The Adventures of Aaron Proctor

You’re my girl, Maggie Mags. Did anyone else see her verbally bitchslap my arch-nemesis Steve Madison last night? You’re my hero, Margaret. Instead of making it a new rule in the City Council Drinking Game, can I buy you a beer? Or two? Or three? Seriously. Keep up the good work. I honestly don’t even know what the whole issue was about - I just saw you rip Madison’s manhood out like you were a female Sid Tyler or something. Want to be my tag team partner?

**

Saturday - Saturday - Saturday! It’s the fourth get-together of all the local bloggers. This time it’s personal…nahh..actually, it’s just in Monrovia. If you haven’t received the super secret special E-Vite, please let me know and I’ll send it to you right away. If you’d like to be in a PSA, let me know, too.

**

The Proc can’t get enough of Rene Amy’s PUSD listserv. Rene likes to post a lot of thought-provoking articles from various publications, like this one from over the weekend in the San Francisco (*vomits in mouth a little bit*) Chronicle:

1997 saw the height of the Math Wars in California.On the one side stood educrats, who advocated mushy math - or new-new
math. They sought to de-emphasize math skills, such as multiplication
and solving numeric equations, in favor of pushing students to write
about math and how they might solve a problem. Their unofficial motto
was: There is no right answer. (Even to 2 +2.)

They were clever. They knew how to make it seem as if they were pushing
for more rigor, as they dumbed down curricula. For example, they said
they wanted to teach children algebra starting in kindergarten, which
seemed rigorous, but they had expanded the definition of algebra to the
point that it was meaningless.

On the other side were reformers, who wanted the board to push through
rigorous and specific standards that raised the bar for all California
kids. Miraculously, they succeeded, and they took pride in the state
Board of Education’s vote for academic standards that called for all
eighth-graders to learn Algebra I.

Whatever happened to just solving for x like a normal human being would? I know I’m just some “unenlightened right-wing dummy from Pennsylvania” - but I got through math just fine and would like to think I have exemplary mathematics skills.

But what do I know?!?!?!?!?

Why should I have to write some hippie dissertation about what 2+2 means to me? How does solving for x make me “feel”? Who the hell cares. Just do the math problem and move on.

The teaching methods are so wussified these days. We need to support our children and give them a good education - but - why are we such nannies, such hand-holders, that we have to take math and make it more complicated and philosophical?

Silly people. Can’t wait until the debate about whether odd numbers can legally marry other odd numbers. Maybe PUSD could give me $11,000 to figure this out. It won’t be a conflict of interest or anything.

**

The Real Zajac has a beautiful article up over at Foothill Cities about a hot topic in the blogosphere as of late: racism. Zajac discusses how - although it’s stupid to be a racist, we shouldn’t be trying to ban a line of thinking because, hey, like or not - that’s pretty “1984″-esque (I didn’t link “1984″ because if you don’t know the book, get the fuck off of my blog. Is that being book-ist?). Miss Havisham also chimes in with a powerful and personal story.

The word racism gets thrown around an awful lot in the Crown City. People who make fun of Muir are apparently racist. People who don’t want to develop homes in an area prone to being blighted are apparently racist. People who don’t like Indian food are racist, apparently. Some of our City Council members and other officials are apparently racist.

Hoge: Likes to use the “r” word

I recently read (and was inspired by) an article by Edwin Decker at the San Diego City Beat. I know I’ve mentioned this particular article before but he has a really, really good point that a lot of people in their high and mighty soapboxes forget: Isn’t everyone a little racist or intolerant of something or someone?

I sure know I am. So, for those of enemies who wish to use this as fodder against me..or for those of you who want to simply be amused - here’s a small excerpt of things/people/places I’m possibly racist or intolerant against:

