The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

Remember that movie “Snakes On A Plane“? Well, as you all have seen before, I occasionally like to send little drawings to the Mayor. Instead of trying to re-size the damn things to where they look horrible, I’ll just link my latest creation right here. You can enlarge it by left clicking. (That’s what she said).

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There’s a reason why a guy like Joe Hopkins made it to my list of The Ten People Ruining Pasadena. He’s fucking insane! Here’s an excerpt from his editorial last week… It’s your standard “conservative media” rant - when I can’t find a single news outlet or paper in this area that’s touting McCain the way he’s describing:

The conservatives want to talk about Barack’s race but they don’t want to talk about McCain’s age. They want to call McCain a war hero because he was shot down while piloting a bomber in Vietnam. What’s so heroic about dropping bombs from the sky on innocent Vietnamese people?

Yep. McCain’s old. We know this. You’re getting up there in years, too, Joe. I know this one dude who ran against someone and had an argument about that opponent’s age - trying to make the opponent’s age a negative. Remember when I called Bill Bogaard 170 years old? He beat me in a landslide. Age doesn’t really mean shit..except that younger people relate to a younger dude more - and then are too high/forgetful to wake up on Election Day and vote for the younger guy…AND… old people vote because a) they come from a generation that cared about voting, b) a lot of policy affects them more than affects us youngin’s and c) they have nothing else to do but play with Choo-Choo and Mitt-Mitt (their cats) and watch Huell Howser. (If you’re lucky, they don’t - d) - have a part-time job where they annoy the fuck out of you and don’t do any actual work)

I digress. I didn’t know you were a conservative, Joe? Because don’t you bring up race, and lately Barack’s race in general, every chance you get? Your whole paper is a big “Look at me! I’m black!” statement. Isn’t it guys like you that do the ol’ “we-don’t-want-to-make-this-election-about-race-but-we-actually-do” scenario? And by guys like you - I don’t mean African Americans..I mean every person who says “Hey - listen - I’m not gonna make this about race.” You just fucking made it about race by saying that! You know how you don’t make an argument about something: don’t bring up something!

And what the fuck…bombing & killing innocent Vietnamese people? Quit you’re cryin’ Ever hear of a little term called Collateral Damage? Here’s what Wikipedia says:

At least one source claims that the term “collateral damage” originated as a euphemism during the Vietnam War and can refer to friendly fire, or the killing of non-combatants and the destruction of their property.^[3]

Is that like the innocent people who died during the Civil War - I’m sure there had to be at least one person who didn’t have slaves or believed in slavery that lived in the Confederate states, right? It’s a war. People die. Children die. Little fluffy kittens die. People who don’t have anything to do with the war die. It sucks..but it happens. It’s not John McCain’s fault as much as it’s not John Kerry’s fault. Oh, but he’s white, so he’s the devil, too..I guess….

I’d have a lot more respect for you, Joe, if you stopped all of this bullshit and came right out and said it:

You’re voting for Obama because he’s black. That’s it. End of story. Lots of people are voting for him because he’s black (just as lots of people are voting against him because he’s black, for McCain cause he’s white, against McCain because he’s white, la la la…). And that’s fine - I mean, it’s stupid to vote for (or against) someone solely based on the color of their skin - but it’s your prerogative. I think you (and a lot of other people) should just come out and say it and quit your tired-ass charade. So…who’s the racist media again? Oh yeah, people like me. I forgot.

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We’ve got a Ham And Egger Award winner this week already - thanks to the suggestion of another winner, Frank Girardot:

Monrovia Mayor Rob Hammond.

Rob Hammond is obviously acting like a jackass toward bloggers. With his knock on the blogosphere last week and failure to realize the great job guys like Frazgo and RCJP are doing in Monrovia - he deserves it well this week. Guys like him are a dime a dozen in Pasadena, they’re just a little bit more quiet about their views of the “Evil Blogosphere”.

He’s also built an empire based on driving fear into people who try and vote against him. I’ve heard stories of countless people who have supported other candidates getting “visits” from Hammond, basically threatening them with code violations and all sorts of other nonsense unless they support him.

The Proc says Hammond needs to know his role, shut his mouth, and eat his breakfast.

Hell, this guy even has Ham in his name. Might as well add some eggs. And - he has a crony named Dick Singer. I don’t even have to make a joke about his name (but I heard that he changed his last name from Head).

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It looks like the Pasadena Star-Toilet Paper had their headline priorities straight yesterday:

Yes, Moe the Chimp is apparently missing (as of this writing - maybe they found him by now - but who the fuck cares?!). Why is this news, again? Screw the guy who got shot in Altadena, right? At least Girardot had the right idea to switching this pointless news to slightly less pointless news about CM Punk. I can’t believe I’m not making this shit up. Maybe Sid Tyler ate him?

(Note: Frank Girardot makes a good point about my screen-cap….in italics…..)

Ok legitimate.
But to be fair Aaron the shooting story is in the display sopt at the top
left hand corner of the page…where more people are going to see it and
read it…
Right?

TOP TEN NEWS STORIES I CARE ABOUT MORE THAN THE MISSING CHIMP

10. Mannie, Moe, and Jack. Which One’s A Coke Addict?

9. Proctor Gets Theme From “$25,000 Pyramid” Stuck In Everyone’s Head

8. Miss Havisham Misplaces Tea, Goes On Killing Spree, 12 Dead

7. South Pasadena Finally Realizes The Insanity Of Having Von’s Next To Pavillion’s

6. Who Put Chocolate In My Peanut Butter?

5. Joe Piasecki Completes Submarine With Screen Door

4. Holden To City: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

3. Sgt. Schultz Bludgeons Col. Hogan With Tripod

2. Larry Wilson Gives “Mamma Mia!” 5 Stars

1. Moe The Chimp: The Real DB Cooper

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PEF…er….PUSD approved putting a $350,000,000 bond measure on this November’s Presidential election ballot last night. It was approved with 2/3 of the vote. The votes of approval came from Mike “I Look Like A Child Molester” Babcock, Bob “Zuccini Bread” Harrison, Barry Horowitz..I mean..Ed Honowitz, Tom “I Can’t Think Of A Nickname Or Likeness For Him Right Now” Selinske, and Scott Phelps - who - I can’t believe this - phoned it in…making him the school board’s brand new douchebag.

More from the lovely Mary Dee Romney:

At this afternoon’s special BOE meeting where the PEF/BOE majority approved a $350,000,000 general obligation bond for the PUSD, Supe Diaz alluded to the district’s unsavory past with Measure Y and vowed accountability for his *own* bond measure set for a vote in November.

Likewise, Mr. Brinkman affirmed his own personal support for the “accountability issue.”

If accountability is what Mr. Diaz and Mr. Brinkman profess, why did they fail to follow the customary Brown Act procedure of publishing staff reports to the district website prior to this afternoon’s public BOE meeting?

