The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

Happy Friday everyone!

As of this Monday, The Proc will officially be a constituent of District 4 and Sexy Steve will become The Great One’s Councilman.  Wow.  Two guys will be running for Mayor in 2011 from the same district!  (It also means comments will be unmoderated shortly!)

We’re also still trying to find a date and a venue for the Haderlein-Proctor Horse challenge.  Hopefully my win in that will be a preview of the next Mayoral election.

Also - Dormitas has posted a link to the audio from the March 24th “Let’s Pretend We Want To Hear Your Ideas On Who Should Be The Next City Manager” meeting.  After Paul Little speaks, you’ll hear a hilarious Top Ten List from yours truly.  Click here for the audio. 

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Miss Havisham has organized the first upcoming Pasadena Bloggers Picnic in a while.  You can contact Miss H. over at her tea party for more information.

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I think one of the women here is Vannia De La Cuba?

The Aaron Proctor Interview Series donned sunglasses and a flannel shirt only buttoned at the top and made its way into District 5.  The Proc tried to get an interview with their Councilman, Victor Gordo, but he was playing Madden every time I called him.

Luckily, there’s always someone out there for each Councilman to help them in community activities, with their daily schedule, and with ordering from Papa John’s.  That person for District 5 happens to be Vannia De La Cuba, whose name I like to say in Antonio Banderas’ voice.

The Proc says know your damn city officials:

The Proc:  You’re Victor Gordo’s field representative.  How many Jack In The Box runs do you make for him per week?

Vannia:  None.  It’s outside district boundaries

The Proc:  El Santo or Blue Demon?

Vannia: El Santo, of course! 

The Proc:  Did you know Victor scored 4 touchdowns in one game for Pasadena High?

Vannia:  The Bulldog myth is that it was somewhere between 4 and 12 TDs.  Nevertheless, it does seem that he was a decent athlete…see link: http://www.pasadenahigh.org/about/awards/memorial.jsp

The Proc:  Finish these lyrics:  Como una promesa, eres tu, eres tu…Como una manana de verano…….

Vannia:  Como una sonrisa, eres tu, eres tu…

The Proc: Would Victor Gordo’s arch-nemesis in the Bizarro world be named Loser Flaco?

Vannia:  Me think so.

The Proc:  Who would win in a fight between Victor Gordo and Antonio Villaraigosa?

Vannia:  Need you ask… Victor.  Pasadena always beats LA

The Proc:  Well said.  I think we should turn Heritage Square into “Uncle Victor’s Family Fun Spot” - with water slides and mini golf.  

Vannia:  Hey, now there’s an idea!  We need more recreational opportunities for our youth.

The Proc:  How do you say “Aaron Proctor is a great man and a paragon of virtue” in Spanish?

Vannia:  El Aaron es un gran hombre y un modelo de la virtud.  I think this is it, kinda tricky.  Sounds good though, doesn’t it?  Ya gotta say it with a loud, deep booming voice, ala Vicente Fernandez, to get the effect you’re looking for. 

The Proc:  Liquor stores.  Hindrance to the community or a great place to get an ice cold King Cobra?

Vannia:  Irresponsibly operated ones are a hindrance.*

*subject to change, see #17

The Proc:  Who would play Victor Gordo in a movie?

Vannia:  hmm..that’s a bit tough.  someone with brains, a sense of humor, a good heart, good hair (all 1,775,431hair follicles must remain in place at all times), and can supposedly score 12 touchdowns in a football game.   A young Martin Sheen, perhaps.

The Proc:  Name 472 things Victor Gordo has accomplished since his election.  Or at least 3.

Vannia:  Deemed Approved Ordinance - a great tool that the city and its residents can use to battle irresponsible liquor store operators that are negatively impacting the quality of life of their neighbors.

Vannia (cont’d):  Playground for Madison School Neighborhood - brought a huge play structure to Madison School, which had nothing for it’s 1st through 5th graders to play on, and also opened up the yard afterschool and on weekends for the nearby residents to use for much needed recreational space. Also was the pilot project for joint use efforts
with the school district (which is no small task, i’ll tell ya!)