• White people who treat me differently after they find out my father is black and I’m not 100% white
• Greenpeace.
• Stoners and drug addicts.
• Companies that don’t do drug testing.
• Kids with 20 piercings and 50 million tattoos who wonder why they can’t get a decent job.
• Goth kids who charge a higher cover charge if you’re not in “Goth attire” to their shitty little clubs with crap bartenders and slutty women that nobody wants to go to anyway..so be happy I’m fucking paying even $10 to get into your hole in the wall, you pathetic slags.
• Goth kids.
• Surfers. They’re not so tough. Oooooh they beat up the paparazzi. So what? Larry Wilson’s a surfer, apparently. Says a lot right there.
• Charities who stand outside of the 99 Cents Store and ask you for money. I’m shopping at the fucking 99 Cents Store..do you think I have any money?!
• For English, Press 1.
• “Sex In The City“, “Lipstick Jungle“, “Real Housewives of…“, “Desperate Housewives“, the WNBA, “How I Met Your Mother” and “American Idol“
• Armenian guys who tell you their name is Kevin but it’s really Kevork or something.
• And the Armenians in North Pasadena Heights who key cars of whites/blacks in “their” neighborhood and stole my girlfriend’s antenna ball.
• Black people who treat me differently after they find out my father is black (whether they’re nicer to me or not, it’s just not cool..treat me like a fucking human being..)
• Skinny blonde bitches in Paris Hilton sunglasses who still talk with a Valley Girl accent
• Skinny blonde bitches
• Gay guys who get drunk and make out with chicks and grab their boobs and then pass it off for the alcohol and not just being bisexual or a whore. You hear me, Lance????
• Chicks who get drunk and make out with chicks… Wait, no, I actually don’t mind that.
• Lakers, Dodgers, Raiders, Cowboys fans. You know what I’m talking about.
• People who make fun of you for not driving - until gas hit $4.00/gallon.
• Starbucks and all places like Starbucks. Gimme some gas station coffee, I’m fine.
• Latinos who say “Viva La Raza”. Dude, it would be like a white guy saying “White power”.
• “Business casual”. Unless you’re lifting boxes or working in a warehouse or somewhere where you get dirty a lot, we all should have to wear suits to our office jobs.
• Alhambra.
• Any race or nationality or ethnicity (including White people) living in the US in 2008 who says racism is bad but then only hang out with, converse with, deal with, date, etc. the people only from their race/nationality/ethnicity.
• San Francisco.
• Hollywood is starting to get on my nerves, too.
• Most of the Midwest and Southern U.S….and Arizona….and Oregon…and Delaware..and all the other states except California or Pennsylvania. Anyone not on that list is “ok”. Las Vegas is an exception. Maryland’s ok.
• 60-year-old hippie ladies that come to work, don’t do any work, pretend they are your supervisor, regale you with boring stories about doing drugs and going to see The Doors and all of that “Can Do 1960’s Attutide”, work from 12 noon to 9:45 p.m. and then you come in the next morning and find out they didn’t do any work and have to finish what they did, hide work from you so that they can “stay late” and then complain when you’re reading a newspaper for a few minutes, talking to your co-worker about sports or music, or go out for a smoke break - and they have somehow worked there for 3 years without reprimand.
• People who bum cigarettes when they don’t have any but then are stingy with their cigarettes when they do.
• Tori Amos fans. Why are they always crazy bitches who slit their wrists? Seriously. Name one hardcore Tori Amos fan you know that isn’t crazy. If she owns a couple CD’s, she’s not a hardcore Tori Amos fan.

I’ll start watching when a chick dunks…

Oh yeah - and illegal immigrants. Big time on that one.

Immigrants, I’m fine with. If you came to this country LEGALLY and passed a citizenship test and all that jazz..rock on…welcome to America…unless your family were Native Americans or taken over here by ships from Africa, your family also likely came through Ellis Island or somethin’ like that. Yay.

People jumping over borders and just slipping into the US, I’m *not* fine with.

Let’s face facts: Canadians aren’t jumping over the borders to take advantage of our liberal welfare system which helps people who are drug addicts and also helps people who aren’t even citizens but can’t help an actual American dude like me who falls down on his luck. So, I don’t think it’s racist to point out that it’s the Mexicans who are the main part of the illegal immigration problem.

Illegal immigrants come here with their hands already out. Illegal immigrants come here and expect US to suddenly learn Spanish. They complain about our schools and our public services and things not catering to them…well….guess what? You’re not a fucking American. We shouldn’t cater to you if you are an illegal. They come here and - yeah, some of them do “the jobs nobody else wants to do” but some of them also commit crimes and help out their families in Mexico. The US isn’t some kind of developmental territory to make Mexico a better place, I’m sorry.

Then, we try to vote against giving them any benefits here…the vote passes..and our Supreme Court overturns the vote.

Pisses me off.

Guess that’s somehow racist though - racist that I want to protect our country’s security and that I don’t want people to get a free pass in life..because I never did.

People always want to have a “dialogue” or a “talk” about race… I’d sure love to engage in one. I think talking about race makes some people feel more uncomfortable than ever (but not me!). Especially if you’re white - or perceived to be white, that is. The point is - racism sucks, racism happens, racism is still apparent. You’re doing a counterproductive thing, though, when you throw the word around too much and on too many things. I’m not trying to get people to sing “Love One Another Right Now” or anything - but - we sure do have to lighten the fuck up a little bit. That’s all I’m sayin’…I think people should be more honest and say what’s really on their minds. We’d probably learn that everyone’s a little intolerant of someone or something..and that there’s many exceptions to the things they’re intolerant of…I know there’s quite a few to things I’ve listed.
**

Sid Tyler wants you to conserve water and will seriously hurt you if you don’t read this week’s Sid Tyler Facts:

• Sid Tyler can get blackjack with just one card.
• If you watch City Council meetings on an HD TV, Sid Tyler can actually reach into your living room and punch you in the face.
• Sid Tyler hates rich people. And he’s rich. And he also hates irony.
• Sid Tyler can split the atom. With his bare hands.
• Sid Tyler’s battle cry is “Bingo!”
• Sid Tyler once bench-pressed the state of Ohio - and all of its residents.
• What’s black and white and red all over? Sid Tyler’s newspaper after the paperboy talked some trash.
• Sid Tyler can walk, chew gum, and kick ass all at the same time.
• After Monday’s meeting, Margaret McAustin can’t stop staring at Sid Tyler.
• Sid Tyler makes onions cry.