Why were the only two Facilities Master Plan Committee members speaking from the podium recommending against the bond proposal?

Why was the tax-paying public left dependent upon the scanning efforts of Rene Amy and the Greatschools listserve to learn the details of a bond proposal described today by Mr. Lizardo as “a very significant action (and) weighty decision” (?)

It is clear the PEF/BOE is saddled up and ready to ride with the Gilroy cowboys, regardless of so-called “accountability.”

Pasadena Star-News has nothing about this. Of course they wouldn’t. I guess this isn’t news to them. What a shitty newspaper. I guess this isn’t a “big deal”, huh? I guess PUSD “can do no wrong”. Bullshit. I can’t wait to see how they spin this - just like people spun Measure D and lied to everyone. Can’t wait to see what City Council thinks of this nonsense.

PUSD might think they’re fooling people by putting this on November’s ballot so half the people who are voting for President will vote “Yes” on this - but they’re not. I’m going to make sure everyone knows about this crock of a bond measure and make sure people vote no on it. It’s my job…not just as a citizen of Pasadena who actually gives a damn…but as the Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena (and your role model), The Proc.

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The Altadenablog recently had a 5-day crusade to make sure they were linked on Dave Atlantic’s Under The Dome blog.

Today is the first day of my crusade against Altadenablog. It’s called the “Fix My Fucking Link” crusade. You see, they have a very nice section of links that’s quite put together. Except the URL that you get when you click on the link to my site is West Coast Grrlie Blather. Kelly-With-A-Y is cool and all..but it’d be nice if that link actually went to my site. So yeah, fix my fucking link

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Be seeing you,

- AP

Congratulations to CM Punk. This guy became the WWE World Champion last night on what was an unusually amazing episode of Monday Night RAW. Not only did CM Punk work his way up from the independent ranks to do this (and became quite the fan favorite) - he’s a great guy to be representing WWE at the moment. You see, CM Punk - in real life and in character - is “Straight Edge”. No drugs, no cigarettes, no alcohol, nothing. Now, I’m not down with the no cigarettes/no alcohol/no sex before marriage lifestyle (actually I think being “Straight Edge” is pretty lame) - but with all the steroids shit going on in the WWE and other sports/entertainment, there’s nobody better to represent the company.

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The Proc has been analyzing District 2 City Councilmember Paul Little’s recent blog entry lately:

Council passed the annual operating budget last Monday night. Mostly, from what I can see the budget is appropriate.

I do have one serious concern: they added nearly $4 million more to the city’s General Fund reserve. Ok. Reserves help with stability, and generally I don’t have an issue with a healthy reserve. BUT, Pasadena already has a very healthy General Fund reserve. So healthy, the city recently earned a AAA bond rating.

Here’s my gripe, when they were campaigning for passage of Measure D, which I supported, the Mayor, former city manager, current interim city manager and the Council said they faced an emergency if the Utility User Tax wasn’t extended. BUT, now that the have the UUT in place, the city leaders are taking cash and putting it in their own reserve funds. NOT using it for services. NOT using it for constituent support. NOT using it for anything at all. If there was an emergency in February and it no longer exists, it seems to me only fair that, rather than line the city’s bank account, the appropriate action would have been to rebate that $3.7 million to the folks who pay the Utility User Tax.

As for the argument that other cityies have higher reserves — those cities don;t enjoy a AAA bond rating. They also don;t have a utility company that generates mass quantities of money on a daily basis and that carries both a reserve and a working capital reserve valued together at more than 15% of the General Fund budget. Oh, and let’s not forget the Capital Projects Reserve and a host of other funds carrying balances to hedge against lost revenue or emergencies.

So, I have take my hat off to Martin Truitt and Wayne Lusvardi, who apparently were prescient when they said that the city didn’t have an emergency, didn’t need the UUT renewal and that city leadership was only going to fatten its own wallet with the money.

In times of economic stress, I do find it difficult to accept a city government that increases its own reserves rather than do what it can to relieve the stress on its citizens and businesses.

Well, duh. Measure D was such a fucking crock - but hardly anyone listened, did they? Paul Little’s entry is great and all - but I’m still wondering - why did he exactly support Measure D in the first place? Why didn’t he do his own research? He would have come to the same conclusion that Truitt and Lusvardi did. Right? Why all of the 20/20 hindsight now, Paul? You’re a big voice in this City, a lot of us tend to listen when you speak - why didn’t you take the time to see how big of a hornswoggle Measure D really was?

Speaking of being bamboozled - according to Rene Amy - the PUSD is proposing a $350,000,000.00 (yes that’s $350 million) bond measure to go on November’s ballot. And if that doesn’t outrage you - maybe Rene’s description should:

…folks may not actually realize that bonds are like a mortgage
that all property owners in the district must pay back through increases
in their yearly property taxes.

Such bonds are typically paid back over 30 year.

We’ve still got about 20 years left on paying the mortgage on Measure Y.

So, this next bond would be like a second mortgage - with extra added
payments due year in and year out….

Oh, what the fuck. $350 million? In Steve Haderlein math, that’s 70 Peppermint Gardens. (Take a shot). So, PUSD is going to try to be all cool and sneak this bond measure on the ballot with, ya know, the biggest Presidential election ever - and have people just blindly vote “yes” on it because they’re skipping everything else to go vote for the President.

Are they insane!? If we’re still paying money back on Measure Y - which I still have yet to see numbers supporting what exactly, if anything, Measure Y solved - are we, as citizens, going to shell out another $350 million so the geniuses at PUSD can bring gangsta rappers to show kids the way or pay Virginia Hoge more money to stroke their academic cocks?

Of course - I’m sure the same people who supported Measure D will tell us what a good idea this is. Then, a few months later, one of their main supporters will come out and tell us that they were basically a shill and that this bond measure is faker than most women’s tits out here.

Crimeny. Is there anyone with a brain left!?

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Bloggers picnic photo. Courtesy WCGB:

Front row: The 99 Cent Chef, Pasadena Daily Photo, Ed Padgett.

Middle: Miss Havisham, Irina.

Standing in the back: Monrovia City Watch, WCGB, the cool dude Adam who hangs out with Brian Fuller, Kelli with an i, Ann Erdman, Susan Kitchens (who got me blogging in the first place).

The taller guys in the very back: Brian Fuller, Aaron Proctor, a space for Centinel, Frazgo.

Not pictured: The Sky Is Big In Pasadena, Alex Zucco (an FC Contributor), The Real Zajac

There’s also more coverage by Frazgo here on Metroblogging LA. Apparently that post was linked on MSNBC the other day - explaining another day of ridiculous web traffic for me.

Another group photo - by Frazgo

The pic is of the bloggers who willingly wanted to be shown on the net. That is the lovely Miss Havisham sitting on FCBlog co-owner, Centinel’s shoulder. To the right is equally invisible owner Publius. Invisible because no one knows who they are including those of us invited to post there know who they really are.

