The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

Remember that movie “Snakes On A Plane“? Well, as you all have seen before, I occasionally like to send little drawings to the Mayor. Instead of trying to re-size the damn things to where they look horrible, I’ll just link my latest creation right here. You can enlarge it by left clicking. (That’s what she said).

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There’s a reason why a guy like Joe Hopkins made it to my list of The Ten People Ruining Pasadena. He’s fucking insane! Here’s an excerpt from his editorial last week… It’s your standard “conservative media” rant - when I can’t find a single news outlet or paper in this area that’s touting McCain the way he’s describing:

The conservatives want to talk about Barack’s race but they don’t want to talk about McCain’s age. They want to call McCain a war hero because he was shot down while piloting a bomber in Vietnam. What’s so heroic about dropping bombs from the sky on innocent Vietnamese people?

Yep. McCain’s old. We know this. You’re getting up there in years, too, Joe. I know this one dude who ran against someone and had an argument about that opponent’s age - trying to make the opponent’s age a negative. Remember when I called Bill Bogaard 170 years old? He beat me in a landslide. Age doesn’t really mean shit..except that younger people relate to a younger dude more - and then are too high/forgetful to wake up on Election Day and vote for the younger guy…AND… old people vote because a) they come from a generation that cared about voting, b) a lot of policy affects them more than affects us youngin’s and c) they have nothing else to do but play with Choo-Choo and Mitt-Mitt (their cats) and watch Huell Howser. (If you’re lucky, they don’t - d) - have a part-time job where they annoy the fuck out of you and don’t do any actual work)

I digress. I didn’t know you were a conservative, Joe? Because don’t you bring up race, and lately Barack’s race in general, every chance you get? Your whole paper is a big “Look at me! I’m black!” statement. Isn’t it guys like you that do the ol’ “we-don’t-want-to-make-this-election-about-race-but-we-actually-do” scenario? And by guys like you - I don’t mean African Americans..I mean every person who says “Hey - listen - I’m not gonna make this about race.” You just fucking made it about race by saying that! You know how you don’t make an argument about something: don’t bring up something!

And what the fuck…bombing & killing innocent Vietnamese people? Quit you’re cryin’ Ever hear of a little term called Collateral Damage? Here’s what Wikipedia says:

At least one source claims that the term “collateral damage” originated as a euphemism during the Vietnam War and can refer to friendly fire, or the killing of non-combatants and the destruction of their property.^[3]

Is that like the innocent people who died during the Civil War - I’m sure there had to be at least one person who didn’t have slaves or believed in slavery that lived in the Confederate states, right? It’s a war. People die. Children die. Little fluffy kittens die. People who don’t have anything to do with the war die. It sucks..but it happens. It’s not John McCain’s fault as much as it’s not John Kerry’s fault. Oh, but he’s white, so he’s the devil, too..I guess….

I’d have a lot more respect for you, Joe, if you stopped all of this bullshit and came right out and said it:

You’re voting for Obama because he’s black. That’s it. End of story. Lots of people are voting for him because he’s black (just as lots of people are voting against him because he’s black, for McCain cause he’s white, against McCain because he’s white, la la la…). And that’s fine - I mean, it’s stupid to vote for (or against) someone solely based on the color of their skin - but it’s your prerogative. I think you (and a lot of other people) should just come out and say it and quit your tired-ass charade. So…who’s the racist media again? Oh yeah, people like me. I forgot.

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We’ve got a Ham And Egger Award winner this week already - thanks to the suggestion of another winner, Frank Girardot:

Monrovia Mayor Rob Hammond.

Rob Hammond is obviously acting like a jackass toward bloggers. With his knock on the blogosphere last week and failure to realize the great job guys like Frazgo and RCJP are doing in Monrovia - he deserves it well this week. Guys like him are a dime a dozen in Pasadena, they’re just a little bit more quiet about their views of the “Evil Blogosphere”.

He’s also built an empire based on driving fear into people who try and vote against him. I’ve heard stories of countless people who have supported other candidates getting “visits” from Hammond, basically threatening them with code violations and all sorts of other nonsense unless they support him.

The Proc says Hammond needs to know his role, shut his mouth, and eat his breakfast.

Hell, this guy even has Ham in his name. Might as well add some eggs. And - he has a crony named Dick Singer. I don’t even have to make a joke about his name (but I heard that he changed his last name from Head).

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It looks like the Pasadena Star-Toilet Paper had their headline priorities straight yesterday:

Yes, Moe the Chimp is apparently missing (as of this writing - maybe they found him by now - but who the fuck cares?!). Why is this news, again? Screw the guy who got shot in Altadena, right? At least Girardot had the right idea to switching this pointless news to slightly less pointless news about CM Punk. I can’t believe I’m not making this shit up. Maybe Sid Tyler ate him?

(Note: Frank Girardot makes a good point about my screen-cap….in italics…..)

Ok legitimate.
But to be fair Aaron the shooting story is in the display sopt at the top
left hand corner of the page…where more people are going to see it and
read it…
Right?

TOP TEN NEWS STORIES I CARE ABOUT MORE THAN THE MISSING CHIMP

10. Mannie, Moe, and Jack. Which One’s A Coke Addict?

9. Proctor Gets Theme From “$25,000 Pyramid” Stuck In Everyone’s Head

8. Miss Havisham Misplaces Tea, Goes On Killing Spree, 12 Dead

7. South Pasadena Finally Realizes The Insanity Of Having Von’s Next To Pavillion’s

6. Who Put Chocolate In My Peanut Butter?

5. Joe Piasecki Completes Submarine With Screen Door

4. Holden To City: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

3. Sgt. Schultz Bludgeons Col. Hogan With Tripod

2. Larry Wilson Gives “Mamma Mia!” 5 Stars

1. Moe The Chimp: The Real DB Cooper

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PEF…er….PUSD approved putting a $350,000,000 bond measure on this November’s Presidential election ballot last night. It was approved with 2/3 of the vote. The votes of approval came from Mike “I Look Like A Child Molester” Babcock, Bob “Zuccini Bread” Harrison, Barry Horowitz..I mean..Ed Honowitz, Tom “I Can’t Think Of A Nickname Or Likeness For Him Right Now” Selinske, and Scott Phelps - who - I can’t believe this - phoned it in…making him the school board’s brand new douchebag.

More from the lovely Mary Dee Romney:

At this afternoon’s special BOE meeting where the PEF/BOE majority approved a $350,000,000 general obligation bond for the PUSD, Supe Diaz alluded to the district’s unsavory past with Measure Y and vowed accountability for his *own* bond measure set for a vote in November.

Likewise, Mr. Brinkman affirmed his own personal support for the “accountability issue.”

If accountability is what Mr. Diaz and Mr. Brinkman profess, why did they fail to follow the customary Brown Act procedure of publishing staff reports to the district website prior to this afternoon’s public BOE meeting?

Why were the only two Facilities Master Plan Committee members speaking from the podium recommending against the bond proposal?

Why was the tax-paying public left dependent upon the scanning efforts of Rene Amy and the Greatschools listserve to learn the details of a bond proposal described today by Mr. Lizardo as “a very significant action (and) weighty decision” (?)

It is clear the PEF/BOE is saddled up and ready to ride with the Gilroy cowboys, regardless of so-called “accountability.”