Shiiiiit (is that racist, Virginia?)

- AP

Run, don’t walk, to your local whatever-it-is and pick up this week’s Pasadena Weekly. There’s been a complete redesign of the paper…and a special surprise on the tables of contents page. More on that tomorrow.

**

My companion series to The Ten People Ruining Pasadena - The Ten Things I Love About Pasadena - continues today with #8:

#8: Pasadena’s Wild Parrots!

Not widely known to people outside of the Crown City, but Pasadena is home to some really cute (and really loud) wild parrots. Wikipedia sez:

Pasadena has a population of naturalized parrots. The city’s website identifies one, a Red-crowned amazon parrot, but according to the [6] Parrot Project of Los Angeles, the parrots fall into as many as five different groups. There is a cycle of regular public outcry about the noise and the sheer oddity of the birds’ presence, but most Pasadenans seem to have come to accept the birds as part of the city’s life. They can be seen year-round, but are especially noticeable in the winter. The birds are definitely gregarious, and the amount of disturbance their chatter creates is related to the time of day they may choose to chatter.

Theories and myths abound on how these parrots came to claim Pasadena and surrounding towns as their home. A heavily accepted story by longtime residents of the area is that they were part of the stock at Simpson’s Nursery on East Colorado Blvd. in the Lamanda Park area. The nursery was burned down in 1959, and the parrots were thereby released to forage in the lush Pasadena area. It is also possible that some parrots moved northward from their normal range in central and northern Mexico as human habitation in the Pasadena area created artificial habitat in which the parrots could survive. Among their favorite foods are the berry kernels of the cedar trees that grow in great abundance around Pasadena.

And Ben over at The Sky Is Big In Pasadena says:

a little known fact about pasadena is that it is home to many flocks of parrots. rumor has it that these foreign birds escaped into the wild during a fire at a bird farm.

There are a ton of theories as to why they’re exactly here. I heard that Sid Tyler once mated with a parrot after a drunken evening at The 35er (back when it was actually a dive bar) and fathered thousands of them.

Regardless of where they’re from - they’re here, they’re feathered, so get used to it. I notice that you can hear them returning and coming back to the area during the Spring and Fall months - their loud squawking can be heard all the way out in Arcadia and Monrovia. Kind of becomes peaceful and quaint after a while. The first time I experienced this was when I first came here early in this decade and thought I was in an Alfred Hitchcock film.

I also hear they’ve stayed in Pasadena because they like our choices of private schools and can commute to work via the Gold Line.

Whatever the real reason is that they’re here or why they choose to stay, it’s a really special feeling when you get up close to one of these birds. You know that you’re in a special place and a special town and all that crap. They’re part of the Pasadena Identity and nobody else has really got `em. So, that’s why the wild parrots are one of the Ten Things I Love About Pasadena.

**

Time for another edition of everyone’s favorite morning comic, You Can’t Fight City Hall!

**

The Game recently visited the kids at John Muir High to give them a pep talk, according to some guy who writes for the PSN:

Multi-platinum-selling hip-hop artist The Game has been shot seven times, served jail time, and watched people close to him lose their lives to violence.

On Tuesday afternoon, the rapper - dressed in a white T-shirt, baseball cap and chunky gold chain - stepped into a packed classroom at John Muir High School to tell teens there is a better way.

“I just want you to stay alive,” said the 28-year-old artist, who was born Jayceon Taylor.

Ummmm….yeah. `Cause, if I had kids, I’d totally want them to get advice on their lives from The Game. Was Amy Winehouse busy that day? Maybe next year they could get upstanding citizens like R. Kelly, Britney Spears, or Nick Hogan to show kids “a better way”.

Ya know, the schools could always contact me to speak to the kids. I’m Pasadena’s paragon of virtue, after all.

Joe Hopkins is gonna be pissed when he hears about this story. Also, Virginia Hoge thinks this post is racist.

**

I like to send drawings to Mayor Bogaard. I think it a) creeps him out, b) probably makes him laugh, c) annoys his harem of secretaries, and d) it’s fucking hilarious. Recently, I sent him this:

I’m sure he enjoys it lots.
Be seeing you,

- AP

Happy Wednesday!

If you’re feeling down and blue about the Lakers getting sexually assaulted last night 131-92 in the NBA Finals, don’t feel bad. Sit a spell and take some advice from a Philadelphia sports fan:

So, the Lakers haven’t won a championship in like…6 years…so what? Try not winning a championship in 25 years….in 28 years….or never. Think about how lucky you are to live in Los Angeles - beautiful weather, beautiful women all around, the beaches and the mountains in driving distance, swimming pools, movie stars - you catch my drift?

The Lakers didn’t win the championship. Boo hoo. At least being in Los Angeles, you have something to look forward to. We didn’t have that privilege in Philly. All we really had to look forward to was another season of the Phillies or the Eagles or the Sixers or the Flyers in last place or choking when they needed to be clutch.

Maybe if you Lakers fans supported your team when they were down in the dumps and not just in first place, maybe if you Lakers fans would fly those flags on your cars year round, I’d consider you passionate sports fans. Until then, most of you just further that typical L.A. “fake” stereotype. I say - be proud of what you did. Only 2 teams could reach the Finals this year and you were one of them.

