The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

Ever read that book, “Pride & Prejudice & Sid Tyler“? Spoiler alert: Someone gets killed at the end. So sayeth The Proc.
Time for this week’s Sid Tyler Facts!

• Sid Tyler will win a Gold Medal at the 2012 Olympics………. for decapitating Michael Phelps.
• If you Google “who can challenge Sid Tyler”, there will be negative results.
• Sid Tyler asked the Olympics to add “Grenade eating” as an event.
• Sid Tyler won a Gold Medal all by himself……….in Doubles Tennis.
• If you look into the eye of a hurricane, you will see Sid Tyler.
• Superman wears Sid Tyler underwear.
• Sid Tyler’s already been to Mars - that’s why there are no signs of life there.
• Procter & Gamble tried to make Sid Tyler brand toilet paper but it wouldn’t take shit from anybody.
• Pee Wee Herman once got arrested for masturbating in public. Little known fact - but on the same day - Sid Tyler got an award for masturbating in public.
• Sid Tyler is a frequent blood donor to the Red Cross. It’s just never his own.

**

“Hey Dude Who Looks Like The Dad From Everybody Loves Raymond..that Jew was going 24 miles per hour in a 25 mile per hour zone…Christ Killers!” - Mel Gibson as Goebbels, The Sheriff

So I’m kinda confused about exactly why people are up in arms about this whole thing about the LA County Sheriff expanding their ID and deportation of illegal immigrants. If someone can explain to me why people are saying our tax dollars are being wasted, I’m all ears.

So - our tax dollars aren’t being wasted with mylar balloon ban initiatives and forcing companies to rid themselves of trans fats and everyone being forced to possibly pitch in so LA can have some nice subway to the beach - they’re being wasted protecting our country?

`Cause, yeah, wake up and smell the chorizo. Illegal immigration is a fucking national security issue. Don’t tell me it isn’t. People sneaking into our country to do God knows what scares the fuck out of me more than somebody choosing to be fat.

Funny how when our tax dollars are actually going toward something useful, all the Liberals raise up their arms and whine and complain that we have more important issues to worry about. We’ve got to to use those tax dollars to give handouts to people who don’t want to work for a living. Yeah, that’s right, not protect our country. Wacky fucking Californians, I swear.

LOOK! There’s somebody smoking within 20 feet of a public building! Where is half the Pasadena police force!?

**

Well, City Council is on vacation for a little while - and too bad - Monday night’s aren’t the same. It’s been awfully quiet around the Crown City, too…have you noticed? Usually when there’s a lull like this (there was one back Spring), it always means it’s the calm before the storm.

So, obviously, no Council, no scandals, no PUSD silliness in the past few days - what else is there to talk about? I’ve been reading all about this Clark Rockefeller stuff over on Hollywood Girardot’s blog. Don’t get me wrong. Frank’s been doing some excellent coverage but for some reason, this story doesn’t grab my attention. I’d go see it if it were a movie starring Kevin Spacey as the dude…but…as for now, I’m kind of tired of hearing about it, reading about it, seeing it on television. It was interesting maybe the first day and that was it.

Sometimes I think it’s because the media just drills and drills and drills shit into the ground. I don’t know if they’ve always been doing it…it kinda seems like after the OJ Case, everyone was looking for the next OJ Case…and was severely disappointed when things like the Lewinsky drama or Robert Blake or OJ’s newest legal troubles or this whole Rockefeller thing doesn’t live up to the same hype.

I guess I’d rather read all of that than read about Moe The Chimp.

Be seeing you,

- AP

Oh, how The Proc hates the IRS (no, not Mike Rotunda, he’s cool). I would count the ways but I got bored after 1,827.

The latest from these Schysters? The fact that their automated system claims they mailed my check on July 2nd. Too bad I never received it. So, you’re supposed to call in to this line and talk to them. I called them at 8 am yesterday morning and was still on hold until about 9:15. Some people gotta work around here, so I gave up. They claim I can go to their office…but that would be a day off of work for me.

Mother fuckers. They told me a few months ago to mail in a change of address to both them and the post office - so I did so in like, May. I bet they still mailed my check to the wrong address. Fuck. How can I stimulate the economy without an economic stimulus check? By the time I receive mine, the economy will probably be fixed and they’ll be like “Oh, wow, Proc, you don’t need this. Thanks for showing up any way.”

I don’t think we should have an IRS. I wasn’t even created by statute and they can’t be fucking sued, so how in the hell are they even a federal government entity? Maybe it is a fucking Puerto Rican Trust?

They’re definitely worthy of this week’s Ham And Egger Award!!!!!

They have horrible customer service, usually employ dregs of society to deal with shit, and generally fuck up on everything they do. If the IRS were a person, they’d be a City Councilmember in Pasadena. And if the IRS were a person, I’d open a 50 gallon vat of whoop-ass on that pencil-necked geek. And that’s the bottom line. `Cause Aaron Proctor said so.

**

Hey Larry - where are you at with your ‘Poor little Pasadena - we’re just an itty bitty town?’ shit? Did you read this article in your own damn paper?

Yeah, having two BCS games in a few years…and we’re a fucking ’small town’? Get real.

**

Yesterday, I welcomed Michael Beck, our new City Manager as of 10/1, to Pasadena. I’ve got a few predictions about this Inland Empire go-getter (a go-getter in the IE is defined as anyone who wears a dress shirt and works more than 10 hours a week). Ten predictions, to be exact:

TOP TEN PREDICITIONS FOR MICHAEL BECK’S PASADENA CAREER

10. Becomes first City official to say “Fuck off, Madison” during a meeting

9. Will be tapped to assist on a script for a movie about Pasadena where Gilbert Gottfried will play him.

8. His career will ultimately make soccer just as popular in the US as it is elsewhere. (Oops, I’m sorry, those are my Top Ten David Beckham Predictions..)

7. Michael heads up YAC to find out about Jane Rodriguez’ legs. Will report back to Council in 45 days that they are “still sexy”.  (* - YAC = Yet Another Committee)
6. He’ll screw up on something and we’ll all begin calling him a “Beckerhead”.

5. In a sign of defiance, loosens tie a little.

4. Pasadena Weekly discovers he has world’s largest “Hardcastle & McCormick” memoribilia collection.

3. Invokes RICO on the Red Hat Society

2. Disgarees with Sid Tyler on agenda item, ends up in a light sabre fight to the death in Council Chambers.

1. We’ll have a new City Manager by next June.

**

Can The Proc be serious for a minute, folks? Thanks. Hey! Where are you going? Sit the fuck down and finish reading this. Beckerhead.

Exactly one year ago today, I came back to Pasadena after spending a little over 2 months in the Midwest.

After coming back, a lot of things changed about me, all in a positive way. Namely two things jump out at devotees: My appearance is much more mainstream and political views I’ve been afraid to air have finally come out and turned me into a more Conservative guy that I ever wanted to admit. I’m fine with those things. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I’m a damn handsome man.