Pasadena Star-News has nothing about this. Of course they wouldn’t. I guess this isn’t news to them. What a shitty newspaper. I guess this isn’t a “big deal”, huh? I guess PUSD “can do no wrong”. Bullshit. I can’t wait to see how they spin this - just like people spun Measure D and lied to everyone. Can’t wait to see what City Council thinks of this nonsense.

PUSD might think they’re fooling people by putting this on November’s ballot so half the people who are voting for President will vote “Yes” on this - but they’re not. I’m going to make sure everyone knows about this crock of a bond measure and make sure people vote no on it. It’s my job…not just as a citizen of Pasadena who actually gives a damn…but as the Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena (and your role model), The Proc.

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The Altadenablog recently had a 5-day crusade to make sure they were linked on Dave Atlantic’s Under The Dome blog.

Today is the first day of my crusade against Altadenablog. It’s called the “Fix My Fucking Link” crusade. You see, they have a very nice section of links that’s quite put together. Except the URL that you get when you click on the link to my site is West Coast Grrlie Blather. Kelly-With-A-Y is cool and all..but it’d be nice if that link actually went to my site. So yeah, fix my fucking link

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Be seeing you,

- AP

Congratulations to CM Punk. This guy became the WWE World Champion last night on what was an unusually amazing episode of Monday Night RAW. Not only did CM Punk work his way up from the independent ranks to do this (and became quite the fan favorite) - he’s a great guy to be representing WWE at the moment. You see, CM Punk - in real life and in character - is “Straight Edge”. No drugs, no cigarettes, no alcohol, nothing. Now, I’m not down with the no cigarettes/no alcohol/no sex before marriage lifestyle (actually I think being “Straight Edge” is pretty lame) - but with all the steroids shit going on in the WWE and other sports/entertainment, there’s nobody better to represent the company.

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The Proc has been analyzing District 2 City Councilmember Paul Little’s recent blog entry lately:

Council passed the annual operating budget last Monday night. Mostly, from what I can see the budget is appropriate.

I do have one serious concern: they added nearly $4 million more to the city’s General Fund reserve. Ok. Reserves help with stability, and generally I don’t have an issue with a healthy reserve. BUT, Pasadena already has a very healthy General Fund reserve. So healthy, the city recently earned a AAA bond rating.

Here’s my gripe, when they were campaigning for passage of Measure D, which I supported, the Mayor, former city manager, current interim city manager and the Council said they faced an emergency if the Utility User Tax wasn’t extended. BUT, now that the have the UUT in place, the city leaders are taking cash and putting it in their own reserve funds. NOT using it for services. NOT using it for constituent support. NOT using it for anything at all. If there was an emergency in February and it no longer exists, it seems to me only fair that, rather than line the city’s bank account, the appropriate action would have been to rebate that $3.7 million to the folks who pay the Utility User Tax.

As for the argument that other cityies have higher reserves — those cities don;t enjoy a AAA bond rating. They also don;t have a utility company that generates mass quantities of money on a daily basis and that carries both a reserve and a working capital reserve valued together at more than 15% of the General Fund budget. Oh, and let’s not forget the Capital Projects Reserve and a host of other funds carrying balances to hedge against lost revenue or emergencies.

So, I have take my hat off to Martin Truitt and Wayne Lusvardi, who apparently were prescient when they said that the city didn’t have an emergency, didn’t need the UUT renewal and that city leadership was only going to fatten its own wallet with the money.

In times of economic stress, I do find it difficult to accept a city government that increases its own reserves rather than do what it can to relieve the stress on its citizens and businesses.

Well, duh. Measure D was such a fucking crock - but hardly anyone listened, did they? Paul Little’s entry is great and all - but I’m still wondering - why did he exactly support Measure D in the first place? Why didn’t he do his own research? He would have come to the same conclusion that Truitt and Lusvardi did. Right? Why all of the 20/20 hindsight now, Paul? You’re a big voice in this City, a lot of us tend to listen when you speak - why didn’t you take the time to see how big of a hornswoggle Measure D really was?

Speaking of being bamboozled - according to Rene Amy - the PUSD is proposing a $350,000,000.00 (yes that’s $350 million) bond measure to go on November’s ballot. And if that doesn’t outrage you - maybe Rene’s description should:

…folks may not actually realize that bonds are like a mortgage
that all property owners in the district must pay back through increases
in their yearly property taxes.

Such bonds are typically paid back over 30 year.

We’ve still got about 20 years left on paying the mortgage on Measure Y.

So, this next bond would be like a second mortgage - with extra added
payments due year in and year out….

Oh, what the fuck. $350 million? In Steve Haderlein math, that’s 70 Peppermint Gardens. (Take a shot). So, PUSD is going to try to be all cool and sneak this bond measure on the ballot with, ya know, the biggest Presidential election ever - and have people just blindly vote “yes” on it because they’re skipping everything else to go vote for the President.

Are they insane!? If we’re still paying money back on Measure Y - which I still have yet to see numbers supporting what exactly, if anything, Measure Y solved - are we, as citizens, going to shell out another $350 million so the geniuses at PUSD can bring gangsta rappers to show kids the way or pay Virginia Hoge more money to stroke their academic cocks?

Of course - I’m sure the same people who supported Measure D will tell us what a good idea this is. Then, a few months later, one of their main supporters will come out and tell us that they were basically a shill and that this bond measure is faker than most women’s tits out here.

Crimeny. Is there anyone with a brain left!?

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Bloggers picnic photo. Courtesy WCGB:

Front row: The 99 Cent Chef, Pasadena Daily Photo, Ed Padgett.

Middle: Miss Havisham, Irina.

Standing in the back: Monrovia City Watch, WCGB, the cool dude Adam who hangs out with Brian Fuller, Kelli with an i, Ann Erdman, Susan Kitchens (who got me blogging in the first place).

The taller guys in the very back: Brian Fuller, Aaron Proctor, a space for Centinel, Frazgo.

Not pictured: The Sky Is Big In Pasadena, Alex Zucco (an FC Contributor), The Real Zajac

There’s also more coverage by Frazgo here on Metroblogging LA. Apparently that post was linked on MSNBC the other day - explaining another day of ridiculous web traffic for me.

Another group photo - by Frazgo

The pic is of the bloggers who willingly wanted to be shown on the net. That is the lovely Miss Havisham sitting on FCBlog co-owner, Centinel’s shoulder. To the right is equally invisible owner Publius. Invisible because no one knows who they are including those of us invited to post there know who they really are.

Speaking of bloggers - I found a really rockin’ blog out in Burbank called Valley of The Shadow. Thanks for the kind words!

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We’re down to the #2 spot on my list of The Ten People Ruining Pasadena. Let’s go over what we’ve learned so far:

#10 gets crazy with Virginia Hoge.

#9 is straight outta North Pasadena with Joe Hopkins.

#8 wants money but won’t let you buy them lunch. The homeless of Pasadena.

There was something in the air that night, the stars were bright - Larry Wilson (#7)

#6 was too busy watching MTV to go out and vote on Election Day

#5 - Peter Dreier, whose beard is full of bong resin and potato chips

#4 makes me sick.

#3 kept me on hold for 72 minutes and transferred me 6 times.

And now……#2 on the list of The Ten People Ruining Pasadena. This next entry might not be a shock to most of you - the position on the list just might be a surprise, though:

Councilmember Steve “Maserati” Madison!

