The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

Pick up a Pasadena Weekly as soon as you can! My newest “5 Questions” column features none other than Miss Havisham!

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So, if you haven’t heard by now, District 2 Councilwoman Margaret McAustin is my new hero - after her verbal bitchslapping of Steve Madison on Monday night. As Del Appledumplinggang will tell you, Madison was trying to be funny (and I mean really trying) and McAustin just layeths the smacketh down - AP style.

Here is a video clip of the event as well as the reaction Kelli & I had when we heard it. I love how the camera zooms in on Maserati Man looking all owned and baffled. It’s almost an award-winning performance by the District 6 Councilman….

A Ham And Egger Award winning performance, that is. Enjoy your award, Steve. You certainly deserve it this week. Maggie Mags: My hero.
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My companion series to The Ten People Ruining Pasadena - The Ten Things I Love About Pasadena - continues on this Thursday morning with #7. This list was inspired by the good peeps over at When Are We Going To California? - who started a list of things they love about LA:

#7: Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles!

Located on the mini-restaurant row on North Lake Avenue, Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles is an awesome dining establishment. The idea of mouth-watering buttermilk waffles in syrup mixed with fried chicken might be quite foreign to some but - trust me - it’s good eatin’.

The waitstaff is always friendly and the place is always packed, especially if you go there on a Sunday morning or afternoon. The menu has just about every combination of chicken and waffles possible (and you can just get chicken or waffles seperately if you’re not feeling cavalier). Definitely the best place for Southern-style cuisine: the grits and cornbread are phenomenal. The walls are adorned with famous people (everyone from hip-hop artists to Steven Wright) who have graced the restaurant with their presence.

I’ve been living in the Crown City since the early part of this decade and I’ve probably been to Roscoe’s at least 50 times. I like to get two chicken breasts and two huge waffles and wash it down with a tall glass of milk (or a few tall glasses of milk). Not even the Waffle House chain popular in the Midwest and the South can compare to the yummy goodness of Roscoe’s. So, it’s no surprise that it comes in at #7 on The Ten Things I Love About Pasadena.

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Does somebody want to loan me $52 million for this Pasadena home? According to Centinel on the FC Blog, that’s how much it’s going for. I wish I had $52 million to blow - I’d be like “Why the fuck not?”

Fiddy-Cents also wants us to come up with our own tag lines for the photo. Here are some of his:

Competing with Versailles is priceless.

When Hearst Castle just isn’t big enough.

Why 19 bathrooms? Three letters: IBS.

“Housing market? Why, yes, it does come with its own grocery store.”

Sid Tyler’s house.

Here are some of mine:

• “Ever wanted to live in the place that’s on the back of the nickel?”
• “If you were Steve Madison, you’d be home by now.”
• “Get from one side of the house to the other with your very own MTA light rail.”
• “Slaves optional.”
• “Where your monthly electric bill is almost as much as the cost of your home.”
• “Imagine the fucking ridiculous parties you’d have here!”
• “19 bathrooms for 19 wives.”

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The balloon ban by Jack Scott has been stalled. Thank goodness. 3 people decided not to vote on it - which pisses of Steve Haderlein, according to the City Council Drinking Game - but still - I mean come on? Was this thing seriously going to pass? I never saw any god-damned evidence supporting this ban to begin with.

Jack Scott is an embarassment and I’m not going to be fond of him being a head honcho over at my (one of my)Alma Mater(s) when he’s done with his worthless political career. It just goes to show you that infringing on people’s personal freedoms might work on the hippy-dippy local level like in Pasadena or Santa Monica - but not at the state level. Nice try, dickweed.

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Look who I ran into yesterday!  It’s Bill Bibbiani!  Former PUSD school board member and motorcycle enthusiast.  Bib (as he likes to be called) is a damn cool dude..and quite popular!  What an honor!  Was I overdressed?  (Photo taken by Mrs. Bib)
Be seeing you,

- AP

Forgot to mention that PW editor Kevin Uhrich has some very touching words about me in his editorial this week:

…Then, after adding a little graphic polish to each of those areas — including our opinion section featuring former Weekly Publisher Jim Laris, humorist Ellen Snortland, longtime activist and former Weekly owner Marvin Schachter, deep political thinker Hannah Naiditch, political pundit Earl Ofari Hutchinson and a host of community columnists — we folded in some new features, one of them Five Questions with Aaron Proctor.