For a city that gets on pretty well without a major NFL franchise, for a city that gets on pretty well for having 2 NBA franchises and pretending like it only has one - for a city that honestly has some of the most fair-weather, lackluster, apathetic, worst sports fans who leave games in the 7th inning in the entire country - I say hold you head high. Or, you can just put those Lakers flags away until they get past the first round of the playoffs next time.

(By the way, we Philadelphians have disowned Kobe Bryant like the Canadians disowned Alex Trebek)

**

The Ten People Ruining Pasadena list continues today with #4. Before that - let’s go through a run down of numbers 10 through 5, shall we?

#10 goes to the insane asylum with Virginia Hoge.

#9 drops it like it’s hot with Joe Hopkins.

#8 - Annoying Homeless People!

Larry Wilson lulls us to sleep at #7.

Put on your wool cap and American Apparel ‘Legalize LA’ t-shirt for #6: Hipsters.

Peter Dreier blames us all for #5.

*Drumroll* And now…#4:

Graffiti “artists”! (Picture courtesy of WCGB)

Yeah, everyone here pretty much knows how I feel about graffiti. It’s stupid, it’s not an art form - in fact, it’s pure vandalism. 99.9% of the time, the graffiti doesn’t make any god damned sense. I mean, look at the picture above. What the fuck is that? Maybe it’s some algebra homework from John Muir High School or someone was trying to calculate the strength of the Yen vs. the dollar?

Meh. This is called a “tag” and they’re purpotrated by “taggers“. It’s supposed to be “cool” and “hip” - but all it does is make people not want to build new things in neighborhoods where this is rampant, leaving people somehow confused as to why a business doesn’t want to come there. This kind of art is even celebrated in books by hipster white people who don’t live in the neighborhoods where tags are usually found (chalk that up for another on the list of ‘Stuff White People Like’).

Here in the Crown City, we have a hotline set up to report graffiti. It seems to work ok - but I wonder how we prevent this kind of stuff from happening? You can’t just put all graffiti artists in one group - I mean, they’re all stupid - but some of them are just stupid kids who don’t feel like going to the 99 cent store to get some markers and art supplies. Others are just gang members marking they’re territory like they’re a male cat - except male cats usually piss better patterns.

One thing’s for sure - I see this crap throughout Pasadena. Even in my hallowed District 4, I’ve been seeing newer graffiti everyday - now that it’s summertime and these kids don’t have anything else better to do.

Some cities try to set up graffiti walls and tell people that it’s ok to do that kind of shit in that particular area. Think about that Einstein knowledge for a second. Let’s set up a wall where people can do something illegal and it can be celebrated by all. I haven’t seen any statistics but I doubt these kind of walls really cut down on tagging. That would be like setting up an area of the city where it’s ok to break into cars or to beat people up…I mean, cities are setting these kinds of things up but they’re not setting up red light districts?

I think cities, ours in particular, should grow some balls and get more aggressive with graffiti. Get me on TV to do some PSAs (I’m really good at them) - and let me just proclaim my new slogan: “Taggers are faggers“. Doesn’t make too much sense, but after an e-mail I received from a tagger, neither do they:

Yo’ your a faget biatch, badmouthing graff and shit, i hope someone lays the verbal smack down in your verbal oraphice bitch, seriously, your so cool bud, most electrifyingly gay man i’ve ever heard of. Go die please

Stay tuned for #3 on my list of the Ten People Ruining Pasadena. Coming soon.

**

Why do moms get mad when I’m walking down the street in Old Town and I give lude and/or lascivious looks to their jail-bait daughter who happens to be wearing short short short short shorts with her tramp stamp above her ass hanging out? You’re the one who let them leave the house dressed that way. Hey, somebody’s gotta enjoy the view before she’s completely used up by the time she’s 20.

This actually goes for any hot woman - if you don’t want me leering at your cleavage or your hot ass, don’t wear stuff that shows off your cleavage or your hot ass. It’s pretty simple. You’re asking for it more than a contestant on Jeopardy.

**

Wow. Look at the hard-working guys at the Tribune (ya know, the people who are in bed with the Pasadena Star-News). I guess it’s easy to tell why the paper has come down so much….they’re too busy watching the end of the US Open:

Amazing. Just amazing. Look at all those reporters dawdling. I wonder if one of them is the brand new rookie Pasadena politics reporter Dave Aftershock? Probably not - I don’t know what he looks like but I hear he used to write for the LA City Beat, which means he has 70 face piercings and 52 tattoos. (Edit: I now hear he’s a clean-cut All-American guy)

This kinda nonsense is just uncalled for. It is, however, quite award winning:

Congrats, SGVT. You guys all get the Ham And Egger Award this week. Maybe you can all stand around it instead of doing actual work.

**

I didn’t know this day would be coming so soon. Our fair City Clerk, Jane Rodriguez is leaving City Hall. Her last day is July 25th. This kind of sucks. Who is going to sound extremely enthused when taking roll at City Council meetings? Who is going to remind me of Casey Novak on Law & Order SVU? Who, just who, is going to put up with my occasional visits to City Hall?