Ric Flair has Sting. Superman has Lex Luthor. Bugs Bunny has Elmer Fudd. Virginia Hoge has common sense. Everyone’s got their rival, their enemy, their arch-nemesis.

My arch-nemesis and product of all my polemics happens to have been a Councilmember for like the past 12 years now. His name is Steve Madison, he drives a Maserati, and he’s kind of a douchebag. I think, for the first time ever, other people in Pasadena are starting to see this as well.

It all began a long, long time ago in a land far, far away during the 2007 Election. Back when I was an eyeliner-wearing Goth kid who supported rent control running for Mizayor. Toward the end of the race, there was a debate over at the Neighborhood Church. Kelli and I arrived a little late and she accidentally went into the door for candidates with me. (It was a separate door from the spectators).

Unbeknownst to me at the time, Madison turned to Kells Bells and yelled at her “THIS DOOR IS FOR CANDIDATES ONLY!!!!!!!!!” Kelli was furious and snapped back with a comment explaining how she was with the Mayoral candidate.

Madison and I tried to bury the hatchet once or twice but all it ended up being was a dissertation from him about how I’m being “brainwashed” by the “right-wing” of Pasadena. Or how he didn’t like that I called his 20-something girlfriend a stripper because she looks like one. I guess he didn’t realize that I can think for myself and make my own choices and it was actually guys like him and Bogaard and stuff trying to exploit me for the benefit of Liberals. Oh - and I forgot to mention - I once sent him an Aaron Proctor pin as a peace offering - and he mailed it back to me.

So, the Sock on Madison campaign kind of started from all of that and never looked back. Here’s the real problem I have with Madison - he’s not an informed guy, he doesn’t really know what’s going on in Pasadena nor does he care because he puts his job before his constituents. He thinks of City Council as more of a playground than an actual important entity.

Last week at City Council, he had the audacity to make a joke about the electricity bill when Iron Maggie was just trying to figure out what she was actually voting on. A few weeks before that, he sent his henchman, Victor Gordo, out to try and make me apologize to Madison for claiming he was going to miss a month or so of City Council (after Gordo had sort of told me that’s what was going on). Madison can’t fight his own battles, claims he doesn’t read this website, and sends Moose from Riverdale after me.

So - after all of this - I think that definitely qualifies Madison to be on this list. When you’ve been elected to serve the people and blatantly disregard serving the people, you’re messing up the Crown City. Hopefully someone grows some balls and runs against him in 2011. That person would be my hero.

Wonder who’s gonna be #1 on this list? We’ll find out soon.
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Better watch out..cause Sid’s a war machine…

It’s time for this week’s Sid Tyler Facts:

• When Sid Tyler wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
• The Monrovia Police originally thought someone had Sid Tyler in their trunk.
• Sid Tyler has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.
• Sid Tyler walked out of church when they were talking about the Rapture. He was overheard muttering “That’s not how I’m going to do it…”
• The Kama Sutra was originally known as “The Diary Of Sid Tyler”
• The real reason PBS has pledge drives is so they can hire protection from Sid Tyler. He’s not a fan of Upstairs, Downstairs.
• Sid Tyler uses staples as hair gel.
• Despite Sid Tyler’s rage, he is still just a Councilman in a cage.
• When in Rome, do what Sid Tyler does. Kill.
• Sid Tyler’s belly button is actually a power outlet.

Be seeing you,

- AP

According to an article in the PW from a little while back, Steve Madison “doesn’t go to my website any more.”

Ya sure about that? Well, someone at Quinn Emanuel has sure taken a gander at my website since June 1st:

Hmmm. Could be someone getting a laugh at their cohort. My money is on Madison lying to the newspaper, though.

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A few months ago, Kelli and I went to the Romano’s Macaroni Grill out in Monrovia before seeing my friend’s band play. After a very filling dinner, we were walking to the car when a lady - best described as a cracked-out Billy Idol - approached us. She told us a story about how she had left her bag on the bus and she needed some change, blah, blah blah. Kelli and I didn’t have any change so we didn’t give her any and she walked away. I told Kelli that I thought it was a scam - it was pretty close to 9 pm and buses out in these parts don’t run that late on a Saturday night.

So, a couple of days ago, Kelli and I are out at the Wal-Mart in Duarte. Guess who comes up to us in the parking lot? Cracked-out Billy Idol. 2 months later and, again, she “left her bag on a bus.” I told her to her face “You told us that 2 months ago!” and she just walked away…as if she had been owned by someone like that before - and started speaking to another dude - who I then walked up to and said “It’s a scam..saw her 2 months ago at the Macaroni Grill on Huntington.”

The worst thing is - she’s probably buying drugs with the money she does get for her sob story. So - yeah - this lady is obviously lying. If you ever see her around, don’t give her any cash and tell her to stop scamming people. Maybe that’ll learn her.

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A lot of people sure are proud of the Ham And Egger Award.  Here’s Tribune prep sports reporter Fred Robledo and his award for outstanding performances in wasting company time.

Keep up the great work!

See you at the picnic later,

- AP

Over at Ann Erdman’s blog, she has pics of a ceremony at the Pasadena Convention Center construction site. Included are tons of pictures of city dignitaries (sans The Proc) putting their tag on the final steel girder. Call the graffiti hotline at (626) 744-7622.

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There’s an article by Mr. Thursday Morning Andre Coleman in this week’s PW about how PUSD is going to have a tough time (as of right now) pulling the wool over people’s eyes when asking the voters to approve a new bond measure or parcel tax. I think some of us forgetting that people who are going out and voting blindly this November (trust me - there’s a lot of them here in Pasadena) might vote yes blindly on this tax/bond. PUSD knows this and is taking full advantage.

Of course, Barry Gordon was quoted in the article - who I’m sure was “randomly” selected to take part in the phone survey about the dealy-o. Right after they got off the phone with Ginny Hoge and Peter Dreier, I’m sure. Barry’s a nice guy - hey - he was the Nestle Quik bunny - and he’s also a guy who thinks taxes solve everything and throwing money at something not worth throwing money toward at the moment is going to make everything perfect in the world.

I happen to like to get my facts from Mary Dee Romney. It helps that she’s easy on the eyes and I don’t picture Donatello from the Ninja Turtles when she’s talking:

Thanks to Rene Amy for attending last Friday’s Facilities Master Plan Committee (FMPC) meeting when I had commitments to a family funeral.

I since have received accounts of Friday’s meeting.

All confirm what I reported earlier, i.e., that the FMPC is not a *real* committee but window-dressing for a push by Edwin Diaz, Stephen Brinkman and the PEF/BOE majority to hurriedly meet November ballot deadlines for additional new property assessments of $50 for every $100,000 of assessed value through a new General Obligation Bond (GOB) - approximately $500,000,000 in new indebtedness.

Any new assessments approved in November will be in “addition to” present debt service on Measure Y bond funding.

Recall that property owners still are paying $40.08/$100,000 for Measure Y
indebtedness ($240,000,000) - and will continue to pay until 2020.

[Note: Measure Y bond issues were refinanced in 2004 and 2005 yielding an
additional $5,125,000 and $9,635,000, respectively; along with Prop. 1A monies in the approximate amount of $30,000,000, Measure Y improvements have been funded at just over $284,000,000.]

What do Mr. Diaz, Mr. Brinkman and the PEF/BOE majority intend to do for public education with new bond money dedicated for facilities?

It is difficult to know.