Proctor has made a name for himself among Pasadena insiders with his quirky and often hilarious blog on City Hall politics, which is a must-read for anyone following what’s really going on in this town….

They did forget to mention how The Proc is a role model, everyone’s favorite blogger, and The Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena, but I’ll let it slide (this time). Thanks, Kevin.

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I received a very interesting e-mail from Todd Ruiz (you know, the dude who was before the dude before Dirk Alfenschoen) about those Pasadena Water & Power ads you might be seeing around town (the ones with characters like “Lawn Soaker Lana” and “Long Shower Larry”):

Aaron:

I recently came across these unused posters from Pasadena Water &
Power’s water conservation campaign. I thought they might be of
interest to the fans of your Interweb-site.

Best regards,

K-Todd

Here are the pictures that were attached in the e-mail. Suffice to say, they’re hilarious:

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Awesome.

See you on Monday,
- AP

People are really fond of the Top Ten Lists that I do on a semi-regular basis. It’s one of the most looked up categories for this website on a weekly basis. However, I’ve been long working on another, different kind of Top Ten List for a week or so now. So, The Proc once again shows how he’s the Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena by bringing you a brand new, limited series: (Note: The Aaron Proctor Interview Series will return shortly!)

The Ten People Ruining Pasadena. Let’s kick it off with Number 10:

Virginia Hoge

If you think my war with Steve Madison is full of malice, contempt, and bias - you’ve never heard about Virginia Hoge’s war with..well, like Gary Oldman says in “The Professional“, EVERYONE!

Virgnia Hoge is simply a crazy bitch who thinks that all of the newspapers and blogs in Pasadena should be talking about how Pasadena is a world-class city and how lollipops rain from the sky. She thinks the schools are top notch, she thinks that nothing is wrong with anything in this town. If you disagree with her, you’re “right-wing”. According to her, everyone from Rene Amy to Kevin Uhrich is “right-wing”.

Virginia even once told a local blogger friend “Aaron Proctor is anti-establishment! We need to get the word out!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111!!!!!!!!!!.” I guess she’ll be getting that word out after she gets the word about sliced bread to all of the papers.

She’s been so out-of-her-mind lately that she’s just rehashing and reposting stuff from like 2005 and 2006 on her new “blog” (If you want to call it a blog - I call it a holocaust of common sense). Here’s an article she cut and pasted and then commented on when somebody defended John Muir High School (her comments in bold):

“Talent From Within”
By Christian Kooshian
http://my.highschooljournalism.org/ca/pasadena/muir/article.cfm?eid=9312&aid=143113

If you tell someone over and over again that he is a failure, it won’t be long until he believes that a failure is all he is supposed to be, and failure is all that is expected from him.

For three years I’ve been reading articles in your newspaper lambasting and badmouthing Muir High.

What do you expect the students do when it seems like the entire city is ashamed of them?”

Is THIS what we are left with then, here in Pasadena? Children being attacked by unconscionable adults with no one left to defend them? THIS is the legacy of Rene Amy, a legacy that makes a dark mark on our city’s history.

It is time to right the wrong that has gone on for too long.

Ummm, I might be going out on a limb here, but I know that I’m pretty ashamed and embarrassed we can’t just make John Muir High School a part of La Canada or something. Yeah, I’m ashamed of having that school in my City. Yeah, I think that knowing 1+1 might just make you the Valedictorian of that school. I, for one, think it’s funny to badmouth and continue lambasting such a horrible school and school district to boot. It’s a cheap, easy, funny joke.

• Wanna know the way kids graduate for John Muir? Take the “f” out of way.

It’s 2008 and she still can’t live with the fact that Percy Clark bit off someone else’s speech. Big fucking deal, Virginia.

Dormitas’ depcition of Hoge

I’d put Virginia higher up on my list of people ruining Pasadena but you have to realize: she’s crazy (and I know crazy). She’s ruining Pasadena for the simple fact that not a day goes by where I wish that people like her would just move out and start their own City. Stop pretending like Pasadena is some type of fairytale land where we don’t have the problems of other cities our size. Stop acting like anyone who disagrees with you is some kind of absurd, extreme “right-wing”. There really isn’t even a right-wing in Pasadena.

And, Christ Almighty, if she isn’t horrible to just look at. I wouldn’t even fuck her with Janet Reno’s dick.

Yes, Virginia - There Is An Aaron Proctor. And he just layed the smacketh down on you, naming you #10 on The Ten People Ruining Pasadena. Wait until you see who the rest of these people are over the next few weeks!