Speaking of bloggers - I found a really rockin’ blog out in Burbank called Valley of The Shadow. Thanks for the kind words!

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We’re down to the #2 spot on my list of The Ten People Ruining Pasadena. Let’s go over what we’ve learned so far:

#10 gets crazy with Virginia Hoge.

#9 is straight outta North Pasadena with Joe Hopkins.

#8 wants money but won’t let you buy them lunch. The homeless of Pasadena.

There was something in the air that night, the stars were bright - Larry Wilson (#7)

#6 was too busy watching MTV to go out and vote on Election Day

#5 - Peter Dreier, whose beard is full of bong resin and potato chips

#4 makes me sick.

#3 kept me on hold for 72 minutes and transferred me 6 times.

And now……#2 on the list of The Ten People Ruining Pasadena. This next entry might not be a shock to most of you - the position on the list just might be a surprise, though:

Councilmember Steve “Maserati” Madison!

Ric Flair has Sting. Superman has Lex Luthor. Bugs Bunny has Elmer Fudd. Virginia Hoge has common sense. Everyone’s got their rival, their enemy, their arch-nemesis.

My arch-nemesis and product of all my polemics happens to have been a Councilmember for like the past 12 years now. His name is Steve Madison, he drives a Maserati, and he’s kind of a douchebag. I think, for the first time ever, other people in Pasadena are starting to see this as well.

It all began a long, long time ago in a land far, far away during the 2007 Election. Back when I was an eyeliner-wearing Goth kid who supported rent control running for Mizayor. Toward the end of the race, there was a debate over at the Neighborhood Church. Kelli and I arrived a little late and she accidentally went into the door for candidates with me. (It was a separate door from the spectators).

Unbeknownst to me at the time, Madison turned to Kells Bells and yelled at her “THIS DOOR IS FOR CANDIDATES ONLY!!!!!!!!!” Kelli was furious and snapped back with a comment explaining how she was with the Mayoral candidate.

Madison and I tried to bury the hatchet once or twice but all it ended up being was a dissertation from him about how I’m being “brainwashed” by the “right-wing” of Pasadena. Or how he didn’t like that I called his 20-something girlfriend a stripper because she looks like one. I guess he didn’t realize that I can think for myself and make my own choices and it was actually guys like him and Bogaard and stuff trying to exploit me for the benefit of Liberals. Oh - and I forgot to mention - I once sent him an Aaron Proctor pin as a peace offering - and he mailed it back to me.

So, the Sock on Madison campaign kind of started from all of that and never looked back. Here’s the real problem I have with Madison - he’s not an informed guy, he doesn’t really know what’s going on in Pasadena nor does he care because he puts his job before his constituents. He thinks of City Council as more of a playground than an actual important entity.

Last week at City Council, he had the audacity to make a joke about the electricity bill when Iron Maggie was just trying to figure out what she was actually voting on. A few weeks before that, he sent his henchman, Victor Gordo, out to try and make me apologize to Madison for claiming he was going to miss a month or so of City Council (after Gordo had sort of told me that’s what was going on). Madison can’t fight his own battles, claims he doesn’t read this website, and sends Moose from Riverdale after me.

So - after all of this - I think that definitely qualifies Madison to be on this list. When you’ve been elected to serve the people and blatantly disregard serving the people, you’re messing up the Crown City. Hopefully someone grows some balls and runs against him in 2011. That person would be my hero.

Wonder who’s gonna be #1 on this list? We’ll find out soon.
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Better watch out..cause Sid’s a war machine…

It’s time for this week’s Sid Tyler Facts:

• When Sid Tyler wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
• The Monrovia Police originally thought someone had Sid Tyler in their trunk.
• Sid Tyler has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.
• Sid Tyler walked out of church when they were talking about the Rapture. He was overheard muttering “That’s not how I’m going to do it…”
• The Kama Sutra was originally known as “The Diary Of Sid Tyler”
• The real reason PBS has pledge drives is so they can hire protection from Sid Tyler. He’s not a fan of Upstairs, Downstairs.
• Sid Tyler uses staples as hair gel.
• Despite Sid Tyler’s rage, he is still just a Councilman in a cage.
• When in Rome, do what Sid Tyler does. Kill.
• Sid Tyler’s belly button is actually a power outlet.

Be seeing you,

- AP

This final weekend in June just flew by didn’t it? This is my favorite time of the year - as we’re coming up on America’s birthday.  Phillies won, Phillies lost, John Cena didn’t win (ha ha!), I found out what Sid Tyler does on the weekend - oh and…

There was another blogger get together on Saturday. This time, Frazgo hit a home run/scored a touchdown/made a slam dunk/insert other sports analogy here - and got us into the air conditioned Mayan Room of the Aztec Hotel in Monrovia. Special thanks to Kathie Reece for being such an awesome hostess (She was on Huell Howser - I knew it!).

The Proc was used to slap-dash (but fun!) snarks in the park - but the Bloggers Picnic IV: With A Vengeance was definitely a treat. That dude Frazgo’s got a lot of pull in the All-American City. The hotel provided us with some snacks and people from all over the blogosphere came out to have some food, drink, and merriment. We had a really good turnout - I’d say there was a point where about 20 people were there. Even the 99 Cent Chef showed up! (The cupcakes he made using only ingredients found at the 99 Cent Store were delicious!) Bloggers from all around showed up…and we had some celebrity guests, too: Ann Erdman (Pasadena’s PIO) and Assembly candidate Brian Fuller joined in on the fun. (I had an awesome discussion with Brian about the film “Beyond The Mat“). I had sooooooo much fun that I forgot to get my picture with a lot of people!

It was a cool venue - especially the Mayan Room:

There was a stage where someone eventually got our group photo.

I guess this thing is called a sunroof? I don’t know much about architecture. It just looked really cool with the different paintings of Aztec gods.

Ann Erdman and I. She brought me back a gift from Finland - which I’ll show you later.

Fun, candid photo with Ed Padgett. Excellent photography by Susan Kitchens.

Ed & Susan ham it up in the Aztec Hotel’s lobby.

Susan & me. She took a lightbulb off of some Christmas lights and was quite happy about that.

It’s Kelli With An I (a/k/a Kells Bells)!

Kelly with a Y.

Она попробовала продать меня 52 миллиона хором доллара.

Having a tea party with Miss Havisham

Here’s what Ann Erdman got me from Finland. Yes, it’s reindeer jerky. Mmmm mmmm, Blitzen.  I’m going to go eat this in front of a vegan while singing Christmas carols.
So a million thanks to everyone who showed up (and please drop me a line if I left you out of this list - I may have accidentally did): Frazgo, Frazgo’s wife and his daughter, Pasadena Daily Photo, The Sky Is Big In Pasadena, Alex Zucco (FC Contributor), Miss Havisham, The 99 Cent Chef, WCGB, Ann Erdman, Monrovia City Watch, Susan Kitchens, Brian Fuller, the cool dude Adam who hangs out with Brian, Kelli, Irina, Ed Padgett, The Real Zajac… thank you all!
Afterward, The Real Zajac, Kelly with a Y, Kelli with an I, and I went to the First Cabin to chill out and drink more (that place is so fun and so cheap!) - sort of like an afterparty.