Mr. Selinske asked Mr. Diaz during a recent BOE meeting how he planned to use any anticipated new tax monies.

Mr. Diaz rattled off a random “wish list” making it clear no plan/priorities had
been discussed for the spending of what could be half a *billion* dollars in
facilities funding paid by local property owners.

In the current economy, in a district with declining enrollment and excess
capacity with no clear demographic guidelines until the 2010 census, there are troubling clues as to how this money will be directed:

1) The FMPC will remain a window-dressing committee;

2) The district will need “appropriate facilities” at Muir for community
“alliances” and career/ technical academies;

3) Rose City Continuation School will need to build capacity (enrollment),
requiring that Oak Knoll students move to the Edison campus;

4) Health service partners (counseling/mental health) will require facility space at all three levels (elementary, middle and high schools) - including
administrative space;

5) Space will be required for after-school programs.

The above, apparently, are the programmatic justifications for a half-billion
dollar facilities bond to support local public *education.*

Of considerable concern due to the hurried push to meet November ballot deadlines (ballot arguments, translation, publication, etc.), is the staff imposition of equally hurried architectural site reviews and inventories for site project lists.

Mr. Brinkman has acknowledged that some site reviews were conducted by phone and by email.

With protests reportedly registered both from members of the FMPC and from the architects on the project that the November tax timeline is unreasonable, Mr. Diaz and Mr. Brinkman continue to march toward November with a “half-baked” work product.

Being new to Pasadena these two gentlemen apparently do not understand that local taxpayers too often have seen the PUSD’s chase for funds end in fallen souffles.

Again . . . Mr. Diaz, Mr. Brinkman and the PEF/BOE, in prematurely pushing a bond measure for the convenience of exploiting an uninformed electorate in November, will lose in trust what they hope to gain in funding.

Thanks to all who have shared their thoughts off-list on these matters!

Mary Dee

[NOTE: The BOE and senior staff have discussed at BOE workshop meetings that voters in general elections are less informed on local matters, the implication being that ignorant voters in a general election will be more inclined to support a school bond measure and thereby - by sheer numbers - overcome statistical unknowns revealed in surveys; therefore the big push by Mr. Diaz, Mr. Brinkman and the PEF/BOE majority for a *November* bond initiative.]

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So - let me get this straight. Miss Havisham reports about trash and ends up getting a citation of some kind - en Espanol, no less.

I’ve got a few problems with this.

1. Why is she being penalized for doing her civic duty?
2. Why are we wasting money printing things in Spanish? Seriously. You know how much money we’d save if we didn’t translate City documents? At least thousands, I’m sure. Stop coddling people and get them to learn English. The best way is if we stop printing shit in Spanish and whatever the fuck Tagalog is. I also notice a lot of people who claim they don’t speak English can speak it all right when they’re complaining about something. Ever see Public Comment at City Council?
3. ¿Por qué?
4. I called Miss H’s Councilman, Chris Holden about the matter and this is all he had to say.
5. It’s her fault that some assclown is dumping trash on her lawn?

Way to investigate, Pasadena. It’s obvious this is just another one of those cash register fines. You know, the kinds of fines where they can pull the lever anytime to generate even more money from us regular folk. If you want to run the city like a turnkey operation, open a damn car wash. Comprende?

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Time for another installment of everyone’s favorite morning comic strip, “You Can’t Fight City Hall!”

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Nice article in the PW this week about Glendale’s proposed smoking ban. I find it funny that all over a place that considers itself “open-minded”, practically has decriminalized marijuana, lets two dudes marry each other, and harbors illegal immigrants can be so harsh and hardcore about smoking. I thought we were the “wacky, play by no rules” state. Nahhhh. Sometimes I wonder if the real reason why we’re banning smoking is because people are still pretty much “ok” with smoking cigarettes in the South and the Midwest and back East and we can’t be anything like those “anachronistic right-wing loonies.”

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I spoke with Iron Maggie on the phone Thursday morning. I congratulated her on what she said/did to Steve Madison on Monday. At first, I think she thought I was mocking her (with her trademark “Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrron!” - imagine Colonel Klink talking to Hogan) - and then I let her know that she’s the whole blogosphere’s (and by whole blogosphere, I mean The Proc) hero this week and to keep up the good work. She let me know she had a long day and she was just doing her job - but come on - Maserati Madison got OWNED. Ownership!!!!!! Ham and eggs in his face and all over the place! I think I’ve had wet dreams about that. Hopefully more Councilmembers follow suit. I am making everyone around the dais an offer they can’t refuse:

$2.50 if you throw a cup of water at him. Onward, Pasadena soldiers!

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What is up with June 25th? On June 25th, 2007 - I received the most hits in a one day ever. Partially due to the fact people were Googling for more info on the Chris Benoit thing. Then, that record was shattered on June 11th, 2008 - don’t know exactly why. Now - both records have been completely erased - this past Wednesday, June 25, 2008 is now the date I’ve received the highest amount of traffic. UPDATE: That record was beaten by about 10 hits yesterday, June 26th! Maybe I should stop counting??? Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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See you all at the picnic tomorrow!!!!! If you didn’t get an evite, let me know. Oh - and I think the Gold Line will end up going all the way to San Dimas. In 2052.

This chick’s a looker, huh? And she has a Russian accent.

And now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

- G.I. Joe, I mean…

- AP

Pick up a Pasadena Weekly as soon as you can! My newest “5 Questions” column features none other than Miss Havisham!

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So, if you haven’t heard by now, District 2 Councilwoman Margaret McAustin is my new hero - after her verbal bitchslapping of Steve Madison on Monday night. As Del Appledumplinggang will tell you, Madison was trying to be funny (and I mean really trying) and McAustin just layeths the smacketh down - AP style.

Here is a video clip of the event as well as the reaction Kelli & I had when we heard it. I love how the camera zooms in on Maserati Man looking all owned and baffled. It’s almost an award-winning performance by the District 6 Councilman….

A Ham And Egger Award winning performance, that is. Enjoy your award, Steve. You certainly deserve it this week. Maggie Mags: My hero.
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My companion series to The Ten People Ruining Pasadena - The Ten Things I Love About Pasadena - continues on this Thursday morning with #7. This list was inspired by the good peeps over at When Are We Going To California? - who started a list of things they love about LA:

#7: Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles!

Located on the mini-restaurant row on North Lake Avenue, Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles is an awesome dining establishment. The idea of mouth-watering buttermilk waffles in syrup mixed with fried chicken might be quite foreign to some but - trust me - it’s good eatin’.

The waitstaff is always friendly and the place is always packed, especially if you go there on a Sunday morning or afternoon. The menu has just about every combination of chicken and waffles possible (and you can just get chicken or waffles seperately if you’re not feeling cavalier). Definitely the best place for Southern-style cuisine: the grits and cornbread are phenomenal. The walls are adorned with famous people (everyone from hip-hop artists to Steven Wright) who have graced the restaurant with their presence.

I’ve been living in the Crown City since the early part of this decade and I’ve probably been to Roscoe’s at least 50 times. I like to get two chicken breasts and two huge waffles and wash it down with a tall glass of milk (or a few tall glasses of milk). Not even the Waffle House chain popular in the Midwest and the South can compare to the yummy goodness of Roscoe’s. So, it’s no surprise that it comes in at #7 on The Ten Things I Love About Pasadena.