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Somebody…would have no idea who…recently had fun with the Pasadena High School Wikipedia article, at the expense of Victor Gordo:

Pasadena HS alum and current Councilman Victor Gordo once ate everything in the cafeteria. This happened last week.

Speaking of Victor - just wanted to quickly clear up that I wasn’t accusing him of starting the whole Madison thing or getting me in gear to start the whole Madison thing. He had casually mentioned to me that Madison might be gone for a certain amount of time. I really honestly don’t think anyone thinks Victor was trying to stir the pot or cause trouble but - for the record - he wasn’t.

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I’m going to enjoy a little R&R for the next few days with my darling Kelli, so I’ll be taking a vacation from the blogosphere until Tuesday. I’ll leave you some Sid Tyler Facts that I know you’ll enjoy.

• Sid Tyler doesn’t blow smoke rings. He blows smoke middle fingers.
• Sid Tyler can cook Minute Rice in 30 seconds.
• Even Sid Tyler wouldn’t fuck Virginia Hoge
• No matter what your mother said. Sid Tyler can tune a fish.
• Sid Tyler is Element #119 on the Periodic Table
• If you put “Sid Tyler” for every answer on the SAT, you will score 8000 points.
• “Ditch Day” at Caltech began when students would make a run for it during Tyler’s yearly constitutional on campus
• Descartes said “I think, therefore I am.” What most people don’t know he that he actually continued with “….afraid of Sid Tyler.”
• Moammar Gadhafi got the inspiration for his all-female bodyguard entourage when he saw Sid Tyler walking down South Lake Avenue
• When Sid Tyler found my blog, he punched his computer. 10 more Sid Tyler facts were instantly created.
• Throughout the United States, the night of October 30th can be known as “Devil’s Night”, “Mischief Night”, or “Just Another Sid Tyler Night”
• Sid Tyler “ate the worm“. The he killed the guy who gave him the bottle.
• Rescue 911 was canceled because the producers wouldn’t change the name of the show. Sid Tyler was getting too many accidental calls to his home number.

Pick up a PW this morning. I dare you.  Click here for the article!

- AP

The Proc’s refrigerator doesn’t say anything this morning because the mailbox has the floor.

All right, all right, who’s the anonymous joker?

Someone sent me a picture of cupcakes in the mail (I know, I know, you can barely see it) - with no return address. It had me dying laughing when I opened the envelope.

I’m assuming it’s Larry Wilson because of all of the glitter and frilly borders. But it could be other Ham-And-Egger Award winners Frank Girardot or Fred Ortega. Why? Because this was not only sent to me by mail, it was sent to my place of employment - something I don’t advertise on my website but is known in a few certain circles.

Good job, though, guys - it’s hanging on my wall now. Everyone at work thinks I have a secret admirer.

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Aaron Proctor: Pasadena Dignitary, Paragon of Virtue, and Role Model To Children Everywhere

Not only do I embody the heart, soul, and minds of Pasadenans - I’ve also been quite the print superstar this week.

I had a quote in the Pasadena Star-News on Tuesday.

I had a letter printed in the San Diego City Beat.

AND I have my first ever article as a “reporter” printed in this week’s Pasadena Weekly.

What’s next for The Most Electrifying Man in Pasadena? I should be hearing from US News & World Report and The Daily Show any time.

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Bike Week Pasadena starts on May 12th. Get out those Livestrong bracelets and tight lycra pants, boys.

Unfortunately for the bikers, there were a lot more events planned for Bike Week that just didn’t make a cut. Luckily, I was resourceful enough to provide you “bikers” (but not the cool, tough, All-American motorcycle kind) with a list of what you could have been doing:

TOP TEN BIKE WEEK PASADENA EVENTS THAT DIDN’T MAKE THE CUT

10. Larry Wilson’s “Race For The Bore”
9. Bike Jousting
8. The Orange Grove Liquor Stores’ Drunken Peloton
7. Bike & Smoke Through The Paseo
6. Joe Piasecki’s Bleeding Heart Liberal 5k Race
5. Jumping Bikes Off Of Suicide Bridge
4. Race Your Bike Against Madison’s Maserati
3. Ann Erdman On A Unicycle
2. Female Topless Biking On Lambert Avenue
1. “Push People Off Of Segeways” Contest
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The Aaron Proctor Interview Series is in full-swing. The Proc got down to the center of the anti-smoking controversy rocking Pasadena by getting an exclusive interview with Dr. Takashi Wada. (1x Ham And Egger Award Winner!)