Still, when I think of the past, I often look to the future. What does the future hold for this website - what does the future hold for me? The #1 thing I get from people is “You should soooo figure out a way to make money with your blog.” I hear it all the time - even from City dignitaries.

A few things here - and most of this is just my personal philosophy. Fuck yeah, I’d love to make money from this blog. I feel, though, if I sat around trying to figure out how I’m going to make money, the quality of the website would go down. I’ve seen it happen to people (and I guess, to myself, to a lesser extent) before - people get so focused on the almighty dollar that they don’t make sure their priorities are straight. Not only does the quality of their hobby go down but it can also affect them in the workplace.

I also have integrity, believe it or fucking not. I wouldn’t want someone to advertise here and then start telling me what to say and do in my articles.
I want to go big places and so do big things with this blog - and I’m certainly not the type that’s just going to “sit around and wait for it to happen”. I’d like to think I do things every day - from adding more special content to this website to making new connections - to make my blog life and my real life a better one.

I do promise you this, though - if you think I’m pushed the envelope too far, you ain’t seen nothing yet. I’m planning on adding more video content to this website in the next few weeks and months. The City Council Puppet Show will finally rear it’s comedic head. I plan on pulling more stunts and pranks to the best of my abilities and limits.

I also plan on ‘not giving in’ and ‘proving people wrong’. There’s still a small amount of people in this City who think this blog is all an act. Well, I’ll tell you this: If you think I act and talk the way I do in my daily life, at my job, to my loved ones, you’re wrong..but don’t ever doubt that this blog isn’t some kind of extension of me. Also don’t doubt my political convictions. I know I came into the spotlight around here as a kid in eyeliner with big Socialist views. Those views have drastically changed as I’ve a) gotten older and b) learned more about what makes Pasadena tick - and it’s all the Limo Liberals’ fault.

We all get paid to play in this world. The Pasadena Weekly, luckily, lets me do a little “5 Questions” column every week and even afforded me the opportunity to meet Huell Howser. I’m thankful for that. A lot of my friends complain that the PW doesn’t have any balls because they’re not letting the real Proc in - but at the same time - the PW pays my bills, so I respect any decision they make - and they gave me a precious opportunity to get ink, so I’ve personally got no complaints.

Ann Erdman & Me

Whatever the future may hold, whatever this blog ends up contributing or not contributing to Society - I must thank you all for being such loyal readers. I even thank those who come here to dissect and disagree with everything I say. (Namely Fred Ortega, that Ham And Egger who now works for the State Comptroller or something and is using your tax dollars to log on to this website…)
I have a lot of exciting opportunities coming my way, I just know it, I just feel it - but the last thing I am going to do is dwell on it. I have to be prepared and be ready. “Keep up the good work” like Chris Holden said to me (and then he said ‘Shiiiiiiiiiit‘). What do the next 365 days hold for The Proc? I don’t have a fucking clue. But neither do you. That’s what makes all of this so much fun.

Let me clear things up a bit. I don’t believe in predestination too much. What I mean is, if life taps me on the shoulder and says “Hey, Proc, this blog, this little column, being an accounting assistant, and making $10 an hour - this is all you’re gonna get“, I’d be very happy. I feel like I’ve already “made it” in a sense. People come up to me on the street and shake my hand regularly. I feel that by making you laugh, making you mad, making you happy, making you want to strangle me - I’ve made you feel something and that’s a reward in itself. What I’m saying is - the way things are now - I’m very happy. That’s why I don’t sit around trying to think of schemes to make money, that’s why I’m not calling up TV stations or trying to widen my scope to the National political scene - I like what I do now on the blog, I like what I do now for work, of fucking course I’d love more opportunities and more money and I strive to be the best at everything I do - but if this is it, then, damn, I’ve done a fucking lot more than other people have. I’m lucky and I think I’ve had a good streak of luck for the past year. I’ll just keep riding it and let the chips fall where they may.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled brattiness.

Sid Tyler can walk, chew gum, and bang two broads at the same time.

Be seeing you,

- AP

And we have a new City Manager! Michael Beck has finally taken off his robe and is in the squared circle, ready to take on all comers: Historic preservationists, crazy developers, bloggers, maybe even Virginia Hoge! Actually, he starts on October 1st. Apparently, yesterday was officially “Screw the Brown Act! Day” in Pasadena.

I don’t know much about the guy except he’s from Riverside, and I loooooooooooove making fun of Riverside. I’ve known some crazy bitches from that town.

I’d like to take this time, though, to welcome Mr. Beck to the helm. Don’t mind that half-full bottle of vodka under your desk, that’s just leftover from Cynthia Kurtz.

And now - an open letter to Mr. Beck:

Dear Michael,

Can I call you Mike? Is that ok? Well, I’m going to do it any way. Ok. `Sup Mike? Welcome to Pasadena. I hope you enjoy your stay. You’re going to be hearing a lot about me. Well, you’re going to pretend that you don’t hear anything but you will. I’m Aaron Proctor, otherwise known as The Proc, The Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena, Role Model To Children Everywhere, Paragon of Virtue, and, sometimes, “Damn, Aaron, You Were So Fucking Good.” I’ll answer to you calling out any of those except the last one.

I run shit around here. Well, figuratively. And by figuratively, I mean not at all. I do have a blog that’s read by most of your co-workers, though. You are probably going to be told I have a penchant for fucking with people’s political careers. Kinda true, kinda false. You might want to get on my good side, though, especially since you automatically have points against you for being a) from Riverside and b) because that’s how I roll.

Here are some pointers on how to get on my good side:

1. Name a cheesburger after me. I know you can’t really do that, but, you can name any cheeseburger you’re eating after me.
2. Play along. Nobody likes a poor sport. Especially me.
3. Don’t drive a Maserati.
4. Don’t be named Steve Madison.
5. Do give me stuff. I love gifts. Philadelphia Eagles merchandise rocks, and I’m a huge “Doctor Who” fan. I’d also like the special edition of “True Romance” on DVD `cause some crazy bitch from Riverside took it.
6. I see you have some kids. Probably a good idea to teach them about the blogosphere and what a blog is/does.
7. Not mentioning me/acknowledging my existence isn’t going to make me go away.
8. If you use the word “irregardless”, there will be serious blogging consequences.
9. Be honest, open, opinionated. Don’t let those assclowns make you their bitch. City first, Michael Beck second. No shenangians. We’ll be cool like the other side of the pillow.

And here’s how you get on my bad side:

1. Don’t adhere to the “good side” list.

Once again - welcome to Pasadena - and good luck!

Xoxo,

Aaron Proctor

**

Sid Tyler Facts lower your cholesterol. True story.