**

Does somebody want to loan me $52 million for this Pasadena home? According to Centinel on the FC Blog, that’s how much it’s going for. I wish I had $52 million to blow - I’d be like “Why the fuck not?”

Fiddy-Cents also wants us to come up with our own tag lines for the photo. Here are some of his:

Competing with Versailles is priceless.

When Hearst Castle just isn’t big enough.

Why 19 bathrooms? Three letters: IBS.

“Housing market? Why, yes, it does come with its own grocery store.”

Sid Tyler’s house.

Here are some of mine:

• “Ever wanted to live in the place that’s on the back of the nickel?”
• “If you were Steve Madison, you’d be home by now.”
• “Get from one side of the house to the other with your very own MTA light rail.”
• “Slaves optional.”
• “Where your monthly electric bill is almost as much as the cost of your home.”
• “Imagine the fucking ridiculous parties you’d have here!”
• “19 bathrooms for 19 wives.”

**

The balloon ban by Jack Scott has been stalled. Thank goodness. 3 people decided not to vote on it - which pisses of Steve Haderlein, according to the City Council Drinking Game - but still - I mean come on? Was this thing seriously going to pass? I never saw any god-damned evidence supporting this ban to begin with.

Jack Scott is an embarassment and I’m not going to be fond of him being a head honcho over at my (one of my)Alma Mater(s) when he’s done with his worthless political career. It just goes to show you that infringing on people’s personal freedoms might work on the hippy-dippy local level like in Pasadena or Santa Monica - but not at the state level. Nice try, dickweed.

**

Look who I ran into yesterday!  It’s Bill Bibbiani!  Former PUSD school board member and motorcycle enthusiast.  Bib (as he likes to be called) is a damn cool dude..and quite popular!  What an honor!  Was I overdressed?  (Photo taken by Mrs. Bib)
Be seeing you,

- AP

Happy Wednesday! A year ago today, we all found out that Chris Benoit put a permanent Crippler Crossface on him and his family. Now, WWE has a “wellness policy” that everyone has to adhere to - except Triple H, a/k/a Vince McMahon’s son-in-law. What are they - Pasadena City Council??
By the way - Fuck Burbank.

A co-worker’s husband was recently fined $390.00 by the People’s Republic of Burbank (Pasadena’s cousin).

Was he speeding? No.

Was he causing a public disturbance? No.

Did he sock someone in the grill? No, but he should have.

He was fined for smoking. You know, the product that you can buy, the product that you can possess, but the product you soon won’t be able to ever use if you live in the state of California.

If I were him, I wouldn’t pay the ticket. I’d take that shit all the way to Supreme Court.

Remind me never, ever to spend money or time in that god-awful City. Not that I have a reason to - except there’s a Fry’s there. Oh - and some bitch I used to bang still lives there, I think. I guess I have all the reason more to hate on Burbank. Way to infringe on people’s personal freedoms. This is obvious that these smoking bans coming about in cities like our Crown City and Burbank and Glendale and the like are just another “feel good” way for the City to make money and thumb their noses at other cities in the US. We can be sooo French out here sometimes. Well, minus the smoking.

**

Another graffiti “genius” e-mailed me. I’m so excited - I really wanted to feel like I was smarter than someone this morning. The e-mail is also on the heels of an excellent post by WCGB about her trip to a City Council meeting and all of the disgusting “artwork” she endured. This dude named Mike totally made my dreams come true:

Hey Aaron, I recently stumbled upon your “blog” or whatever while I was
searching graffiti on google. I saw what you wrote about graffiti and I would
just like to say that I love tagging buildings and other locations just to piss
people like you off. People that are ignorant and think all graffiti artists
are “stupid”. I bet you dont know one graffiti artist so how can you claim they
are all stupid. So open up your eyes before you judge everyone. Oh and if
people are scared to use public transportation because of words on the seats,
then they have more wrong with them then you would think.

IP: 209.162.32.171

mpd183@hotmail.com

First of all, you’re an idiot. I forwarded your e-mail to your ISP and let them know that you admitted to conducting illegal activities (IE: tagging). Don’t know how much good that will do, but just to let you know - when you “piss off people like me”, you’re pissing off The Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena. Not some “run of the mill” average Joe: I’m The Proc, mother fucker.

Second of all, I commend the way you “fight back against society” by tagging buildings just to “piss off people like me”. You know, the “people like me” who will be catching up with you and arresting you and throwing you in jail. Yeah, the people like me that have to pay taxes because another worthless asshole is sitting in a jail cell because he wanted to put some unintelligible chicken scratch on a liquor store.

What?

No - I don’t know one graffiti artist, because I hang out and surround myself with people who aren’t wastes of life. Ya know, people who matter in life - not people who are going to be in and out of jail, abusing government programs, and other things I just can’t stand about lifelong criminals. I don’t know a graffiti “artist” (more like a graffiti-tard), care to know one, care to surround myself with or “get to know” one. That would be like a crackhead saying to me “I bet you don’t know one crackhead! How can you judge us?”

You simply proved - just like your friend did - that we should be making fun of you idiots even more. Yeah, it’s called a blog that I write. And guess what? Maybe you could get one, too, instead of defacing buildings because it looks “cool”. Go deface Wikipedia or something - at least that’s something new and fun to do and is cheaper to erase than your piss-poor “art”. Blogs are the wave of the future. Graffiti is so stupid, so passe, and so…useless. Assclown.

Oh - and if you didn’t read this morning’s PSN:

PASADENA - Four juveniles, belonging to a local tagging crew, were arrested after tagging 26 different locations on Lake Avenue Monday night, officials said.

Police responded to a call about possible tagging around 11:55 p.m. on the 900 block of Lake Avenue and discovered four males, two of them with spray paint, according to Lt. Keith Jones of the Pasadena Police Department.

The four males admitted to tagging 26 locations down Lake Avenue between Elizabeth and Boylston streets, Jones said. They all belong to a local tagging crew, according to Jones.

The juveniles are all Latino and between the ages of 15 and 17, Jones said.

Don’t fuck with the Pasadena Way, son. The Proc says: Take that can of spray paint of yours. Shine it up realllll nice. Turn that som’bitch sideways and stick it straight up your candy ass. Do you smell what the Proc is cookin’?

*theme music*

**

Kelli and I are thinking about getting a cat sometime in the next hundred years. Kelli wants to get a female cat so I won’t be able to name the cat Steve Caterlein. She’s ok with Margaret Mcmeowmeow, though.

Speaking of the Council - anyone hear Bogaard call Ann Erdman the “Queen Of The Blogosphere”? If I were West Coast Grrlie, Miss Havisham, or Larry Wilson, I’d be pretty pissed right now. And since I’m the King of the Blogosphere - doesn’t that make Kelli the Queen?

As mentioned before - WCGB has posted some pics from her trip to City Council via the ARTS bus - including one of a trash can with lame-ass graffiti all over it. Then, I found this picture - it’s obvious that Madison fears McAustin:

I’m shocked and surprised that Maserati Man was there (I’m not shocked about his tan, though). Maybe the map I recently sent to the Mayor helped him out?

If you can’t make out my 5-year-old handwriting, it says “Help Steve Madison Get To The Meeting” followed by a super-easy maze that even a Muir student could solve. Oh, and, City Hall wasn’t meant to look like a penis.

Anyhoo - Dormitas has his excellent weekly blow-by-blow here. Paul Little makes an appearance at City Council and tells them how stupid an idea Measure D was. Duh. Can’t wait until the PUSD Board votes next week to put a parcel tax on November’s ballot and fuck us over even more. Seems like Council’s all for prison raping our wallets.