Dr. Wada is the Director of the Pasadena Public Health Department and Pasadena’s Public Health Officer. Let’s see if he can go one on one with the Great One.

Dr. Takashi Wada: Mr. Proctor (Most Electrifying Man in Pasadena),

Thank you again for considering me for your interview series, especially given the VIP list of prior interviewees (Jesus, CM Melekian, your mother, etc.) It was good seeing and hearing you at the city council meeting when you spoke about our proposed smoking regulations. The opposition had some solid points and I agree that there are other vitally important issues affecting our community, but I do believe that the council made the right decision and I feel that Pasadena will be healthier for it.

For that, I guess I get the Ham and Egger Award and some vitriol directed my way.

The Proc: You’re the Director of the Pasadena Public Health Department AND Pasadena’s Public Health Officer. Why are you hogging all of the jobs that nobody else wants?

Dr. Takashi Wada: It’s a great department with dedicated staff and programs that make Pasadena a healthier place. Plus, as Health Officer, I get to carry a badge and bust crooked doctors and quarantine people. It also looks good on my resume, right after my other high profile past jobs - dishwasher, bartender, shirt folder for a clothing store, and assistant editor at MTV.

The Proc: If Clearman’s North Woods Inn were in Pasadena, would they get an F because they let you throw the peanuts on the floor?

TW: Peanuts on the floor are OK, but elephants or monkeys eating the peanuts off the floor inside the restaurant would not be viewed favorably.

The Proc: I really think you should check out the bologna and the hot dogs at the 99 Cents Store next to PCC.

TW: Thanks for the advice. I’ll be requesting them to cater our next health department event. Aside from being real tasty, you can use the left over hot dogs as lawn darts and the bologna as Frisbees.

The Proc: Can you give Robin’s Wood Fire BBQ & Grill an A+? I’ll give you a dollar.

TW: I can’t take your dollar or give them an A +. However, if they named something after me - say the “WadaSpecial” which would be a WadaBurger, some WadaCarrot Sticks, and a tall glass o’ Wada with a slice of lemon…. I may reconsider. After all, didn’t they name some patty melt after you?

(The Proc’s Note: Yes, yes they did.)

The Proc: Speaking of which, when you were a kid and your mom made you Brussel sprouts, did you pull out one of those placards that say “C” on them?

TW: I love Brussel sprouts, broccoli, granola, spinach, etc. Haven’t you already labeled me as one of those leftist type bozos that you always ridicule in your blog?

The Proc: Why don’t we have a Wendy’s in Pasadena? Nobody will answer this for me.

TW: Who needs a Wendy’s when you can have a 99 cent store hot dog?

The Proc: I heard a rumor that you once went down to Central America and beat the crap out of some rebel forces. Did they loosely base the “Delta Force” movies on you?

TW: The rumor is false. I was not in Central America beating the crap out of some rebel forces … I was WITH the rebel forces! Remember, I’m a supposed Che Guevarra styled leftist bozo.

The Proc: I think you should have a sitcom. We could call it “A Lotta Wada”.

TW: I would prefer “A WholeLottaWada”.

The Proc: Why is the 35er called a dive bar when a Guinness is $6 there? If you want to see a real dive bar, go to R Place or the 1881.

TW: Good choices. What about the ‘Rado or is that getting too hip these days? I used to frequent Al’s Bar in Downtown LA, cuz I like some live music with my dive bar. By the way, everyone tells me that you’re some Goth, but then I read somewhere that you sometimes have Depeche Mode paraphernalia on your clothes. What’s with that?

(The Proc’s Note: Not a Goth kid anymore. What in the fuck am I going to have to do to distance myself from that dirty four-letter word?)

The Proc: How many restaurants are PW reporter Carl Kozlowski banned from?

TW: Who is Carl Kozlowski? Should I be afraid?

The Proc: I think you should have a big burly guy named Guido in restaurant bathrooms. When an employee comes in and doesn’t wash his hands, Guido will club him with a slapjack.

TW: Can he also be responsible for keeping the smokers in line?

The Proc: If that homeless guy on Fair Oaks & Colorado with the cat went into Aux Delices, would it get shut down immediately?

TW: Is it a seeing eye cat?