• Sid Tyler’s license plate holder says “Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy But It’s Necessary”
• When a tsunami happens, it’d because Sid has been swimming in the ocean.
• A Polish guy, a Jewish guy, a Catholic priest, and Sid Tyler all walk into a bar. Sid Tyler only comes out alive.
• Sid Tyler’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
• Sid Tyler can fold a paper airplane that can take down an 800 pound gorilla.
• Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Sid Tyler.
• Sid Tyler pours champagne on his Cheerios.
• Sid Tyler uses staples as hair gel.
• One day, NBC let Sid Tyler control all their programming for a day. All that aired were episodes of “Hunter” and “Law & Order“. Just regular “Law & Order”, though, he hates that SVU shit.
• Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Sid Tyler threw it.

**

From the makers (me) of The Ten People Ruining Pasadena & yet to be finished The Ten Things I Love About Pasadena comes yet another companion series: Stuff Pasadenans Like.

Based on the hilarious blog (and now book) by Christian Lander, “Stuff White People Like” - this will be a semi-regular look into the things that make people in the Crown City tick. I’m sure there will be things on his knee-slapping list that will overlap into my attempt-at-humor list.

First on the list…………

Cycling! (Don’t dare call it biking!)

People who own bikes are better than you. They’re better looking, more successful, and smell like Ambrosia. They are more open minded and advanced than you are. They use their bike more than their car - and when they’re driving - they’ll remind you that they’d “Rather Be Biking” or their “Other Car Is A Bike”. They’re even better than people who take public transit. When Judgment Day comes, they will be separated from all of us hellish people because God loves bikers more than non-bikers.

Gang violence in Pasadena isn’t as important as placing more “Share The Road” signs around town. The Rose Bowl might be a football stadium to the naked eye, but it’s actually an Olympic-style practice course. Sidewalks are for bikes first, pedestrians second.

Pasadena loves biking. Most of our City Council ride bikes, just not to City Council meetings. Pasadena is a very bike-friendly town. If you don’t ride a bike, then you’re an idiot. While you’re wasting time “at work” or “spending time with your kids” or “paying bills“, they’re living life to the fullest: ignoring all the latter and becoming the next Lance Armstrongs of the world. Oh, and you’re super elite if you have one of those Livestrong bracelets. Making fun of Lance having one testicle is punishable by a firing squad.

Cycling is more important than breathing and it’s one of the many ingredients in the Stuff Pasadenans Like.

**

A bunch of fucktards are going around the Pasadena area, stealing McCain signs - which is making people afraid to put up McCain signs, according to some legit, respectable sources of mine.

First of all - what the fuck? If somebody was going around stealing Obama signs, it would be in the leftist Star-News. I bet if I were caught fucking with someone’s sign, I’d be in some serious shit.

I’m not going to let people intimidate me, politically. Back when I was a weirdo Goth kid in 2004, I knew this weirdo Goth chick (because those are the only other kinds of people you hang out with) in South Pasadena (apparently a filming site for ‘Triumph Of The Will’ - according to Wikipedia) that went and took someone’s GW Bush sign and destroyed it. It wasn’t too hard to figure out she did it after she a) posted about it on MySpace and b) decorated her yard with all of the destroyed Bush signs.

So, it’s probably a bunch of loser, dregs of society (a/k/a the Obama base) taking these signs - with nothing else better to do. God damn, Liberals really hate the 1st Amendment, don’t they?

Don’t be afraid to have freedom of expression. If your neighbor has an Obama sign, don’t be scared. Liberals don’t control what we can and can’t say or put in our yards, yet, so go ahead, put up one. This anonymous sign grabber is the epitome of the Liberal tactics in this town and country: covert and pussified.

Let’s hope someone else catches this sign stealer or The Proc is going to have to lay the smackdown on their candy ass. If you smelllllllllllllllllll….what the Proc….is cookin’.

**

Yeah, yeah, I know the Phillies lost to the stupid Dodgers last night…but at least they came all the way back from a blowout 7-1 deficit to make it a respectable 8-6 loss. Although, yeah, a loss is a loss. It’s gonna be a different tune tonight when Cole Hamels is on the mound against…some ham and egger named Kershaw.

Since I’m in the mood to write open letters this morning, let me talk to my friends back in the City of Brotherly Love for a minute:

Dear Philadelphia,

As a resident of Pasadena, CA (originally from Philly for the first 20 years of my life) - the outside world considers me living in Los Angeles..just like the outside world thinks Anaheim is a section of LA.

Due to those ridiculous facts (Pasadena is only 5 minutes from LA but a world of difference) - I apologize for the lameness of Dodger fans.

LA fans are the worst sports fans in the world. It could be a no-hitter in the 7th inning for their precious Dodgers and you’ll see fans walking out of the game so they can “beat traffic”. Don’t even get me started on the parking lot at Dodgers stadium. If you want a spray-painted Virgin Mary t-shirt, this is the place to go.

Let’s hope the Phillies come back tonight…Hamels vs Kershaw is gonna be very different than Kendrick vs. Lowe.

Go Fightin’s.

- AP
http://www.proctorformayor.com

P.S. Tell William Penn I said “Hey”

Also - a special message to a majority of Dodger fans here in LA: ¿Manny Ramírez? Él no es mexicano. Apesadumbrado de estallar su burbuja.

Be seeing you and keep up the good work, Closet Conservative.

- AP

Chivalry might be dead but Sid Tyler Facts are alive and well….

• Sid Tyler’s resume is just a picture of Van Gogh’s “The Scream”.
• Sid Tyler invented the corndog.
• The USGS was going to rename the Raymond Fault the Sid Tyler Fault until they realized Sid Tyler is never at fault.
• Sid Tyler sneezes electricity.
• There is a lost episode of Project Runway where Sid Tyler is a guest judge. It’s simply an hour of him banging all the hot female models.
• The original name of the musical group was “Earth, Wind, Fire & Sid Tyler“
• The playing field for Sid Tyler’s yearly Easter Egg Hunt includes landmines and beartraps.
• Most people take Pepto Bismol to quell heartburn. Sid uses napalm.

**

I really like those El Santo movies. I don’t know how many have been translated into English (although I saw one on MST3K one time where it was called “Samson vs. The Vampire Women”) - but they come on KRCA now and again and I can’t get enough of them.

I recently stumbled upon this old YouTube video from last year when people were upset at City Council for not giving Danny “Baseball Bat” Bakewell a contract to develop shit. In this video (at this link), I couldn’t stop laughing at the part where it’s the supporters vs. Victor Gordo. I don’t know why I found it so funny but I’d sure like to see this whole thing changed into an El Santo-esque movie: “El Pollo Gordo vs El Revelador Malvado” (I think that means El Pollo Gordo vs The Evil Developer in English).

This could be a cult classic. In fact, there’s already a Luchador tag team called Los Gallineros - they could loan Gordo their costumes!