**

It’s time to reveal just who is next on the list of The Ten People Ruining Pasadena:

#3 - Charter Communications

Charter is the only company that you’re allowed to get for cable television in Pasadena. We had a company called Champion for a cup of coffee last year - but the City of Pasadena didn’t like that too much.

It sucks, too - because Charter Communications are a bunch of idiots. Their customer service is quite subpar, they try to sneak charges onto your bill that you have to constantly call about, and you simply can’t complain and say I’ll change to someone else because they’ll laugh and remind you they’re the only game in town.

It’s obvious they’re in bed with the City Of Pasadena, who moves into a Socialist role by always being too cautious to let another cable provider in - in this case, AT&T’s “Uverse”. Pasadena City Council - you know, the people who make big deals out of nothing and little deals out of major shit - are taking forever and a day just to let AT&T in. Not sure if I’d switch right away - because I know people who switched to Champion and ended up having Charter again.

What kind of City wouldn’t allow fair competition? Well, obviously we don’t. It makes a lot of people unhappy - especially in an age where you pretty much need cable TV just to see anything at all going on in the world.

Charter’s sports packages are lackluster - why do I have a million fucking Fox College Sports networks? Why don’t I even get ESPN Deportes - at least they have really good soccer matches on there. Want the “Extended” packages? You don’t even get BBC America with that. I’ve missed like…the entire Torchwood series.
Now UVerse wants to put these boxes around town:

(Thanks to Dale Achdulieber for the pic)

Maybe Steve Madison is just intimidated by the black guy?
Hey Charter - thanks for ruining Pasadena.

**

Frank’s a cool dude

Finally: did you know that yesterday was apparently National Columnist’s Day? Where the fuck was my cake? Well, one of my favorite columnists/reporters, Frank Girardot, has really been hitting a lot of home runs lately. Maybe my beloved Phillies should sign him to a one-day contract, considering they’ve lost 6 games in a fucking row.

Check out this column he wrote on Tuesday - it’s amazing:

Terrorism claimed the life of a 12-year-old and his father visiting Montebello this past weekend.

Yes. I said it. Terrorism.

How else do you describe an attack on a party of 70 or so people gathered in a back yard to celebrate a graduation.

Killed were Albert Garcia, 12, of Hemet, and his father Juan “Jay” Garcia, 44, of Perris. Two others were wounded in the attack including a 23-year-old woman and an unidentified man.
The 9:50 p.m. ambush occurred Saturday while friends of Maria Soto gathered at her home in the 100 block of East Madison.

Partygoers feasted on chicken wings, barbecued ribs, pasta salad, meatballs and chips and salsa.

There was a D.J. There was dancing. There was Bud Light. There was a cake acknowledging the high school graduation of Soto’s 20-year-old blind daughter, Rosemary.

It could have been any party anywhere in the San Gabriel Valley on a sweltering summer night.

“We were happy one minute and then it turned into a nightmare,” Soto said. “It was horrible.”

Soto pointed to a dark blood stain in the dirt next to a small rose bush in her back yard.

“You don’t know when it’s going to hit you,” she continued. “Please. When are they going to stop devastating our families and our children?”

Every day we send young men and young women off to foreign countries because we’re told they are keeping terrorism at bay.

Maybe we’re keeping Islamic extremists out of the United States. But what is our government doing about terrorism in our own back yard?

There are no daily briefings, no green zones, no troop surges. I haven’t heard presidential candidates Barack Obama or John McCain say a word about fighting local terrorist gangs.
Yet young men and women like Albert Garcia are being shot at — sometimes wounded and sometimes killed — by remorseless killers.

I strolled around the neighborhood where Garcia and his dad were gunned down. Graffiti marred the sidewalks.

“Free Clumsey,” read one.

Graffiti also marred street signs, garden walls and even the whitewashed wooden siding of Soto’s raised foundation house.

Just a few miles north, where San Gabriel Boulevard leads to the Montebello mall, taggers from Pico Viejo, White Fence and El Monte Flores have clearly marked their turf.

I asked Montebello police Chief Dan Weist if his community could stomach the slaying of an innocent 12-year-old. I asked if he thought there was a gang problem in his town.

“It’s not as bad as you say it is,” came the reply.

Mayor Bill Molinari said he was “sickened by an event that’s never happened in our history.”
As I watched heat waves rise from the asphalt on Madison Monday, I heard the chimes of an ice cream truck in the distance.

I listened as the driver turned onto Madison and passed me. A sign above the dash said “Caution. Children.”

The song continued.

“It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself. Well, I probably could have. But I didn’t feel like it. So, rock on, Frank.

Be seeing you,

- AP

You’re my girl, Maggie Mags. Did anyone else see her verbally bitchslap my arch-nemesis Steve Madison last night? You’re my hero, Margaret. Instead of making it a new rule in the City Council Drinking Game, can I buy you a beer? Or two? Or three? Seriously. Keep up the good work. I honestly don’t even know what the whole issue was about - I just saw you rip Madison’s manhood out like you were a female Sid Tyler or something. Want to be my tag team partner?

**

Saturday - Saturday - Saturday! It’s the fourth get-together of all the local bloggers. This time it’s personal…nahh..actually, it’s just in Monrovia. If you haven’t received the super secret special E-Vite, please let me know and I’ll send it to you right away. If you’d like to be in a PSA, let me know, too.

**

The Proc can’t get enough of Rene Amy’s PUSD listserv. Rene likes to post a lot of thought-provoking articles from various publications, like this one from over the weekend in the San Francisco (*vomits in mouth a little bit*) Chronicle:

1997 saw the height of the Math Wars in California.On the one side stood educrats, who advocated mushy math - or new-new
math. They sought to de-emphasize math skills, such as multiplication
and solving numeric equations, in favor of pushing students to write
about math and how they might solve a problem. Their unofficial motto
was: There is no right answer. (Even to 2 +2.)

They were clever. They knew how to make it seem as if they were pushing
for more rigor, as they dumbed down curricula. For example, they said
they wanted to teach children algebra starting in kindergarten, which
seemed rigorous, but they had expanded the definition of algebra to the
point that it was meaningless.

On the other side were reformers, who wanted the board to push through
rigorous and specific standards that raised the bar for all California
kids. Miraculously, they succeeded, and they took pride in the state
Board of Education’s vote for academic standards that called for all
eighth-graders to learn Algebra I.

Whatever happened to just solving for x like a normal human being would? I know I’m just some “unenlightened right-wing dummy from Pennsylvania” - but I got through math just fine and would like to think I have exemplary mathematics skills.

But what do I know?!?!?!?!?

Why should I have to write some hippie dissertation about what 2+2 means to me? How does solving for x make me “feel”? Who the hell cares. Just do the math problem and move on.

The teaching methods are so wussified these days. We need to support our children and give them a good education - but - why are we such nannies, such hand-holders, that we have to take math and make it more complicated and philosophical?

Silly people. Can’t wait until the debate about whether odd numbers can legally marry other odd numbers. Maybe PUSD could give me $11,000 to figure this out. It won’t be a conflict of interest or anything.