The Proc: Don’t you hate when you go to a restaurant and it’s closed on a Monday?

TW: Drives me crazy, but you can always get a good meal at the 99 cent store and it’s open every day.

The Proc: Is it a health code violation when Steve Madison wears lavender ties?

TW: Depends on his shirt and suit. If the color contrast causes viewers to have seizures, I may have to step in.

The Proc: Who would win in a fight between Dr. Kildare and Dr. Marcus Welby?

TW: They would both be pretty old by now. Are they allowed to use their dentures to bite each other or is that fighting dirty? In my opinion, the baddest doctor dude is Dr. Zhivago - he could wrestle a bear. Dr. Seuss is pretty cool too.

The Proc: How long before we start labeling people “walking health code violations”?

TW: It’s just a matter of time until we start quarantining people for being too healthy.

The Proc: I bought this new stuff called Soylent Green. Is it safe to eat?

TW: Absolutely - it’s all natural and organic - where did you get it, Whole Foods?

The Proc: What’s the sickest thing you’ve ever seen during your inspections?

TW: Trust me, you do not want to know the details, but it involved a small furry animal, a bit of excrement, a blender, and some chocolate. (This was not in Pasadena.)

The Proc: Ever get those mini Krackel bars around Halloween? Delicious.

TW: Good choice, but my favorite has always been the Bottle Caps. A lady down the street used to give out fruit, which always upset me. Now that I work for the health department, she doesn’t seem so crazy.

The Proc: I’m going to get this Subway commercial song stuck in your head: “Five. Five Dollar. Five Dollar Footlongs.”

TW: Too late, it is already stuck in my head. You have no idea how many Subway sandwiches I’ve eaten from the store down on Fair Oaks and Orange Grove.

The Proc: Run me through a typical work day of yours.

TW: The beauty of my job is that every day is different. I deal with staff and budget issues within the department, occasionally get to play a real doctor and see patients in one of our clinics, investigate outbreaks of lice or tuberculosis in a school, speak to community groups about their health concerns, get a briefing from the FBI about some bioterrorist threat, write grants for new programs addressing nutrition or access to health care, field complaints about barking dogs, get interviewed by the LA Times about vaccination rates, and once in a while, I have the pleasure of interacting with characters that make the world interesting, like The Most Electrifying Man in Pasadena. It’s a great job and pays the bills, I can’t complain.

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We need more good sports like him in Pasadena.

Have a great weekend.  Enjoy some brand new Sid Tyler Facts over on Dormitas’ blog!
I’m Audi 5000,

- AP

I was on cable access TV last night because, well, I’m awesome. Andre Coleman had me on his weekly Newsrap show on Pasadena 56. At one point, we were discussing the stupid ass smoking ordinance when a guy named Robert called in.

I was talking about how the government should keep their noses out of our personal, legal freedoms. Robert said that he worked at a restaurant and doesn’t wash his hands because the government told him to.

While Andre and his rockin’ sister scrambled to reply, my 165 IQ and rapier’s wit caught on to Robert’s sarcasm and that he was possibly making fun of what I was saying.

I’m not a full-on Libertarian. If I were, I’d be hanging out with the other three Libbys in Pasadena. I’ve got mucho respect for their party - but hear me out. I’m not saying the government shouldn’t tell restaurant workers not to wash their hands. I mean, if a restaurant worker pissed all over his hands, didn’t wash them, and went back and made some creme brulee - he could possibly infect a large number of people.

We need the government to protect us from certain things. Radical Islam. Illegal Immigration. Domestic Terrorism. Identity thieves. People who want to poison us. Carl Kozlowski.
I’m just not in the boat where they think cigarette smoke is a lethal toxin. I mean, 49 of 50 states can’t be completely wrong. I’m also not in the boat where I think the People’s Republic of Pasadena (or Sacramento for that matter) should be telling private businesses, well, how to run their business.

If I made the laws in this state, you’d still be able to smoke at bars: bars that wanted to have smoking there. Hell, you’d still be able to eat at restaurants with a smoking and non-smoking section. Why? Because it’s up to the business. If the business wants to lose money because some reactionary hippy-dippy California Liberal types don’t want to eat there, that’s their call - not the government’s.

That’s all I have to say about that, for now.

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It’s time to unveil this week’s Ham And Egger Award winner.

Ham and egger was a term largely made popular in pro-wrestling fan circles. Bobby “The Brain” Heenan used to use it a lot. Basically, according to the Urban Dictionary, it’s a common person you might see eating ham and eggs. Someone who doesn’t possess many spectacular qualities.