Don’t take WCGB’s picture while she’s getting gasoline.

A fun time was had by all.  I know there was a group photo taken but nobody has posted it yet - so I’ll get that to everyone tomorrow or whenever it’s up.  It’s nice to meet a lot of my ilk in real life and it’s also nice to notice that the attendance of these get togethers keeps getting bigger and bigger.  I had fun being the co-organizer of this and am setting up another shindig for Saturday, September 27th.  I figure we’ll get through the summer and have another one when the weather starts to get a little cooler.

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For the past 15 years there have been some funny prank phone calls targeting the airwaves of the entire AM dial in my hometown of Philadelphia.  These guys call themselves the Earl Ferrell Fan Club and they’re absolutely hilarious.

Earl Ferrell was a fullback in the NFL for the then-known-as Phoenix Cardinals (that name never made sense to me).  He had a dismal career and was haunted by demons of drug problems.  For some reason, he gained a following in the Philadelphia area.  I remember listening to talk shows on 610 WIP and stuff like that in the summer time and hearing these guys call in once in a while.

Well, apparently, they have a website now - with some of the latest calls - because the fan club is still going.  People all the way in Scotland are playing along and joining the revolution.  In fact, the advent of the Internet has made the Earl Ferrell phenomena spread like wildfire.  Places as far away as Texas have been “Ferrelled”.  Pasadena Weekly’s Andre Coleman and I even got a Ferrell caller once (I just played along..trying not to laugh).

These phone calls are great - you can listen to some of the latest calls (seemingly from the summer of 2007) at this link.  Let me just say that one of the tracks on there, where a caller discusses eminent domain and how they should make room for Highway 31, The Ferrell Freeway - had me literally in tears.  Anytime I meet a sports fan from Phoenix, I always ask if they know who Earl Ferrell is.  I hope this group actually tries to track down the real Ferrell someday!
Enjoy the man, the myth, the legend - Earl “The Squirrel, The Pearl, Gets All The Girls” Ferrell.

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Happy Monday, Goodbye June.
- AP

Pick up a Pasadena Weekly as soon as you can! My newest “5 Questions” column features none other than Miss Havisham!

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So, if you haven’t heard by now, District 2 Councilwoman Margaret McAustin is my new hero - after her verbal bitchslapping of Steve Madison on Monday night. As Del Appledumplinggang will tell you, Madison was trying to be funny (and I mean really trying) and McAustin just layeths the smacketh down - AP style.

Here is a video clip of the event as well as the reaction Kelli & I had when we heard it. I love how the camera zooms in on Maserati Man looking all owned and baffled. It’s almost an award-winning performance by the District 6 Councilman….

A Ham And Egger Award winning performance, that is. Enjoy your award, Steve. You certainly deserve it this week. Maggie Mags: My hero.
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My companion series to The Ten People Ruining Pasadena - The Ten Things I Love About Pasadena - continues on this Thursday morning with #7. This list was inspired by the good peeps over at When Are We Going To California? - who started a list of things they love about LA:

#7: Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles!

Located on the mini-restaurant row on North Lake Avenue, Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles is an awesome dining establishment. The idea of mouth-watering buttermilk waffles in syrup mixed with fried chicken might be quite foreign to some but - trust me - it’s good eatin’.

The waitstaff is always friendly and the place is always packed, especially if you go there on a Sunday morning or afternoon. The menu has just about every combination of chicken and waffles possible (and you can just get chicken or waffles seperately if you’re not feeling cavalier). Definitely the best place for Southern-style cuisine: the grits and cornbread are phenomenal. The walls are adorned with famous people (everyone from hip-hop artists to Steven Wright) who have graced the restaurant with their presence.

I’ve been living in the Crown City since the early part of this decade and I’ve probably been to Roscoe’s at least 50 times. I like to get two chicken breasts and two huge waffles and wash it down with a tall glass of milk (or a few tall glasses of milk). Not even the Waffle House chain popular in the Midwest and the South can compare to the yummy goodness of Roscoe’s. So, it’s no surprise that it comes in at #7 on The Ten Things I Love About Pasadena.

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Does somebody want to loan me $52 million for this Pasadena home? According to Centinel on the FC Blog, that’s how much it’s going for. I wish I had $52 million to blow - I’d be like “Why the fuck not?”

Fiddy-Cents also wants us to come up with our own tag lines for the photo. Here are some of his:

Competing with Versailles is priceless.

When Hearst Castle just isn’t big enough.

Why 19 bathrooms? Three letters: IBS.

“Housing market? Why, yes, it does come with its own grocery store.”

Sid Tyler’s house.

Here are some of mine:

• “Ever wanted to live in the place that’s on the back of the nickel?”
• “If you were Steve Madison, you’d be home by now.”
• “Get from one side of the house to the other with your very own MTA light rail.”
• “Slaves optional.”
• “Where your monthly electric bill is almost as much as the cost of your home.”
• “Imagine the fucking ridiculous parties you’d have here!”
• “19 bathrooms for 19 wives.”

**

The balloon ban by Jack Scott has been stalled. Thank goodness. 3 people decided not to vote on it - which pisses of Steve Haderlein, according to the City Council Drinking Game - but still - I mean come on? Was this thing seriously going to pass? I never saw any god-damned evidence supporting this ban to begin with.

Jack Scott is an embarassment and I’m not going to be fond of him being a head honcho over at my (one of my)Alma Mater(s) when he’s done with his worthless political career. It just goes to show you that infringing on people’s personal freedoms might work on the hippy-dippy local level like in Pasadena or Santa Monica - but not at the state level. Nice try, dickweed.

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Look who I ran into yesterday!  It’s Bill Bibbiani!  Former PUSD school board member and motorcycle enthusiast.  Bib (as he likes to be called) is a damn cool dude..and quite popular!  What an honor!  Was I overdressed?  (Photo taken by Mrs. Bib)
Be seeing you,

- AP

You’re my girl, Maggie Mags. Did anyone else see her verbally bitchslap my arch-nemesis Steve Madison last night? You’re my hero, Margaret. Instead of making it a new rule in the City Council Drinking Game, can I buy you a beer? Or two? Or three? Seriously. Keep up the good work. I honestly don’t even know what the whole issue was about - I just saw you rip Madison’s manhood out like you were a female Sid Tyler or something. Want to be my tag team partner?

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Saturday - Saturday - Saturday! It’s the fourth get-together of all the local bloggers. This time it’s personal…nahh..actually, it’s just in Monrovia. If you haven’t received the super secret special E-Vite, please let me know and I’ll send it to you right away. If you’d like to be in a PSA, let me know, too.