Good luck in your future whatever-it-is-you’ll-be-doing, Jane. She’s been over at City Hall for like 35 years (not a joke).

Jane also sent me in the right direction to some really cool info:

The Pasadena 2009 Elections Are Coming! YES!!! Local election fever will be arriving quite soon in Pasadena! Election 2009 coverage officially begins today here on The Proc’s show. Or - as they’re calling it in District 5:

There are races upcoming in other places, too. Not just District 5 - but District 3 and District 7 will be up for grabs, although I doubt anyone is going to try and run against Holden and Tyler (especially the latter, considering he literally eats his opponents for breakfast). Word on the street is there are one or two serious people who’d like to challenge Gordo’s seat - so, at this time and juncture, I’m going to be really focused on that contest.

We’ve also got Mike Babcock, Scott Phelps, Steve Lizardo, and Ed Honowitz’ PUSD Board of Education seats up for grabs.

The election is on March 10, 2009 with the run-off election scheduled for April 21.

Click on this link to find out more information if you’re interested in running or just interested in what’s going down.

Be seeing you,

- AP

Happy Birthday to my brother, Adam, who turns 26 today. Yeah, we’re the same age until July 11th. Since it’s my brother’s birthday, it also means it’s the 14th anniversary of the OJ Chase - a/k/a, the reason why people like Greta Van Susteren stay on television for as long as they do.

**

Pasadena just got a little sexier for a whole week. While Bogaard is out of town, trying to liberate Finland from the Nazis (Ann Erdman is playing Maria von Trapp) - Sexy Steve Haderlein, the Vice Mayor of Pasadena, is in charge. Last night, he became the first ever elected official to intentionally run a City Council meeting topless. Steve seemed to be having a good time up there - occasionally joking around and publicly noting how every agenda item comes back to traffic.

They actually did bring up a couple of good points at last night’s meeting. The first was whether to decide if AT&T U-Verse should be allowed in Pasadena. Duh! Of course they should. I’m tired of dealing with one cable company, specifically Charter - whose high-speed Internet service seemed to crap out on me for absolutely no reason over the weekend. They also tried to fuck me over with overcharges on the first bill - something I quickly rectified but I’m sure it’s something they do to lots of people. You can’t just threaten to quit and leave - there’s really no other alternative here in Pasadena. And - ya know - nothing says Podunk like only having one cable company to choose from.

The second item of note was a frank discussion about Pasadena Water & Power’s soaring prices. Maggie Mags made an excellent point that we (and by we, I mean they) need to be more transparent when it comes to rate hikes. Sending a little postcard just isn’t enough. How come PWP can’t put notices on the bills a few months ahead like every other normal company does? To paraphrase Councilwoman McAustin, a lot of people in this City go along with Pasadena’s crazy ass taxes - and they shouldn’t be dicked around (although this is the same person who supported Measure D, I’m gonna have to give her props for making a great comment like this). Madison (who - guess what? - phoned in) chimed in with the same thing - which was weak, boring and unoriginal - with a hint of douchebaggery. Has he been taking the Huell Howser class of repeating everything someone else just said?

I also enjoyed how everyone talked about a drought and wasting water while having big pitchers of water in front of them.

And - for those of you who don’t know - for the next whole week, I’m going to be the Interim Acting Deputy Vice Mayor. So, yeah, you’d better listen to what I have to say. Now go make The Proc a sandwich, no mustard.

**

If you didn’t know by now, Robin’s Wood Fire BBQ & Grill is the greatest restaurant in Pasadena, owned by a great man, Robin Salzer. Behind every great man is an even greater woman (although, in my case, sometimes I’m behind the woman, if you’re pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down..) - and so I sat down with Ann Marie Villicana, all-star Realtor, former Pasadena City Councilmember, and - most important of all - Robin’s wife. The Aaron Proctor Interview Series continues….

The Proc: Have you ever sold someone a bridge in Brooklyn?

Ann Marie Villicana: No, but I’ve listed and sold 3 major properties immediately adjacent to bridges in Pasadena: an exquisite estate abutting the La Loma Bridge, the famous/infamous Vista del Arroyo bungalow property adjacent to the Colorado Bridge and a secluded estate right next to the Prospect Bridge. I guess I specialize in Pasadena Bridge properties! But not in Brooklyn. If I lived there, I might!

The Proc: What’s up with the WPRA? I wanted to start a wrestling promotion called the West Pasadena Rasslin’ Association once.

AMV: That sounds more interesting and maybe more accurate for the acronym.

The Proc: Which way is the right way to spell your last name? I’ve seen like 40 different spellings.

AMV: Villicana, sounds like a Villa, which is perfect for me selling homes.

The Proc: Who was cooler: Hardcastle or McCormick?

AMV: I don’t know either one, so they can’t be that cool!

The Proc: Remember that time you ran for Mayor?

AMV: Many still think I won and call me Mayor and ask me for help with the city! I rarely clarify the mistake! Ha ha

The Proc: Does your husband give you ribs shaped like cupid hearts for Valentine’s Day?

AMV: No, but this year could be a first due to your suggestion.