So, this award will be given out on this website every week or so to the person who has had some kind of lackluster or sub-par performance when it comes to the City of Pasadena. Yeah, there will be tons of winners.

This week’s Ham & Egger Award goes to none other than Fred Ortega of Under The Dome. I’m sure Fred is a nice guy and all but he’s just not providing that engaging political blogging that his predecessor, Todd Ruiz, used to come up with. The kind of stuff that should be in the paper but isn’t for whatever reason the Charmin Star-News has.

So - congrats to Fred - and keep up the mediocre work!

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The Aaron Proctor Interview Series continues. This morning, The Proc walked all around Crown City - searching for one man. That man was none other than the head honcho, the big cheese, the boss of Joe Piasecki, the big wig: Kevin Uhrich. He’s the Editor of the Pasadena Weekly. If you didn’t know that, The Proc says you’re an idiot.

The Proc and The Uhr (?) have a lot in common. We are both from Pennsylvania. We are both somewhat controversial Pasadena local treasures. We are both quite the ladies’ man. Our first names both have five letters. We’re both very passionate about the anti-smoking ordinance, as indicated in Kevin’s excellent editorial this week.
Let’s find out more about the man, the myth, the editor, shall we?

The Proc: You are from Lebanon, Pennsylvania. Can you get me some bologna? Turkey Hill Ice Cream? Utz potato chips?

Kevin: Yes, yes, and yes. But wouldn’t you really rather have some nice Hanover pretzels and Breyer’s Ice Cream?

The Proc: Name other Pasadena politicos with Pennsylvania ties (besides yours truly):

Kevin: Well, there was John Crowley, who was a fellow at Swarthmore, in your neck of the woods, and there was Bill Thomson, who attended Bucknell, and Bill Crowfoot, who went to Haverford. And there was Cynthia Kurtz, who is from the Harrisburg area. When I went to Lebanon Valley College, we played Haverford and Swarthmore in football and lacrosse.

Kevin (cont’d): In fact, I was a goalie in lacrosse and my first game, a scrimmage, was against Mr. Thomson’s Bucknell, which was a division above us. They killed us, and being a rookie I took a few too many blistering shots to the mid-body, if you know what I mean, but it was still a lot of fun.

The Proc: How long have you been at the Pasadena Weekly? What’s one of your favorite stories you’ve covered?

Kevin: I’ve been writing for the paper since 96. A favorite is hard to come up with. There have been so many great stories. I’d have to say it was the story I worked on with my old friend Marti Taylor about the Pasadena preacher who refused to forgive a lady’s hat shop owner in LA for kicking him out of her store and then begged for forgiveness from his own flock after secretly mortgaging the church’s property. That was rich.

The Proc: Weren’t you and Frank Girardot a pro-wrestling tag team in the mid 1970’s?

Kevin: I don’t know about tag team, but we were teammates when I worked at the Star-News a few years back.

The Proc: If you had a hammer, you’d…?

Kevin: Hammers are dangerous.

The Proc: Who is harder to find? Where’s Waldo or Martin Truitt?

Kevin: Haven’t heard from Martin for some time, so I’d have to say him at this point.

The Proc: You recently received the Model of Unity award from the Pasadena Human Relations Commission. What other plural nouns do you embody?

Kevin: Not quite sure I understand the question, but I’ve always tried to be a uniter, not a divider.

The Proc: Doesn’t Steve Madison kind of look like Jim McGreevey?

Kevin: A little bit, but Steve’s much more handsome, and smarter.

The Proc: Iron City or Yuengling?

Kevin: Definitely Yuenglings.

The Proc: I used to think your name was Kevin Ulrich. Why am I so retarded?

Kevin: Don’t feel bad. Even members of my family spell our name wrong.

The Proc: Was Avery Brooks a cool guy when you played on “Spenser: For Hire”?

Kevin: I imagine Mr. Brooks is a pretty cool guy, but I think you’re thinking of Dan Tanna, or Uncle Bob. Just kidding. We’re not related. But I imagine all Uhrichs, Ulrichs and Urichs are related somewhere along the line. There sure are a lot of them back home.

The Proc: True or false: Bitches ain’t nothin’ but ho’s and tricks.

Kevin: Haven’t really had the, er, pleasure of finding out. Actually, I don’t really care for that word. Maybe having four older sisters, who were all tougher than my three older brothers, taught me a thing or two about respect.