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The Proc can’t get enough of Rene Amy’s PUSD listserv. Rene likes to post a lot of thought-provoking articles from various publications, like this one from over the weekend in the San Francisco (*vomits in mouth a little bit*) Chronicle:

1997 saw the height of the Math Wars in California.On the one side stood educrats, who advocated mushy math - or new-new
math. They sought to de-emphasize math skills, such as multiplication
and solving numeric equations, in favor of pushing students to write
about math and how they might solve a problem. Their unofficial motto
was: There is no right answer. (Even to 2 +2.)

They were clever. They knew how to make it seem as if they were pushing
for more rigor, as they dumbed down curricula. For example, they said
they wanted to teach children algebra starting in kindergarten, which
seemed rigorous, but they had expanded the definition of algebra to the
point that it was meaningless.

On the other side were reformers, who wanted the board to push through
rigorous and specific standards that raised the bar for all California
kids. Miraculously, they succeeded, and they took pride in the state
Board of Education’s vote for academic standards that called for all
eighth-graders to learn Algebra I.

Whatever happened to just solving for x like a normal human being would? I know I’m just some “unenlightened right-wing dummy from Pennsylvania” - but I got through math just fine and would like to think I have exemplary mathematics skills.

But what do I know?!?!?!?!?

Why should I have to write some hippie dissertation about what 2+2 means to me? How does solving for x make me “feel”? Who the hell cares. Just do the math problem and move on.

The teaching methods are so wussified these days. We need to support our children and give them a good education - but - why are we such nannies, such hand-holders, that we have to take math and make it more complicated and philosophical?

Silly people. Can’t wait until the debate about whether odd numbers can legally marry other odd numbers. Maybe PUSD could give me $11,000 to figure this out. It won’t be a conflict of interest or anything.

**

The Real Zajac has a beautiful article up over at Foothill Cities about a hot topic in the blogosphere as of late: racism. Zajac discusses how - although it’s stupid to be a racist, we shouldn’t be trying to ban a line of thinking because, hey, like or not - that’s pretty “1984″-esque (I didn’t link “1984″ because if you don’t know the book, get the fuck off of my blog. Is that being book-ist?). Miss Havisham also chimes in with a powerful and personal story.

The word racism gets thrown around an awful lot in the Crown City. People who make fun of Muir are apparently racist. People who don’t want to develop homes in an area prone to being blighted are apparently racist. People who don’t like Indian food are racist, apparently. Some of our City Council members and other officials are apparently racist.

Hoge: Likes to use the “r” word

I recently read (and was inspired by) an article by Edwin Decker at the San Diego City Beat. I know I’ve mentioned this particular article before but he has a really, really good point that a lot of people in their high and mighty soapboxes forget: Isn’t everyone a little racist or intolerant of something or someone?

I sure know I am. So, for those of enemies who wish to use this as fodder against me..or for those of you who want to simply be amused - here’s a small excerpt of things/people/places I’m possibly racist or intolerant against:

• White people who treat me differently after they find out my father is black and I’m not 100% white
• Greenpeace.
• Stoners and drug addicts.
• Companies that don’t do drug testing.
• Kids with 20 piercings and 50 million tattoos who wonder why they can’t get a decent job.
• Goth kids who charge a higher cover charge if you’re not in “Goth attire” to their shitty little clubs with crap bartenders and slutty women that nobody wants to go to anyway..so be happy I’m fucking paying even $10 to get into your hole in the wall, you pathetic slags.
• Goth kids.
• Surfers. They’re not so tough. Oooooh they beat up the paparazzi. So what? Larry Wilson’s a surfer, apparently. Says a lot right there.
• Charities who stand outside of the 99 Cents Store and ask you for money. I’m shopping at the fucking 99 Cents Store..do you think I have any money?!
• For English, Press 1.
• “Sex In The City“, “Lipstick Jungle“, “Real Housewives of…“, “Desperate Housewives“, the WNBA, “How I Met Your Mother” and “American Idol“
• Armenian guys who tell you their name is Kevin but it’s really Kevork or something.
• And the Armenians in North Pasadena Heights who key cars of whites/blacks in “their” neighborhood and stole my girlfriend’s antenna ball.
• Black people who treat me differently after they find out my father is black (whether they’re nicer to me or not, it’s just not cool..treat me like a fucking human being..)
• Skinny blonde bitches in Paris Hilton sunglasses who still talk with a Valley Girl accent
• Skinny blonde bitches
• Gay guys who get drunk and make out with chicks and grab their boobs and then pass it off for the alcohol and not just being bisexual or a whore. You hear me, Lance????
• Chicks who get drunk and make out with chicks… Wait, no, I actually don’t mind that.
• Lakers, Dodgers, Raiders, Cowboys fans. You know what I’m talking about.
• People who make fun of you for not driving - until gas hit $4.00/gallon.
• Starbucks and all places like Starbucks. Gimme some gas station coffee, I’m fine.
• Latinos who say “Viva La Raza”. Dude, it would be like a white guy saying “White power”.
• “Business casual”. Unless you’re lifting boxes or working in a warehouse or somewhere where you get dirty a lot, we all should have to wear suits to our office jobs.
• Alhambra.
• Any race or nationality or ethnicity (including White people) living in the US in 2008 who says racism is bad but then only hang out with, converse with, deal with, date, etc. the people only from their race/nationality/ethnicity.
• San Francisco.
• Hollywood is starting to get on my nerves, too.
• Most of the Midwest and Southern U.S….and Arizona….and Oregon…and Delaware..and all the other states except California or Pennsylvania. Anyone not on that list is “ok”. Las Vegas is an exception. Maryland’s ok.
• 60-year-old hippie ladies that come to work, don’t do any work, pretend they are your supervisor, regale you with boring stories about doing drugs and going to see The Doors and all of that “Can Do 1960’s Attutide”, work from 12 noon to 9:45 p.m. and then you come in the next morning and find out they didn’t do any work and have to finish what they did, hide work from you so that they can “stay late” and then complain when you’re reading a newspaper for a few minutes, talking to your co-worker about sports or music, or go out for a smoke break - and they have somehow worked there for 3 years without reprimand.
• People who bum cigarettes when they don’t have any but then are stingy with their cigarettes when they do.
• Tori Amos fans. Why are they always crazy bitches who slit their wrists? Seriously. Name one hardcore Tori Amos fan you know that isn’t crazy. If she owns a couple CD’s, she’s not a hardcore Tori Amos fan.

I’ll start watching when a chick dunks…

Oh yeah - and illegal immigrants. Big time on that one.

Immigrants, I’m fine with. If you came to this country LEGALLY and passed a citizenship test and all that jazz..rock on…welcome to America…unless your family were Native Americans or taken over here by ships from Africa, your family also likely came through Ellis Island or somethin’ like that. Yay.