The Proc: How many different kinds of Villicana wines are there?

AMV: Many fine red wines in Paso Robles that are winning top awards…all served in glass bottles with corks. Sorry, nothing in card board boxes nor with screw tops! Go to Villicana.com for the scoop and directions.

The Proc: What do you think of Steve Madison?

AMV: The only man I think of is my husband, Robin Salzer.

The Proc: Why’d you make Robin shave his mustache off?

AMV: I knew he’d be much more handsome by revealing his face and great smile.

The Proc: Which is a better nickname for you? “AMV” or “The Ribmistress”?

AMV: A-MV is the nickname that many have called me for years, so it’s established and known.

**

Kells Bells came home with an awesome surprise for me this weekend. Look at the Beanie Babies she bought:

They’re so cute and appropriately named “Righty” and “Lefty“. Guess which is which? Now all I need is one of these to complete the set:

I’m 12 years old.

**

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the blogosphere..Virginia Hoge’s raging hard-on for me and this website climaxes with an orgasm of crazy. I’d simply tell her to make a phone call to your local Wahh-One-One..but that would be letting Ginny off far too easy.

A few weeks ago, I snail-mailed Virginia Hoge the coveted Ham And Egger Award for the week. I snail mail everyone the award. Some were even so proud of it, they photocopied it for all their friends at City Hall to see. I found her address on this artistic website (thanks Google). Of course - after she received it in the mail it led to the following post o’er on her blog:

This came in the mail from Aaron Proctor last week, how nice of him to remember my birthday.He listed the return address as: Proctor for Mayor.com, 1559 S. Hill Ave., Pasadena, CA 91107 (what was written on the envelope)*

The post was titled something like “AARON PROCTOR BIRTHDAY HATE CARD!” Is this chick for real?! This is priceless. First, I’m no dummy - I used my old mailing address which now forwards to my brand new pad. Secondly, I had *no* idea it was her birthday - but that’s great. Third, she really really needs to know that Google is her friend and if she doesn’t want people sending her Ham & Egger Awards, to not have your home mailing address posted on some website.

All of these things has lead Virginia Hoge on yet another Anti-Proctor Crazy Bitch Crusade, leaving comments like these on blogs across the `sphere:

Aaron Proctor is a hench-man for the Right - he does not have a “political
future” - he exists only to stir up hate against all of our local
political “good guys” (like Syd Tyler and the Mayor) and support the “bad
guys” like Steve Haderlein (who he calls “sexy”).Its time the local blogging community recognized this, and realized that
they can do something about it.

I’m not a henchman. I’m a fucking leader. The other five Republicans in Pasadena walk a royal pace behind me and get me my Wendy’s. And, are you really that much of a half-wit, Virginia? Do you know anything about the Internet? You’ve never heard of Chuck Norris Facts - those are simply rehashed for Sid Tyler? And how the fuck is Steve Haderlein a bad guy? Did he get you and your hippie dippie friends kicked out of a park for trying to reenact the nude scene from “Hair”? Let the sunshine in - to your brain.

I think my political future is quite bright and I think that’s what scares you, Virginia. I think I’m waking a lot of people up - people dormant from Pasadena’s lull of a political scene before I came around. If you thought I was some flash-in-the-pan (or “One trick pony” as your buddy Larry says)…you probably wouldn’t be wasting your time “Trying to get the word out”. Don’t take my word for it - take the word of the ever-growing legions of The Proc’s fans out there:

Like him, dislike him people all over the SGV believe he is a guy to watch. He is a smart guy, he gets to the heart of matters quickly. Many believe when he controls the message delivery better he will have a pretty bright political future.

- Frazgo.

Anyhoo….there’s also this chestnut - a comment posted over on Frank Girardot’s blog:

Now I have received hate-mail from Aaron Proctor:

http://pasadenanewprogressive.blogspot.com/2008/06/aaron-proctors-hate-birthday-card.html

He is harassing me, the question remains, Why?

I have also noticed he is also harassing all of our local left-leaning politicians in town (like Syd Tyler and Steve Madison) on his blog.

Because it’s hilarious to see your reaction? Because every time you go on one of your crazy crusades, my blog hits go up and my site gets more attention? It’s no more clearer than that. You’d think a rational person would realize this.

But this isn’t rational, this is Virginia Olive Hoge - “legendary letter writer” and otherwise useless - she turns the crazy up a little, pulling a textbook liberal tactic, and begins calling me racist for the following comments. This wreck of a blog entry can only be described accurately by one man - and that’s WWE announcer, Jim Ross:

[in case anyone missed this, here is Aaron Proctor on John Muir high school - yes the alma matter of Jackie Robinson. I don’t know about you, but when I see racism like this existing in 2008, I wonder what Jackie would think, and I am ashamed that this level of racism is still happening today in Pasadena.]excerpt from Proctor for Mayor.com:

Ummm, I might be going out on a limb here, but I know that I’m pretty ashamed and embarrassed we can’t just make John Muir High School a part of La Canada or something. Yeah, I’m ashamed of having that school in my City. Yeah, I think that knowing 1+1 might just make you the Valedictorian of that school. I, for one, think it’s funny to badmouth and continue lambasting such a horrible school and school district to boot. It’s a cheap, easy, funny joke.