The Proc: Did you hear about the time Joe Piasecki went on a trip with his family? He stopped at an AM/PM for a hot dog and locked his keys in the car. He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out.

Kevin: If you think that’s funny, you should have seen what happened when we asked him to change all the light bulbs in the office. Joe and Carl are still working on it.

The Proc: How the hell is John Mellencamp in the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame?

Kevin: Love that guy. Always have.

The Proc: How many barfights has Sid Tyler been in at the 35er?

Kevin: I think your referring to events before my time.

The Proc: Angel Soft or the Pasadena Star-News?

Kevin: Hearing that kind of thing just breaks my heart. I loved that place when I was there, and I love it now. It’s just tragic what their corporate masters have done.

The Proc: How do you talk to a liberal (if you must)?

Kevin: I think that’s a question better answered by my girlfriend, who’s pretty darn conservative.

The Proc: Word association:

Andre Coleman: No Bull
Old Town: Too much
Franklin & Marshall: Overrated
The Northwest: There now in my mind
Buddy Ebsen: Great dancer, even better PI
Aaron Proctor: Crazy in a good way
The I-Formation: Needs a good fullback
Weekly papers: The future
Bed Bath & Beyond: Wedding bell blues
Alternative news: News be news
The White Hut: a wonderful institution
Homelessness in Pasadena: continuum of care

Thanks to Kevin (and all of the other Weekly guys I’ve interviewed) for being such great sports. Kevin’s an interesting fellow and he kind of looks like Jack Lord.

The Aaron Proctor Interview Series most definitely will continue on Monday. Who will be my next guest? It’s Paul Little - former District 2 Councilman, current Pasadena Chamber of Commerce CEO, and huge Aaron Proctor fan.

Until then, don’t be a ham and egger.

- AP

I’ll be appearing live tonight on Newsrap With Andre Coleman.  It’s on at 9 p.m. on Pasadena 56.

If you don’t have cable, aren’t in Pasadena, or are near a computer - you can watch LIVE on http://www.pasadena56.tv.

Stay tuned!
- AP

Forgot to mention - I’ll be on NewsRap tonight on Pasadena 56 at 9pm (Pacific time, of course).

You can watch it (in Pasadena) on Pasadena 56 or live on the web at pasadena56.tv. 

- AP 

I’ll be the “special guest host” of Newsrap tomorrow night at 9 pm (Pacific time of course) on Pasadena 56.

My guest will be none other than the usual host of the show, the Pasadena Weekly’s Andre Coleman.  The newlywed Coleman and I will be discussing everything from current events in Pasadena to the books he’s written to how he got his start in the news business.

If you don’t live in Pasadena or don’t have cable, you can catch the show live on the web at Pasadena56.tv.  Click on the Channel 56 link at 9 p.m.
The fun all starts tomorrow night at 9pm!

- AP

Some new faces of 2007 (From left to right): District 1 Councilwoman Jacque Robinson, District 2 Councilwoman Margaret McAustin, and “Planny” - the Planning Commission dalmatian.

By the power vested in me by hyperlinking and blog archiving, here’s a shout out to the year 2007 - one of the most memorable years of not only my life but Pasadena’s as well.
2007 was definitely a year that saw both challenges for me in my personal life and for the City of Pasadena. While my life saw me unjustly fired from two jobs in the same year and subsequently being exiled to St. Louis, Pasadena saw gang violence, strip club buy outs, Rose Bowl float drama, door hanger drama, developer drama, high school football game drama, a police chief doubling as a City Manager, long-time PUSD board members upset from their seats, and lots, lots more.

Kimberley Brown ran against Steve Madison in the District 6 Council election. I’d like to have her in my polling place, if you catch my drift.

The year started out with some exciting Council and PUSD board races - all culminating with the March Primary election and the April runoff election (well, the latter if you didn’t get trounced by Mayor Bogaard).

Danny Bakewell made hell for Council to quell.

This very blog blossomed and came into its own a few weeks after the dust cleared from the election. As you’ll see, this site started out as my own personal campaign site. After the election, it became a place where I continually posted my attempts at comedic musings, controversial rants, controversial musings, and comedic rants (Ha!).
Ever since late March or early April, this site has become a favorite of elected officials, political candidates, anonymous pundits, newspaper reporters, crazy liberal bitches, bitches with smokin’ bodies, family members, erstwhile school board members, losers on professional wrestling message boards, Nigerian porno spammers, and Average Joes.