**

The Real Zajac has a beautiful article up over at Foothill Cities about a hot topic in the blogosphere as of late: racism. Zajac discusses how - although it’s stupid to be a racist, we shouldn’t be trying to ban a line of thinking because, hey, like or not - that’s pretty “1984″-esque (I didn’t link “1984″ because if you don’t know the book, get the fuck off of my blog. Is that being book-ist?). Miss Havisham also chimes in with a powerful and personal story.

The word racism gets thrown around an awful lot in the Crown City. People who make fun of Muir are apparently racist. People who don’t want to develop homes in an area prone to being blighted are apparently racist. People who don’t like Indian food are racist, apparently. Some of our City Council members and other officials are apparently racist.

Hoge: Likes to use the “r” word

I recently read (and was inspired by) an article by Edwin Decker at the San Diego City Beat. I know I’ve mentioned this particular article before but he has a really, really good point that a lot of people in their high and mighty soapboxes forget: Isn’t everyone a little racist or intolerant of something or someone?

I sure know I am. So, for those of enemies who wish to use this as fodder against me..or for those of you who want to simply be amused - here’s a small excerpt of things/people/places I’m possibly racist or intolerant against:

• White people who treat me differently after they find out my father is black and I’m not 100% white
• Greenpeace.
• Stoners and drug addicts.
• Companies that don’t do drug testing.
• Kids with 20 piercings and 50 million tattoos who wonder why they can’t get a decent job.
• Goth kids who charge a higher cover charge if you’re not in “Goth attire” to their shitty little clubs with crap bartenders and slutty women that nobody wants to go to anyway..so be happy I’m fucking paying even $10 to get into your hole in the wall, you pathetic slags.
• Goth kids.
• Surfers. They’re not so tough. Oooooh they beat up the paparazzi. So what? Larry Wilson’s a surfer, apparently. Says a lot right there.
• Charities who stand outside of the 99 Cents Store and ask you for money. I’m shopping at the fucking 99 Cents Store..do you think I have any money?!
• For English, Press 1.
• “Sex In The City“, “Lipstick Jungle“, “Real Housewives of…“, “Desperate Housewives“, the WNBA, “How I Met Your Mother” and “American Idol“
• Armenian guys who tell you their name is Kevin but it’s really Kevork or something.
• And the Armenians in North Pasadena Heights who key cars of whites/blacks in “their” neighborhood and stole my girlfriend’s antenna ball.
• Black people who treat me differently after they find out my father is black (whether they’re nicer to me or not, it’s just not cool..treat me like a fucking human being..)
• Skinny blonde bitches in Paris Hilton sunglasses who still talk with a Valley Girl accent
• Skinny blonde bitches
• Gay guys who get drunk and make out with chicks and grab their boobs and then pass it off for the alcohol and not just being bisexual or a whore. You hear me, Lance????
• Chicks who get drunk and make out with chicks… Wait, no, I actually don’t mind that.
• Lakers, Dodgers, Raiders, Cowboys fans. You know what I’m talking about.
• People who make fun of you for not driving - until gas hit $4.00/gallon.
• Starbucks and all places like Starbucks. Gimme some gas station coffee, I’m fine.
• Latinos who say “Viva La Raza”. Dude, it would be like a white guy saying “White power”.
• “Business casual”. Unless you’re lifting boxes or working in a warehouse or somewhere where you get dirty a lot, we all should have to wear suits to our office jobs.
• Alhambra.
• Any race or nationality or ethnicity (including White people) living in the US in 2008 who says racism is bad but then only hang out with, converse with, deal with, date, etc. the people only from their race/nationality/ethnicity.
• San Francisco.
• Hollywood is starting to get on my nerves, too.
• Most of the Midwest and Southern U.S….and Arizona….and Oregon…and Delaware..and all the other states except California or Pennsylvania. Anyone not on that list is “ok”. Las Vegas is an exception. Maryland’s ok.
• 60-year-old hippie ladies that come to work, don’t do any work, pretend they are your supervisor, regale you with boring stories about doing drugs and going to see The Doors and all of that “Can Do 1960’s Attutide”, work from 12 noon to 9:45 p.m. and then you come in the next morning and find out they didn’t do any work and have to finish what they did, hide work from you so that they can “stay late” and then complain when you’re reading a newspaper for a few minutes, talking to your co-worker about sports or music, or go out for a smoke break - and they have somehow worked there for 3 years without reprimand.
• People who bum cigarettes when they don’t have any but then are stingy with their cigarettes when they do.
• Tori Amos fans. Why are they always crazy bitches who slit their wrists? Seriously. Name one hardcore Tori Amos fan you know that isn’t crazy. If she owns a couple CD’s, she’s not a hardcore Tori Amos fan.

I’ll start watching when a chick dunks…

Oh yeah - and illegal immigrants. Big time on that one.

Immigrants, I’m fine with. If you came to this country LEGALLY and passed a citizenship test and all that jazz..rock on…welcome to America…unless your family were Native Americans or taken over here by ships from Africa, your family also likely came through Ellis Island or somethin’ like that. Yay.

People jumping over borders and just slipping into the US, I’m *not* fine with.

Let’s face facts: Canadians aren’t jumping over the borders to take advantage of our liberal welfare system which helps people who are drug addicts and also helps people who aren’t even citizens but can’t help an actual American dude like me who falls down on his luck. So, I don’t think it’s racist to point out that it’s the Mexicans who are the main part of the illegal immigration problem.

Illegal immigrants come here with their hands already out. Illegal immigrants come here and expect US to suddenly learn Spanish. They complain about our schools and our public services and things not catering to them…well….guess what? You’re not a fucking American. We shouldn’t cater to you if you are an illegal. They come here and - yeah, some of them do “the jobs nobody else wants to do” but some of them also commit crimes and help out their families in Mexico. The US isn’t some kind of developmental territory to make Mexico a better place, I’m sorry.

Then, we try to vote against giving them any benefits here…the vote passes..and our Supreme Court overturns the vote.

Pisses me off.

Guess that’s somehow racist though - racist that I want to protect our country’s security and that I don’t want people to get a free pass in life..because I never did.

People always want to have a “dialogue” or a “talk” about race… I’d sure love to engage in one. I think talking about race makes some people feel more uncomfortable than ever (but not me!). Especially if you’re white - or perceived to be white, that is. The point is - racism sucks, racism happens, racism is still apparent. You’re doing a counterproductive thing, though, when you throw the word around too much and on too many things. I’m not trying to get people to sing “Love One Another Right Now” or anything - but - we sure do have to lighten the fuck up a little bit. That’s all I’m sayin’…I think people should be more honest and say what’s really on their minds. We’d probably learn that everyone’s a little intolerant of someone or something..and that there’s many exceptions to the things they’re intolerant of…I know there’s quite a few to things I’ve listed.
**

Sid Tyler wants you to conserve water and will seriously hurt you if you don’t read this week’s Sid Tyler Facts:

• Sid Tyler can get blackjack with just one card.
• If you watch City Council meetings on an HD TV, Sid Tyler can actually reach into your living room and punch you in the face.
• Sid Tyler hates rich people. And he’s rich. And he also hates irony.
• Sid Tyler can split the atom. With his bare hands.
• Sid Tyler’s battle cry is “Bingo!”
• Sid Tyler once bench-pressed the state of Ohio - and all of its residents.
• What’s black and white and red all over? Sid Tyler’s newspaper after the paperboy talked some trash.
• Sid Tyler can walk, chew gum, and kick ass all at the same time.
• After Monday’s meeting, Margaret McAustin can’t stop staring at Sid Tyler.
• Sid Tyler makes onions cry.