• Wanna know the way kids graduate for John Muir? Take the “f” out of way.

This is hilarious. How in the hell were my comments against John Muir High School racist again? Is it because black people and Hispanic people go there? Is that how it’s racist? So, with your enlightened logic, if I were to say that I can’t stand the Paseo - am I racist because I’ve seen a black guy there before? You know, I think that movie “Man On Fire” totally sucked. Am I racist because Denzel Washington was in the star role? What kind of idiot logic is this?

Virginia - you should really wake up. You’re not “getting the word out” about me. I do a damn fine job of that myself. What you’re doing are other things like “increasing my web traffic” and “showing Pasadena how much of a retard you are”. Thanks, Virginia. Christmas came quite early this year.

I thought we were past all of the grade school stuff - but it’s this simple, Virginia. You don’t like what I have to say? Don’t read my fuckin’ blog. You don’t like my views? There’s plenty of crazies out there who share the same ideas as you. You want to “get the word out about The Proc so they can see what a horrible person he is”? You’re doing a hell of a counterproductive job.

I swear, who knew a lil’ old picture of me holding a bunch of ham and eggs was going to drive so many people so insane? Common sense totally skipped over this woman. Can’t wait until she tries to get my blog shut down like she did to Rene Amy’s listserv a few years back.

By the way, did you see my public service announcements? More are on their way - but check this, this, and this out first!

**

When is Dave Allenstein taking over for Fred Ortega?!

Be seeing you,

- AP

People are really fond of the Top Ten Lists that I do on a semi-regular basis. It’s one of the most looked up categories for this website on a weekly basis. However, I’ve been long working on another, different kind of Top Ten List for a week or so now. So, The Proc once again shows how he’s the Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena by bringing you a brand new, limited series: (Note: The Aaron Proctor Interview Series will return shortly!)

The Ten People Ruining Pasadena. Let’s kick it off with Number 10:

Virginia Hoge

If you think my war with Steve Madison is full of malice, contempt, and bias - you’ve never heard about Virginia Hoge’s war with..well, like Gary Oldman says in “The Professional“, EVERYONE!

Virgnia Hoge is simply a crazy bitch who thinks that all of the newspapers and blogs in Pasadena should be talking about how Pasadena is a world-class city and how lollipops rain from the sky. She thinks the schools are top notch, she thinks that nothing is wrong with anything in this town. If you disagree with her, you’re “right-wing”. According to her, everyone from Rene Amy to Kevin Uhrich is “right-wing”.

Virginia even once told a local blogger friend “Aaron Proctor is anti-establishment! We need to get the word out!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111!!!!!!!!!!.” I guess she’ll be getting that word out after she gets the word about sliced bread to all of the papers.

She’s been so out-of-her-mind lately that she’s just rehashing and reposting stuff from like 2005 and 2006 on her new “blog” (If you want to call it a blog - I call it a holocaust of common sense). Here’s an article she cut and pasted and then commented on when somebody defended John Muir High School (her comments in bold):

“Talent From Within”
By Christian Kooshian
http://my.highschooljournalism.org/ca/pasadena/muir/article.cfm?eid=9312&aid=143113

If you tell someone over and over again that he is a failure, it won’t be long until he believes that a failure is all he is supposed to be, and failure is all that is expected from him.

For three years I’ve been reading articles in your newspaper lambasting and badmouthing Muir High.

What do you expect the students do when it seems like the entire city is ashamed of them?”

Is THIS what we are left with then, here in Pasadena? Children being attacked by unconscionable adults with no one left to defend them? THIS is the legacy of Rene Amy, a legacy that makes a dark mark on our city’s history.

It is time to right the wrong that has gone on for too long.

Ummm, I might be going out on a limb here, but I know that I’m pretty ashamed and embarrassed we can’t just make John Muir High School a part of La Canada or something. Yeah, I’m ashamed of having that school in my City. Yeah, I think that knowing 1+1 might just make you the Valedictorian of that school. I, for one, think it’s funny to badmouth and continue lambasting such a horrible school and school district to boot. It’s a cheap, easy, funny joke.

• Wanna know the way kids graduate for John Muir? Take the “f” out of way.

It’s 2008 and she still can’t live with the fact that Percy Clark bit off someone else’s speech. Big fucking deal, Virginia.

Dormitas’ depcition of Hoge

I’d put Virginia higher up on my list of people ruining Pasadena but you have to realize: she’s crazy (and I know crazy). She’s ruining Pasadena for the simple fact that not a day goes by where I wish that people like her would just move out and start their own City. Stop pretending like Pasadena is some type of fairytale land where we don’t have the problems of other cities our size. Stop acting like anyone who disagrees with you is some kind of absurd, extreme “right-wing”. There really isn’t even a right-wing in Pasadena.

And, Christ Almighty, if she isn’t horrible to just look at. I wouldn’t even fuck her with Janet Reno’s dick.

Yes, Virginia - There Is An Aaron Proctor. And he just layed the smacketh down on you, naming you #10 on The Ten People Ruining Pasadena. Wait until you see who the rest of these people are over the next few weeks!