Vannia (even more):  Washington Park Restoration - worked with neighbors and city staff to kick out the druggies and drunks out of the park, restore it to its former glory, and give it back to the families in the neighborhood

The Proc:  Follow-up question:  What’s the best part about being El Pollo Gordo’s field rep?

Vannia:  I grew up in Pasadena and I love being able to work for the community that gave me so much.  The people are great, both city staff and residents.  And my boss is pretty darn cool…even though he went to PHS  (go Vikings!!)

The Proc:  Which is a better slogan for District 5.  “District 5!  We’re Next To Other Districts!” or “Where the hell is District 5″?

Vannia:  We already have a slogan: “District 5: Center of the Universe”

The Proc:  Victor’s one of the nicest guys on City Council.  What about Steve Madison?

Vannia:  Steve’s a great guy with a really great field rep.

The Proc:  Did Victor pick his seat on the dais next to Steve Madison or was it randomly assigned?

Vannia:  Legend says it was bequeathed to him by [Bill] Crowfoot, along with the book from Isaac Richard who used it to filibuster the Council.  (actually, the seat stays with the district)

The Proc:  How is Victor’s “ad hoc youth subcommittee on pastrami at The Hat” coming along?

Vannia:  I think they recessed to Rancheros.

The Proc:  Before I make any major decision in my life, I always ask myself “What Would Victor Do”?  Is this a good idea?

Vannia:  We all do that!  WWVD.  Bumper stickers are in the works.

The Proc:  I hear Gordo has a party every year after the Rose Parade.  Did my invitation get lost in the mail?

Vannia:  I know nothing, nothing!

The Proc:  I’m a Republican now.  Is Victor mad at me?

Vannia:  Yea, we had to drag him out of Church’s Chicken where he was drowning his sorrow with a large basket of fried chicken (including several side dishes) and an ice cold King Cobra while clutching a picture of you.  Just tragic.

The Proc:  Do Victor and Bill Crowfoot have bracelets that say “V+B=BFF”? (Victor + Bill = Best Friends Forever)

Vannia:  Until you became a Republican, his bracelet used to say “AP+VG=BFF” but don’t tell Crowfoot 

Fun interview!

I’ve got some interesting folks lined up next week - including the mysterious Centinel from Foothill Cities!  Did he shoot J.R.?  We’ll find out!

Fire up a colortini, sit back, relax, and watch the pictures, now, as they fly through the air.

- AP

Former PSN reporter Mary Frances Gurton finally found a post I made about her a while back at this link.

Here’s her comment:

Aaron,
I don’t mean to be rude, but would you please remove the entry regarding me from your Web site. My friends see it and wonder what it all means and keep asking me about it.
Thank you.
Mary Frances
You weren’t being rude, Mary.  I’m not taking it down, though.
Tell your friends it means you’re hot and I’m sad you don’t work for the PSN anymore.

- AP

WWE Wrestler Chris Benoit (pictured) - Chris murdered his wife and 7-year-old son and then committed suicide back in June. The double homicide/suicide has been linked to Chris’ steroid intake. That’s now called “Pulling a Benoit”.
From Muchnick.net:

Lobbying: How SmackDown Does SuckUp

Hearings on drugs and death in pro wrestling loom from either of two committees of the House of Representatives.

Let’s take a look at one area in which World Wrestling Entertainment, a billion-dollar corporation, is certain to be investing resources: lobbying.

This is democracy in action, 21st century America style, and it’s nothing new for Vince McMahon either.

In a chapter of WRESTLING BABYLON (originally published as a 1988 article in The Washington Monthly), I describe how Titan Sports, parent company of then-World Wrestling Federation, sent lobbyists after state legislators to help nudge the nascent deregulation of pro wrestling over the top rope.

One of those lobbyists was Rick Santorum, a young lawyer at WWF/WWE’s long-time Pittsburgh-based main outside law firm, which now has the name Kirkpatrick & Lockhart Preston Gates Ellis. Santorum went on to two terms as Pennsylvania’s junior (and right-wing) United States senator.

Much as I’d like to represent that the information below comes from painstaking enterprise reporting, the truth is that an excellent public-interest group, the Center for Responsive Politics (http://crp.org or http://opensecrets.org), maintains a cross-referenced database of the Congressional filings mandated by the Lobbying Disclosure Act of 1995. The interface there is so friendly that even I can figure it out. (I also thank CRP’s communications director, Massie Ritsch, for helping me interpret the data.)