I smell a blockbuster….or is that just Carne Asada?

**

The Brown Act? What is that, again?

At Tuesday’s Pasadena Unified School District board meeting, several parents and students from Pasadena High School expressed their unhappiness over recent cheerleading tryouts and wanted to get it on the record.

Since it was a nonagenda item, the seven-member board listened empathetically (see board protocol handbook) but did not answer the barrage of questions lobbed at them by frustrated parents.

Their silence was legally required, as board member Scott Phelps gently reminded Ed Honowitz, who attempted to wax poetic on what he saw were the issues.

“Mr. Superintendent, there is no way to have this discussion and abide by the Brown Act,” Phelps said.

Lucky for Honowitz, the board members should receive a staff report in the coming weeks regarding the issue.

Rah-rah.

If that sounds like another one of Dormitas’ “Weekly Pasadena News” entries, you’re way off. Yes, this was actually in the PSN the other day. Gotta love those “concerned” PUSD parents. Ya know, when your district is falling apart and your kids are the future Wal-Mart cashiers of tomorrow, we’ve gotta totally waste everyone’s time talking about their disdain towards whatever happened at cheerleading tryouts. “But I’m A Cheerleader!” No, you’re wasting taxpayers’ money. Now go back to banging the halfback/your English teacher.

`Course - Rene Amy’s still got a problem with it:

Leave it to the PUSD board to use the Brown Act as a defense against
accountability to the public.

The act prohibits a governing board from taking action on a matter not
properly placed on a publicly-posted agenda.

It does *not* prohibit board members - or staff - from responding
directly to questions or statements from members of the public.

It does not prohibit board members - -or staff - from providing
information or reports to members of the public.

It just prohibits a governing board from taking action on a matter not
properly placed on a publicly-posted agenda.

And yet, time and time again, the PUSD board keeps trying to break the law.

And then wrap itself in the flag when a sticky matter - like public
outrage - comes along.

Mark Twain was right: “God made the idiot for practice. then He made the
school board.”

**

Two California legends finally collide tomorrow - as yours truly, The Proc, sits down for lunch with California’s Golden Icon - Huell Howser. Will the universe suck itself into a black hole? Will all time stop as we’re drinking coffee together? What will happen when Huell says “Golly” and I say “Rock on”? Will Virginia Hoge think that Huell is now part of the “conservative conspiracy”? The possibilities are endless…well…I’m not sure about all of that - but…damn it…it’s Huell fucking Howser…I mean, that’s AMAYZING. Gotta iron my kahkis and find a yellow shirt so we can be matchin’ pals.
**

A few people on City Council sure made me proud to be a Pasadenan last night. And, by proud, I mean - completely embarrassed and pissed off that there’s such idiocy from our elected officials.

All the drama went down last night about the Hooters in Old Town asking for a continuance on their application to upgrade from only serving beer and wine to serving hard liquor as well (something I really don’t think the government should have a say in …but…oh well).

According to public commenter Derek Brown (as well as a few of my sources), this is another one of those Steve Madison Crusades. Ya know, the things where he pushes an idea out of his own personal disdain for something (in this case, Hooters, itself) - and either sits back and is quiet for the majority of the discussion - or doesn’t show up at all when it’s time to take action (like on the smoking ban).

There were some bullshit stats last night too - like 17% of all police calls in Pasadena and 60% of them in Old Town are somehow related to Hooters. The Council wasn’t seemingly able to provide actual dates, times, incidents, or anything - so I don’t know how true these stats ring. Here’s a stat that I recently discovered: 100% of all police calls related from douchebaggery come from City Hall. RING! RING! It’s the Madison police.
Of course, the Star-News doesn’t have anything about it in their paper this morning - probably because Larry Wilson is literally on Madison’s cock about quietly pushing Hooters out of town while giving everyone else around them hard liquor licenses, knowing they won’t be able to compete.

Don’t blame the entire Council, though. When it came time to vote on the continuance (Bogaard wasn’t there..) - McAustin, Robinson, Holden, and Tyler voted “Yes”. Gordo, Haderlein, and Madison voted “No”. You need 5 votes to have something pass, so the motion did not carry and the Public Meeting was soon closed thereafter.

Stevey Stevey Stevey..can’t you see…sometimes your words just hypnotize me….

Well, Steve Haderlein is all “Mr. Family Values” and can’t have anything competing with his own sexiness. Understood. It’s more obvious than ever, though, that Victor Gordo is Steve Madison’s bitch, and would jump off a bridge if Madison told him it was the right thing to do. They’re like Calvin and Hobbes - except, replace the tiger with a douchebag.
Why Madison hates Hooters is beyond me. I mean, he’s banging a stripper?! Why he just blatantly fucks with local businesses like District 6 is his own personal SimCity is quite confusing. The guy seems to be some type of micromegalomaniac. And if you take all of these actions and combine them with the stripper girlfriend and the Maserati, you come to a few conclusions: He just doesn’t give a rat’s ass about being a public servant anymore and/or he has a small penis.

I think this time Victor Gordo said it - the “We don’t want to be like (insert City Name)” shit came up. I think he said we don’t want “Old Town Pasadena to turn into Westwood“. Hmmm….bet you don’t mind that extra revenue when the USC-UCLA game comes around to the Rose Bowl….

It’s obvious that Pasadena is just trying to push a large corporation who they have a problem with out of Old Town. We’ll call this “free market gentrification”. The look & feel of Hooters (which was actually discussed last night - about how the ordinance states a restaurant is such and a bar is such, but what “feels” like a bar, blah blah blah..) - doesn’t match with what they’re going for in Old Town. And, the last time I checked, what they’re going for is me never spending a dime there. Ever.

Counting the seconds now until they start cracking down on the actual bars in Pasadena.. `Cause remember it’s Old Town first, outsiders/non-residents/tourists second, actual residents forty fifth.
**

I need a cigarette..which I’ll be enjoying while eating trans fats out of a plastic bag and looking at some double d “100% natural” tits in a Hooters uniform. How you like dem apples, assclown? Fuckin’ liberals……wait until you read tomorrow’s entry about how someone in Pasadena want to regulate the INTERNET!
- AP

The Proc says it’s Thursday - so that means it’s time for you to pick up a Pasadena Weekly and check out my newest edition of “5 Questions“. This time, it’s with Good Ol’ Paul Little!

**

After some homeless dude sat down next to me at the bus stop yesterday morning, demanded a cigarette, and when I told him I didn’t have any left - he said “THANKS A LOT, ASSHOLE” and walked away - I was pretty pissed. Not only pissed because the bus stop at Colorado and Sierra Madre smells of piss ever since they kept a bench there (which is now gone) for a week… (I also should note I would have beated his ass on principle but I didn’t want to smell like urine coming into my JOB)

I was also pretty pissed because I recently learned a new and disturbing fact about the homeless here in Pasadena and why they all flock here. It’s not just because the idiots down in Los Angeles give them tokens and tell them “Go to Pasadena!”

