our younger days. She had good taste.  UPDATE (Dec 27, 2007):  Chick pulls a Steve Madison and cries to me about this.  I took her picture down…here’s the e-mail I sent back:

  Because I'm a nice guy, a paragon of virtue, an icon, a superstar, role
  model, genius, et al....and since it's Kwanzaa, I'll take down your
  picture from that entry.
  
  It's a shame you don't have a sense of humor.  Then again, that's why
  you're a 30 year old Goth chick.
  
  - AP
  www.proctorformayor.com

• This chick on Law & Order: SVU reminds me of Jane Rodriguez.
• The Philadelphia Eagles and the Philadelphia Phillies are responsible for breaking my heart twice.
• Giving up the eyeliner and the eyeshadow and the weird clothes has been one of the better decisions I’ve made in life.
• Pasadena needs a Wendy’s and an Arby’s.
• City Council public comment cards make decent paper airplanes.
• Steve Haderlein is a sexy mofo.
• The hairstyle that Emo kids have is called a “Cry shield”. The kind of kids who listen to Emo are called “eleven-teens”.
• Jill organizes fun picnics.
• Former District 2 City Councilman Paul Little used steroids between his 2001 and 2003 terms.
• That guy on Orange Grove isn’t going to use the 50 cents you gave him to buy food.

I guess that all sums up 2007.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

- AP

Get the fuck off my team, Donovan.  Thanks for getting hurt all the time, screwing up our chances at another playoff berth.  I don’t know who wants such an injury prone guy who can’t even run anymore but we’ll probably be seeing you on the Raiders or the Bears next year. Na-na-na-na..na-na-na-na…hey-ey-ey..goodbye!

And special “thanks” to the idiot Chicago Bears for losing to the Minnesota Vikings last night and knocking my beloved Eagles out of playoff contention.

It’s time you all learned a little about the future of the Eagles…arriving in the form of last year’s 2nd round draft pick out of University of Houston.

His name is Kevin Kolb.  Here’s some video highlights of him.

Damn it, I’m a tried and true Eagles fan but McNabb gets hurt way too much for my liking.  It’s time to trade him in the off season.  At this rate, his trade value would be an “F” on Madden.  Maybe get some top draft picks…or maybe we could get some seasoned wide receivers or kick returners - god knows our Special Teams is absolutely horrid.

I’m a firm believer in the future of Kevin Kolb as Eagles QB and I’m already excited about a McNabb-less season next year.

And Brian Westbrook made the Pro Bowl this year.  He’s the most underrated running back in the league.  You know he leads the league in yards from scrimmage and for receptions for a running back?

Go Eagles in 2008-2009.

As for this year, I’d like to see the Patriots upset in the playoffs - say by those pesky Jacksonville Jaguars.

- AP

Nice.  Eagles won.  Brian Westbrook, running back, is a machine.  They didn’t show the game here but this week it was ok because I got to see the Giants play the Dolphins in England - and there’s a lot of die-hard American football fans in England!

Eagles are 3-4.  Still in last place.  But we host those assholes a/k/a the Dallas Cowboys next week on Sunday Night Football.  Wish I was there in Philly to yell shit at Tony “Which Pop Star Am I Banging This Week?” Romo.  Fucking asshole.  Anyhow, should be fun.

- AP

After winning last week, I thought the Eagles were hot again. Everyone was expecting a high scoring affair from the Eagles in this matchup.

The Eagles had a close lead throughout the majority of the game but Chicago came back in the final seconds with a touchdown.

Eagles are down..and now have a losing record of 2-4. The NFC East is really tough this year and - unless the Eagles win tons of games in a row - it doesn’t seem like they’ll be in the playoffs this year. Maybe it’s time to bench McNabb?

And if things couldn’t get worse for Philly - check this out off the news wire:

PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) - Philadelphia is home to the least attractive people in the United States, a survey of visitors and residents showed on Friday.

The city of more than 1.5 million people was also found to be among the least stylish, least active, least friendly and least worldly, according to the “America’s Favourite Cities” survey by Travel & Leisure magazine and CNN Headline News.

About 60,000 people responded to the online survey — at www.travelandleisure.com — which ranked 25 cities in categories including shopping, food, culture, and cityscape, said Amy Farley, senior editor at the magazine.

For unattractiveness, Philadelphia just beat out Washington DC and Dallas/Fort Worth for the bottom spot. Miami and San Diego are home to the most attractive people, the poll found.

But Farley pointed out the results don’t mean people in Philadelphia are ugly or the city is a bad place to visit.

“We were asking people to vote on attractiveness, not unattractiveness. Travel & Leisure editors believe there are a lot of attractive people in Philadelphia,” she said.

“The relative attractiveness of its residents is only a minuscule factor in evaluating a city’s merit.”

Philadelphians’ self-esteem has been undermined by national surveys showing they are among the fattest people in the United States. The American Obesity Association ranked the city in the top 10 for overweight people every year between 2000 and 2005.

And sporting pride in a city known for the fierce loyalty of its fans has been hurt by not having had a national champion in any of its four main sports since the 76ers won the National Basketball Association title in 1983. 

Anyhow…Eagles at Minnesota Vikings next week.

- AP

Eagles QB Donovan McNabb

Woo! Eagles win!  We’re 2-3..and still in it!

- AP

Eagles are 1-3 after their New Yorks Giants lost.

Phillies made the playoffs. Eliminating who? The New York Mets.
It’s all about the Phillies this year on this site.

- AP

Eagles Quarterback Donovan McNabb is my hero.

LOL @ Detroit.

Detroit Lions 21

Philadelphia Eagles 56

The Eagles wore their UCLA-esque classic Frankford Yellow Jackets throwback jerseys on Sunday

Sing along with me…

Fly Eagles Fly

On The Road To Victory

Fight Eagles Fight

Score A Touchdown 1..2..3…

Hit Em Low

Hit Em High

And Watch Our Eagles Fly

Fly Eagles Fly

On The Road To Victory

E-A-G-L-E-S! Iggles!!!!!!

(Link to the Fight Song)

- AP

It’s 7:15 p.m. and Jacque Robinson isn’t present for the City Council meeting yet.

Maserati Madison is even there before her. This is hurting Robinson’s Fantasy Council League numbers.

I wish Gordo would smack Madison in the mouth. I’d give him a million points.

Eagles game is at halftime and we’re down by 4 points.

UPDATE: Jacque’s there “via phone”..doing her best Madison impression, I guess. No Chris Holden either - what gives?

Lots of laughter at this meeting, by the way. Cynthia Kurtz got a laugh from “no” when asked if she wanted to get a presentation.

Also, isn’t it sexy when Steve Haderlein says “In Favor” instead of “Yes” on roll call votes?

UPDATE 2: Madison wants to be on the 3-person committee representing Pasadena City Council re: gang violence. What’s he gonna do? Be an asshole to gang members? Oh, that’s right, he’s a former prosecutor. He mentioned it again.

Hopefully Robinson and Gordo just make Madison get their coffee.

Back to my football game.

UPDATE 3: Fuck! Eagles lost! They’ve started 0-2! At least the Phillies have won 5 in a row..are 2 1/2 games out of the NL East..and 1 1/2 game out of the Wild Card. Go Phillies!

Good point, Kelly. Never said Madison was stupid…he just seems so “out of place” with Gordo and Robinson…to me, at least.

Fantasy City Council League scores will be updated tomorrow!  Disappointing night for Jacque Robinson.  Obama > Gang Violence?
G’night!

- AP

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