I have not yet investigated whether WWE’s Securities and Exchange Commission filings include more specific data in this area. I suspect not, but if so I will discuss in a future blog post.

Here’s what we find:

I’m sure Miss Havisham and Kelly (if they don’t already) have their own excellent coverage of last night’s meeting. (Miss H’s review here.)
I got to hang out in the KPAS Video Room before hand - even filming some interviews with the staff. I’ll try and put that up on the Tube of You this weekend.

It was also very nice to see City Spokeschick Ann Erdman. She said I look more grown up. Too bad I don’t act more grown up

Here’s what I noticed/saw. From the agenda:

1. Call To Order/Introductions

Basically, your typical blow-smoke-up-each-other’s-asses circle jerk around the dais. The guy from Altadena Town Council looks like Robin Williams. The one old chick from PCC went on and on. Madison looked bored and played on his laptop and texted on his cell phone. Jacque and Victor didn’t get there until 7:15.

2. Brown Act Orientation

Mostly for the newbies/people not on City Council. Madison looked bored again and disinterested. He made a joke about Rule #58. Everyone laughed. Except me. Don’t send e-mails to each other. The City Attorney rep wished they made a version of Microsoft Word (yeah, she said Word - not Office) that didn’t have a “Reply All” button.

3. Establishment of Rules of Order

Blah, blah, blah.

4. Election of Vice-Chair

The “humble” Steve Madison nominated a dual Vice-Chair of PUSD’s Steve Lizardo and Young Jacque. Yeah, I can already tell - this isn’t an Ad Hoc Committee - this is the beginning of the Madison in `11 Campaign.

5. Meeting Schedule And Location

Apparently they’re going to meet at parks, the Altadena Senior Center, and the crack house on North Lincoln Ave. Jacque suggested having some meetings on Saturday mornings. Bogaard liked that idea, too. I guess nobody gives a fuck that PUSD’s Ed Honowitz is Jewish.

6. Review Of The Committee Charge

More masturbation.

7. Administrative and other Committee Support

Police Chief Melekian told us all his cousin can get us a good deal on a used BMW or Mercedes in Glendale. Someone brings up Vo-Tech and is corrected because it’s called “Career Tech” these days. Madison says we should all join the Citizen’s Police Academy. Save your Proctor “Police Academy 2″ jokes.
8. Inventory Of Local Services….

I walked out, had a cigarette, and Victor Gordo talked the whole time. The security guards at City Hall are nice. Steve talked about how we need more car mechanics in Pasadena, I guess at the Maserati dealership. I think this is the point where he mentioned being a former prosecutor THREE TIMES IN 2 SECONDS. (Miss H says .5 seconds). I have it on tape.
9. Role of Commissions, Community Groups, etc.

The Human Relations Commission actually means something to the City now. Bogaard wanted to speed up the meeting so he could get home or Claire would have him sleeping on the couch.

10. Public Comment

Everyone was rushing at the end because the meeting went past 9. Miss H and I got bored and left. Mark Leon, former District 1 candidate, was gonna speak but he left. A lot of people left. Real smart to base a committee on youth when people have work/school/gotta bring their kids to school in less than 12 hours. This dude from the LA County Human Relations Commission spoke and pointed out Jacque/Victor’s 8 point framework and was probably the only sensible person to speak…although I heard Kelly Russell made public comment after I left. I think Jacque had spoken about 2 times the entire meeting. Mayor Bogaard didn’t speak too much either except for at the opening.
11. Adjournment

By this time, I was posting Sock On Madison 3 to YouTube.

I love this quote from Pasadena Now:

The committee chose PUSD Board of Education President Esteban Lizardo and Robinson as vice-chairs. It decided to meet on the first and third Thursdays of every month with occasional special meetings on Saturday mornings with the hope that young people will attend.

Ummm..young people won’t attend because young people don’t even follow what’s going on.  Sorry to inform you guys about that. They’d be missing whatever crap they watch on TV like Tila Tequila’s new reality series. *vomits*
What a waste of time. The only fun thing was the annoyed and uncomfortable look Madison had on his face. I love fucking with that guy.