There was a survey recently done in Old Town. It found that a huge number of shoppers/people found it wrong that the Yellow Jacket Guides in Pasadena sometimes prevent them from giving homeless people money. Yeah, you read that right - people in Pasadena are pissed they can’t give to the homeless. I mean, in one sense, it’s their right to give money to whoever they want to - but in another sense - it’s causing a problem.

When I lived in Marcus Hook, PA - I lived by a park right on the Delaware River which I liked to go to and watch the ships unload at Sun Oil and then-BP. The park was full of seagull shit. Why? Because people kept feeding the seagulls. Finally the Marcus Hook city government (of which assclown Curt Weldon used to be Mayor) decided it was time to put up signs saying “Please Don’t Feed The Seagulls”. You feed a seagull, it keeps coming back, and shits on your sidewalk. People didn’t listen. Now the park is not only full of seagull shit - but lame-ass suburbanite gang graffiti as well.

Same applies to the homeless in Pasadena. Offer to buy one of them lunch next time instead of giving them money. See how many turn you down. Nahh, you give them money, or a cigarette..so they piss and shit at your bus stop..and EXPECT you to give them more money and a cigarette. These people who keep doing it AREN’T HELPING.

So - we just continue the trend that LA does. We give them a token and tell them to hit up Monrovia - where Crazy Billy Idol bitch has all of Restaurant Row squared away. That’s fine with me - `cause at least they’re not in Pasadena - but why not send them back to where they most likely came from?

Hey Council - why not make begging for money considered solicitation? Make it so someone asking you for change or a cigarette is right up there with a hooker in Untown telling you “$50 dollar for blow job”. I mean, it could be complaint based like their stupid smoking ban. We’ve got this new guy in Old Town telling people some sob story about he “just got off the Greyhound from prison” (when in fact, the Greyhound station here in Pasadena has been closed for a little while) - and that he needs a few dollars. Yeah, like I’m going to give money to a criminal. Why not have a hotline I can call where the po-po can come pick him up and drop his ass off in Los Angeles with the rest of the garbage? Put them right by that annoying “Question Mark” cafe on Colorado in Evil Rock - whose name I can never figure out - and let the hipsters on their Wi-Fi give him change. Or throw him in the slammer - at least he’ll have food and water and a bed for a night or two.

Don’t let the homeless dick you around and fuck up Pasadena. I’m surprised more of the limo Liberals aren’t all over this - but they’re mostly the ones GIVING them money and smokes. It’s only `cause there’s not homeless people pushing around shopping carts in Linda Vista. “You can be poor but you can’t be poor near me.” Nice job, douchebags.

**

Everyone’s favorite crazy person, Virginia Hoge, is at it again. Spewing more gallons of crazy than an oil well at a Texas mental institution:

The Joker with his new pal

Well, look who is here, partying with Aaron Proctor - at 2 separate parties. The top pic is from Aaron’s Blogger Party - whose pics have mysteriously vanished from his blog (what? censorship in the land of Libertarian “Free Speech”), lucky I kept this one for my scrapbook. And here she is again, giving the camera a “Rose Queen wave” on the far right, a guest at his recent birthday party!Who is “she”? None other than the Public Information Officer for the city of Pasadena, Ann Erdman (yes, she has a blog too).She does not condemn him - her weak “give him a bar of soap” comment, is not near enough - as she should, in support of her City if nothing else! I say her being there is nothing less than a very real show of support from her.Ann Erdman’s job description is listed on the City of Pasadena website as:The Public Affairs Division is the information link between city government, the community and the media. It produces the community newsletter Pasadena In Focus, prepares and distributes news releases, answers media inquiries, oversees all programming on 55 KPAS, develops and sells City Hall souvenirs, produces brochures, leaflets, flyers, posters, ads and other literature; plans press conferences; promotes special events; provides media relations and public relations counsel to city departments; and oversees the information kiosk at Pasadena City Hall. We are in serious trouble at City Hall if their main media person, their “information link between the city…and the community”, has so little scruples as to consort with the likes of this modern-day “Bircher” who is violently* attacking her own colleagues at City Hall! Oh yes, and he also sends our Mayor crudely-drawn comics to “rattle” him.*“Violence of the tongue is very real, sharper than any knife.” - Mother TheresaNot to mention Proctor’s profane, racist and savage attacks on our Public School district and his support of right-wing causes and candidates.Not to mention Proctor’s profane, racist and savage attacks on our Public School district and his support of right-wing causes and candidates.Forget W being Batman, Aaron Proctor is our Joker. (”The Joker”, said the late Heath Ledger “is a person without empathy”).Not to mention Proctor’s profane, racist and savage attacks on our Public School district and his support of right-wing causes and candidates.Forget W being Batman, Aaron Proctor is our Joker. (”The Joker”, said the late Heath Ledger “is a person without empathy”).But how long does he get to run around “Gotham”, a whole lot more? Our media (and the City of Pasadena’s lead media official) seem to be enjoying him. Not to mention Proctor’s profane, racist and savage attacks on our Public School district and his support of right-wing causes and candidates.Forget W being Batman, Aaron Proctor is our Joker. (”The Joker”, said the late Heath Ledger “is a person without empathy”).But how long does he get to run around “Gotham”, a whole lot more? Our media (and the City of Pasadena’s lead media official) seem to be enjoying him.Why? Not to mention Proctor’s profane, racist and savage attacks on our Public School district and his support of right-wing causes and candidates.Forget W being Batman, Aaron Proctor is our Joker. (”The Joker”, said the late Heath Ledger “is a person without empathy”).But how long does he get to run around “Gotham”, a whole lot more? Our media (and the City of Pasadena’s lead media official) seem to be enjoying him.Why?

Here are a couple of things I said in comments on her blog - which I’m sure she won’t print:

1. Those pics are still on my blog. Just go into the archives. Here and here. Idiot!!

2. Those pics are my property and I did not authorize you to use them. Therefore, you should take them down - since they’re copyrighted material. (Note: This rule applies to Hoge and Hoge only. Everyone else is cool with using stuff. I am just worried she’s masturbating to my image. While I don’t blame her, it creeps me the fuck out..)
3. I’m pleased to be put on the same level as Heath’s stunning performance in the film.

4. You’re a crazy fucking bitch…and you’re a professional crazy fucking bitch because you get paid by PUSD to be a crazy fucking bitch.

5. Ann Erdman thinks I rock the party that rocks the body. Jealous much?

6. You wanna talk about verbal violence? When you say things like “how long does he get to run around”, etc - sounds like you want to have me jailed for freedom of speech or even killed. Get in line for both.