People jumping over borders and just slipping into the US, I’m *not* fine with.

Let’s face facts: Canadians aren’t jumping over the borders to take advantage of our liberal welfare system which helps people who are drug addicts and also helps people who aren’t even citizens but can’t help an actual American dude like me who falls down on his luck. So, I don’t think it’s racist to point out that it’s the Mexicans who are the main part of the illegal immigration problem.

Illegal immigrants come here with their hands already out. Illegal immigrants come here and expect US to suddenly learn Spanish. They complain about our schools and our public services and things not catering to them…well….guess what? You’re not a fucking American. We shouldn’t cater to you if you are an illegal. They come here and - yeah, some of them do “the jobs nobody else wants to do” but some of them also commit crimes and help out their families in Mexico. The US isn’t some kind of developmental territory to make Mexico a better place, I’m sorry.

Then, we try to vote against giving them any benefits here…the vote passes..and our Supreme Court overturns the vote.

Pisses me off.

Guess that’s somehow racist though - racist that I want to protect our country’s security and that I don’t want people to get a free pass in life..because I never did.

People always want to have a “dialogue” or a “talk” about race… I’d sure love to engage in one. I think talking about race makes some people feel more uncomfortable than ever (but not me!). Especially if you’re white - or perceived to be white, that is. The point is - racism sucks, racism happens, racism is still apparent. You’re doing a counterproductive thing, though, when you throw the word around too much and on too many things. I’m not trying to get people to sing “Love One Another Right Now” or anything - but - we sure do have to lighten the fuck up a little bit. That’s all I’m sayin’…I think people should be more honest and say what’s really on their minds. We’d probably learn that everyone’s a little intolerant of someone or something..and that there’s many exceptions to the things they’re intolerant of…I know there’s quite a few to things I’ve listed.
**

Sid Tyler wants you to conserve water and will seriously hurt you if you don’t read this week’s Sid Tyler Facts:

• Sid Tyler can get blackjack with just one card.
• If you watch City Council meetings on an HD TV, Sid Tyler can actually reach into your living room and punch you in the face.
• Sid Tyler hates rich people. And he’s rich. And he also hates irony.
• Sid Tyler can split the atom. With his bare hands.
• Sid Tyler’s battle cry is “Bingo!”
• Sid Tyler once bench-pressed the state of Ohio - and all of its residents.
• What’s black and white and red all over? Sid Tyler’s newspaper after the paperboy talked some trash.
• Sid Tyler can walk, chew gum, and kick ass all at the same time.
• After Monday’s meeting, Margaret McAustin can’t stop staring at Sid Tyler.
• Sid Tyler makes onions cry.

Shiiiiit (is that racist, Virginia?)

- AP

One of the best comedians ever, George Carlin, has passed away at the age of 71.

I actually discovered some of his material at a very young age. My dad had some of those K-Tel comedy records and one of them had Carlin on it, back when he wasn’t doing blue material. It was a sample of a skit from a longer record called “Wonderful Wino”, about a drunken radio DJ. The skit was absolutely hilarious - I mean, my brothers and I still quote it. “Here’s a protest song from Danny & The Dressmakers called…’Don’t Want No War!’……Don’t want no war….don’t want no war….don’t want no war…….don’t want no job neither!” When I was a kid, I never knew that Mr. Conductor on Shining Time Station would turn out to be such a hilarious, controversial, and thought-provoking comedian…maybe even more than a comedian: a real artist.
As I got older, I also began to enjoy Carlin’s appearances in films (particularly him in Kevin Smith’s Dogma and Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back - it’s the rule of the road!)

An extremely sad thing to wake up to read in the morning. Rest in peace, George - your comedy and entertainment and views you provided that definitely helped shape a young me and a others out there, I’m sure…..they will live on forever.

**

After the brutal ass-whipping the Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Whose Team Name Makes No Sense gave to my beloved Phillies on Saturday, I decided to go on an adventure. Kelli was down in Irvine seeing the American Wake, my air conditioning was broke (and so was I) - so I called up the only other person able to handle the non-stop-rockstar-politician-Aaron Proctor party-express person I know: Miss Havisham.

We traveled o’er to the foreign lands of Monrovia to hang out at the free artist reception at Montecito Fine Arts College of Design that Frazgo posted about on Foothill Cities. We looked at some pretty cool art, heard a really neat band called Celebutante - whose unique, Gary Numan-influenced sound brought me back to the Aaron Proctor Classic days (and included an ex-member of Berlin), and drank tons of free (yeah, you heard me) alcohol. There was a lovely piece of art I’d want for my living room - too bad I didn’t have $1,000. We also got to pet a Collie.

After that shindig closed down shop, we headed over to a place I’ve always wanted to go - a dive bar in Arcadia known as The First Cabin. Any bar which blatantly advertises its opening of 6 a.m. daily is fine by me. We lurked in and found the place was PACKED - like quadruple the amount of people the 1881 here in the Crown City would get for Saturday night karaoke. PLUS - you can SMOKE in there. And the drinks were pretty cheap and pretty damn stiff as well. Which was a blessing, since Miss H and I are both keen on pulling a Sid Tyler on alcohol.

Havisham and I snarked about the bar, talking local blogging and politics, bringing up this Saturday’s blogger get together and generally reminded people that Miss Havisham and The Proc were in the hizouse, so you’d all best know your roles. Seriously, this bar rocks. It’s a true dive at its core and a rockin’ in-house band plays called Pat O’Brien & The Priests of Love - who do covers as well as their own original music. Chris Holden walked in and said “shiiiiiit” and walked out.

Ain’t nothin’ like a Miss Havisham Tea Party.

**

Being a local dignitary means that occasionally you have to give back to the community some way, somehow. I give back by sharing my vast combination of book smarts and street smarts..ya know, for the children. Maybe I’m not helping conserve water or anything but I try to do this in the form of Public Service Announcements. Here are three more that I taped this weekend. Enjoy:

Cell Phones

Steve Madison

Crocs

**

I’ll keep this short today and leave you with one of my favorite Carlin routines, one about children: Click here.

- AP

Forgot to mention that PW editor Kevin Uhrich has some very touching words about me in his editorial this week:

…Then, after adding a little graphic polish to each of those areas — including our opinion section featuring former Weekly Publisher Jim Laris, humorist Ellen Snortland, longtime activist and former Weekly owner Marvin Schachter, deep political thinker Hannah Naiditch, political pundit Earl Ofari Hutchinson and a host of community columnists — we folded in some new features, one of them Five Questions with Aaron Proctor.

Proctor has made a name for himself among Pasadena insiders with his quirky and often hilarious blog on City Hall politics, which is a must-read for anyone following what’s really going on in this town….

They did forget to mention how The Proc is a role model, everyone’s favorite blogger, and The Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena, but I’ll let it slide (this time). Thanks, Kevin.