Shiiiiit (is that racist, Virginia?)

- AP

One of the best comedians ever, George Carlin, has passed away at the age of 71.

I actually discovered some of his material at a very young age. My dad had some of those K-Tel comedy records and one of them had Carlin on it, back when he wasn’t doing blue material. It was a sample of a skit from a longer record called “Wonderful Wino”, about a drunken radio DJ. The skit was absolutely hilarious - I mean, my brothers and I still quote it. “Here’s a protest song from Danny & The Dressmakers called…’Don’t Want No War!’……Don’t want no war….don’t want no war….don’t want no war…….don’t want no job neither!” When I was a kid, I never knew that Mr. Conductor on Shining Time Station would turn out to be such a hilarious, controversial, and thought-provoking comedian…maybe even more than a comedian: a real artist.
As I got older, I also began to enjoy Carlin’s appearances in films (particularly him in Kevin Smith’s Dogma and Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back - it’s the rule of the road!)

An extremely sad thing to wake up to read in the morning. Rest in peace, George - your comedy and entertainment and views you provided that definitely helped shape a young me and a others out there, I’m sure…..they will live on forever.

**

After the brutal ass-whipping the Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Whose Team Name Makes No Sense gave to my beloved Phillies on Saturday, I decided to go on an adventure. Kelli was down in Irvine seeing the American Wake, my air conditioning was broke (and so was I) - so I called up the only other person able to handle the non-stop-rockstar-politician-Aaron Proctor party-express person I know: Miss Havisham.

We traveled o’er to the foreign lands of Monrovia to hang out at the free artist reception at Montecito Fine Arts College of Design that Frazgo posted about on Foothill Cities. We looked at some pretty cool art, heard a really neat band called Celebutante - whose unique, Gary Numan-influenced sound brought me back to the Aaron Proctor Classic days (and included an ex-member of Berlin), and drank tons of free (yeah, you heard me) alcohol. There was a lovely piece of art I’d want for my living room - too bad I didn’t have $1,000. We also got to pet a Collie.

After that shindig closed down shop, we headed over to a place I’ve always wanted to go - a dive bar in Arcadia known as The First Cabin. Any bar which blatantly advertises its opening of 6 a.m. daily is fine by me. We lurked in and found the place was PACKED - like quadruple the amount of people the 1881 here in the Crown City would get for Saturday night karaoke. PLUS - you can SMOKE in there. And the drinks were pretty cheap and pretty damn stiff as well. Which was a blessing, since Miss H and I are both keen on pulling a Sid Tyler on alcohol.

Havisham and I snarked about the bar, talking local blogging and politics, bringing up this Saturday’s blogger get together and generally reminded people that Miss Havisham and The Proc were in the hizouse, so you’d all best know your roles. Seriously, this bar rocks. It’s a true dive at its core and a rockin’ in-house band plays called Pat O’Brien & The Priests of Love - who do covers as well as their own original music. Chris Holden walked in and said “shiiiiiit” and walked out.

Ain’t nothin’ like a Miss Havisham Tea Party.

**

Being a local dignitary means that occasionally you have to give back to the community some way, somehow. I give back by sharing my vast combination of book smarts and street smarts..ya know, for the children. Maybe I’m not helping conserve water or anything but I try to do this in the form of Public Service Announcements. Here are three more that I taped this weekend. Enjoy:

Cell Phones

Steve Madison

Crocs

**

I’ll keep this short today and leave you with one of my favorite Carlin routines, one about children: Click here.

- AP

Run, don’t walk, to your local whatever-it-is and pick up this week’s Pasadena Weekly. There’s been a complete redesign of the paper…and a special surprise on the tables of contents page. More on that tomorrow.

**

My companion series to The Ten People Ruining Pasadena - The Ten Things I Love About Pasadena - continues today with #8:

#8: Pasadena’s Wild Parrots!

Not widely known to people outside of the Crown City, but Pasadena is home to some really cute (and really loud) wild parrots. Wikipedia sez:

Pasadena has a population of naturalized parrots. The city’s website identifies one, a Red-crowned amazon parrot, but according to the [6] Parrot Project of Los Angeles, the parrots fall into as many as five different groups. There is a cycle of regular public outcry about the noise and the sheer oddity of the birds’ presence, but most Pasadenans seem to have come to accept the birds as part of the city’s life. They can be seen year-round, but are especially noticeable in the winter. The birds are definitely gregarious, and the amount of disturbance their chatter creates is related to the time of day they may choose to chatter.

Theories and myths abound on how these parrots came to claim Pasadena and surrounding towns as their home. A heavily accepted story by longtime residents of the area is that they were part of the stock at Simpson’s Nursery on East Colorado Blvd. in the Lamanda Park area. The nursery was burned down in 1959, and the parrots were thereby released to forage in the lush Pasadena area. It is also possible that some parrots moved northward from their normal range in central and northern Mexico as human habitation in the Pasadena area created artificial habitat in which the parrots could survive. Among their favorite foods are the berry kernels of the cedar trees that grow in great abundance around Pasadena.

And Ben over at The Sky Is Big In Pasadena says:

a little known fact about pasadena is that it is home to many flocks of parrots. rumor has it that these foreign birds escaped into the wild during a fire at a bird farm.

There are a ton of theories as to why they’re exactly here. I heard that Sid Tyler once mated with a parrot after a drunken evening at The 35er (back when it was actually a dive bar) and fathered thousands of them.

Regardless of where they’re from - they’re here, they’re feathered, so get used to it. I notice that you can hear them returning and coming back to the area during the Spring and Fall months - their loud squawking can be heard all the way out in Arcadia and Monrovia. Kind of becomes peaceful and quaint after a while. The first time I experienced this was when I first came here early in this decade and thought I was in an Alfred Hitchcock film.

I also hear they’ve stayed in Pasadena because they like our choices of private schools and can commute to work via the Gold Line.

Whatever the real reason is that they’re here or why they choose to stay, it’s a really special feeling when you get up close to one of these birds. You know that you’re in a special place and a special town and all that crap. They’re part of the Pasadena Identity and nobody else has really got `em. So, that’s why the wild parrots are one of the Ten Things I Love About Pasadena.

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Time for another edition of everyone’s favorite morning comic, You Can’t Fight City Hall!

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The Game recently visited the kids at John Muir High to give them a pep talk, according to some guy who writes for the PSN:

Multi-platinum-selling hip-hop artist The Game has been shot seven times, served jail time, and watched people close to him lose their lives to violence.

On Tuesday afternoon, the rapper - dressed in a white T-shirt, baseball cap and chunky gold chain - stepped into a packed classroom at John Muir High School to tell teens there is a better way.

“I just want you to stay alive,” said the 28-year-old artist, who was born Jayceon Taylor.

Ummmm….yeah. `Cause, if I had kids, I’d totally want them to get advice on their lives from The Game. Was Amy Winehouse busy that day? Maybe next year they could get upstanding citizens like R. Kelly, Britney Spears, or Nick Hogan to show kids “a better way”.

Ya know, the schools could always contact me to speak to the kids. I’m Pasadena’s paragon of virtue, after all.

Joe Hopkins is gonna be pissed when he hears about this story. Also, Virginia Hoge thinks this post is racist.

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I like to send drawings to Mayor Bogaard. I think it a) creeps him o