7. Sorry you didn’t get invited to the blogger party or my birthday party. Your invitation must have got lost in the mail…..but I swear I thought Crazytown, USA 12345 was a legit zip code.

8. Fuck you. But not in the literal sense - `cause seriously - I wouldn’t go near that if PUSD paid me $11,000.

9. “Our media (and the City of Pasadena’s lead media official) seem to be enjoying him. Why?” Because I’m the Most Electrifying Man in Pasadena and fucking hilarious?
10. Thanks.

**

I think we all know who the 5.4-on-the-Richter-scale Ham & Egger in the room is this week.

For the first time ever, this week’s Ham & Egger Award goes to an inanimate object (well, if you count Peter Dreier as an animate object..):

The Chino Hills Earthquake.

Thanks for a “not so big quake” to scare the hell out of me….should rename it “The Ham & Egger Earthquake.”

**

Ok - so everyone (including me) is talking about how great the new Batman movie is - but wait just a minute here….Step Brothers is pretty good, too.

It’s a funny movie that I was laughing through the entire way. Lots of “rated R” type humor - much like you’ll find on this website. It’s not “artsy” funny, either, so leave that Darjeeling Limited shit at home. Plus - like 99% of it is filmed in Pasadena and South Pasadena. If you go see it, watch for the Paseo and the Mission Gold Line Station. Now all those filming signs I saw like..6 or 8 months ago…for “Brothers” make sense.

I also have a soft spot for John C. Reilly (who also lives in Pasadena - why can’t we have John C. Reilly Day?! Margaret McAustin - get on that one…) since a couple of people used to say I looked like him (when I let my hair grow long..)

Plus there are quite a lot of quotable lines and memorable scenes throughout the film. I’ll even wager this was funnier than Walk Hard or Semi-Pro.

I say give it a chance - but wait until after you see Batman..it’s the perfect “pick me up”. Seriously, I was laughing for 90 minutes straight.

**

So an e-mail went around from some Old Money White People “historical preservationists” about how Michael Beck wouldn’t be a good fit as the next City Manager of Pasadena.

If you read my post yesterday, you’ll see why he’s really bad for Pasadena. It has nothing to do with his records on pissing off Old Money White People “historical preservation” - it has to do with the fact that he’s coming from Bumfuck County to Pasadena and will roll over anything and everything the City tells him to do. Just what we need - another lackey. Trust me - take a City Manager from like Texarkana and tell him he’s gonna be the new City Manager of New York City and get a nicer house and get paid way more. He’d do anything you’d say. The Old Money White People “historical preservationists” should calm the fuck down - he’ll be at your beckon call.
Besides - the way Bogey is talking in the paper, it sounds like Beck is already the new guy. I wonder if Beck has been debriefed on Pasadena just yet? I mean, I’m sure he knows all the ins and outs of government..but what about other quirks of the Crown City?

TOP TEN THINGS THAT WILL BE SAID TO MICHAEL BECK ONCE HE BECOMES CITY MANAGER

10. “It is true that Sid Tyler does extreme mixed-martial arts cagefighting on the weekends..”
9. “If you see a heavy-set guy in glasses with an un-tucked shirt and notepad lurching around City Hall, that’s Carl Kozlowski. Yeah, don’t watch his stand-up routine.”
8. “Be careful what you say in print around here. Unlike Riverside, people here can actually read.”
7. “Here’s your copy of Mein Kampf for your trips to South Pasadena…”
6. “She’s not a high school intern, she’s a Councilwoman.”
5. “See that Proctor guy? You don’t see him.”
4. “It’s ok. It’s a diagonal crosswalk.”
3. “Nearest Sonic? 22 miles away.”
2. “Shiiiiiiiiiiit.”
1. “What do you mean ‘when’s the next NASCAR event’? HAHAHAHA! Where the hell do you think you are? Riverside?……………………………Ooops.”

**

Like dangling a piece of cheese in front of a mouse with its mouth wired shut,
- AP

Everyone is talking about the big event that rocked Pasadena and the entire LA area yesterday. I hope everyone is ok after what happened.

Of course, I’m talking about the unveiling of A SHIRTLESS PICTURE OF STEVE HADERLEIN!

That’s Sexy Steve takin’ a dive for the ladies. Call Chief Melekian - there’s a crime wave of hotness afoot!

Oh and there was an earthquake….

**

It’s time for #3 on my list of The Ten Things I Love About Pasadena (inspired by this blog post and a companion series to The Ten People Ruining Pasadena):

#3: We’re The Center Of The Universe!

Seriously. It’s got to be a least a million times that The Proc is watching TV or reading something and shouts out “Hey! They’re from Pasadena!” I guess there’s a reason even Einstein wanted to spend a lot of his time here.

So many famous (and sometimes infamous) things and people are connected to the Crown City, it’s amazing. My favorite baseball player for my favorite team, Chase Utley, for example - was born in Pasadena.

The Gamble House is here..and that’s even Doc’s house in “Back To The Future”.

Wikipedia sez - check out all the famous people from Pasadena:

And according to the City of Pasadena website - check out the myriad of films and TV shows filmed here. So the next time someone tells you Pasadena is just the “place where the Rose Parade and Rose Bowl happen” - tell them all of these exciting facts…tell them why Pasadena is the Center Of The Universe!

**

The Pasadena Museum Of History - The Next Home For My Famous Leather Jacket

Miss Havisham (sexy at 69 comments on the FC blog) sent in her interesting take on “The Pasadena Way” as I continue to try to figure out just what the fuck it actually means to everyone:

“That is just not the Pasadena way.”Back in the stonedage when I was but a tot,
and the train used to rumble across Colorado Blvd.
dust would fly up onto your cup,
if you were chance to have a tea by the tracks.*cough*“We’ll have to dump the whole pot out.”“No, oh no. That is just not the Pasadena way.”From what I understand the Pasadena Way to be
as taught to me by my elders,
In the nineteen-seventies
the lore of the loony alleys *was*
We Pasadenans don’t mind a little dust in our tea.- Miss Havisham

Way different than the way it is now, Miss H. Now - people complain when their neighbors have an ugly garage. Now Neighborhood Associations make living in a City not so much fun. Now - any time anyone is trying to have fun or do something not so status quo, it gets heavily taxed or banned or thrown out of the City. (Strip clubs, smoking, any sort of night club that wants to stay open till 2 a.m. in Old Town, etc…) Those 70’s sure sound fun.

**

I’ve been getting some lame ass comments on my YouTube page that I’m not approving regarding the John and Ken Show - (and no, it’s not about how one of them looks like Haderlein) - stemming from videos I posted of their balloon ban blowout a few months ago. Some people aren’t too happy about the post where a guy speaks Spanish to John and Ken (and my titling of it): “Mexicans Like John And Ken“:

fleiva30 has made a comment on Mexicans Like John And Ken:

thanks to this morons hate crime and racism has risen ALOT..for the past 2 years
towards our hard working immigrant brothers…every fucking day they talk bad about
immigrants and when they commit a crime oh hell breaks out, but when a immigrant get
kill of a hate crime they dont give a fuck about it….Now what does that shows
u..what type of people are this two motherfuckers???????????