- AP

My Philadelphia Phillies are down 1 game to 0 in the National League Divisional Series.

For more info, click here.

Go Phillies..we can come back from this!
- AP

I have no idea what happened to my blog earlier today..but I fixed it. Looks good in Safari and Firefox - so is probably working in IE as well.

Sorry about that - no clue what happened!

UPDATE: Looks like the error happened when I cut and paste from Pasadena Now. Surprise, surprise. Won’t be doing that anymore (will just link to stories from now on).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cj63G4MZpms

Pasadena High School Football Star & District 5 Councilman, Victor Gordo, is looking forward to the inaugural season of FCCL! 

City Council returns to session on September 10th.  For the next few months, I’m going to try something a little different.

I’m going to be keeping my own tally, using the official and complicated Aaron Proctor Scoring System, on the goings on of City Council.  Each council member will earn a certain amount of points per week.  All 8 Council members (yes, this includes Mayor Bogaard) will be divided into two conferences. Every weekend, I’ll post the points accrued by City Council members from that past Monday’s meeting.
At the end of the “season”, which should be around the Christmas/New Years holidays, I’ll take the top two council members from each conference and put them into a sudden-death “final four” elimination tournament.
The winner of the Fantasy City Council League will be crowned the 2007-08 Champion (and might even actually get a makeshift trophy in real life).

Western Conference

Mayor Bill Bogaard

District 6 - Steve Madison

District 1 - Jacque Robinson

District 3 - Chris Holden

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Eastern Conference

District 2 - Margaret McAustin

District 4 - Steve Haderlein

District 7 - Sid Tyler

District 5 - Victor Gordo

Stay Tuned!

It pains me to hear that Hutch will be leaving Pasadena 56/KPAS to move to Caliente, Nevada (yeah, I don’t know where it is either but it’s apparently hot there).

Hutch is a good guy with a kind soul and just a genuinely fun person to be around. I’ll miss his insightful banter with Andre Coleman on “NewsRap”.

And, Hutch, if you’re out there reading - thanks for all those times you saw me at the bus stop and took me to work!
- AP

So, as you all know, I’ll be returning to Pasadena tomorrow.

I’ve had quite a few interesting months here in the Midwest.  Things started off pretty rough:  As you may have read, I had an annoying job I couldn’t stand, I almost got mugged, and I got in a car accident.  I also had to deal with racist people (on both sides of the coin), stupid people who like to say “Git R Done”, and anything else crazy that happens in the nationa’s most dangerous city.

I got some minor press in the Riverfront Times because of my “bitter blogging” at the time.  After the article came out, I met some people in the “scene” named Che and Stayci.  They invited me to hang out in quite possibly the coolest part of St. Louis, the bars down on South Grand.

After hanging out at South Grand and making some fast friends and acquaintances, I learned that although St. Louis may be full of the opposite ideals as, say, California, and although things are a little bit more “rednecky” in a whole and there’s just tons of political differences - people are still the same and people all have the same struggles and roadblocks and detours to deal with.  Just because a place like Pasadena (and California moreso) makes me happy doesn’t mean it will make someone else happy.  And hey - I’m really going to miss those cheap cigarettes at Dirt Cheap.

I really enjoyed hanging out at the bar CBGB on South Grand & Juniata as well as the Alternative Music Pub on Manchester & Boyle. 

I can’t say I’d ever want to spend too much time in the Midwest or that I’d choose to live here but I’m happy to know I met some very friendly and honest people who didn’t mind showing me around town or showing me the cool things to do while I spent my time here.

So - to Joe (DJ Blublood), Kristelle, Che, Stayci, Randy a/k/a The Mayor of South Grand, Michelle X, John Hartrich, Ninaz, Terry a/k/a Wanda’s nephew, Anna, Mark, Kaelyn, Bruce a/k/a Mark McGwire, Jeff, and all of the other really cool people who made my time in “Misery” a little less miserable - thank you.

Here’s hoping our paths cross again under much better circumstances.

Finally - and most importantly - a big thank you to my Mom and Dad whom I haven’t seen in years.  They made my stay here very happy, comfortable, and fun.  I hope to see them more often than every 5 years.

Stand & Deliver.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hx3Sp0gplw4

- AP

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