Local bloggers Centinel (left) and Dormitas (right).

And it’s not just this blog either. The entire blogsophere - moreso Blogadena - has grown to be quite the influential source from everything like straight information to complete ridicule of/on our leaders. More people pay attention to what goes on at historic City Hall than ever before. Let’s band together and make 2008 even more memorable!

When I was a kid, I was a big fan of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books. So why not sit a spell and do just that - choose your own Proctor-guided adventure in the archives of 2007.

• January
• February
• March
• April
• May
• June
• July
• August
• September
• October
• November
• December
• Febtabuary

Breakdown: 2007 In Numbers

• 195,000: The number of total hits for the year 2007 this site will reach sometime just before the end of the year.
• 8: The number of people on City Council (including the Mayor) who read this blog.
• Approximately 2300: The number of times the word ‘fuck’ is used on this site.
• 47: The number of times I’ve pissed people off.
• 86 minutes: The amount of time it takes Mayor Bogaard to finish a sentence.
• 48: Updated - number of times I’ve pissed people off.
• 3,000,000: The number of people I pissed off in the St. Louis area.
• $5,000,000: The amount the City spent to rid it of a strip club (the amount invested in to gang violence was far less).
• 40: Ounces of King Cobra goodness.
• $10 million: The amount Victor Gordo claimed we need in order to pay our police officers and fire fighters, in support of 2008’s worst decision, Measure D.
• $25 million: The amount in surplus the City actually will have. So why do we need Measure D again?
• 65,000 or so: The number of registered voters in Pasadena
• 5: The number of registered voters in Pasadena who vote
• 4: The number of registered voters in Pasadena who can name the Mayor or any member of City Council
• 73: The number of times Joe Hopkins attributed gang violence to a late 80’s or early 90’s hip hop group
• 8,294: The number of hours for entire City Council meetings this year
• 277: The number of times Jim Lomako used the phrase “granny flats” during the District 2 election
• 3,156: The amount of people who think things located just above Washington & Allen are part of incorporated Pasadena and not unincorporated Pasadena or Altadena.
• 1472: The number of geniuses in Pasadena.

Some Things I Learned In 2007

• John Shaft is a complicated man and no one understands him but his woman.
• Sid Tyler doesn’t use e-mail, he uses fe-male.
• The Midwest isn’t good for anything except cheap alcohol and cheap cigarettes.
• No MTA or ARTS bus in Pasadena is ever on time.
• Martin Truitt is 7 feet tall, weighs 650 pounds, and lives in a cave under the Allen Gold Line station.
• Running for office doesn’t get you a burger named after you. Calling the owner of a restaurant a ‘dick’ in the Pasadena Weekly does.
• Ace Star-News reporter Todd Ruiz and I have both seperately had sexual relations with this one chick back in our younger days. She had good taste.  UPDATE (Dec 27, 2007):  Chick pulls a Steve Madison and cries to me about this.  I took her picture down…here’s the e-mail I sent back:

  Because I'm a nice guy, a paragon of virtue, an icon, a superstar, role
  model, genius, et al....and since it's Kwanzaa, I'll take down your
  picture from that entry.
  
  It's a shame you don't have a sense of humor.  Then again, that's why
  you're a 30 year old Goth chick.
  
  - AP
  www.proctorformayor.com

• This chick on Law & Order: SVU reminds me of Jane Rodriguez.
• The Philadelphia Eagles and the Philadelphia Phillies are responsible for breaking my heart twice.
• Giving up the eyeliner and the eyeshadow and the weird clothes has been one of the better decisions I’ve made in life.
• Pasadena needs a Wendy’s and an Arby’s.
• City Council public comment cards make decent paper airplanes.
• Steve Haderlein is a sexy mofo.
• The hairstyle that Emo kids have is called a “Cry shield”. The kind of kids who listen to Emo are called “eleven-teens”.
• Jill organizes fun picnics.
• Former District 2 City Councilman Paul Little used steroids between his 2001 and 2003 terms.
• That guy on Orange Grove isn’t going to use the 50 cents you gave him to buy food.

I guess that all sums up 2007.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

- AP

Frazgo brings the Beijing situation and the  Virginia Hoge situation to a bigger group of bloggers - the ones cut from the Los Angeles fabric.  Check it out here.

- AP

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