(By the way - I read that comment entirely in this accent, provided by Kelli after a City Council meeting where a chick complained about smoking..)

Yes, John and Ken are responsible for all of the racism in the world. Any time I’ve listened to their show and they’re ranting about immigrants, they’re only talking about illegal immigrants. Thanks to morons like “flavaflav30″ or whatever the fuck their name is, it’s spread around that John and Ken are talking shit about all Mexicans.

People forget something about Conservatives…from the hate that’s spewed by idiots in the Liberal media: We love immigrants in this country. This country was built on immigrants. However, we don’t love people taking advantage of this country - whether it’s through regular white people abusing the welfare system or terrorists trying to blow up and kill civilians or people jumping our borders and gaining the same things others work hard for illegally. Canadians aren’t really running over our borders to cheat the welfare system and commit crimes. This is OBVIOUSLY happening with illegal Mexican immigrants. I think a lot of people who are critical of people like me selectively hear things. I said ILLEGAL immigrants are a problem. I don’t care WHERE they’re coming from - but the truth is - they’re mostly coming from Mexico. 95% of the LAPD’s outstanding warrants for homicide are for illegal immigrants. Yep, I’m droppin’ knowledge.
And do you read the fucking news AT ALL? It’s not fat, balding beer-swilling white Linda Evans 1970’s calendar owning Bill Engvall fan AM radio listening Conservative guys putting out “hate crimes” on poor Mexican illegals. It’s Black on Latino and vice versa gang vilolence. I’m sorry - but unless you’re an innocent individual caught in the crossfire - I really don’t feel sympathy toward someone who is gang affiliated being killed in a gang shooting. That would be like feeling sorry for Joe Pesci in Goodfellas.

But, yeah, keep posting YouTube comments. I’m sure that’s doing a lot more than you, I don’t know, actually researching and gaining the correct information or going out and voting or something. The Proc says: know your role and shut your mouth. Do I hate Mexicans? Fuck no. I ate at Rosarito yesterday and think Mexican Coca Cola is far better tasting than its American counterpart. Get a grip, son.

Try showing up in any other country on the planet, illiterate and penniless, and announcing, “I’ve seen pictures of your country and it looks great. I think I’d like to live here! Oh, and by the way, would you mind changing all your government and business phone messages, street signs, and ballots into my native language? Thanks!” They would laugh you out of the country. - Ann Coulter

**

Who is the fuck is this mark?

I hear the new City Manager might be this Beck dude from Riverside. Oh great - here comes the RICO act and gang injunctions. Dude is from a small town and is gonna end up worshiping at Pasadena’s feet and rolling over for everyone - because he gets to leave his crap shack in the IE for a nice Bungalow on Paul Little’s street. Melekian’s gonna love this guy. At least I get to brush up all of my Inland Empire jokes:

Q. How does someone ace a job interview in Corona?

A: Have the same biker tattoos as the guy interviewing them.

**

I just gotta speak for a minute about yesterday’s earthquake, though. Especially since it was the first of such magnitude I’ve ever been in. I remember a quake about 2-3 years ago that hit out in Yucaipa somewhere..I was working in Altadena, solving the XML comprehensive bottleneck (inside joke with me and Jason Siler), at the time and the building I was in just shook a little bit..I thought “Oh? That’s it?” Well, that’s because it was a 4.0….

The Star-News has it on the front page this morning. *Crosses fingers* Please don’t let it be Robert Hong reporting..please don’t let it be Robert Hong reporting…please don’t let it be Robe……
PHEW! DAVE AMPERSAND WITH THE TOP STORY! My heart was in my throat for a minute…

There wasn’t a blogosphere back when Northridge happened - so I’m interested in the numbers for people who went to, say, the Foothill Cities blog when this occurred. Kudos to them, as well, for apparently being the first source on the Internet - before any news organization - about the quake! As soon as I came back inside, I shouted “TO THE BLOGOSPHERE!” - not the Star-News or anything else. Rather have personal accounts during a natural disaster - and hey - we’re damn lucky our Internet was even WORKING!
I guess I’m also lucky I was outside - because I was shaken up (no pun intended) but not as much as I would have been if I were indoors. I was on Delacey Ave outside of my place of employment smoking a cigarette..when I heard a pop and felt a big rattle. Carl Kozlowski, reporter for the PW, was also outside and I’m like “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” The lamp post on Delacey was swaying to and fro. The chick came out of the perfume shop next to the Cigar shop and said some of her perfume fell down. It was a fucking earthquake.

I immediately called Kelli - I was lucky to get through. Then I called my parents - because I know they’d freak out if they saw “5.4 Earthquake Hits LA” and didn’t get a call from me. Luckily they weren’t watching the news at the time..although, I wish I had recorded the phone call - it was 60 kinds of hilarious:

Me (serious tone): “Mom, I’m just calling to let you know there was a 5.4 earthquake that just hit a few minutes ago…Kelli and I are ok.”

Mom (to my dad): “JAMES! A 5.4 EARTHQUAKE HIT LOS ANGELES! TURN ON THE TV!”

But yeah, I’m ok - just a little worried about aftershocks and if that was a foreshock or whatever - since I don’t know shit about Earthquakes. At very first, I thought someone just really pissed off Sid Tyler.

Ann Erdman’s got an awesome post about how they dealt with it at City Hall.

I should be getting some Earthquake Preparedness PSAs done soon. Poor bike shops in San Dimas - when will they learn? Good thing George Costanza wasn’t there.

I’m also glad CNN had their priorities straight. Obama going to work apparently beats biggest Earthquake since Northridge shaking up a bunch of his base.

**

On an even more serious note, I just wanted to say RIP to Edie Huggins. She passed away yesterday at the age of 72. Edie was a part of my television watching experience growing up in Philly (and a staple of many, many other people’s news watching, for sure) and she’ll be sorely missed.

**

Playin’ with the Queen of Hearts,

- AP

While we don’t know yet who is running against Victor Gordo (or Sid Tyler or Chris Holden) early next year - we do know that there’s a kinda big Presidential election in November, a stupid Bond Measure that will try to pass, and an Assembly race as well - pitting Democrat & Sopranos extra Fat Tony against the GOP’s Brian Fuller. It’s time for Election coverage so cue the JPG:

The Proc says Brian Fuller deserves your vote. He is the kind of guy that would come over to your house, chill on your couch, be cool with drinking iced tap water `cause you didn’t make a run to Von’s yet and go to dinner at BJ’s in Arcadia with you - so that’s what we did on Saturday night. He also doesn’t seem to mind my occasional use of the word “Fuck“. Fuckin’ a. No Garvanza $50 fundraisers here. And, for all you nosy FPPC people out there, he bought his own dinner - so - no scandals.