**

I received a very interesting e-mail from Todd Ruiz (you know, the dude who was before the dude before Dirk Alfenschoen) about those Pasadena Water & Power ads you might be seeing around town (the ones with characters like “Lawn Soaker Lana” and “Long Shower Larry”):

Aaron:

I recently came across these unused posters from Pasadena Water &
Power’s water conservation campaign. I thought they might be of
interest to the fans of your Interweb-site.

Best regards,

K-Todd

Here are the pictures that were attached in the e-mail. Suffice to say, they’re hilarious:

**

**

**

Awesome.

See you on Monday,
- AP

Well, if you haven’t read or heard by now - there’s some big news in The Proc’s City. I now have a weekly column (of sorts) in the brand new, redesigned Pasadena Weekly called “5 Questions“. It’s basically a shorter, nicer, more appropriate version of the Aaron Proctor Interview Series - in fact, you could call it “The Aaron Proctor Interview Series Evolved”. It’s right next to the table of contents.

Kelli & I At Castle Green This Past Thursday For The PW Relaunch Party - More Pics Soon! (Photo by Michael Nagami)

In my first column, I talk to the man, the myth, the legend, the guy who whipped my ass in the 2007 election: Mayor Bill Bogaard. As of writing, it’s not up on the website yet but pick up a Pasadena Weekly wherever you can and check it out! Next week’s guest will be even more interesting, I promise.

WCGB has also given me some blather love - as she tries to figure out what I’m all about at this link.

**

Yesterday, I talked about how rapper The Game visited John Muir High School to “mentor the troubled youth” as well as put the High back in High School.

Well, Frank Girardot has an excellent column in the PSN (Yeah, you heard me - an actual excellent column in the PSN) and on his blog. Frank, now known on the streets as “The Scene“, has made some comments that are simply priceless (plus he gets bonus points for making a reference in the title to the other guy known as The Game…)

I hoped to ask Pasadena school Superintendent Edwin Diaz if “The Game” held similarly lofty goals for the children and teens of Pasadena.

I wanted to ask, “Why ‘The Game?’

“Why not City Councilwoman Jacque Robinson? Why not potential First Lady Michelle Obama? Why not Powell? Why not U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas? Why not former Deputy District Attorney Chris Darden? Why not former Pasadena police Lt. Rick Law?

“Why not one of the thousands of successful black men and women who live or work in Pasadena every day?”

Unfortunately I didn’t get a call back. It was graduation day for about 60 percent of the kids who started there as freshmen four years ago.

The other 40 percent?

Probably off somewhere listening to “The Game.”

The Game. Rapper. Gangsta. Role Model For Your Kids.

This is why I think Girardot rocks. Seriously….what the fuck was PUSD thinking on this one? Edwin Diaz might not return phone calls to “The Scene” - but he does return phone calls to The Proc. I’ve obtained a shortlist of people Edwin has lined up to speak to John Muir High School students in the future. Let’s just say that future isn’t so bright…:

TOP TEN FUTURE SPEAKERS AT JOHN MUIR HIGH SCHOOL

10. OJ Simpson

9. Fucky, The Jaywalking Dinosaur

8. Chris Holden (Just supposed to say “shiiiiit” and then leave)

7. Tonya Harding

6. Some chick Aaron Proctor banged

5. Billy The Crackhead

4. Virginia Hoge

3. Chris Benoit

2. The Dyanmic Duo of Joe Piasecki & Carl Kozlowski

1. John Whitaker

Like Frank said, there’s a zillion other people they could have obtained to speak to kids - people who lead better lives and who have made something from strife and struggle. This is some lame attempt to “connect” with the youth and show us that PUSD and the people in charge of it aren’t out of touch with the times. Nice try. While the kids went home and told all their friends on the MySpace and the Facebook how The Game came to their school - I’m sure none went home with any kind of message or lesson learned. Is that how you reinvent the Mighty Mustangs?

I’ve never done this before…but this calls for very bitter pill. And, no, I’m not calling Joe Hopkins. He hasn’t listened to rap music since 1992.

Edwin Diaz, you’re the 2nd Ham And Egger of the week. I think I’ll actually write “You’re a fucking dumb ass” on the award, too. Or maybe I’ll quote some lyrics from your aforementioned favorite musician:

We runnin’ through summers
in dual hummers
and tell them my crew coming for war

Edwin - what I’m trying to say is that you’ve just got some ham & eggs all up in your grill, son. And if all you wanted was to get someone to tell the kids to ’stay alive’, you could have got the member of the Bee Gees who is still alive for a much cheaper price.

Dormitas and Del Apres-Ski (who is finally blogging!) also chime in on this thing, including Del’s note that The Scene and some dude got into it a little bit about this whole ordeal.

**

What’s a week without some All-American Sid Tyler Facts? Here we go….

• Sid Tyler’s favorite cereal is Kellogg’s Nails `N Gravel
• The brand new Dirty Harry DVD boxset is known in some circles as “The Sid Tyler Story”
• Sid Tyler is the last digit of Pi.
• Sid Tyler plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
• Sid Tyler called me yesterday and said “Between you, me, and my fists, Virginia Hoge is a cunt.”
• Someone once gave Sid Tyler a pencil with an eraser. It’s not nice (or smart) to insult the man like that.
• The Internet was the only place one could hide from Sid….. until he got America Online.
• Sid Tyler is actually all of the “100 people surveyed” on Family Feud.
• Sid Tyler once bought Chuck Norris a beer. Hey, he can be a nice guy once in a while.
• Aliens do exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Sid Tyler is on.

Be seeing you…and remember:

- AP

Run, don’t walk, to your local whatever-it-is and pick up this week’s Pasadena Weekly. There’s been a complete redesign of the paper…and a special surprise on the tables of contents page. More on that tomorrow.

**

My companion series to The Ten People Ruining Pasadena - The Ten Things I Love About Pasadena - continues today with #8:

#8: Pasadena’s Wild Parrots!

Not widely known to people outside of the Crown City, but Pasadena is home to some really cute (and really loud) wild parrots. Wikipedia sez:

Pasadena has a population of naturalized parrots. The city’s website identifies one, a Red-crowned amazon parrot, but according to the [6] Parrot Project of Los Angeles, the parrots fall into as many as five different groups. There is a cycle of regular public outcry about the noise and the sheer oddity of the birds’ presence, but most Pasadenans seem to have come to accept the birds as part of the city’s life. They can be seen year-round, but are especially noticeable in the winter. The birds are definitely gregarious, and the amount of disturbance their chatter creates is related to the time of day they may choose to chatter.

Theories and myths abound on how these parrots came to claim Pasadena and surrounding towns as their home. A heavily accepted story by longtime residents of the area is that they were part of the stock at Simpson’s Nursery on East Colorado Blvd. in the Lamanda Park area. The nursery was burned down in 1959, and the parrots were thereby released to forage in the lush Pasadena area. It is also possible that some parrots moved northward from their normal range in central and northern Mexico as human habitation in the Pasadena area created artificial habitat in which the parrots could survive. Among their favorite foods are the berry kernels of the cedar trees that grow in great abundance around Pasadena.