**

Somebody…would have no idea who…recently had fun with the Pasadena High School Wikipedia article, at the expense of Victor Gordo:

Pasadena HS alum and current Councilman Victor Gordo once ate everything in the cafeteria. This happened last week.

Speaking of Victor - just wanted to quickly clear up that I wasn’t accusing him of starting the whole Madison thing or getting me in gear to start the whole Madison thing. He had casually mentioned to me that Madison might be gone for a certain amount of time. I really honestly don’t think anyone thinks Victor was trying to stir the pot or cause trouble but - for the record - he wasn’t.

**

I’m going to enjoy a little R&R for the next few days with my darling Kelli, so I’ll be taking a vacation from the blogosphere until Tuesday. I’ll leave you some Sid Tyler Facts that I know you’ll enjoy.

• Sid Tyler doesn’t blow smoke rings. He blows smoke middle fingers.
• Sid Tyler can cook Minute Rice in 30 seconds.
• Even Sid Tyler wouldn’t fuck Virginia Hoge
• No matter what your mother said. Sid Tyler can tune a fish.
• Sid Tyler is Element #119 on the Periodic Table
• If you put “Sid Tyler” for every answer on the SAT, you will score 8000 points.
• “Ditch Day” at Caltech began when students would make a run for it during Tyler’s yearly constitutional on campus
• Descartes said “I think, therefore I am.” What most people don’t know he that he actually continued with “….afraid of Sid Tyler.”
• Moammar Gadhafi got the inspiration for his all-female bodyguard entourage when he saw Sid Tyler walking down South Lake Avenue
• When Sid Tyler found my blog, he punched his computer. 10 more Sid Tyler facts were instantly created.
• Throughout the United States, the night of October 30th can be known as “Devil’s Night”, “Mischief Night”, or “Just Another Sid Tyler Night”
• Sid Tyler “ate the worm“. The he killed the guy who gave him the bottle.
• Rescue 911 was canceled because the producers wouldn’t change the name of the show. Sid Tyler was getting too many accidental calls to his home number.

Pick up a PW this morning. I dare you.  Click here for the article!

- AP

Where’s my new car, mom? 

Apparently, I’m the love child of Oprah Winfrey and Thomas Pynchon.  Sweet.  It totally makes sense, too.

**

 

That’s downright scary up there

Speaking of Dormitas’ blog, I’m also allegedly responsible for the content of the site.  Yeah, it’s another “crazy bitch blog” from the crazy bitch herself, Virginia Hoge.  Damn, that woman needs to get off the blog and get laid.  Good luck finding the latter, Ginny.

**

 

The Boner Stabone vs. City of Pasadena saga continues, according to PW’s Joe Piasecki - who references an Eagles song in his headline.  I thought The Big Piasecki hated the fucking Eagles.  Bonus points if anyone gets the reference.

You know, a lot of politicians in this city posture for the 2011 Mayoral election in different ways.  Some of them sit on youth violence committees.  Some of them loosen their tie a bit.  And some of them waste everyone’s time challenging a law that they, themselves, helped pass because there aren’t any ambulances to chase or Toyotas to sell on the Brand Blvd. of Cars that day.

**

 

We interim City Managers aren’t all smiles 

There’s going to be a big meeting on Saturday, March 8th (not this Saturday but next Saturday) to get the community’s suggestions on the selection of a new City Manager.  This means there’s going to be a big meeting two Saturdays from now so Bogaard & Co. can pretend like they’re listening to the community and then go ahead and pick Barney “Don’t You Dare Call Me Fife” Melekian.

If you can’t get off of your lazy ass and make the meeting, luckily the City of Pasadena has done something very 2003 and allowing you, yes you, to take a City Manager Recruitment “Survey” at this link.

Before I fill out my reaal answers, I’ve stolen a copy of the test for you to copy down.  Now Dean Wormer will totally let the Deltas off of probation.

• In your opinion, what challenges and opportunities will Pasadena face in the next 10 to 15 years?

Crime, high taxes, limo liberals acting like their bleeding hearts give a shit about the first two, and the Cloverfield monster.

• What qualities do you recommend the City Council look for in a city manager to help lead Pasadena through these challenges and opportunities?

A nice rack.  I suggest Kimberley Brown, Milena Albert, or Kelli.

And - sadly - that’s the entire “survey”, save for asking for your contact information.  Way to go for attempting a “in depth survey” of the community.  Maybe they’ve hired the people who do the Family Feud surveys to spearhead this “effort”.  Everyone does, however, get this nice note from Bogey when you’ve completed the two questions:

Greetings:
 
On behalf of the City Council, I acknowledge receipt of your message regarding the current City Manager recruitment, and express gratitude to you for your interest in this important effort.
 
Your submission, along with all of the others, will be handed to each of the Councilmembers and will be made a part of the Council’s activities and deliberations.  If you have further thoughts at any time, please do not hesitate to submit them to us.
 
Thank you again for taking time to assist the Council. 

Seriously - the government in this City is a huge cocktease sometimes.

Not falling for it, Pasadena. 

- AP