Brian Fuller also has a lot of good ideas for the community. He’s not big on the government making bullshit programs that eat up taxpayer money but don’t really do a damn thing - ones that are just to give people jobs so people can try and get re-elected over and over. He doesn’t care for lobbyists or special interest groups that are trying to save their own asses by paying politicians to do their bidding.

Here are some superficial reasons why he should get your vote:

• Drives a bitchin’ yellow PT Cruiser
• Has been to all 50 states - including the Northwest Angle
• Is proud of his Scottish heritage, wants to buy a kilt
• Like artichokes on his pizza
• Likes bluegrass music
• Can quote “Pulp Fiction” like nobody’s business
• Survived driving off a cliff. True story.

Oh yeah, and he’s single, ladies. So - when you go to the polls in November - if you really want all this “change” people are talkin’ about - why not do something a little different and vote for a guy who isn’t part of the “Good Old Boys” club around here? You’ll be happy you did.

**

Let’s get some Sid Tyler Facts goin’ in this biznitch:

• Knock Knock…. Who’s There?…. Sid Tyler….. Sid Tyler who?….. (gunfire erupts)
• When Sid Tyler was in high school and he was taking algebra, his teacher allowed all of his solutions for “x” to be “Sid Tyler”.
• When Sid Tyler exercises, the machine gets stronger.
• Sid Tyler banged a mermaid.
• Oxygen requires Sid Tyler to live.
• The media has coined the phrase “staycation“. Sid Tyler has coined the phrase “killcation“.
• When that bus crashed into the Jack In The Box, people thought Sid Tyler didn’t order extra onions.
• Sid Tyler earns maximum wage.
• “Made by Sid Tyler” is imprinted under China.

**

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee! I caught a LOT of the City Council meeting last night and while my rundowns pale in comparison to Dormitas, I’ll try to floss like I’m him any way:

• I thought there was going to be a finale to Pasadena City Manager Idol - but the judges couldn’t make a decision just yet, due in part (Bogey said) to the absences of Sexy Steve, El Pollo Gordo, and “Obligatory Absence” Madison.
• There is, however, a brand new City Clerk - as Mark Jomsky debuted last night. I think a bag of potatoes has more fucking personality. He’s our own version of Toby Flenderson.
• Mike Adamle was named General Manager of WWE RAW last night, so take his name out of the City Manager search.
• The Gestapo will pass their Smoking Ban on August 11th or sometime in September, said Michelle Bag-nair-us.
• Council opposed Prop 7 - mostly because Pasadena is its own power company. 76% people or something like that, support it. Just goes to show you how Pasadena Council can be “We don’t care what everyone else thinks” one day and then “We need to be more like (insert uber Liberal hippie dippie city here)” the next day.
• “Nearly bringing me the hotness but not quite succeeding like some other people do” of the night went to some Prop 7 supporter named Alexandra Simpson during public comment. Just out of college and already doing her political thang. Meeeeeow.
• Bogaard couldn’t remember Fat Tony’s field rep’s name..Adam something…led the pledge (which he slipped up on…probably hard for a liberal to pledge the flag) and bored me with about other stuff. I’ll just call the guy Stacks.
• Something like 71% of the people who live in Downtown make $50,000 a year. So do they think they’re better than me? `Cause they’re not.
• That dude who has been commenting on my blog and some other blogs, Eddie “Banjo” Marks, gave me a call last night. We’ve been e-mailing for a while. He sounded a little drunk..and he’s not even posted a single blog of his own yet…but he seems pretty cool. He is legit from Kentucky - but is living here in California now after doing some work in Mexico. Long ass story. Wish he’d tell it.
• I think the real star of the night was our buddy Sid. At first, he was pissing me off with his “let’s ban smoking in apartments and condos” shit…and then, he was talking to some chick who was an entimologist or epidermist or Episcopalian or something…and he was getting all excited and asked her out for coffee. Chris Holden even said “Sid got excited…shiiiiiiiiiiiit.” That was hilarious stuff.
• The usual b.s. all around. Dormy will go into more detail, I’m sure. No Madison…must have been a really hot stripper to bang somewhere. I don’t think McAustin was gonna put up with his shit this week, any way.

**

Back on June 28th, I posted about how I keep running into this homeless lady in the Duarte-Arcadia-Monrovia area who looks like a cracked out Billy Idol. Well, I have seen her TWICE now in the past few weeks. Kelli & I encountered her walking up Huntington in Arcadia outside of 100-to-1, talking to herself - and then we saw her on Saturday outside of BJ’s in Arcadia..again pulling the “I left my bag on the bus” bullshit. I even said to her this time “I JUST SAW YOU AT THE WAL-MART IN DUARTE A FEW MONTHS AGO PULLING THE SAME SHIT!” and she just says “Thank you..” and walks away to harass other people in the parking lot.

Next time, I’m telling this bitch to fuck off.

**

Walkabout Pasadena is back. “Part II: Ice Cream Social” is kind of a weak title. How about “Part II: Electric Boogaloo” or “Part II: Day Of Reckoning”? I actually think these events are good and sadly - I won’t be able to attend this one due to prior commitments. I think something needs to be said - not only of the walkability of Pasadena but of the bus-ability of Pasadena, particularly the ARTS bus, as well.

I’m also wondering when they picked this date - `cause it’s suspiciously on the same day my friends at the Pasadena Republican Club are doing their precinct walks. (By the way, did anyone notice how the IndyMac Star-Bus Crash reported the Democrat HQ opening but not the Republican?  A biased pansy runs that place…)
Plus - I’m not going to let anyone else steal my kiosk idea - although I think Margaret McAustin may have unknowingly done so.

Looks like there’s going to be ice cream…and Bogaard. So - find out which takes longer to complete: Bogaard finishing a sentence or ice cream melting. The results will sweep you away!

Happy Tuesday.

- AP

Inspired by a post over at Cartersblog - I continue my look at the Ten Things I Love About Pasadena. Here’s #4:

#4 - Unincorporated Pasadena!

It’s got a Pasadena mailing address but can’t vote for City Council. It’s seen in ads for businesses as part of the city but it’s really part of LA County. It’s Unincorporated, untouched, and uncensored East Pasadena at its finest.

Know that song by Petula Clark, “Downtown?” Well, why don’t you try and learn a little bit about our unwanted neighbor to the East through these lyrics. It’s called “Untown“.

When you’re alone
The wife is making you lonely,
You can always go Untown
When you’ve got worries,
And no known case of Herpes
Seems to help, I know, Untown

Just listen to the music of the Cholos in the pick-up
Don’t linger on the sidewalk too long for the big stick-up
How can you lose?