And Ben over at The Sky Is Big In Pasadena says:

a little known fact about pasadena is that it is home to many flocks of parrots. rumor has it that these foreign birds escaped into the wild during a fire at a bird farm.

There are a ton of theories as to why they’re exactly here. I heard that Sid Tyler once mated with a parrot after a drunken evening at The 35er (back when it was actually a dive bar) and fathered thousands of them.

Regardless of where they’re from - they’re here, they’re feathered, so get used to it. I notice that you can hear them returning and coming back to the area during the Spring and Fall months - their loud squawking can be heard all the way out in Arcadia and Monrovia. Kind of becomes peaceful and quaint after a while. The first time I experienced this was when I first came here early in this decade and thought I was in an Alfred Hitchcock film.

I also hear they’ve stayed in Pasadena because they like our choices of private schools and can commute to work via the Gold Line.

Whatever the real reason is that they’re here or why they choose to stay, it’s a really special feeling when you get up close to one of these birds. You know that you’re in a special place and a special town and all that crap. They’re part of the Pasadena Identity and nobody else has really got `em. So, that’s why the wild parrots are one of the Ten Things I Love About Pasadena.

**

Time for another edition of everyone’s favorite morning comic, You Can’t Fight City Hall!

**

The Game recently visited the kids at John Muir High to give them a pep talk, according to some guy who writes for the PSN:

Multi-platinum-selling hip-hop artist The Game has been shot seven times, served jail time, and watched people close to him lose their lives to violence.

On Tuesday afternoon, the rapper - dressed in a white T-shirt, baseball cap and chunky gold chain - stepped into a packed classroom at John Muir High School to tell teens there is a better way.

“I just want you to stay alive,” said the 28-year-old artist, who was born Jayceon Taylor.

Ummmm….yeah. `Cause, if I had kids, I’d totally want them to get advice on their lives from The Game. Was Amy Winehouse busy that day? Maybe next year they could get upstanding citizens like R. Kelly, Britney Spears, or Nick Hogan to show kids “a better way”.

Ya know, the schools could always contact me to speak to the kids. I’m Pasadena’s paragon of virtue, after all.

Joe Hopkins is gonna be pissed when he hears about this story. Also, Virginia Hoge thinks this post is racist.

**

I like to send drawings to Mayor Bogaard. I think it a) creeps him out, b) probably makes him laugh, c) annoys his harem of secretaries, and d) it’s fucking hilarious. Recently, I sent him this:

I’m sure he enjoys it lots.
Be seeing you,

- AP

Happy Wednesday!

If you’re feeling down and blue about the Lakers getting sexually assaulted last night 131-92 in the NBA Finals, don’t feel bad. Sit a spell and take some advice from a Philadelphia sports fan:

So, the Lakers haven’t won a championship in like…6 years…so what? Try not winning a championship in 25 years….in 28 years….or never. Think about how lucky you are to live in Los Angeles - beautiful weather, beautiful women all around, the beaches and the mountains in driving distance, swimming pools, movie stars - you catch my drift?

The Lakers didn’t win the championship. Boo hoo. At least being in Los Angeles, you have something to look forward to. We didn’t have that privilege in Philly. All we really had to look forward to was another season of the Phillies or the Eagles or the Sixers or the Flyers in last place or choking when they needed to be clutch.

Maybe if you Lakers fans supported your team when they were down in the dumps and not just in first place, maybe if you Lakers fans would fly those flags on your cars year round, I’d consider you passionate sports fans. Until then, most of you just further that typical L.A. “fake” stereotype. I say - be proud of what you did. Only 2 teams could reach the Finals this year and you were one of them.

For a city that gets on pretty well without a major NFL franchise, for a city that gets on pretty well for having 2 NBA franchises and pretending like it only has one - for a city that honestly has some of the most fair-weather, lackluster, apathetic, worst sports fans who leave games in the 7th inning in the entire country - I say hold you head high. Or, you can just put those Lakers flags away until they get past the first round of the playoffs next time.

(By the way, we Philadelphians have disowned Kobe Bryant like the Canadians disowned Alex Trebek)

**

The Ten People Ruining Pasadena list continues today with #4. Before that - let’s go through a run down of numbers 10 through 5, shall we?

#10 goes to the insane asylum with Virginia Hoge.

#9 drops it like it’s hot with Joe Hopkins.

#8 - Annoying Homeless People!

Larry Wilson lulls us to sleep at #7.

Put on your wool cap and American Apparel ‘Legalize LA’ t-shirt for #6: Hipsters.

Peter Dreier blames us all for #5.

*Drumroll* And now…#4:

Graffiti “artists”! (Picture courtesy of WCGB)

Yeah, everyone here pretty much knows how I feel about graffiti. It’s stupid, it’s not an art form - in fact, it’s pure vandalism. 99.9% of the time, the graffiti doesn’t make any god damned sense. I mean, look at the picture above. What the fuck is that? Maybe it’s some algebra homework from John Muir High School or someone was trying to calculate the strength of the Yen vs. the dollar?

Meh. This is called a “tag” and they’re purpotrated by “taggers“. It’s supposed to be “cool” and “hip” - but all it does is make people not want to build new things in neighborhoods where this is rampant, leaving people somehow confused as to why a business doesn’t want to come there. This kind of art is even celebrated in books by hipster white people who don’t live in the neighborhoods where tags are usually found (chalk that up for another on the list of ‘Stuff White People Like’).

Here in the Crown City, we have a hotline set up to report graffiti. It seems to work ok - but I wonder how we prevent this kind of stuff from happening? You can’t just put all graffiti artists in one group - I mean, they’re all stupid - but some of them are just stupid kids who don’t feel like going to the 99 cent store to get some markers and art supplies. Others are just gang members marking they’re territory like they’re a male cat - except male cats usually piss better patterns.

One thing’s for sure - I see this crap throughout Pasadena. Even in my hallowed District 4, I’ve been seeing newer graffiti everyday - now that it’s summertime and these kids don’t have anything else better to do.

Some cities try to set up graffiti walls and tell people that it’s ok to do that kind of shit in that particular area. Think about that Einstein knowledge for a second. Let’s set up a wall where people can do something illegal and it can be celebrated by all. I haven’t seen any statistics but I doubt these kind of walls really cut down on tagging. That would be like setting up an area of the city where it’s ok to break into cars or to beat people up…I mean, cities are setting these kinds of things up but they’re not setting up red light districts?

I think cities, ours in particular, should grow some balls and get more aggressive with graffiti. Get me on TV to do some PSAs (I’m really good at them) - and let me just proclaim my new slogan: “Taggers are faggers“. Doesn’t make too much sense,